Today, I discovered that I have less than a five minute window...

Content almost refused by staff

By noname - 17/06/2018 22:59

Today, I discovered that I have less than a five minute window in the morning in which I can go poop. If I miss that window by even a second, I become constipated for weeks. FML

agreeclassic 89

vote type 1 9

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

TOP COMMENTS

Symphoniaes 32

Wednesday 20 June 2018 9:56

Friend, go talk to a doctor before it gets serious

Comments

Symphoniaes 32

Wednesday 20 June 2018 9:56

Friend, go talk to a doctor before it gets serious

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was woken up ungodly early by my dad, who didn't give me even 5 seconds to wake up before barking orders at me to clean the septic tank screen, because it was clogged, but he needed to go to work. Conveniently, he'd already had a shower and "didn't notice" the gurgling toilet until he was done. FML

agreeclassic 987

vote type 1 147

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

agreeclassic 55 068

vote type 1 4 349

Today, not even a month into the new semester, I have a hearing at the Dean’s office for academic dishonesty. My classmate and “friend” who I’ve been doing online quizzes with at home (considered cheating) decided to throw me under the bus, all because I wouldn’t let her borrow $100. FML

agreeclassic 469

vote type 1 1 088

Today, in geometry class, we were working in dead silence. Apparently my phone wasn't on vibrate, and I received 25 texts all at once, while it blasted "Hakuna Matataaaa" out of my back pocket. They weren't even texts from friends, just Facebook notifications. FML

agreeclassic 12 190

vote type 1 36 027

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

agreeclassic 9 590

vote type 1 40 001

Today, my boyfriend's brother and his fiancée decided to preach to me about how I need to read the Bible because I'm agnostic. I'd be fine, if it wasn't coming from two 19-year-olds who dated for 5 months, got pregnant, got engaged, lost the baby, and still wanna get married, "so they don't look bad." FML

agreeclassic 27 903

vote type 1 2 434