Miscellaneous

By InterestingMuch - 18/08/2015 14:48 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. I said thank you but informed him that my birthday is tomorrow. He told me that I was wrong and screamed at me for 20 minutes. When I still wouldn't agree with him, he hung up and turned my phone service off. FML

agreeclassic 24 855

vote type 1 2 222

InterestingMuch app_comment_confession_title

InterestingMuch 18

Wednesday 19 August 2015 16:59

The worst part about this is that he did this last year as well. Except last year, he called TWO days early and tried to shrug it off as a joke. This year, I think he was just super embarrassed and felt like crap. He DID turn my phone back on and called me today (the right day this time) and apologized. Said he was stressed from work. Maybe next year? 3rd time is the charm, right? I mean, he is getting closer to the right day....

By IrisKitty - 18/08/2015 07:07 - United States - Englewood

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

agreeclassic 21 783

vote type 1 6 870

By ShroomSalad - 17/08/2015 22:11 - United States - Miami

Today, I was on hold with a company for so long that I was able to shower, clean my house, and was using the hold music to put my son to sleep. FML

agreeclassic 27 454

vote type 1 1 953

ShroomSalad app_comment_confession_title

ShroomSalad 19

Tuesday 18 August 2015 16:24

Thank you guys all for the nice comments! And yes I did finally get through to them, they decided to answer just as my son closed his eyes! FML!

By OhWhoCares - 17/08/2015 21:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML

agreeclassic 25 803

vote type 1 2 792

OhWhoCares app_comment_confession_title

OhWhoCares 42

Tuesday 18 August 2015 17:18

I got an FML published!!! Lol wow and I submitted it when I was still pretty upset I didn't think it'd get published :P Okay anyway I ended up calling the police and they were able to find him, along with my books and apparently a ton of other stuff since he'd been robbing people all day and drugs. Hopefully this isn't an omen or anything about my upcoming semester...

By hbt51 - 17/08/2015 19:56 - United States - Blue Ridge

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

agreeclassic 24 045

vote type 1 1 950

By MoxleyCrue - 17/08/2015 07:34 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

agreeclassic 24 677

vote type 1 3 911

MoxleyCrue app_comment_confession_title

MoxleyCrue 17

Monday 17 August 2015 23:47

OP here. I was eating in its general proximity. That's what I was doing. Eating things it wanted.

By pvcnutcrackingdomqueen4u - 16/08/2015 16:18 - United States - Monmouth Junction

Today, I went on a blind date. People always joke about how horrible Axe is, but this guy sprayed it on so thick that I genuinely had to fight to not retch the entire time. It was so bad that at one point I thought I was going to pass out. FML

agreeclassic 23 818

vote type 1 1 888

By IceWrath - 16/08/2015 08:14 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML

agreeclassic 25 135

vote type 1 2 423

By fire starter - 16/08/2015 04:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

agreeclassic 27 155

vote type 1 2 108

By simugeek - 15/08/2015 05:53 - United States - Gotha

Today, my mother gave me hell for my "video game addiction". The "game" in question? A professional flight simulator program that I'm using to complement my flight school lessons. FML

agreeclassic 27 135

vote type 1 1 763

simugeek app_comment_confession_title

simugeek 16

Monday 17 August 2015 4:47

Just 16 and starting my career very early because I love it!

By suuoerwholock - 15/08/2015 02:50 - United States

Today, I went to the mall and was persistently asked to try one of the curling irons at a kiosk. I don't like to use heat on my hair, but I reluctantly agreed. The iron burned off a good chunk of hair from the back of my head. FML

agreeclassic 23 459

vote type 1 4 874

suuoerwholock app_comment_confession_title

suuoerwholock 19

Monday 17 August 2015 15:05

OP here. This had actually happened a few months ago so my hair is grown out to the point where it's not really that noticeable now. I have roughly 3 feet of hair and I am asked almost every single time I walk by any kiosk that has to do with hair to try out their product. To the people saying that I shouldn't have "caved in"-- I had already walked past this kiosk 3 or 4 times and didn't see any harm in a couple of curls.

