Intimacy

Tough road ahead

By grossedout - 08/09/2011 06:34 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML

agreeclassic 29 317

vote type 1 2 584

By lolomg - 08/09/2011 01:22 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, my dad met my fiancé's dad for the first time. My fiancé's dad is a cop. He had arrested my dad for indecent exposure in the past. FML

agreeclassic 40 580

vote type 1 3 078

By thismakesmesad - 07/09/2011 16:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

agreeclassic 30 466

vote type 1 7 593

Desperate for D

By sadsadperson - 07/09/2011 08:51 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

agreeclassic 44 941

vote type 1 30 901

By stupidboys - 06/09/2011 16:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend after helping him study for his ACT, giving him a back rub, and having really awesome sex with him. His reason for dumping me? He's too stressed out to have a girlfriend right now. FML

agreeclassic 38 802

vote type 1 4 638

By foreseeingabreakup - 06/09/2011 04:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to explain in great detail why it is inappropriate for my boyfriend to grab at my vagina in public. He did it again twenty minutes later. FML

agreeclassic 37 358

vote type 1 7 042

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 16:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

agreeclassic 54 335

vote type 1 6 401

By southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

agreeclassic 41 982

vote type 1 10 672

By Gurior - 04/09/2011 07:01 - Canada

Spicy

Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML

agreeclassic 14 933

vote type 1 48 829

By May - 04/09/2011 04:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating furiously. To Star Trek. FML

agreeclassic 44 830

vote type 1 6 267

By SterlingSilver91 - 03/09/2011 23:49 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

agreeclassic 28 209

vote type 1 42 740

By Anonymous - 03/09/2011 17:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents' divorce was finalized, and my mother decided to publicly celebrate with a bikini wax. She calls it her "Declaration of Independence". FML

agreeclassic 31 636

vote type 1 3 119

By BlootheBawss - 03/09/2011 04:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I have been released from jail because my idiot friends decided to get me a surprise hooker for my birthday. Turns out "Candy" was actually an undercover cop. My friends ditched me. I was the only one arrested. FML

agreeclassic 48 317

vote type 1 4 634

Bloothebawss app_comment_confession_title

Bloothebawss 9

Sunday 4 September 2011 2:36

It's illegal where I live. And yeah, I'm working in the new friends thing.

By rochellamaya - 02/09/2011 12:47 - Canada

Spicy

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

agreeclassic 37 345

vote type 1 4 285

By djfail - 01/09/2011 17:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML

agreeclassic 37 864

vote type 1 6 538

By Anonymous - 31/08/2011 14:23 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

agreeclassic 31 785

vote type 1 11 266

Sneaky

By Username - 31/08/2011 07:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera above my driveway that snaps pictures whenever it senses movement. Too bad I didn't know that when I was giving my boyfriend head in the driveway. FML

agreeclassic 18 394

vote type 1 60 158

By girlsx2mom - 31/08/2011 06:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me because he doesn't want his mom "watching from heaven." FML

agreeclassic 37 752

vote type 1 7 868

TMI!!

By mystupidson - 31/08/2011 03:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said, "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML

agreeclassic 36 897

vote type 1 3 977

Waste

By Annie - 31/08/2011 03:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

agreeclassic 36 857

vote type 1 5 313

By Nasty - 30/08/2011 16:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband's pubes. FML

agreeclassic 34 342

vote type 1 11 587

Nasty

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

agreeclassic 45 552

vote type 1 5 898

#ForeverAlone

By WithoutLove - 30/08/2011 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to a love life is organizing my porn folder by category. FML

agreeclassic 16 705

vote type 1 33 071

By bobin - 29/08/2011 17:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

agreeclassic 34 310

vote type 1 6 322

By hopeless-.- - 29/08/2011 15:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came in to kiss me. Being sweaty and nasty, I said, "Not now, I'm hot and sweaty." He looked at me blankly and said, "So am I, just smell my ball sweat." FML

agreeclassic 31 254

vote type 1 7 515

By helpless_soul - 29/08/2011 04:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, while standing in line at the video store, I happen to notice a very hot young girl on the TV screen, and mentioned to my friend that I'd "hit that." I was immediately punched by the girl in front of me. Seems the hot girl on TV was her on a security monitor. FML

agreeclassic 13 067

vote type 1 50 690

By Anonymous - 28/08/2011 06:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

agreeclassic 32 087

vote type 1 6 383

All you need is hate

By dev - 28/08/2011 06:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at a family reunion, but I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and get it on." My husband turned around. It was my uncle, wearing the same hat as my husband's. FML

agreeclassic 20 900

vote type 1 40 902

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 16:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I noticed how big my brother's package is. If it hadn't been for the fact that my family has taken up walking around naked half the day, I never would have had to. FML

agreeclassic 36 267

vote type 1 4 198

By RainCl0ud - 27/08/2011 06:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy if he bit me on the lips. Normally, I would have enjoyed it, if the lips in question were the ones on my face. FML

agreeclassic 44 518

vote type 1 5 212

RainCl0ud app_comment_confession_title

RainCl0ud 22

Wednesday 2 March 2016 12:13

OP here. This man is my husband now, and all these years later, he still tries to bite me every now and then. It doesn't happen often enough for me to discuss it with him and I don't want to embarrass him when it does happen. It doesn't hurt but I just don't enjoy it.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

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Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML

agreeclassic 1 408

vote type 1 186

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

agreeclassic 28 821

vote type 1 8 725

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim he can’t eat me out because he has a short tongue, a genuine medical condition that means he can’t do it properly. Funny, because I’ve seen him use that short tongue to completely clean out a Cadbury Creme Egg before without issue. He’s now sulking. FML

agreeclassic 436

vote type 1 94

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

agreeclassic 32 994

vote type 1 2 945

Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

agreeclassic 52 680

vote type 1 8 945

Today, I realized that acne is a major side effect of a medication I'm taking. The medication is to help me with my anxiety. The acne is creating more anxiety. And the more anxious I get, the more meds I need. And the more my face breaks out. FML

agreeclassic 42 077

vote type 1 5 198