Today, I discovered how to lose the rest of the baby weight.... - FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2017 05:24

Today, I discovered how to lose the rest of the baby weight. All I had to do was get the flu that rejects anything I put into my stomach. FML

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vote type 1 11

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smc3106 25

Saturday 23 December 2017 15:24

New weight loss program?

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smc3106 25

Saturday 23 December 2017 15:24

New weight loss program?

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Today, I walked in the house as though I was coming home from work on a normal day, fully clothed and carrying my work bag, but somehow my dad still knew I hadn’t been to work, but was in fact doing the evening version of the walk of shame, after spending all day in bed with my booty call. FML

agreeclassic 290

vote type 1 1 205

Today, I was in a nightclub with my girlfriend when a beautiful woman looked at me in the most provocative way. I didn't want to upset my girlfriend, so I escaped to the bar. When I came back, I saw the same girl making out with my girlfriend. Maybe I wasn't the one she was looking at. FML

agreeclassic 61 345

vote type 1 9 048

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

agreeclassic 33 377

vote type 1 3 129

Today, my mother told me that I "should have never had children" after I sided with my son when he yelled at her for talking too loudly. I have hyperacusis, and my son has sensory deprivation disorder. My mom knows this, and blames it on her friends who are hard of hearing. Nothing is ever her fault. FML

agreeclassic 1 046

vote type 1 165

Today, I found out that if you see a picture in your boss's office of a extremely good looking, big breasted woman kissing him on the cheek, not to comment. Because that extremely good looking, big breasted woman, just might be his daughter. FML

agreeclassic 12 594

vote type 1 45 110

Today, my husband "challenged" my daughter: if she could eat a whole raw onion, she could stay up as late as she wanted. I now have an onion with a whole bunch of little bites taken out, a pile of stinking onion puke, a crying daughter, and a husband laughing like a hyena. FML

agreeclassic 507

vote type 1 129