By RobotUnicorn1209 - 14/08/2015 19:31 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I got in trouble for punching my sister. Apparently, it still counts if it's in Minecraft and she looked like she was going to steal my stuff. FML

agreeclassic 24 599

vote type 1 2 722

Sounds like quite the catch

By Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

agreeclassic 25 821

vote type 1 2 363

By Anonymous - 14/08/2015 15:08 - Denmark

Today, at my grandmother's funeral, my senile grandfather kept asking me "Where's granny? I've been looking for her, but I can't find her." FML

agreeclassic 34 645

vote type 1 1 670

By Why Me - 12/08/2015 13:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

agreeclassic 30 442

vote type 1 2 890

By Anonymous - 12/08/2015 04:05 - United States - Racine

Today, my mom got angry that I wasn't responding to her texts. I couldn't because I was in the dentist's chair. She'd dropped me off, and after returning from errands, sent the text from the waiting room. FML

agreeclassic 24 950

vote type 1 1 648

By SY5623 - 12/08/2015 00:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I got all excited because I thought my crush was flirting with me, when in actuality she was taking advantage of me liking her so she and her friends could make fun of my speech impediment. FML

agreeclassic 35 899

vote type 1 1 937

By DevastatedWoman - 11/08/2015 15:30 - Belgium - Kalmthout

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

agreeclassic 36 600

vote type 1 2 042

By ssjfml - 11/08/2015 14:56 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, while enjoying the nice weather in a park, I opened my eyes to the sight of some guy jacking off, half-hidden behind a tree. FML

agreeclassic 25 316

vote type 1 2 005

By MsMedea - 11/08/2015 12:02 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I took the lid off my slow cooker to serve up a casserole that had been 12 hours in the making. A cockroach took the opportunity to dive in. My husband and I are now eating toast, while the delicious smell of casserole taunts us from the trash. FML

agreeclassic 26 017

vote type 1 4 527

MsMedea app_comment_confession_title

MsMedea 26

Tuesday 11 August 2015 20:22

Hi, OP here, to answer your question, the slow cooker was sitting on the bench, underneath a shelf in our kitchen. As I took the lid off, the roach came from above, literally jumping into the pot! So I definitely did not see it before I took the lid off!

By canadiangirl98 - 11/08/2015 03:07 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my friends told me that I'm not invited to the next trip because I'm a party pooper for not getting drunk and staying out late during our last vacation. I guess they forgot that I spent each night taking care of their drunk asses and stayed sober to be the designated driver. FML

agreeclassic 26 664

vote type 1 2 095

canadiangirl98 app_comment_confession_title

canadiangirl98 9

Wednesday 12 August 2015 2:34

Wow I can't believe my FML was posted! I love this site! Just to elaborate so people get the full picture: We were supposed to take turns being the DD each night but they would be drunk by the time we got to the venue so I had no choice but to be DD. I'm okay with drinking and letting loose and don't get in the way of others fun but these girls were rowdy belligerent drunk and I spent the evening ensuring they didn't get themselves into a bad situation and the morning helping their hangovers. Either way these girls are no longer people I associate with.

By melons - 11/08/2015 01:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I'm lying awake at 2 in the morning listening to the police helicopter circle my house yet again. I recently moved near quiet woodland to escape the traffic noise that disturbed my sleep. Quiet woodland where apparently the local criminals play midnight hide-and-seek with the police. FML

agreeclassic 24 656

vote type 1 1 776

melons app_comment_confession_title

melons 44

Tuesday 11 August 2015 16:18

I'm such a bad sleeper, earplugs and double glazing make little difference. As for finding a new home, I bought this place last year and spent many months renovating it, so the idea of selling up right now after all that is not top of my list. A lot of my neighbours have lived here since the houses were built in the early 1960s, so surely it can't be all that bad?! Although, I hadn't even considered the thought of the forest lurkers breaking in, so thanks for that...