Today, my lovely wife asked if I planned to shave any time soon.... - FML

Content almost refused by staff

By Dueducs - 17/02/2017 06:46 - United States - Houston

Today, my lovely wife asked if I planned to shave any time soon. I said, "No. In fact, I'm going to get fat, really fat, so I can look like Steve Bannon." After googling an image of Bannon, she says to me , "You absolutely could." Meanest thing the woman has ever said to me. FML

agreeclassic 210

vote type 1 121

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

TOP COMMENTS

alternative-facts 6

Sunday 19 February 2017 0:38

Don't dish it if you can't take it. :)

Comments

alternative-facts 6

Sunday 19 February 2017 0:38

Don't dish it if you can't take it. :)

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

agreeclassic 12 015

vote type 1 3 656

Today, my neighbor threatened to call the cops if I didn't turn the volume down on my porno. I was only watching women's tennis. FML

agreeclassic 47 209

vote type 1 5 316

Today, I was at a party when the cops showed up. They asked whether anyone had a gun, but I heard "fun" instead and raised my hand. I got searched. FML

agreeclassic 1 452

vote type 1 2 699

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

agreeclassic 64 901

vote type 1 4 287

Today, I cleaned out my filthy car. I found an odd, unlabeled tin under the seat, and opened it out of curiosity. It sprayed stinking juice everywhere and filled the house with a horrifying smell. It was Surströmming, half rotten fish, that someone must have stuck in as a prank. FML

agreeclassic 371

vote type 1 239

Today, I was fired from my babysitting job because the baby’s first word was my name. Well, I’m sorry, but if you ask me to look after your child 14 hours a day, 6 days a week, and by the time you pick them up they’re already asleep, of course they’re going to know my name better than yours. FML

agreeclassic 4 188

vote type 1 192