Embarrassing

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 129

You deserved it 16 454

Face gone out of control

By UnfortunatelyAmusing - 05/11/2013 00:25 - United States - Princeton Junction

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 312

You deserved it 8 683

Got talent?

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 20:56 - United States - Collingswood

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 983

You deserved it 12 249

Brain fog

By dhskkf - 28/08/2013 00:23 - United States

Today, it was the day of my wedding. I had a massive headache a couple of hours before the ceremony so I decided to take a nap. I told my brother to wake me up an hour before it started. He forgot. Now everyone thinks I ran out on my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 705

You deserved it 7 376

Keep quiet

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 23:12 - United States - Hollywood

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 797

You deserved it 3 485

Leave me be

By hipster glasses - 16/08/2013 11:08 - United States

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 750

You deserved it 3 729

Do you even lift, bro?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2013 04:24 - United States

Today, while working out in the gym, I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up the heaviest dumbbell to show off how much I could curl. She ended up driving me to the hospital because I burst into tears after tearing up my bicep and deltoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 580

You deserved it 66 960

By Anonymous - 07/08/2013 15:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally worked up the courage to write a girl a note, with my number on it, and the words: "You're stunning. Get in touch sometime." Heart pounding, I saw her, got up, and passed her the note. Then I passed out at her feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 929

You deserved it 7 777

Stuart?

By Tea_baggins - 06/08/2013 04:01 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I woke up at 6 a.m. and went into the kitchen, where I saw a mouse in front of the fridge. Petrified, I stood in the doorway shooing it for a few minutes. My husband then walked into the kitchen, picked up the "mouse", and threw it in the bin. It was a used tea bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 367

You deserved it 19 800

Good one, thanks

By zackeryburch - 03/08/2013 13:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 518

You deserved it 6 558

By GiantsFan13 - 23/07/2013 14:49 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch, they showed me on the jumbotron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 887

You deserved it 8 575

Bobs and vagene!!

By fuck - 13/07/2013 17:22 - United Kingdom - Farnham

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 514

You deserved it 59 964

Great tip, thanks

By Anonymous - 11/07/2013 07:10 - United States - Cedar Crest

Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 419

You deserved it 41 013

Disorderly conduct

By Never Going Back To The Doctor - 04/07/2013 07:03 - United States

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 812

You deserved it 12 476

No pain, no gain

By Ouch - 21/06/2013 03:06 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, I tried to wipe some sweat off my brow before it could make its way down into my eye. I ended up poking myself in the eye so hard that I yelped, stumbled and was thrown off the still-moving treadmill while trying to regain my balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 483

You deserved it 7 258

Side effects

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 18:41 - United States - Barrington

Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 982

You deserved it 5 690

Farmville

By unwilling redneck - 24/05/2013 22:48 - United States

Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 537

You deserved it 4 605

By Chelsea - 18/05/2013 08:57 - Australia - Perth

Today, my bag got stolen with all of my belongings at the beach. After being forced to ask strangers for money, I then travelled home on the train for an hour, wearing only a bikini. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 661

You deserved it 5 479

Sorry Sweaty

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 12:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 130

You deserved it 9 859

Love is love

By o___O" - 10/05/2013 20:11 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 138

You deserved it 4 769

The Voice

By legit247 - 10/05/2013 04:44 - United States - Moscow Mills

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was cleaning dishes in the back. I started to sing to myself. During the chorus I heard the echo of my voice in my ear. My boss had pushed the talk button on my headset so every staff member and everyone in the lobby could hear me over the intercom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 797

You deserved it 9 470

Mood ruiner

By Sirah90 - 07/05/2013 07:29 - United States

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 281

You deserved it 13 499

Lord of the dance

By DeActivated - 04/05/2013 00:39 - United States - West Jordan

Today, I was at dance rehearsal. As a male dancer I like to keep the fact that I dance a secret because of the stupid stereotypes male dancers have. This plan was quickly shot down when I discovered I was performing at my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 284

You deserved it 5 998

No way

By Anonymous - 01/05/2013 18:41 - United States - Downey

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 882

You deserved it 58 915

Cool beans

By stupidquestionsstupidpeople - 30/04/2013 03:32 - United States - Chicago Heights

Today, I met one of my favorite webcomic artists. As I purchased a shirt from their booth, he asked, "What size?" I stupidly asked "How big is a small?" He chuckled, "It's small" and chuckled some more. So much for keeping it cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 514

You deserved it 7 817

By Skyler - 24/04/2013 19:14 - United States

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 281

You deserved it 14 350

Don't just stand there!

By Gem - 05/04/2013 11:04 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I carried flat-packed boxes home from work to move my things into a new apartment. Whilst walking down the street, the wind kept blowing and spinning me round. A crowd eventually gathered, mistaking me for a street performer. Nobody helped or even threw me any loose change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 163

You deserved it 3 834

We can see you

By crunknasty - 30/03/2013 05:19 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 076

You deserved it 62 060

You played yourself

By anon - 25/03/2013 18:31 - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 122

You deserved it 68 713

You tried, yay!

By Anonymous - 25/03/2013 06:03 - Australia - Wantirna

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 161

You deserved it 12 704

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Money Birthday Miscellaneous Cute Relatable Sextoys Intimacy Sex Work NSFW Bodyshaming Parenting Kids Food Fish Friends Social Media Divorce Stressed out Awkward Dance Break-ups Cops Dogs Animals Teenagers Swimming pool Health Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 287

You deserved it 12 279

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 176

You deserved it 5 325

Today, my ex-wife has teamed up with my ex-girlfriend. Both are mentally ill. I have to have another custody fight and dispel lies because of their delusions. I just want to be left in peace. Instead, I have to have a death match for my 6 year-old daughter. Why does it have to be her or me? Why can’t it be both? FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 198

Today, I fell asleep on the train, totally wiped out after last night's party, which involved lots of booze and spicy Indian food. I wake up and notice a small boy staring at me, so I smiled at him. He turned to his father and said, "Daddy, the farting man has just woken up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 036

You deserved it 9 401

Today, I had to address a flatulence issue with an employee. Other employees are complaining about the smell. I have to continue addressing the issue until it stops. So far, I've talked to her about it 4 times. No end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 454

You deserved it 3 159

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 414

You deserved it 34 863