Your everyday life stories

leavemealone - 16/02/2016 12:51 - United States - Miami

Today, my phone won't stop ringing because of people who want to know why I don't respond to their emails. I receive 10 emails a minute, which means Outlook is pretty much always frozen. FML

sneezingAroundTheClock - 16/02/2016 12:21 - United States - Montgomery

Today, my brother got a cat. I'm allergic to cats. He's decided to keep it inside and my mom agrees that's best for it. FML

Achoo - 16/02/2016 11:58 - Australia - Southbank

Today, while driving I managed to hit a side rail because I'd sneezed. FML.

clay man - 16/02/2016 11:48 - Australia - Pymble

Today, I learnt how it felt to be made fun of by your girlfriend in front of her friends followed by being invited to the movies, only to be forgotten by all your friends and not get picked up. FML

Bawsack - 16/02/2016 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going home after visiting my sister. Just as she dropped me at the train station, I realised I had forgot my wallet at hers. She gave me cash for my ticket home then left. The machine only took card so I had to call her to come back. I missed my train. FML.

procrastinator8 - 16/02/2016 11:02 - United States - Westchester

Today I stared at my homework for 12 hours while getting distracted on my phone. Due to my procrastination I just finished my homework and I'm going to bed. It's almost 6 in the morning. I have to get up in an hour. FML

allynicki14 - 16/02/2016 10:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by text after being together for over 2 years. He then asked if he could still use my Netflix account so that he didn't have to start over on his episode of "Skins." FML

owwwww - 16/02/2016 10:00 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I got a complete Brazilian bikini wax and couldn't wait to show my boyfriend. He was so excited he went down on me without hesitation. It would've been amazing had it not felt like I was being sand papered to death. Do you know how painful it is to have a beard rubbing newly bare skin? Fml

Csapo - 16/02/2016 09:24 - Hungary - Dejt?r

Today, my brother offered me a Nutella sandwich, me loving Nutella I gratefully accepted, only after I bit into it I tasted that it wasn't Nutella it was my dogs fresh shit FML

fastfoodprobs - 16/02/2016 07:47 - United States - Mcalester

Today, I was at work. My coworkers and I were getting ready to close and clean our lobby when three people came in ten minutes before closing time. They asked when we closed, and when we said ten, they said, "Perfect!" They then proceeded to order food and stay until eleven talking. FML

blinded - 16/02/2016 07:03 - United States - Frisco

Today, working as a carhop at the local sonic, I walked up to a car that two boys decided was the perfect place for their sexual experience. I just witness vigorous oral sex in the parking lot. FML

neocllns - 16/02/2016 07:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my gf of one year, for whom I divorced my wife of 14 years for, deleted all the pictures we took while on a Valentine's Day night out because she's too embarrassed of me and doesn't want anybody to accidentally find out we actually date. FML

firefox9778 - 16/02/2016 06:58 - United States - Louisville

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. It was a fun experience, minus the broken bones. FML

Sparkyfire - 16/02/2016 06:49 - United States - Richmond

Today, I lost the only friend I had who stayed through my separation and divorce... Right as I find out I have cancer. No explanation... Just silence and hateful words when I tried to call to ask why. Fml

emotional - 16/02/2016 06:48 - United States - King George

Today, I cried over a meme. It showed Jesus hugging a dinosaur with the text "I'm so sorry Rex, the Ark is full". I hate PMS. FML

Anonymous - 16/02/2016 06:41 - United States - Vancouver

Today, after watching the TV Show 1000 Ways To Die, I was stupid enough to try the Cinnamon Challenge. I wound up in the ER with Breathing Problems. FML

justme203 - 16/02/2016 06:35 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I found out what was happening to my dog's treats. I thought she was able to get them in the center island somehow, but it was my roommate. FML.

christinaannxo - 16/02/2016 06:15 - United States - Angola

Today, I was petting my cat when I noticed a piece of string by his tail. I didn't think much of it & pulled it off. Turns out it wasn't string, it was a piece of tinsel & it wasn't just hanging on his tail, it was hanging out his butt. I don't know where he got it let alone why he ate it but FML.

fml1234 - 16/02/2016 05:55 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I spent $200 and 2 and half hours of my time at the hair salon dyeing my hair brown because my husband kept making comment about how he wished I was a brunette. I hadn't told him I was doing it wanting to surprise him so I walked in all excited and all I got was "it looks ok". FML

KayleeFrye - 16/02/2016 05:40 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I was passed over for a promotion that my boss recommended me for. Turns out it went to the new girl who has worked there for less than a year. Apparently sleeping with the mayor is a better career move than 8 years of hard work. FML.

ccat209 - 16/02/2016 04:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to my cat eating my hair. I woke up an hour later to my cat coughing up a hair ball. On my face. FML

Anonymous - 16/02/2016 04:49

Today, my mom invited over a friend to help me get over a break up, only to find out while she was in the bathroom that he sent her a message saying "I'm so glad I broke up with her we can finally be together" making me feel worse FML.

SwiftNerd - 16/02/2016 04:42 - United States - Belleville

Today my now currently ex gf told me she was cheating on me right after my hernia surgery because she thought I wouldn't remember. I remember....FML

DrSam - 16/02/2016 04:42 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I went to the movies and got carded. The cashier refused my ID, insisted it was fake, called the cops and bent my ID trying to break it in half. I'm 27 years old and I missed my movie. FML.

Kiernan151 - 16/02/2016 04:39 - United States - Stewart

Today, I left my puppy alone in the house for the first time for ten minutes. Since she's potty trained I figured she would behave. If only she hadn't pissed on my very expensive gaming computer she would have been perfect. FML

moneyisaficklething - 16/02/2016 04:38 - United States - Pomona

Today, seven years and two kids into our marriage, my husband still thinks it's a bad idea to join bank accounts because "it's too hard to separate them again". Who knew we would have to ever separate them? FML

Kallian - 16/02/2016 04:27 - Australia - Padstow

Today, my dad decided it was time to give me the "sex talk". It consisted of him pointing at my vagina and saying, "Honey, that... THAT is precious..." Then looking me straight in the eyes for 5 minutes while whispering, "Precious... precious..." I'll never have sex again. FML

sarahturtle - 16/02/2016 04:17 - United States - Marysville

Today, I found my recently made ex on tinder. This wouldn't be a problem except he broke up with me because he didn't want to date and said he needed to be alone. FML

RiftenGuard - 16/02/2016 04:16

Today, Today, I met my mothers new boyfriend. I felt like a knew him from somewhere and remembered him from a drunken hookup a few months ago. FML

idk - 16/02/2016 04:12 - United States - Slidell

Today, my girlfriend dumped me... Guess who she's dating- you guessed it... My best friend. The thing that sucks the most is I'm in a group project with both of them. They never stop kissing long enough to get any work done. FML

Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, instead of having until the end of June to find another apartment because my landlord is selling the place, I was told that the buyer paid cash and I now have 10 days to get out. I'm a flight attendant and will be out of town for 8 of those days. FML

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Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML

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Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

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Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML

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Today, I bought an electric sex toy to make masturbating more interesting. My penis wasn’t long enough to reach the moving massaging parts on the inside, and just pathetically rested a few inches inside the opening. I could call it a bad design but I’d be lying, I just have a small dick. FML

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Today, I finished birthday shopping for my husband, my son, and a close friend, who all have birthdays within a week. I was proud of myself for being organized, until I remembered: my husband has a twin sister. FML

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