Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

#21119656
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42927) - you deserved it (3650)

On 04/22/2014 at 2:18am - misc - by orangemango (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

orangemango's comment about their FML

Hello! OP here! Nice little surprise when I woke up this morning! This happened to me about two months ago and my husband thought the situation was funny enough to post.

I keep my phone on because my husband's 90-year-old grandmother lives in the same community as us and he's the first person she calls in case of emergencies. When he's off island on business trips, that responsibility falls on me. Since I'm a really heavy sleeper, I leave the ringer on pretty loud. And yes, I know there's a do not disturb function on my iPhone, but I never used it cause I've never gotten a phone call at such odd hours.

I didn't check the number when I answered the first time cause I was already in a mad rush to wake up and find my phone without my glasses and freak out that something might've happened to grandma while my husbands away. I was pretty groggy when I answered and I guess the lady didn't appreciate the fact I kept saying "huh?" and "what?". She thought I was sleeping on the job or playing a prank on her and wanted to talk to my supervisor. I told her it was three in the morning and that she had dialed a Hawaiian residential number. There was a long pause and she just hung up. My phone rang a minute later from the same number, but it was a man this time. I told him the same thing and he gave me a half-assed apology and hung up. This happened for the next two nights (also rang during the day) and I found out from one of the calls that the shoe company had actually misprinted their 1-800 number on their packing slip (it was printed 1-808-XXX-XXXX).

So I did start using the do not disturb function on my phone and I even changed my voice mail to tell people that this isn't the number they're trying to reach. However, some of them didn't even bother listening to my message and started leaving me voice mails. They were pretty funny. The shoe company specialized in plus-sized shoes for women, but I don't think they were very good. One lady got two left shoes and another was threatening to sue if she didn't get her refund. I already had to change my number back in December (a Samoan family somehow got my number and kept calling and intimidating me cause I apparently got beaten up by their son/brother/nephew/grandson and "it would be wise if you kept your mouth shut") and I was going to be charged $36 for a new number and I didn't want to deal with updating everyone my new number again.

What I did end up doing was every time someone called, I'd start trolling them. Some highlights were Teniqua, angry black lady who was wondering why some woman is calling her baby daddy; Sugar Tits Mandy, phone sex hotline; Rainbow Waterfall, hippie doomsday and conspiracy preacher; and my husband's, Dick Johnson, Swinging Salami Inc., every order gets you a free complimentary dildo! The calls stopped coming about a week after we started trolling with a few stragglers here and there. Probably from people who dialed an 8 instead of a 0. We assumed either the shoe company finally fixed the mistake, changed their phone number, or went out of business.

Happy to say I got my number back!

See all the comments

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

#21118979
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46224) - you deserved it (5002)

On 04/21/2014 at 1:25pm - animals - by Blaisey - Canada (British Columbia)

Blaisey's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here.

I talked to my landlord about my roommate a few hours ago. She's a very sweet older lady, and she was in tears when I told her what happened. My roommate now has 48 hours to get out.

I took Paprika to the vet right away, and they said she'll most likely survive, but it's possible she'll have brain damage.
She woke up in the car on the way there (after a good ten minutes of not moving, I was so afraid she didn't make it) but they gave her something to make her sleep for awhile. Thank you all for your support!

See all the comments including 10 other original poster's reactions

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

#21118433
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51794) - you deserved it (4000)

On 04/20/2014 at 9:02pm - misc - by HeyTherexxx (woman) - United States (California)

HeyTherexxx's comment about their FML

Unfortunately, seeing them was inevitable.
I'm trying not to get involved, but needless to say, it's difficult. Apparently, my mother is going to tell my step-dad, but she's a liar sometimes. One step at a time, I suppose.

See all the comments including 24 other original poster's reactions

Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML

#21116951
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37759) - you deserved it (4205)

On 04/19/2014 at 3:44am - misc - by toilet_trouble - United States

toilet_trouble's comment about their FML

Hi. Some of your comments really made me laugh!
So, it surprised me I heard him because I've never heard anything other than a vacuum or water in the pipes. This just made me aware he can probably hear a lot more than I previously thought..
Luckily I don't have loud bathroom trips often. I definitely regretted the super loud fart I ripped about 5 minutes prior to hearing him though. :p

Anyway, neighbor acts cool so all is well!

