Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received... - FML

By paranoid neighborhood - 27/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Orlando

Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML

agreeclassic 44 356

vote type 1 4 230

New Year, New Blunders
Celebrate the New Year with stories of resolutions broken in less than 24 hours and memorable New Year's Eves... for all the wrong reasons! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

WHO ARE YOU?

By Targeted - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Kirkland

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

agreeclassic 34 209

vote type 1 2 902

It's sus to us

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - New Orleans

Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML

agreeclassic 49 452

vote type 1 4 508

Creeped out

By emoney - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

agreeclassic 78 652

vote type 1 3 776

Suspect

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was, "A man running." I didn't even get an apology. FML

agreeclassic 63 416

vote type 1 2 852

BIKES?!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I'd forgotten my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I later got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML

agreeclassic 47 725

vote type 1 6 319

Which side are you on?

By thefuckman - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML

agreeclassic 23 975

vote type 1 1 723

What the…?

By ohbiebjetaime - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - France

Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML

agreeclassic 32 370

vote type 1 3 364

Piss off

By KaySchrages92 - 19/10/2023 16:25 - United States

Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML

agreeclassic 50 674

vote type 1 3 896

I hate myself

By trixanne - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

agreeclassic 28 732

vote type 1 3 964

Not a morning person at the best of times

By shouldhavestayedinbed - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

agreeclassic 13 706

vote type 1 2 191

Next

TOP COMMENTS

UrYousername 15

Wednesday 27 November 2013 22:53

At least you're wanted! Some of us can't say the same.

JasonUMN 15

Wednesday 27 November 2013 22:54

Just be glad you weren't carrying Skittles on you.

Comments

peacejunior 12

Friday 29 November 2013 12:55

Wait! Why no one find "neighbourhood watch" a strange thing? Am I missing something here.

chrisstachon 30

Saturday 30 November 2013 5:09

thug life

kaduzy 12

Tuesday 3 December 2013 23:38

Damn. And you're in Florida? Are you black? Were you wearing a hoodie? Watch your back, man. Seriously.

squigglyragdoll 1

Saturday 31 May 2014 20:36

The thug life has chosen you.

BaDumTsss_fml 23

Friday 27 March 2015 23:08

*puts on glasses* thug life.

writerchic85 25

Monday 23 November 2015 20:32

How can someone look "thug-like". If you were playing with a switchblade or flashing gang signs I can kind of understand it.

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, I told my brother a story about something I did a couple weeks ago. When I'd finished, he laughed and asked, "What grade were you in when you did that?" I'm 45 years-old and I haven't been in any "grade" since I was 17. FML

agreeclassic 751

vote type 1 276

Today, my little sister got into my anime DVDs, probably thinking they were cartoons. She watched High School DXD, which isn't the best anime for a 6-year-old. Now she wants to be the Breast Dragon Emperor for Halloween and Dad is threatening to set fire to my entire collection. FML

agreeclassic 2 840

vote type 1 1 515

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

agreeclassic 26 241

vote type 1 11 105

Today, I wanted to do something nice for my mom. So, while she was sleeping, I cleaned the whole house for her and even made her breakfast. A few minutes later, she came downstairs and yelled at me to keep it down because she was trying to sleep. FML

agreeclassic 1 922

vote type 1 307

Today, after my girlfriend made a huge dinner, we got frisky. About 15 minutes in, I threw up the dinner she made, all over her. She hasn’t talked to me since. FML

agreeclassic 1 300

vote type 1 461

Today, my dad bought me my first car. On the way home, he crashed it. FML

agreeclassic 3 982

vote type 1 322