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By _kyleG_ - 16/06/2015 05:54 - United States - Avondale

Today, my father finally achieved his long-held goal. He has legally disowned me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 408

You deserved it 3 257

_kyleG_ tells us more.

_kyleG_ 34

Tuesday 16 June 2015 18:57

An explanation is probably in order here. I am mentally and socially handicapped, brainwashed, and a worthless burden. My father is a pillar of the community, a family man, and loves his poor, misguided child dearly. -according to dear old dad, at any rate. So, fact check: I've just graduated high school with a 3.9 and lots of AP credits. I'll be going to college on academic scholarship as a biology major this fall. I'm currently working full time in auto finance. Also, I'm dating the most beautiful girl in the world. My father(or ex-father?) is an abusive passive-aggressive narcissist. The last time I saw him, the police had to intervene so I could leave school without being forced to go with him. He didn't want to pay child support any longer, so the moment I turned 18, he filed for emancipation. I have a court date in about a month, to get rid of the bastard's name and take my mother's maiden name. I'm happy, and this is all for the best. Thank you all for your kind words- this community is awesome :)

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 02:44 - Canada

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 397

You deserved it 17 240

By MommyProblems - 19/01/2014 05:17 - United States

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 066

You deserved it 6 864

Bad doggo

By Anonymous - 12/03/2010 12:01 - United States

Today, my dog managed to get into our cabinet and eat an entire bag of Hershey's Kisses. Now she is puking all over the house and outside too. When I called the vet to tell her about it, she said that it was normal, and to call her back when it was "coming out the other end." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 482

You deserved it 3 882

By hailey - 10/12/2012 05:10 - United States - Bethesda

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 840

You deserved it 6 768

By tictacnose - 08/01/2012 00:33 - Canada

Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 514

You deserved it 3 212

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, I was working in the box office. A group came in for tickets but wanted to pay individually. One paid $40 for a $25 ticket. Laughing, I reached for the calculator while saying, "I went to public school, so I can't do math." They didn't laugh. They were all teachers in public schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 054

You deserved it 55 275

By CessnaPilot - 13/12/2011 03:47 - United States

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 944

You deserved it 6 457

By ripmyphone - 13/01/2016 01:18 - United States - Glen Allen

Today, while I was walking across a bridge, a prepubescent middle schooler grabbed my phone from my hand and threw it into the water. His friend filmed it, high-fived him, and they both ran off. I got that phone less than a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 069

You deserved it 1 740

By psychic parents, how do they work? :( - 31/07/2013 22:49 - United States - Effingham

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 710

You deserved it 47 527

Who dis? New phone

By Sexting - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 771

You deserved it 9 377

By MTJY - 12/09/2011 04:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was talking to my ex. After pouring my heart out to her, saying we were meant for each other, she looked at me and said, "Don't bother, I've already slept with your brother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 674

You deserved it 5 545

By Tor - 21/04/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was in class and felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I began to scream and cry because the pain was horrible, so the teacher called 911. After being rushed to the hospital, I was told that "I had gas cramps and would be fine." My whole class was listening on speakerphone to make sure I was ok. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 825

You deserved it 12 983

Baywatch

By GuardOtto - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 818

You deserved it 4 913

By sabz21 - 27/01/2014 04:37 - United States - Naugatuck

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 165

You deserved it 14 291

By ncjarhead - 24/04/2010 23:38 - United States

Today, I discovered the same erotic pictures my wife emailed to me while I was deployed were emailed to several other guys by her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 145

You deserved it 3 127

Check her out

By minnie - 28/08/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted really loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 830

You deserved it 6 916

No place like home

By MrMagicMan000 - 25/08/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sounds of birds singing, the smell of butter pancakes in the air, and thought to myself, "Wow, today is going to be great day. I can feel it!" Excited, I jumped out of bed and threw open the door to see my 58 year-old mother doing her morning stretches in the nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 316

You deserved it 4 422

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:15 - United States

Today, I woke up and decided that I no longer give a fuck what I look like. Today is also the day a very attractive exchange student joined my private band lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 566

You deserved it 12 896

By doctorchick - 12/08/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, I was late for a medical school seminar and test. An SUV flipped over on the highway right in front of me. I held pressure to gushing, lacerated artery until EMS arrived. He lived, but I might have to repeat the whole year because I missed a big test. The test? Emergency response medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 330

You deserved it 3 058

Lovely bundles of joy

By Anonymous - 12/01/2012 11:54 - Sweden

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 195

You deserved it 3 866

By shaunaaa - 17/02/2011 10:39 - Australia

Today, I was in science class studying dead insects for biology. After packing away the jars, I noticed a red-back spider on the bench. Thinking it was missing from a jar, I picked it up. It wasn't missing. It was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 331

You deserved it 5 350

By anonymous - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was bet 100 dollars that I couldn't break a piece off a brick with my head. I couldn't, and I have 2 gashes in my head now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 906

You deserved it 73 144

By ScottyB - 22/12/2014 08:05 - United States - Peabody

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 774

You deserved it 6 642

Landlocked

By kayak probs - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Newtown

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 641

You deserved it 26 282

At last!

By thehumanshield - 05/08/2011 08:41 - United States

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 246

You deserved it 2 812

By amanda_ae_erin - 10/11/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me in a text message. Then I found out from a mutual friend that he "came out" and told everyone at our school that he is gay. He has known he was gay for years and he was just using me as a cover up. What a great way to start my senior year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 028

You deserved it 5 035

Creepy

By Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet - 26/09/2015 01:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 666

You deserved it 2 245

Freakout

By itssdianaa - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was home alone, and I thought I heard someone breaking in through the side gate at my house. I was terrified, so I called the police. It turned out it was the gas company checking the meter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 244

You deserved it 28 320

By ac-hoo - 04/02/2012 14:52 - India

Today, the man of my dreams kissed me. It was everything I had imagined it would be until in the middle of the kiss, he burped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 754

You deserved it 3 853

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The Top

Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 303

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 225

You deserved it 2 522

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for years. There was just one problem: it was so terrible I said, "I think I might be straight" about five minutes in just so it would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 471

You deserved it 15 701

Today, I asked my father if it was okay for me to take an ADHD test. He spent about 30 minutes yelling at as to why that is a dumb idea. I have asked multiple people who know me better than anyone else and they believe that I might have ADHD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 154

Today, I was talking to my only grandson about how I was going to the dentist to get my teeth fixed and how it was going to cost a lot of money, he replied saying "Who cares, you're going to die soon anyways". FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 645

You deserved it 3 971

Today, I got caught in the rain without an umbrella. I arrived at work looking like a wet rat, and my boss sent me home to change. I forgot my keys at work and ended up locked out of my apartment in the rain. I can't seem to catch a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 234