Today, I got flustered because my hair straightener wasn't working. It took me fifteen minutes to realize I hadn't turned it on. FML
Today, I noticed how big my brother's package is. If it hadn't been for the fact that my family has taken up walking around naked half the day, I never would have had to. FML
Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML
Today, I got yelled at for 10 minutes by my head of department for failing one of my students for plagiarism, because, "we can't be sure." It was my work he plagiarised, but because it's not in our system, it doesn't count. FML
Today, it's been 10 months of a sexless marriage. Also my 10-month wedding anniversary. We waited until marriage, and she hasn't wanted me since. FML
Today, this guy I like let me wear his favorite baseball hat that he never takes off. I returned it to him later, only to find out I have lice. FML
Today, a strong storm knocked the power out at our office. I was dismissed five hours early, had my desk locked up and was walking toward the doors to leave when the power came back on. FML
dumbass.
you spelled blonde wrong :)