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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I came home from a crazy costume party and took a hot shower. When I opened my eyes and saw the water running from my head was bloody, I freaked out and called my friend for help. She had to remind me that for the party, I'd coloured my hair red with washable hair dye. FML

#21376371
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23357) - you deserved it (15896)

On 03/17/2015 at 12:52pm - health - by Iwtumn (woman) - Austria

Iwtumn's comment about their FML

Good morning! This is my FML (though I wasn't logged in when posting, because I wasn't sure if I wanted that much stupidity associated with my profile. But I guess I should clear a few things up, so here I am).

This happened a few years ago at a trip to the UK that I took after graduating from high school. Me and my friend were staying together in a tiny apartment and decided quite spontaneously to go to that party, so some improvisation costume wise was needed.
I've wanted red hair for as long as I can remember and when we found some red spray-in-dye at Boots I decided that this was the perfect opportunity to try it (because in case it looked horrible at least I'd never have to see the people again). My hair is quite thick and dark blond and the hairspray was bad, so when sprayed in, even though we used a lot of it, it was barely noticeable (which was a bummer, because in addition to giving me red hair it was supposed to glow in the dark... Which it didn't do) and over the course of the night I simply forgot about it.
The party was great, I met some really nice people that I am still in contact with and will revisit this year and we had a pretty good time. When we got back home at around 7 in the morning I was more than just a bit tired, but wanted to get rid of the icky post-party-feeling, so I hopped in the shower.
And I guess this was when the dye decided to unleash its real power.
Now, I am relatively clumsy in general, but my pain treshold is quite high, so it has happened in the past that I hurt myself without noticing it (a few examples: when I was 15 I somehow managed to get a nosebleed while out for a run and only noticed it when some other people told me that my face was bloody, same with a small shred of glass that I got stuck in my foot at the pool, two years ago I cut my finger while doing the dishes and continued until I saw blood smears on some plates, after which I had to go to the hospital, ...), add to that the fact that I get sick at the sight of blood and my exhaustion (I had been up for about 24 hours when this happened and even before that didn't get a lot of sleep) and I think it is - kind of - understandable why I freaked out (though in retrospect it was still rather idiotic). I called my friend into the bathroom because she was getting ready for bed in the next room (sorry I didn't elaborate in the FML, 300 letters are less than you might think). She took one look at me and then burst into uncontrollable laughter before she explained what was going on and I calmed down. After that I finished my shower, got into bed and slept through the whole day.
The rest of our trip was pretty fantastic, though to this day my friend still jokes about that night.

Btw, I wasn't drinking, as I was trying to start the next part of my life with a healthier life style... Don't ask me how going out until the morning fits into that but at that time it seemed to make sense.

Now thank you for reading my novel!

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Today, while working at McDonald's, a guy asked me to deep fry his salad. FML

#21376328
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27713) - you deserved it (2757)

On 03/17/2015 at 11:38am - work - by spicybasement - Canada (Alberta)

spicybasement's comment about their FML

I said I'll check with my manager and she looked at me like I had 3 heads. We didn't end up making it but he had 4 orders of crispy chicken patties instead.

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Today, I moved in with my boyfriend. The first thing he did was hand me a paper containing listed rules he expects me to follow. When I asked if it was a joke, he promptly pointed to number 7 on the list, "Cleanliness is not a joke". FML

#21375557
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (97) - you deserved it (5647)

On 03/16/2015 at 8:26am - misc - by mukduk - United States (Tennessee)

mukduk's comment about their FML

Hello all, OP here. Just clearing things up.

Seems I'm getting a lot of conflicting opinions. Some say "FYL, he's abusive, run away!" while others say "YDI because you should've known him better". Others seem to be in between. Well this might clear things up.

My boyfriend is a total neat freak. No, he does not have OCD, he just hates messy things. He also just bought a bunch of new, shiny, modern, don't-defile-it-with-your-filthy-hands furniture recently, so he's being extra annoying about it. I, myself, am not as clean as him. I classify myself as someone who only cleans when it's needed. He cleans every. Single. Time.

