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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I was on the bus home from work when I felt something strange in my hair. I turned to look, and saw the old woman next to me sucking on the end of my hair. When she noticed me staring, she didn't stop but instead said, "So pretty. Can I have?" FML

#21492810
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24251) - you deserved it (1334)

On 11/15/2015 at 1:47pm - misc - by Koizumiii - United States (Virginia)

Koizumiii's comment about their FML

I was speechless for a few seconds and just kind of stared at her, then grabbed my hair and pulled it out of her mouth and decided to stand instead. Then I took a shower! I would have said something to her but she was about 80 and from Asia, didn't really know English too well

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Today, I got several angry messages on Facebook, demanding to know how I could cheat on my wife. They didn't believe me when I said I had no idea what they meant. Turns out my wife made a sarcastic post about my "new mistress". She was talking about Fallout 4. FML

#21492052
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28744) - you deserved it (2892)

On 11/13/2015 at 9:49am - misc - by FalloutScrolls (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

FalloutScrolls's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here.

So the actual FML character limit doesn't allow for part 2 of this story.

My wife actually did mention Fallout in the post, but because it was rather lengthy and the punchline was towards the end, people knee-jerk overreacted to what they saw, and didn't notice that the long post was abbreviated on Facebook with a "read more" link.

Several messages later, all is cleared up, and we're laughing about it now.

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Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

#21491829
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23419) - you deserved it (1850)

On 11/12/2015 at 8:11pm - health - by 4lphab3t4 (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

4lphab3t4's comment about their FML

OP here. Since a lot of people asked about how I asked with my jaw dislocated, it only dropped on the left side, making it look sort of like I had a stroke. The other joint still worked, and, after screaming in pain, simply asked to go while sounding like my tongue had gone numb

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Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

#21491829
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23419) - you deserved it (1850)

On 11/12/2015 at 8:11pm - health - by 4lphab3t4 (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

4lphab3t4's comment about their FML

Op here. Well folks, after an interesting chat with a Doc, turns out I don't have TMJ or EDS. I just eat way to much fucking chewing gum, and, after so much, my jaw was slightly moved out of place. So when I yawned, it fell out of place completely, thus the dislocation. FML again, I guess

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Today, I went to a salon to have my eyebrows waxed. During the application the woman sneezed. The wax is not water based, so no matter what they tried, it would not come out of my eyebrows. I now have to decide whether leave the noticeable brown wax in my eyebrows or wax them all off and draw them in. FML

#21491417
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21954) - you deserved it (1827)

On 11/11/2015 at 8:12pm - misc - by lat187 - United States

lat187's comment about their FML

Top comment wins: I now have two mustaches on my face!!

She sneezed away from me, thankfully not in my face. I felt the wax go everywhere. For some reason her gut reaction was to put the waxing paper on my eyebrow. Which made things a lot more difficult because they couldn't get to the wax. So they had to pick at the paper and peel that off the best they could. They tried warm compresses, and I'm not sure what different solvents they tried, but they did not work. My eye/face was getting so irritated I finally just told them I needed to leave. My friend helped me with baby oil which after a lot of patience worked. I'm still missing some parts. Thankfully they already called to offer me some various complimentary services.

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Today, I finally overcame depression-induced writer's block. I was typing at a good speed and before I knew it had over a thousand words that I was reasonably proud of. Then I woke up. FML

#21491139
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23750) - you deserved it (1788)

On 11/11/2015 at 6:23am - misc - by blackonblight - United States (New Hampshire)

blackonblight's comment about their FML

Hey guys. Sadly, the only things that stayed with me were a snippet of dialogue, entirely out of context. Like most dreams, it was more the idea of writing that was played out for me, the movie scene version. I felt the pride, the mental exertion, but chances are the dream didn't have any real writing in it. Just that word count at the top and the line "Those eyes looked in on me and all I was. They saw me, and they saw nothing. So now, they will see nothing. Forever."

And the resulting crash from discovering it was all a dream is actually worse than the block itself. I'm not giving up, not by a long shot, but I doubt I'll be getting that story back, if it ever existed.

But hey, I got an FML out of it!

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Today, while changing the litter in the cat box, the brand new carton ripped open, spilling all twelve pounds of cat litter over my kitchen floor. Both cats promptly rushed over and began frantically urinating all over it. FML

#21490979
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24551) - you deserved it (2510)

On 11/10/2015 at 8:24pm - animals - by misfitunfit (woman) - United States (Texas)

misfitunfit's comment about their FML

OP here. The carton of new litter was in the kitchen with the rest of the groceries I had brought in. Litter box is in the laundry room off the kitchen and it broke on the way there. woops!

