Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, a woman came through drive-thru and placed a long order while screaming at her kids in back. When we forgot a doughnut, she became enraged, threw her iced coffees at me, told me I was a no-life and that I always get her order wrong. It's my first day and I was only giving her the order. FML

#21433884
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24906) - you deserved it (1418)

On 06/29/2015 at 3:40pm - work - by CoffeeGirl2000 (woman) - United States

CoffeeGirl2000's comment about their FML

Hey everyone OP here!

I can't believe that this was posted, but thank you for all of the support. Whether you consider it good or bad, I got to go home after the woman dumped the 4 large iced coffees on me. My manager says that woman will be banned from the store for a month because of her reckless behavior.

Thanks again everone!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my brother tried cremating our deceased cat. In the oven. My nose has killed itself. FML

#21432407
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28752) - you deserved it (2124)

On 06/26/2015 at 4:41pm - animals - by thatguy8878 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

thatguy8878's comment about their FML

My little brother is five, and, yes, it has been discussed with him why that was a terribad idea for those of you who asked.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I went to visit my mother after many years. Her hoarding has gotten so bad that now the house is entirely filled with junk and garbage, and she is camping out in the jungle of a backyard, cooking on a cauldron over a fire and shitting in the compost pile, with no working heat or water. FML

#21431843
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26210) - you deserved it (2083)

On 06/25/2015 at 4:03pm - misc - by childofcrazy (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

childofcrazy's comment about their FML

Many thanks to those who understand hoarding behavior and who defended me. In case you were wondering:
1. I have tried to help my mother for over 20 years and she refuses help, professional or otherwise.
2. I exaggerated how long it has been. I have seen my mother many times, usually she visits me. She has not allowed into my childhood home since I left for college 12 years ago. It has just gotten worse now.
She really is living in the backyard, this is not an exaggeration.
3. I am currently working on what to do for her; I am trying to get her some help in this crisis, even if that includes forceful removal.
4. Humor helps me deal with tragic circumstances. This is why I chose to share this ridiculously sad story.
5. Hoarding is never the child's fault. I have been living this down and getting over guilt my whole life.
6. I can only imagine being on TV would be akin to suicide for her, as hoarding is a secretive problem.
6. Kids, if you live in a cluttered landfill of a house, your parents' hoarding is its own mental disorder. It is an addiction. Childrenofhoarders.com is a great first resource. There is help.
7. Yes, I think my mom is probably doing spells in the backyard. I gotta get this shit figured out before winter. She is in Iowa.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, my dad got so drunk that I had to drive him home. He kept yelling at me to not speed, saying I was going too fast and that there were too many bumps on the road. I hadn't even started the car yet. FML

#21431830
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27776) - you deserved it (2025)

On 06/25/2015 at 3:23pm - misc - by AnonymousZOMBIE (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

AnonymousZOMBIE's comment about their FML

He practically had a heart attack telling me that I'm not a race driver, when actually I had decided to take the smaller roads and I was going at about 20 mph. Then he proceeded to take off his seat belt jump to the back of the car and lay down on the floor praying that I don't crash the car on the way home. When we finally got home he said if I could heat up his shoes??? because he was very hungry, 10 seconds later, he passed out on the couch. To tell you the truth I don't think alcohol was the only thing he had last night. He works very long hours, and he's a hard working man, and he is always there for us. They gave him a 2 week vacation and the youngest of my brothers is going off to college. I guess he deserves a little bit of fun, especially when my mother passed away a year after my youngest brother was born, he had to raise 3 kids on his own. He got very drunk, but he deserves to have fun every once in a while, the good thing is that there is only one bar he goes to and both the manager and the bartender know us very well and calls one of us to pick him up so he won't have to drive.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex quite aggressively. Towards the end, he lifted his hips off the bed and then headbutted me in the nose. The only thing that came today was blood all over my new bra. FML

#21431747
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27118) - you deserved it (3382)

On 06/25/2015 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by mallycat14 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

mallycat14's comment about their FML

Hi guys
I'm the person that posted this and the reason my bra was still on was because it was a quickie . And we didn't really have time to get completely undressed lol . And no one came because my nose bled everywhere. And on top of that we had no paper towels so I had to use one of his shirts to stop the bleeding right away. And he head butted me on accident . His hips went up too fast and I basically fell into his face....