Before moving in, he said "when you get here, we'll have to discuss some rules" which I agreed to. I had a few rules in mind such as "put down the toilet seat" or "replace the toilet paper when it runs out" (now that I think about it, it was more bathroom rules than anything). When I got there, I thought we'd sit down and talk about it. Apparently that's not what he meant by "discuss". So no, I was not expecting the paper, but considering his cleaning habits, I probably should have.

Here's an example of the rules he had:

"1) NEVER eat in bed. Seriously.
2) Female products are to be thrown in a trash receptacle outside.
3) Wash the dishes before placing them in the dish washer."

Yes, these do seem kind of ridiculous. Which is why I asked if it was just a joke. There were a lot of other rules as well, I think a total of 50 something? After reading them all, I had to sit him down and make a few compromises. The rules are a lot less strict now and I threw a few in there myself. He's actually a great guy, just loves to clean. I guess that's an upside right?

Anyways, thanks to those supporting me. And thanks for reading this little novel I wrote.

-mukduk (sorry my username has nothing to do with my FML, but it's a reference from the Office, so I think that'll suffice)

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Today, I was so drunk that I forgot how to use the key to my front door. But I knew how to break a window, get into my locked basement, and unlock the basement door with my front door's key. FML

#21374433
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22650) - you deserved it (15281)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:52pm - misc - by nomorealcoholeva - Norway (Nordland)

nomorealcoholeva's comment about their FML

Followup for asked questions!

I found my phone, wallet and lipstick in the Mailbox.
I am 97% sure i smashed the window with the heel of my shoes.
And i live alone, so the only explaining i have to do is to my landlord, Jesus, i do not look forward to that.

And yes. I am a 22year old girl. Boom

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Today, I ate a wonderful meal, after which I fell asleep on my couch and had a dream that my husband was passionately kissing me. I woke up to realize it was actually my cat licking bits of food out of my teeth. FML

#21373952
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28022) - you deserved it (3922)

On 03/13/2015 at 5:45pm - animals - by laureri - United States (New Jersey)

laureri's comment about their FML

Hey OP here! To answer some questions, my husband does not have a sandpaper tongue, that would be awful! I didn't have huge bits of food just your regular after food residue. I usually do brush after meals but the itus was strong and I immediately fell asleep after the meal. And yes I brushed, mouthwashed, and flossed immediately after I woke up with a cat tongue in my mouth!! Repeatedly I might add. My cats are beggars, they will do almost anything for table food apparently licking my teeth is fare game. The comments made me laugh, so thanks guys. Cheers!

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Today, after weeks of oral pain and hundreds of dollars in dentistry fees, we found the culprit: a popcorn kernel that floss was unable to remove. FML

#21373831
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30495) - you deserved it (16)

On 03/13/2015 at 2:36pm - health - by iAlissa - United States (California)

iAlissa's comment about their FML

There was indeed lots of blood. It was lodged so deep between my molar and my wisdom tooth that they essentially had to surgically remove it. :(

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Today, one of the guys I work with ran his finger down the back of my shirt and said, "Just checking to see if you're wearing a bra today". FML

#21373754
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33652) - you deserved it (2740)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:04am - work - by SteamyPenguin (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

SteamyPenguin's comment about their FML

Thanks for all the comments, I wish I would have had the guts to carry out half of them. This ’Today’ happened a few years ago when I was much less confident. He was a senior Doctor and a renown pervert. I have been reminded of it because a woman has been in the news lately saying that sexisim is rife in the medical profession and that if we want to get ahead we should just shut up and put up with it. I don’t want to get into it any further, but it brought back some unpleasant memories as a young health professional. Believe it or not, this one one of the minor pervy things that he did. I had a series of badges in the shape of different animals with my name on it, and he would comment on it whenever I wore them saying things like ‘Cat on a mountain’ or ‘Tiger on a mountain’, the mountain referring to my breast. I loved those badges, and spent quite a bit of money on them, from then on I could not wear them without thinking I was doing something wrong. Honestly there were so many different incidents that you block them out.

