Love

Nice try

By spitballer1 - 06/07/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 226

You deserved it 29 115

By dumpedovergame - 06/07/2009 10:51 - United States

Today, I gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 years to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me. He said WOW makes him happier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 343

You deserved it 33 915

By Seabiscuit - 06/07/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I was snuggling in bed with my girlfriend. She was depressed, so I complimented her strong legs, saying they were "like a horse." I spent the next hour and a half trying to stop her crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 500

You deserved it 77 781

By Anonymous - 06/07/2009 01:49 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 009

You deserved it 25 941

By Annabelle - 05/07/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I got a call from my parents that they have decided to get a divorce. My brothers and I just shelled out $5,000 each and spent months planning their 50th Anniversary party that was supposed to be next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 249

You deserved it 3 211

The best day of your life

By squirt - 05/07/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress, the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger, but squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 141

You deserved it 3 569

By fd_uplife - 05/07/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because she wants to "become" a lesbian. I also learned that she's coming to my house for dinner tonight. My sister is her date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 486

You deserved it 4 251

It wasn't me

By curiousorange - 05/07/2009 15:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 590

You deserved it 3 052

By wetboy - 05/07/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 487

You deserved it 8 902

By Anonymous - 05/07/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved for four years and have been 100% faithful to. A girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her. My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 905

You deserved it 4 618

By Single4Life - 05/07/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, my friend told me that she gave my number to a guy I've liked for a while. I asked why and she just said "He's just going to have to tell you himself." I got hopeful and really nervous. A few hours later he calls. Turns out, he's called to try and get a date with my gay friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 009

You deserved it 3 389

By BrokenHearted - 04/07/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years who had taken a job in a new city last month came into town and told me that she had slept with a co-worker last Friday. Last Friday I was incredibly lonely but I turned down a very attractive woman because I didn't want to hurt my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 958

You deserved it 5 833

By DutchOven - 04/07/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 421

You deserved it 25 982

IN A RUSH, SORRY

By Anonymous - 04/07/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2-month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 822

You deserved it 10 799

By mrdave - 04/07/2009 05:54 - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 906

You deserved it 46 493

By Cococautly - 04/07/2009 04:49 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 816

You deserved it 13 912

Dependa

By Anonymous - 03/07/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me explaining that he is getting married this weekend to a woman he met on Craigslist. Why? Because I won't marry him, and he'll make an extra thousand dollars per month having a wife since he is in the army. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 670

You deserved it 12 291

By neverbeenkissed - 03/07/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 155

You deserved it 9 056

By dreamer2639 - 03/07/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 540

You deserved it 47 999

By pinkrazrgirl247 - 03/07/2009 06:29 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 448

You deserved it 52 246

The reverse beard

By heart-broken - 03/07/2009 01:33 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She's not actually a lesbian. She has been using our relationship to piss off her conservative parents. We've been together for over a year, and I've been in love with her for over five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 971

You deserved it 8 757

By Damnsoup - 03/07/2009 00:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my fiancé's house to have dinner with his family for the first time. Trying to be polite at the end of the meal I went to take the plates in to the kitchen. I overestimated how heavy the half-finished soup pot was, and threw soup all over myself and future mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 299

You deserved it 6 998

Spiderman meme

By Anna - 02/07/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 164

You deserved it 4 985

By rockstarohyeah - 02/07/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I was given the best news of my life. I am cancer free and am not, at the ripe age of 23 going to bite the dust. My husband left his journal on the nightstand in our bedroom. He wrote, "I feel like a bad person, but if she dies, I don't have to get divorced." FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 068

You deserved it 4 866

By dork - 02/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 876

You deserved it 50 202

By dwaggle - 02/07/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 247

You deserved it 2 766

First time?

By kelscait - 01/07/2009 22:26 - United States

Today, I had my first kiss with this guy that I really liked. We started making out and he stopped and had this bizarre look on his face. I thought he was liking it, so I said, "You're a good kisser, you wanna go to the bedroom?" He replied with, "I'll pass, you have really bad breath". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 061

You deserved it 57 473

By dumped - 01/07/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 635

You deserved it 4 712

By Bulldogs09 - 01/07/2009 04:41 - France

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on AIM, I noticed one of his friend's away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said, "I can't believe what I stick my dick In sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 764

You deserved it 12 478

By BrokeInLove - 30/06/2009 19:55 - France

Today, I was shopping for rings with my fiancée. We spent over two hours selecting the perfect ring and diamond to match. When filling out the paperwork I discovered I left my wallet at home. She had to pay the 20% down payment for the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 224

You deserved it 52 081

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The Top

Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 033

You deserved it 7 983

Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?" My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?" Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 347

You deserved it 3 570

Today, I found out that my college textbooks, which I spent nearly $200 dollars on for the two of them, did not come with the codes they were advertised with. The codes are needed for online classwork that is required to pass the course. Each new code is $90 a piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 833

You deserved it 1 583

Today, it's my last day of work at my job of two and a half years. I organised to have coffee with my coworkers at a cafe. Only I turned up. I had my farewell coffee alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 555

You deserved it 472

Today, I was talking to my mom about who I wanted to ask to prom. I told her the names of the girls I was thinking of asking and she replied, "They'll say no, but you can always go with one of your cousins." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 266

You deserved it 3 311

Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 913

You deserved it 3 916