The hot goldfish

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The hot goldfish

By burning_woman - 16/06/2018 21:40 - Netherlands

Today, no amount of scrubbing removed the pepper residue from my hands after cutting an extremely hot pepper. I am also part goldfish, meaning I kept forgetting about this. So far my mouth, eyes and vagina are burning excruciatingly. FML

agreeclassic 70

vote type 1 30

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TOP COMMENTS

BurnInDemonFire 35

Tuesday 19 June 2018 1:02

You'll get another reminder when you next drop a deuce. That's gonna be a hell of a ride. Good luck! Let us know if you survive!

Comments

BurnInDemonFire 35

Tuesday 19 June 2018 1:02

You'll get another reminder when you next drop a deuce. That's gonna be a hell of a ride. Good luck! Let us know if you survive!

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

agreeclassic 46 540

vote type 1 3 663

Today, I gave a speech at my friend’s wedding. I spent weeks perfecting it, making sure it was funny but heartfelt. When I finished, I dropped the mic dramatically. It bounced off the table, hit the best man in the face, and the cable knocked his drink all over the bride’s dress. FML

agreeclassic 131

vote type 1 714

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

agreeclassic 51 776

vote type 1 7 912

Today, I applied online for a position and typed, "OH&S Certificate." It autocorrected to, "OH&SHIT Certificate." I didn't notice until the site e-mailed me a copy of my completed application. They'd already received it. FML

agreeclassic 8 088

vote type 1 2 047

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

agreeclassic 38 342

vote type 1 2 822

Today, I’m living out of a suitcase this week, so that my ex-boyfriend, who moved across the country and was going to stay with me for a little while, can quarantine in my house with his girlfriend, who I requested wasn’t in my house in the first place. They didn’t ask, just decided while I wasn’t home that it was okay. FML

agreeclassic 875

vote type 1 442