The Top

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By lmaoLOSER - 02/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Today, I got a perfect score on my French quiz, and I was told to have my mom sign it. What I didn't realize was that all the way at the bottom she wrote "Good Nathaly!" and "I love you!" surrounded by little hearts. The teacher hung it up anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 024

You deserved it 4 756

Artistry

By confusing - 06/06/2014 19:00 - Zimbabwe

Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 136

You deserved it 6 873

Hi!

By AlexaSt2611 - 25/08/2010 00:08 - Paraguay

Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the gardener walking past my bathroom window, yelling "Good morning" and waving in my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 561

You deserved it 28 431

Scary daddy

By and not even in the good way - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 158

You deserved it 20 325

By jjjjjjmmmmm92 - 20/07/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I was at work, when a co-worker began to shake a near empty box. Without thinking, I shouted "What if there was a baby in there? You just killed it!" I then remembered she recently suffered a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 883

You deserved it 77 047

By Anonymous - 25/07/2012 01:37 - United States - Solon Springs

Today, a customer punched me in the face for repeating their order back to them because they thought I was making fun of their speech impediment. I have the same speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 473

You deserved it 2 273

Supportive

By ILOVELEDZEPPELIN - 06/07/2014 20:27 - United States - Wakefield

Today, I called my mother crying, telling her how my husband has apparently been cheating on me for months. To my surprise, she didn't interrupt me or cut me off the whole time. Only when she didn't respond, did I realize she'd hung up a half an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 583

You deserved it 6 039

By ilovedirt - 10/07/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 338

You deserved it 3 777

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 10:34 - Oman

Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 390

You deserved it 37 333

By apenglishstudent - 31/03/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 192

You deserved it 70 907

By awkward. - 29/12/2012 15:50 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 342

You deserved it 3 192

By anonymous - 24/02/2015 11:50 - United Kingdom - Lancaster

Today, whilst laying in bed with my girlfriend, she received a flirty message from her ex on her phone asking if she wanted to go to the cinema. She replied, knowing I could see the screen. The messages were signed with a love heart and about 15 kisses. She claims they are still just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 015

You deserved it 4 009

Get back here

By Anonyme - 30/08/2013 10:59 - France - Ivry-sur-seine

Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 151

You deserved it 36 016

Alpha male behavior

By Hotdamnthisismyjam - 16/06/2009 00:32 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 293

You deserved it 6 646

By honey, no boo-boo - 12/11/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me if I don't satisfy his "needs." By "needs", he means me wearing a diaper during foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 271

You deserved it 5 598

By me - 12/11/2010 05:41 - United States

Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 326

You deserved it 3 224

Student life

By gofixmyhead - 30/08/2011 14:53 - United Kingdom

Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 151

You deserved it 4 021

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 20:15 - Canada

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 396

You deserved it 4 638

By FirstDaddy - 16/06/2014 21:38 - United States - Southfield

Today, my daughter told me that she liked her "other daddy" better. I don't know who's she talking about, but my wife is doing a good job telling her to be quiet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 320

You deserved it 4 482

By bear - 26/03/2013 11:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my daughter got selected to pick music for a funeral. She only listens to Nikki Minaj. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 411

You deserved it 5 751

By Jayswizzle - 11/08/2010 08:10 - United States

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well I pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can't look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I'm a swimmer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 176

You deserved it 4 603

Hi there!

By anon - 26/07/2010 00:07 - Canada

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 864

You deserved it 3 540

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 08:39 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I'm so poor that I've been scrounging around my house all day trying to find quarters and dimes so that I can buy myself a cup of coffee tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 607

You deserved it 6 808

Are you listening?

By littlemissignored - 02/09/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my boyfriend and talking about how stressed out I've been because of my job. While I'm speaking, he pulls out his phone and says his boss is texting him and it was important. There was a game of Tetris reflecting onto his glasses from his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 849

You deserved it 7 143

By 00bsg - 21/12/2013 15:46 - United States - Salem

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 126

You deserved it 4 342

By Dv0829 - 21/10/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 254

You deserved it 4 834

By Busted - 31/12/2009 20:52 - Mexico

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 262

You deserved it 8 599

Small world

By budapesthungary - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 857

You deserved it 2 898

By bad son - 14/06/2012 17:42 - United States - Baldwin Park

Today, it's my mother's birthday. She received the ultimate gift from my brother, who told her he had just been accepted into medical school. I bought her scratch-offs. She won a dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 162

You deserved it 29 683

By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 703

You deserved it 2 739

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The Top

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 678

You deserved it 6 800

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 960

You deserved it 11 750

Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 933

You deserved it 2 099

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over one of our dog's toys. Instead of telling the doctors what actually happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 217

You deserved it 2 522

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 157

You deserved it 6 930

Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to scream what is written on all the road signs at him, and tell him to which way to turn… so he can point the car in that general direction and hope for the best. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 66