See all the comments

Today, my boss confided in me that when a gay person visits his house, he discreetly follows them around and cleans anything they touched and everywhere they sat with disinfectant wipes. I've worked for him for 7 years but he doesn't know I'm gay. FML

#21430685
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27020) - you deserved it (2365)

On 06/23/2015 at 2:38pm - work - by protoskore (man) - Israel

protoskore's comment about their FML

the business is family owned. the only way to get past a certain point in the hierarchy is to marry one of the daughters and none of them is my type :) besides, I'm fairly well placed and trusted, and the bonuses are large and come often enough.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, my creepy 12-year-old neighbour stood on his trampoline, looked over my fence and started waving a large net around, chanting my dog's name. Now I'm scared to let my dog outside alone. FML

#21430669
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25099) - you deserved it (1856)

On 06/23/2015 at 1:58pm - animals - by Wonderful_0 (woman) - United Kingdom (Luton)

Wonderful_0's comment about their FML

Hi no my dog is very controlled and well behaved, and only barks to ward off danger. However, because he's just a big softie, (he's a border collie/black Labrador cross breed) all the neighbours love him, but apparently this kid loves him a little too much...

See all the comments

Today, I went to the ER for extremely heavy bleeding related to my IUD birth control. They decided the best thing to do was remove it. An exam, two ultrasounds, and three x-rays later, the doctor comes back to tell me what's going on. Yeah, they can't find it. FML

#21430267
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26559) - you deserved it (1935)

On 06/22/2015 at 6:34pm - health - by deku (woman) - United States (California)

deku's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here!

First, #14 you made me snort laughing!!!

So more information, I know from an ultrasound done a few days before this that my body was trying to expell the iud. The on-call doc I talked to didn't like the amount I was suddenly bleeding and told me to go to the ER where they would most likely remove it. So yeah, I was pretty shocked when the ER doc said it wasn't there! They are certain that it's no longer in my body though and believe it came out during one of my bathroom visits the night before. And that actually makes sense to me because that's when the bleeding began and it's the only time I wouldn't have seen it.

I'm doing a bit better, though I don't know what I'll do from here on out as I can't use hormonal birth control. ?

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, some asshat ran onto the road and tried and jump over my car as I drove by. He didn't make the jump. FML

#21429321
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26178) - you deserved it (1906)

On 06/21/2015 at 12:57am - misc - by gurding (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

gurding's comment about their FML

Oh wow, didn't think this'd get posted... thanks so much for all the support guys! (OP here)

Bit of follow up, this happened a few nights ago actually, I was driving through a residential area (lots of trees lining the road). The guy was a teenager, he was doing a 'stunt' while his mates filmed. He ran out from behind a tree, I didn't have enough time to stop completely, but I braked and swerved on instinct. He clipped his leg on the front bumper and rolled over my car, and his friends all bailed.

I called the ambulance straight away, they took him to hospital with a broken leg and concussion (he was lucky it was just that). My car isn't in great condition either, he managed to leave a solid dent in my bonnet and crush my windscreen. To be honest, I'm just happy I didn't kill him, but the problem is that laws around here are VERY strict when it comes to these kinds of accidents, so unless I can prove that he was at fault, benefit of the doubt goes towards him if his parents decide to sue. The police who came to the scene were very sympathetic, but there's not much they can do. They're trying to find out who the guy's friends were, so hopefully they get that video evidence.

Thanks once again for the support, and I'll give you all an update soon!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I was walking behind my mother when she was mowing the lawn. She unknowingly mowed over a wasps' nest that was in the grass. Guess who the wasps decided to seek revenge on. FML

#21428846
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25151) - you deserved it (3194)

On 06/19/2015 at 11:43pm - animals - by WCARlover - United States (Maine)

WCARlover's comment about their FML

OP here...this actually happened a while ago but thank you for the concern for people who expressed it! I was walking behind her because she wanted me to finish mowing the lawn but told me to just wait until she got this little strip behind a fence done so I was following her to take over the mowing on the other side. They were Yellow Jackets, I got stung multiple times, and it was extremely unpleasant, but hey, it got me out of mowing! ;)

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I went to the restaurant I recently got a job at, to take the introductory three hour training course. Afterwards, I was told I wasn't hired after all. Why? The girl I was replacing suddenly decided she didn't want to move away and quit after all. FML

#21428606
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24142) - you deserved it (1601)

On 06/19/2015 at 2:26pm - work - by nightfall8705 (woman) - United States

nightfall8705's comment about their FML

OP here! There is so much more to this story than I'm not going into, but the jist of it is this: I was to replace this chick who was supposed to be moving to Texas with her "church" and I was perfect to fill in her absence. The dumbledouche hiring manager told me several times I was hired and that the girl was moving and all that. Then the excuses start for why I couldn't take my test. First, the computer was down. Second, the manager said he was managing 3 stores at once because another manager had a "heart attack", and the third time was because he "had an emergency" situation last week, and told me to come in yesterday.

