The Top

Hi. I'm deciding to comment on my own FML to truly thank the people who wish me luck and keep me in their prayers. If you wish to learn more check out my profile. Thanks!!

That's so lovely!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 432

You deserved it 4 053

The best day of your life

By squirt - 05/07/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress, the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger, but squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 140

You deserved it 3 569

By Anonymous - 24/07/2013 20:56 - United States - South Hadley

Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 880

You deserved it 15 955

That's some BS

By unemployed - 21/05/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 778

You deserved it 77 837

By bdawg923 - 11/04/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, at work, I noticed a spider on a female co-worker's shirt. I gently brushed it off. She accused me of sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 369

You deserved it 17 006

bdawg923 tells us more.

bdawg923 0

Sunday 12 April 2009 2:01

The spider was on her shoulder to those who asked.

Big Mac

By Raiden - 10/03/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonald's everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 618

You deserved it 5 360

By animalover - 13/08/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 864

You deserved it 6 625

By momof2boys - 19/01/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, my two boys decided to draw in permanent marker on the leather seats of the car I have had up for sale for 3 weeks with no interest. I call my husband to tell him we're going to have to keep it. He just made an appointment with a guy who has cash and is ready to buy it tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 032

You deserved it 5 223

Poor old George Orwell…

By literature - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, we are reading Animal Farm in class. Almost the entire class think it's about animal abuse. Including the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 408

You deserved it 3 071

A teacher's burden

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 17:46 - Canada

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year-old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 556

You deserved it 3 862

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my wife refuses to admit our 13-year-old son has no chance in hell of getting into college. He never got more than an E or an F on his exams, routinely misspells his own name, can't remember our address and I just watched him spend 10 minutes looking for his lost hat which, by the way, was on his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 286

Today, I got yelled at for having a set of headphones around my neck at all times, because it "makes me seem disinterested." Two things: 1. I have established myself as a very good listener among my peers; 2. I'm autistic, so I need the headphones readily available at all times to cope with loud environments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 142

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year-olds do at midnight? FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 367

You deserved it 25 429

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 116

You deserved it 3 754

Today, I learned that my "friend" told my other friends that I was homophobic, sexist, and racist. None of that is true and she's just trying to turn everyone against me for no reason. She has also apparently been talking BS behind my back. Worst part is I did nothing to her. I don't know what to do now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 123

Today, I picked my car up from the shop. After 5 minutes I noticed the oil and check engine light on. I pulled over, then the engine shut off completely. Turns out they forgot to put oil back in my car. I'll be needing a new engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 150

You deserved it 2 855