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Charming

By rosabelle91 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 787

You deserved it 14 917

Scorpio rising

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 628

You deserved it 108 312

Guildy pleasure

By SocialAnxietyNightmare - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I nearly had a panic attack when too many people joined my World of Warcraft party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 918

You deserved it 17 360

What?!

By needmorelocks - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Santa Paula

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 587

You deserved it 2 823

Bad doggo!

By coral - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought I was home alone so I went to take a shower and left my door open. My dog came in, stole my bra, and ran out of my bathroom. I jumped out and followed him, only to find out that my brother had two of his friends over. They all saw me naked, and my dog had my bra in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 029

You deserved it 12 553

Delivery!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I dropped it off as usual, but my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6-year-old patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132 088

You deserved it 8 343

New to me

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 317

You deserved it 5 825

Can't be late!

By courtneynaked - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Arab Emirates

Today, my jeans got caught in the airport escalators. Seeing as how we couldn't get them unstuck, my mother made me take them off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 622

You deserved it 3 347

Jump in

By sisi9999 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that I'm allergic to hornets. I also learned that when your mom sprays a hornets' nest, and they come after you, that jumping in the pool doesn't help. They hover and wait for you to surface. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 352

You deserved it 3 644

Let's slip out of here

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 979

You deserved it 101 025

Bad influence

By BigSister - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 15 year-old sister came home at 4 a.m. totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about drug abuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 478

You deserved it 3 448

Tactfully, no

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother-in-law asked if she could move in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 071

You deserved it 3 028

Junk in the trunk

By NotSoClean - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 137

You deserved it 8 746

Gun nuts

By Emily - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Hayward

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me, "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 392

You deserved it 3 041

I hate people

By lpspann87 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 508

You deserved it 2 640

DIY mecanics

By shakyhands - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad was stupid enough to think that the kitchen sink is a good place to clean a gas tank. Now, the whole house smells of gas fumes and I'm about to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 102

You deserved it 4 288

Who is this?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, a telemarketer called and asked if they could speak to my "Mommy or Daddy." I'm 25 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 730

You deserved it 2 844

Background noise

By DumbCuntApparently - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Hilversum

Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 456

You deserved it 4 541

Little shit

By scotsgal - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 511

You deserved it 5 148

Quite the hobby

By chellegbelle - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Graham

Today, I found out my neighbor collects body-bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 674

You deserved it 3 997

Reputation

By LadyLuck - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses' station, I heard them talking about "the bastard in room 303." I went on to visit my husband… in room 303. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 274

You deserved it 5 468

Spooked

By awkwardpartybear - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 240

You deserved it 17 799

Been there, done that

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - New Ulm

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 305

You deserved it 4 679

Denial

By blah - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom took me to an AA meeting because she said I needed help. I have never tried alcohol in my life, and told them this. I was then harangued by the "instructor" because apparently one of the signs of alcoholism is denial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 067

You deserved it 3 117

Night killer

By Tom - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 818

You deserved it 3 675

I've had enough

By bcoper - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in pain due to overdoing it at the gym yesterday, so I thought a hot shower might help. Not only was there no hot water because of my sister's hour long showers, but I slipped getting out and hit my head. Now the pain is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 721

You deserved it 3 335

No smoke, no fire

By My Life Is Just PERFECT - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. Ten minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 340

You deserved it 4 191

Hollaback girl

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 527

You deserved it 37 763

Spray it

By catwoman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 435

You deserved it 5 586

Check this out

By :,< - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 694

You deserved it 2 688

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The Top

Today, I told my 21 year-old son he either has to break up with his girlfriend, who fills his head with lies about me, or I'd stop speaking to him. He laughed and said he'd fine with us not speaking ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 314

You deserved it 1 521

The most frustrating sound ever.

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 90

Today, while going around trying to find a job, a manager came up to ask me, "Are you looking to work here?" I nodded happily, hoping this would be the end of my search. She looked me up and down, saw I had a jacket on to hide my tattoos and said, "Sorry, I can't hire heroin addicts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 222

You deserved it 10 522

Today, I had my window opened slightly, without a screen behind it. I walked into the living room and smelled a skunk. I looked out the window and saw a skunk, so I quickly closed the window. However, it was too late. Before I could do so, it turned and sprayed me, a few meters of my house, and our front porch too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 172

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 905

You deserved it 2 854

Today, I decided not to wear any makeup. I got told 13 times at work that I looked ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 746

You deserved it 6 785