The Top

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By donnap - 09/06/2012 05:54 - United States - North Highlands

Today, I got a really bad sunburn. On my eyelids. Who knew blinking could be so painful? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 427

You deserved it 4 721

By Username - 02/08/2011 14:52 - United States

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 517

You deserved it 5 116

By wrecked - 09/06/2014 21:03 - United States

Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 393

You deserved it 5 632

By captainkevineff - 11/03/2010 14:44 - United States

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 970

You deserved it 3 650

By Username - 28/01/2012 19:47 - United States

Today, I was in a Zumba class with a young woman in her 20s and an older woman in her 80s. I couldn't keep up with either one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 150

You deserved it 6 796

Assumptions

By Crappyfayman - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said, "Not in a million years, fat ass!" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 332

You deserved it 3 711

By Stinky - 20/11/2011 10:23 - United States

Today, at 2am, I heard a strange sound coming from the hallway. I walked over, only to discover my drunk boyfriend pissing in the closet. On my favorite shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 210

You deserved it 4 900

Self-fulfilling prophecy

By Dave - 04/10/2012 14:44 - United States

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 949

You deserved it 3 816

By Don't text and work - 23/06/2009 05:04 - France

Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 157

You deserved it 68 919

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 19:01 - Netherlands - Herkenbosch

Spicy

Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 513

You deserved it 6 694

Freaked out

By klanciee - 16/07/2012 02:00 - United States - Valencia

Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 551

You deserved it 2 217

How romantic

By Anonymous - 15/06/2012 17:12 - United States - Salem

Today, I received the photos my friend took of me proposing to my girlfriend. I'd proposed at the place we'd first met: the local zoo. When I looked them over, I noticed there was an elephant taking a shit in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 370

You deserved it 4 444

By Ari - 16/06/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 922

You deserved it 3 731

Happy Birthday

By qwerty6 - 30/09/2009 06:17 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my birthday. I asked my mom that instead of a present if she would make a donation to my favourite charity. She said that this wasn't a "proper" present for a 15-year-old girl. Instead she got me a kettle because "ours had broke and you make the most tea in the family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 402

You deserved it 5 552

I'm a loser baby

By cooldude - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got called a "loser" by an old man wearing pink flip-flops and riding a purple moped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 448

You deserved it 8 270

By Hyenayena - 23/05/2015 21:04 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, while serving a customer, she told me: "God made you a working class citizen so you could serve! If God wanted you to go to college, he would have made sure you were able to go!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 801

You deserved it 2 348

Hyenayena tells us more.

Hyenayena 27

Sunday 24 May 2015 16:02

I tried explaining that, but she said that "if you were meant to go to college, your life would lead to it naturally. Your life has led you to be part of the working class, see?" So pretty much: if I'm not a rich person, I better not even think about going to college.

By Noname - 26/02/2009 01:31 - United States

Today, at work, we finally got a digital projector so our theater can show 3D movies. Our first movie is The Jonas Brothers Concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 068

You deserved it 9 148

By sexyfreak2510 - 03/09/2009 06:47 - South Africa

Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 312

You deserved it 51 931

By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 18:50

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 964

You deserved it 9 853

Brain fart

By Anonymous - 27/01/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, the speakers on my laptop weren't working. I worried I'd broken something, and started freaking out. I restarted my computer numerous times and played with the settings for an hour before calling my sister in to help. She looked at it for two seconds, then unplugged my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 120

You deserved it 41 389

By cheated - 08/07/2009 06:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I found three other pairs. Only one pair was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 030

You deserved it 4 555

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 04:09 - United States

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 172

You deserved it 65 180

By dypshyyt - 22/07/2014 23:20 - United States

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 114

You deserved it 56 582

By someonepleasehelpme - 18/07/2014 16:49 - United States - Centreville

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 870

You deserved it 5 918

Hangry sex

By Krissy - 06/04/2012 02:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 214

You deserved it 4 861

Timing matters

By efff my life. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 155

You deserved it 4 429

By Anonymous - 27/02/2010 12:17 - United States

Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 342

By lobstercola - 24/11/2012 16:35 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 070

You deserved it 2 613

By lonestar - 03/02/2010 13:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 186

You deserved it 5 706

Mad lad

By Bob H. - 26/10/2014 13:54 - Canada - Québec

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 896

You deserved it 5 431

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The Top

The Top

Today, I got robbed. I just moved so I didn't have much in my new house. They did decide that my cat was valuable enough to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 817

You deserved it 3 171

Today, I was in bar and got talking to a guy next to me, who turned out to be American, which is quite exotic in my part of the UK. During the conversation, he mentioned being a vet, so I went on a long tangent about my cat's diarrhoea and asked him for advice. He let me babble on for ages before smiling and saying, "Not that kind of vet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 519

Today, my 13 year-old daughter took our French Bulldog puppy out to pee. She left him out there and went back inside the house. She didn’t know she had to let him back in and thought he would bark at the door when he was done. It’s been two hours and he’s nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 330

Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 288

You deserved it 21 757

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 433

You deserved it 6 845

Today, I was unable to communicate with a customer who only spoke French. As a result, my boss called me a "monolingual idiot." I speak Spanish, German, and Japanese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 75