Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

wilks311's comment about their FML

It all started at my five year old birthday party...where I met Bobo the clown...he scared me.

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Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

ohfuckwaffles's comment about their FML

OP here. Thanks for the support, everyone - I have told her, and, while she's definitely not into it, at least she doesn't plan to leave me over it. To those of you wondering whether I'm a transvestite, a crossdresser, a transexual, or transgendered - there are waaay too many of these names, and it's confusing. How about I explain it this way: I'm a girl on the inside, and I'm still attracted to girls (a lesbian, perhaps?). I don't mind my body, and I don't mind wearing men's clothes (heck, it's what I grew up with), but I'd like to see what more is out there...
I've been hiding it and ignoring it and thinking I'm wrong for a long time, but my control is obviously slipping.

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Today, I told my boyfriend about my upcoming mouth surgery. He freaked out. Not because he's worried about me, but because I told him I will not be able to give him head for two weeks. FML

Lauren324's comment about their FML

Actually I've been with him for 3 years now... It's a mutual thing with us, we both pleasure each other like that equally, I think that's why he was bummed out. Usually it's everyday with us....

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Today, I realised that my friend hasn't spoken to me for a week. A week ago I politely explained to her that I really don't believe in horoscopes, and asked her at the time to stop systematically using my star-sign to explain my behaviour. FML

notsuperstitious's comment about their FML

Sorry for my english, it isn't my first language. I actually WAS polite, I said something like "I understand that horoscopes are important to you, but I really don't share the same view. So I would appreciate if you didn't mention it so often-if I am being a bitch, could you just say so and not say, "all scorpions do that"? And yeah, I'm not that sorry for losing a friend,as she apparently values her superstitions over me, I'm just pissed off, (O.P.)

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Today, I had lunch with an attractive foreign exchange student from Dresden. After bombarding her with questions about Russia, she smiled and kindly told me that Dresden is in Germany. Everyone laughed. FML

Kasey103's comment about their FML

In my defense, when she said, "Dresden is in Germany, Sweetie." I knew exactly where it was. My cousins are from Leipzig. I guess her accent just made the name sound funny. But thank you all for adding your two cents about the American education system.

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Today, the drummer of my band briefly mentioned something about not being allowed into the United States, just as he left our last practice before our big tour in America. FML

musicalrose_21's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here, sorry I waited so long to reply to this but I didn't realise it got published! In the end, we left him behind and got my boyfriend's brother to drum for us. He's not out of the band though! I thought I could trust him.

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Today, I attended my aunt's open-casket funeral. My sister spent the first quarter of an hour neither grieving nor celebrating her life, but whining that the "cute" clothes my aunt was dressed in could have been handed down to her, instead of being "wasted". FML

sophietr8's comment about their FML

In order to explain more, my aunt had promised to lend her the shirt, so she was a little angry that my uncle used that one in the open casket. It was just a momentary thing, but yeah, it was pretty bitchy. I already had a long conversation with her about it.

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Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML

Fluffydemise's comment about their FML

OP here. Just made an account.

Will consider posting the video!

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Today, I was driving and noticed a police car parked in a spot reserved for the handicapped. I stopped my car and got out to take a picture. The cop gave me a ticket for parking in the road. FML

LaLince's comment about their FML

Hi folks, OP here!

I didn't want to post the pic anywhere or use it against the police. I respect their work.

I just wanted to take a funny picture.

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Today, I was having a conversation with my mother during which I described something as being pungent. She thought I had made up the word, so I grabbed the dictionary to show her that I hadn't. She then became enraged, threw the dictionary at my head and told me never to talk to her again. FML

Mizzaroo's comment about their FML

Oh I've played scrabble with her in the past. I stopped after a while.

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Today, I was having a conversation with my mother during which I described something as being pungent. She thought I had made up the word, so I grabbed the dictionary to show her that I hadn't. She then became enraged, threw the dictionary at my head and told me never to talk to her again. FML

Mizzaroo's comment about their FML

Actually, I was trying to show it wasn't a made up word. :)

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Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Kallian's comment about their FML

I don't think it's getting any better...

And I can't believe I forgot to sign into my account when I submitted this.

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Today, I realized I'm so lonely that I get comfort from hearing my neighbor snore through my apartment wall. FML

LilRedRiding_27's comment about their FML

Op here. Just for clarity I am in shape, I do own a cat but he doesn't exactly solve bedtime loneliness, i do have a roomate but shes on winter break. Comes down to shyness and social awkwardness which I'm working on. And needing to get laid...Also working on it. But thanks for the suggestions.

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