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Today, at a bar, I overheard two attractive men speaking in French. I went over and tried to introduce myself with what little French I know. They looked at me like I was crazy and then said in English, "What are you doing?" Turns out they weren't speaking French. FML

#21490249
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20943) - you deserved it (9650)

On 11/09/2015 at 3:17am - misc - by TwirlyWhirl - United States (Ohio)

TwirlyWhirl's comment about their FML

Hey everyone, OP here. This actually happened a few months ago when I was studying abroad in Dublin, Ireland. Yes, I had already had a few drinks. I was also with several other study abroad students who were from Spain and Italy and everyone unanimously agreed that the two men were speaking French. It probably didn't help that we weren't very close to them and it was loud in the bar. The two men were actually from Denmark and they were speaking Danish. I definitely learned my lesson never tried to do anything like that again.

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Today, I finally got a good seat on a plane. I don't know what the man next to me had eaten, but I was trapped for two hours next to him as he let out silent, deadly egg farts the entire trip. There was nowhere to escape. FML

#21490176
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22904) - you deserved it (1494)

On 11/08/2015 at 11:31pm - misc - by AwkwardFireFly - Canada (Manitoba)

AwkwardFireFly's comment about their FML

OP here! Just had to clarify - the seat was a free upgrade due to problems with the previous flight I was supposed to get. Comfortable roomy upgrade.
I feel bad if it was a medical issue and did my best not to let it show on my face - however that was not a fun smell for two hours :(

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Today, I got married. The minister pronounced us husband and wife using our first names. Except he used my husband's ex-wife's name. I happened to glance at my mother-in-law who was almost in tears from laughing so hard. FML

#21489508
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26072) - you deserved it (1604)

On 11/07/2015 at 8:12am - love - by jellenwood - United States (Texas)

jellenwood's comment about their FML

OP here! So, this was several years ago. Apparently his family didn't want want him to marry me and never wanted him to divorce his first wife. His father is the one who performed the wedding. He called me the wrong name several times during the ceremony. I don't know if he did it on purpose or not. Friends later tell me it wasn't just his mother that was laughing but many members of his family but I just couldn't hear them. H

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Today, my boyfriend called. He said he would sing me a song, like I'd wanted for a long time. I was excited, but surprised at his song choice. He sang 'Locked Away' by R. City ft. Adam Levine. Turns out, he was calling me from jail. He thought this was romantic, and expected me to bail him out. FML

#21489098
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24175) - you deserved it (2417)

On 11/06/2015 at 2:39am - love - by ishred1111 - Canada (British Columbia)

ishred1111's comment about their FML

Thanks for all the funny comments! They made me feel better when I'm not actually feeling that great, considering what my boyfriend turned out to be like....
Speaking of which, I totally agree with most of you. Yes, I hung up on him and no, I did not bail him out. I think his sister did in the end.
His fate and what he actually did to get arrested are unknown to me, honestly I just knew we were done the second he finished the song and then said 'so, babe, can you bail me out?'
Never thought he could be like this. Very disappointed in him. But still thoroughly impressed at his singing (he recited it perfectly). :) thanks guys!!

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Today, I was walking my dog when I saw a man trying to get a screaming little girl into a van. I called 911 and ran over yelling at him. His wife then got out of the van and explained the girl was their daughter and they were just trying to make her go to school. FML

#21488807
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23722) - you deserved it (3995)

On 11/05/2015 at 2:21pm - kids - by cutsiecurliee (woman) - United States (California)

cutsiecurliee's comment about their FML

Hey guys OP here! I asked the little girl if that was her parents and she nodded but 911 told me they were still sending an officer to be 100% sure that everything was accurate. The parents completely understood and were totally fine because they were glad I cared and took action. :)

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Today, I broke up with the guy I was seeing because he has a bad temper. He refused to believe me and decided that the best way to prove me wrong was to completely destroy my newly built house, inside and out, while I was at work. FML

#21488581
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24350) - you deserved it (1565)

On 11/04/2015 at 10:36pm - love - by hi_im_ughlee (woman) -

hi_im_ughlee's comment about their FML

Hey, guys! I'm OP. I'm glad most of you are supportive about this! Charges have been filed and he will be sued for all damages. He actually did break in, and he broke all the windows and doors, smashed all the lights and mirrors, took a hammer to the brick outside and the walls inside, and destroyed my deck. I had mini cameras installed to make sure no one would steal anything while the house was still being worked on, so I've got irrefutable proof that it was him and slowly but surely he will be brought down.

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