Kids Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids...

Anonymous - 19/04/2011 15:06 - United States

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

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eggs - 28/02/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

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Anonymous - 18/06/2019 06:44

Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML

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Laura - 11/03/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

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Rizmo - 25/09/2016 07:11 - United States - Cedar City

Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

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Not now, Kelsey

Amy - 01/04/2011 01:46 - United States

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

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Anonymous - 07/10/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

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Eggs - 15/11/2013 05:00 - United States - Port Richey

Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML

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not a shitty situation so fuck you - 24/06/2016 22:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

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Volcanic

poopshooter101 - 30/06/2009 11:53 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML

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Anonymous - 15/06/2011 13:37 - Denmark

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

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MyMuse7 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 18:52

I would have pelted them with my shit

amerwin 3

Tuesday 19 April 2011 18:50

I would've scrambled out of their as quickly as possible.

greenhair741 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 6:15

was it eggciting 

Shy_Anne 10

Wednesday 20 April 2011 6:33

don't shit in public bathrooms >_<

rerbell7 2

Wednesday 20 April 2011 6:42

why havent i done that yet?

Eemariee 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 6:51

just be glad it wasn't paintballs...

kpiere822 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 6:53

you should have shoved your shit down there throats

stallion2521 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 7:00

you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet

lexiemae97 9

Wednesday 20 April 2011 7:06

kids these days.... :D

Barney_Rubble_75 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 7:12

ha ha ha! I'm going to have to do that to someone! pure awesomeness.

oliveindamiddle 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 7:15

yeah, that's what I do in my spare time too... haahah what the heck

jcdiva7 0

Wednesday 20 April 2011 7:20

Bratty kids

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my girlfriend and her mother bought a hanger for my $2000 guitar as a birthday present. They wanted to surprise me by hanging it on the wall. They screwed it upside down, so before I came home it fell off and my guitar broke. FML

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Today, I moved into a lovely basement suite. Unfortunately, the 12 year old upstairs plays violin. She also plays baritone. She said she alternates each day. FML

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Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

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Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML

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Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML

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Today, I went for an eye exam. The doctor asked me to read the chart on the wall and without even thinking about it, I started to call out the letters using the NATO phonetic alphabet. Nope, my time in the military has had absolutely no effect on me. FML

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