Embarrassing

Great, thanks, I hate you

By Anonymous - 08/09/2010 18:09 - Greece

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 268

You deserved it 4 698

What ARE you doing?

By jentea - 05/09/2010 02:22 - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 367

You deserved it 34 978

Amplified

By Anonymous - 01/09/2010 23:04 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 681

You deserved it 4 447

All over the place

By nemi - 31/08/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 695

You deserved it 8 856

By Anonymous - 17/08/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 623

You deserved it 4 912

So, this is my mom…

By Emily - 03/07/2010 18:57 - Australia

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 343

You deserved it 3 162

Pianissimo

By Anonymous - 20/06/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly, I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 975

You deserved it 4 394

Brain fart

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 966

You deserved it 47 344

Check these out!

By elevenharries - 03/06/2010 08:54 - United Kingdom

Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 118

You deserved it 42 396

Well did you?

By Kagura - 02/06/2010 15:05 - Turkey

Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked, "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 373

You deserved it 3 830

What the **** was that?

By Hatty - 14/03/2010 10:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 748

You deserved it 23 707

If I fits, I sits

By fatlady - 07/03/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 009

You deserved it 39 438

First impressions

By medik - 23/02/2010 12:51 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 004

You deserved it 8 233

It is though

By Timv86 - 16/02/2010 08:18 - Australia

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yelled at the top of her voice, "Stop following me, you freak." I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 033

You deserved it 3 102

Hopeless

By Dumbdumb - 15/02/2010 14:29 - United States

Today, at work, a really hot guy came up to me and asked, "What are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4, but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said, "I meant your store hours." He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 733

You deserved it 33 275

Is it a plane ?

By Decker - 14/02/2010 01:04 - United States

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with the hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we got out of my car, she started sprinting to get out of the rain. I ran to catch up and slipped on a metal plate, and did a reverse Superman onto my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 086

You deserved it 5 576

Get back here!

By Anonymous - 12/02/2010 07:51 - Canada

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me!" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 186

You deserved it 2 775

Who goes there?

By dontbadouche - 01/02/2010 13:45 - Senegal

Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 761

You deserved it 7 281

Method acting

By Anonymous - 26/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I had a completely improvised audition for the school play. The director called me and one of the cutest guys auditioning to improvise an intimate scene. Knowing that I'm a complete klutz, I wasn't all that surprised when I tripped over my feet and landed with my face in his crotch. He was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 117

You deserved it 4 037

Food flight

By ashley_skillz06 - 24/01/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant. While the chef was throwing food at us, I was getting ready for my turn. He tossed a piece of broccoli at me, I leaned back to catch it, completely falling off my chair. I knocked everything over and had the packed restaurant laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 378

You deserved it 7 409

Hey guys, check this out

By Sonic - 15/01/2010 16:50 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call while in the bathroom with all the important people in my district. I thought my phone was on mute, so I took the opportunity to flush the toilet. Turns out, that my phone wasn't on mute, and everyone heard it. I'm the only one who was on the conference call outside of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 454

You deserved it 30 943

Graceful

By dancer4life - 09/01/2010 03:04 - United States

Today, in ballet class, I was really focusing and actually trying to work hard. I was really getting into the choreography. I was travelling big and leaping long. While going across the floor, again I travelled and leaped… right into the ballet bars and fell over, in front of 35 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 111

You deserved it 6 133

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 21:44 - United States

Today, while in class, I noticed that someone had really bad B.O. I was seated next to an extremely ill-mannered girl, so I figured it was her, and thought to myself that if it happened again, I'd tell her off. Once I got home and took off my jacket, I realized it was me. I forgot to put on deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 981

You deserved it 45 480

You're so cool

By TacoFail - 02/01/2010 04:46 - United States

Today, I went through the Taco Bell drive through. The lady at the window handed me my food and receipt. In a moment of insanity, I threw the receipt at the cashier and yelled, "WOOHOO!" I attempted to burn rubber and get the hell out of dodge, only to remember my car was in park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 003

You deserved it 60 763

Revealing

By doody - 30/12/2009 22:42 - United States

Today, I was in a busy airport bathroom with my three year-old son. While in the process of pulling my pants down, my son decided to open the stall door. I jumped up to yank the door closed, but not before the line of waiting women saw me with my pants wrapped around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 275

You deserved it 4 287

Don't mind me

By everyonewasstaring - 22/12/2009 23:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shopping in a packed store when I started to feel faint. Since I was quite far along in the queue, I tried to hold out until I reached the front of the queue. Good news: I succeeded. Bad news: I then fainted at the counter, hit my nose, and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 614

You deserved it 4 364

Surprising

By Jrlloyd013 - 19/12/2009 22:33 - United States

Today, I had a surprise test for Economics. While taking the test, I put my head down so I could think. A while later, I awoke to the whole class turning in their test. I had to turn in my test incomplete. No questions answered, just my name, the date, and a pool of drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 844

You deserved it 42 004

Classy

By embaressed - 19/12/2009 09:44 - United States

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 860

You deserved it 3 094

Bigmouth

By Sardine - 18/12/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. Some kids started fighting and screaming at each other, so I leaned next to her and said, "Man, am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 472

You deserved it 33 073

Where you been?

By watchmaker - 16/12/2009 09:37 - United Kingdom

Today, since I had no lessons until 1 p.m., I headed out to the store to run errands. Our school has a strict policy against leaving the campus during school hours. I returned to a fire drill taking place. The fire assembly point? The student parking lot. All 900 students watched me drive in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 133

You deserved it 36 093

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The Top

Today, I actually overheard the sentence, “People who can’t go vegan for medical reasons should die gracefully rather than eat an animal.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 146

Today, after receiving yet again a dozen insulting texts, I realized that my dog has way better grammar than my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 166

Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 292

You deserved it 35 226

Today, I was home alone while my family was on a trip for 3 days at the beach. I walked around naked and did stuff, thinking they wouldn't know. After a whole evening of doing stuff like that, I noticed a camera. They were filming it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 517

Today, I was caller number nine on the radio, meaning I technically won the contest. I was too awkward, so they hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 775

You deserved it 4 659

Today, my boyfriend became convinced that I cheated on him, and broke up with me, saying he would "get me back." When I came home, I found his key on my counter and my cat missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 031

You deserved it 3 553