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Today, I received a phone call from the counselor at my son's preschool, requesting that I come pick him up. He was barking incessantly at his classmates. And when they asked him to stop, he growled. FML

#21373271
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27621) - you deserved it (3296)

On 03/12/2015 at 4:50pm - kids - by misfitunfit - United States (California)

misfitunfit's comment about their FML

Op here, definitely looking into a new program for him! At first this one seemed great but now I realize they're super uptight.

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Today, I was walking my dog. Suddenly, my insane neighbor who loves dogs a bit too much comes over and asks to pet my dog. I say OK, thinking that if I watch her, she won't do anything. I turn around to make sure no cars are coming and when I turn back, she's trying to steal my dog. FML

#21373073
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35476) - you deserved it (3107)

On 03/12/2015 at 10:07am - animals - by teecrafter2038 - United States (New York)

teecrafter2038's comment about their FML

Hey it's op here,

Thanks for commenting so quickly. I'm not really sure if this is gonna work but whatever.

To give a bit more detail, I live in a cul-de-sac and my dog wasn't on a leash because we were right by my house. My dog is a pug and he fits into my neighbors arms. I didn't call the police but I am going to keep a leash on my dog from now on. I heard my neighbor might be moving so I am just going to hope for the best. Oh and I am pretty sure she can't afford to buy/rescue a dog. I am not really sure.

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Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

#21371826
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27071) - you deserved it (6360)

On 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm - health - by parkoursam - United States (Illinois)

parkoursam's comment about their FML

Thanks for the advice lol

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Today, my ex-boyfriend asked me to homecoming, in front of the whole school, knowing I have social anxiety. I was forced to say yes to not seem like an asshole. Now I can't back out. FML

#21371675
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (141) - you deserved it (5972)

On 03/10/2015 at 4:03am - love - by TooMuchAnxiety (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

TooMuchAnxiety's comment about their FML

For everyone asking why we broke up, its because he was very manipulative and downright abusive behind closed doors. I can't back out because i'm afraid of what might happen if I do.

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Today, I noticed that whenever I don't give the homeless guy around the corner some money, my side mirrors get stolen. FML

#21371304
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60) - you deserved it (2199)

On 03/09/2015 at 5:22pm - misc - by nohobo (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

nohobo's comment about their FML

OP here. Only the reflective glass parts get stolen and it takes 10 seconds and a screwdriver. Dealership ones are sold on the black market for half price, though I got the cheap chinese plastic ones and those go missing too. Out of spite I think, since they have my plate number on them and are worth nothing. The police won't do anything, it's a common theft; they told me to get better insurance -_- . Car alarm wouldn't work either, the thief would be gone by the time I arrive. They got stolen 3 times, all nights after I didn't give the guy anything. And the guy is pretty much harassing me now. Like coming to my car to offer to carry my bags or opening my door (creepy, right?). I tried to firmly but politely tell him to leave me alone but nada. Gonna report him for harassment and if he comes near me again he'll get a face full of pepper spray, since that's probably the only way he'll understand.

Sorry for the wall of text, and thanks for your supportive/funny comments, they've made my day :D

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Today, at an important statewide band performance, my mom stayed in her seat, silent, while everyone else gave a standing ovation. FML

#21369954
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27412) - you deserved it (2527)

On 03/07/2015 at 2:05pm - work - by jesterinperil - United States

jesterinperil's comment about their FML

OP here. First off, yes this was my performance. We'd been preparing some of the hardest pieces on the selection list for three months and had to perform them in front of the toughest judges in the state. We received a standing ovation and the top score possible, but it really hit hard when I saw my mom sitting there idly. We were all enjoying our results within the band so I tried not to let her negativity bring me down that much, but she could have at least said good job without being asked how we did.

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