After the test, he broke the news to me that his thundercunt (my words, not his) employee decided she wasn't going to move to Texas after all, because her baby daddy were here and she needed money from him and that she found out the welfare was better in SC than Texas.

I probably won't even get paid for my time, but that's not even what I'm pissed about. Turns out that "emergency" the hiring manager had was a vacation in Hawaii. He must have forgotten the lie he told me, because those words came directly from his cum balloon mouth. I've got an interview for a job on Monday for an even better restaurant anyway, so screw em'.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I had to take my daughter to the ER. Her brother had bet she couldn't go the whole day without talking. So to win the bet, she tried to super-glue her lips together so she couldn't accidentally say anything. FML

#21428546
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27482) - you deserved it (2764)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:07pm - kids - by 1010110100101101 - United States (Wisconsin)

1010110100101101's comment about their FML

Hey guys op here and I want to say I'm surprised this got published. My daughter is only 8 and she is very competitive and will go at lengths end to win a bet. She did regret everything and it cost me $100 but at least she won $10 in the end.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I'm five and a half weeks pregnant. One of my coworkers told me that it sucks that I'll have to wait so long to show. I asked her what she meant; she replied, "It's always harder to tell when big girls are pregnant. Can't tell what's fat and what's baby." FML

#21428256
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28907) - you deserved it (4563)

On 06/18/2015 at 8:58pm - work - by pregnantfatty - Canada (Alberta)

pregnantfatty's comment about their FML

OP here. There are two reasons anyone at work knows I'm pregnant at this stage in the game.
Background: I stopped taking birth control 2 years ago and have had six periods in that time. I work in a doctor's office-I'm a nurse. My coworkers that work directly with me often convince me to take pregnancy tests because my cycle is so irregular.
I was experiencing what I thought were PMs symptoms-breast tenderness (to the point that it was painful to take my bra off at night), much more fatigue than usual, hormonal headaches, and some nausea when trying to eat in the morning but especially at night. I wasn't too concerned because the headaches had me convinced it was my period. My coworkers thought otherwise and told me after about two weeks of these symptoms that I was taking a pregnancy test on a Monday if I didn't start my period over the weekend. Well, I didn't get my period, obviously. I came in to work and that was the first thing the girls asked. I said no and was handed a urine sample cup. At that point, I was still convinced there was no way it was positive, so I did my sample, came back and gave it to the girl who was 100% sure I was pregnant, telling her "I don't even need to watch, I know it's negative!" Well, lo and behold, my pink positive line came up before the control line even showed up and my coworker rushed to my desk and said "congratulations!!!" I took 4 more tests that day and swore my coworkers to secrecy until I could tell my boyfriend-who was shocked because we had unprotected sex literally once and bam.
I told one of my other coworkers the next day-she's also a nurse and was one of my preceptors when I was a student. I wanted to know what I should tell our boss. I am currently covering someone's maternity leave at work, which ends in December, and then I theoretically go back to being casual. She told me I had to tell our boss immediately-apparently you have to work a certain number of hours to have maternity leave regardless of whether or not your position is permanent so she said "tell her and get your leave!" I told my boss, who was completely thrilled and told me that whatever I decided, there was a job for me in some capacity at our clinic so it went well. As for telling everyone when it's so early, I spoke with one of the docs I work with regarding prenatal testing because I don't have a doc. I put my name in his schedule so he could bill for it and stupidly thought that nobody would look in my chart.
As for my coworker, she's less than 5 feet tall and probably has a good 30 lbs on me. I'm not a stick, but I'm not "plus-sized" either. Before finding out I was pregnant, I had lost 20 lbs in order to help facilitate my boyfriend and I having kids... Down the road.
If you stayed with this novel of a follow-up, thanks for reading!

See all the comments



FML's blog

  • RoSaCe's illustrated FML
  • Back to business! Yep, everyone is back from their vacation, unless you're a rich, childfree, lovin' life-type of person who doesn't go on holiday when everybody else does, and can do whatever they…

Friday 4 September 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: