The Top

OP here. To clarify, I'm actually not an unhealthy or excessive weight but I'm trying to get back to a size where I feel better about myself. Also, I thought I had bought the leggings in my size but the packet was mislabeled. To the other points, I do wear underwear and when I wear leggings, I pair them with a skirt or tunic so that no one is forced to appreciate my bounteous behind.

By TheFriskyBadger - 12/07/2016 23:57

Today, a customer complained that her salad had "too much lettuce." Her bowl was less than half-filled with lettuce and the rest was cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 278

You deserved it 777

By NoTypeOfExercise - 11/07/2016 15:05 - United States - Encino

Today, my husband told me I couldn't go to my morning yoga class, because he needed to leave for work at 7:30 am sharp, and I wouldn't be back in time to watch our son. It's 8:05 am and he still hasn't left for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 394

You deserved it 1 445

Too much feeling!

By buckerooo - 03/12/2019 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky when we decide to try the old 69. One thing leads to another when her clit ring went deep into my nose, and leaving me feeling like the wrong kind of bull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 524

By C8H18 - 29/06/2016 05:11 - United States

Today my neighbor's asked me to feed their two horses while they go on vacation for a month. I happily agreed. As they were getting in the car to drive off, they added, "Oh, and water the plants!" They have six acres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 483

You deserved it 1 236

C8H18 tells us more.

C8H18 33

Sunday 3 July 2016 18:46

OP here. here's more info: of course the pasture the horses were in didn't need to be watered, and they had two lawns with sprinkles. The majority of the rest of the property was newly planted vegetable gardens. They were in the process of installing a watering system and it wasn't hooked up yet. Everything was being watered with hoses. Btw, how the hell did you guys come up with house plants? I didn't have access to the house, and why would I mention six acres if I was talking about indoor plants? Come on, people. I did call my neighbor's after they pulled this and they explained that husband thought wife had told me already while wife assumed husband had told me. They didn't realize their mistake until they were about to pull away. So, innocent mistake, but had they told me sooner I would have had the chance to mention I've never been able to keep a plant alive. :(

By PlzSendBlankets - 27/06/2016 02:00 - United States

Today, marks three days since I was supposed to follow the moving truck to my new home. Instead, I got super sick and my dad drove away without me. I've been laying on a dog cushion the entire weekend because my bed is 500 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 826

You deserved it 965

By Oops - 23/05/2010 09:21 - Australia

Today, while out with my boyfriend I accidentally let out a rather large fart. I was in such shock the only sentence I could make was "I farted." Clearly he was in shock too because the only words he could utter were "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 225

You deserved it 29 964

By Anonymous - 08/03/2018 19:30 - Australia

Today, my crush asked to speak with me in private. He took me to a secluded area and asked if my best friend was interested in him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 736

You deserved it 316

By fuundmental/// - 09/04/2011 05:46 - Australia

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 684

You deserved it 10 007

Out of the mouth of babes...

By DEE - 26/07/2018 15:00

Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 794

You deserved it 485

By Anonymous - 29/04/2016 17:59 - United States

Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 161

You deserved it 2 260

Go away

By full of losses - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the day after my grandfather's funeral, my grandmother informed me I have 30 days to move out. I've been living with them for four years, helping take care of my sick grandfather. She's already changed the locks and won't unlock the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 976

You deserved it 505

Take a chill pill

By failed - 23/02/2011 10:06 - Switzerland

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 125

You deserved it 46 337

By Anonymous - 02/04/2016 03:01 - United States - Fremont

Today, I left my daughter with a babysitter for the first time. When I came home, my microwave was ruined because they had attempted to heat cans of Play-Doh as a science experiment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 300

You deserved it 1 962

Shopping fun

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 22:59

Today, my boyfriend talked me into wearing vibrating underwear in public and of course we bumped into my mom shopping, and of course he chose that moment to turn them on with the remote. The vibrating was way louder than we were expecting, and my mom just walked away shaking her head at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 2 625

By GetAnotherRoomAlready - 12/03/2016 05:58 - United States - Singapore

Today, I woke up at 2 AM to the sounds of my roommate and his girlfriend on Skype, playing a game of, "No, I love YOU more, baby, schmoopy schmoopy schmoopy schmoo". It went on for around half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 909

You deserved it 1 708

By sericane - 04/03/2016 20:03 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I delivered a pizza to a former coworker. He answered the door with his pants below his ass and his junk hanging out of his boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 597

You deserved it 1 644

sericane tells us more.

sericane 20

Saturday 5 March 2016 4:34

I must say, these comments had me laughing my ass off. To elaborate a bit, he had no idea it was me coming. He didn't even acknowledge or notice it at all. I'm fairly certain he was stoned out of his mind, because he barely said 2 words to me. When we worked together, there was always something off about him. He got fired for always calling off due to supposedly being homeless. Well, the house I delivered to was hella nice. So, idk. Lol. Either way, I tried to avert my eyes and just finish the transaction and gtfo of there. When I got back to work, the rest of my coworkers had a big laugh when I told em what happened. Lol. Definitely something I did not need to see. Lmao

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we kissed and I took down my pants, she screamed and said "That THING is going to break me." We never did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 152

You deserved it 7 040