See all the comments

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

#21114882
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43705) - you deserved it (4957)

On 04/16/2014 at 8:00pm - love - by kittykat798 (woman) - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

kittykat798's comment about their FML

It definitely wasn't their breaks!
It was weird because they didn't even ask for my friends numbers or anything, just chatted with them. There was enough room at the table for them to have done that with me there, so it wasn't that. It was almost like I was too intimidating or something!
I found it quite funny in a tragic kind of way and that's probably because of the terrible relationship I've just come out of.

I really didn't expect so many nice comments, you guys are the best!

See all the comments

Today, I sat and watched the CEO of DreamWorks on TV misuse words such as "quantum". He's filthy rich, whereas I'm a savagely underpaid gardener. FML

#21114132
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34860) - you deserved it (5177)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:28pm - money - by PoeticPathetic - Australia (New South Wales)

PoeticPathetic's comment about their FML

I'm the OP
Where I live a lot of my peers went to uni and ended up with jobs that pay even less than mine. Tradies get the big dollars in my state

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

#21112962
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40075) - you deserved it (4094)

On 04/14/2014 at 5:58pm - work - by heartmytrucker (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

heartmytrucker's comment about their FML

Ok, some details, My boyfriend is a truck driver, the job he was offered would have meant a dedicated run instead of what he does now, which is just hoping that the workers get his load ready in time, otherwise he ends up losing a day of work, he already knows that he gets paid less than most of the other drivers in our area. The biggest problem is that his boss is his stepfather and he felt like he would be leaving him high and dry. And I totally agree that money isn't everything, but this new job meant not just more money but also more home time to spend with me and our daughter. On the upside though after I sent this one we sat down and had a long talk and he did decide to take the new job after all (I think it helped that the new place told him they were going to buy him a new truck!).

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I wanted to prove to my dad that I can drive, so that he'd let me use his car in future. Let's just say I helped him remove the fence that he was planning to repair. FML

#21112820
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29446) - you deserved it (16946)

On 04/14/2014 at 2:54pm - misc - by nemesandr26 (man) - Romania (Timis)

nemesandr26's comment about their FML

OP here. Just to clarify it was a small fence(with decorative purposes), that you put next to flowers. Since the car is an SUV, I didn't see it. I didn't know it was there, because my dad took it from it's original place and put it on the grass.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, my nephews discovered how to trick my washing machine into starting up while the door is still open. My laundry room is now flooded, and their mom refuses to accept any responsibility for it. FML

#21111899
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36880) - you deserved it (3422)

On 04/13/2014 at 1:08pm - kids - by MisterGasMoney (man) - United States (New York)

MisterGasMoney's comment about their FML

My laundry room has been paid for, not by their mom, but by her husband, who I've known since middle school. I guess one of the kids told him about it, and I got a text apologizing and saying he would cover it! Problem Solved!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML

#21111301
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44365) - you deserved it (5087)

On 04/12/2014 at 5:56pm - love - by Ieri (woman) - Albania

Ieri's comment about their FML

Hey OP here o/
Lots of these comments cracked me up, you guys are awesome xD So here's the follow up:
In the end someone who saw what happened grabbed the guy and we could get the phone back (Yes, an iPhone) but he ran away, though it doesn't matter anymore. In response to the comments:
1.I didn't expect him to run after the thug just because he's male, I understand why he'd freeze up, I just didn't expect he'd start crying without saying a word and it was kinda embarrassing.
2.Yeah probably going after him wouldn't have been the safest thing to do, but caught in the spur of the moment that was all I thought to do. And calling the police wouldn't help where I am, they're practically useless -.- Calling for a robbed phone would do nothing.
3.I'm not breaking up with him just because of that, I love him, things happen, I'm not that shallow.
Thanks for your comments anyway xD

See all the comments

Today, while already late for work, a cop pulled me over. When he got to my window, he said, "Oh sorry, I thought I knew you," and sent me on my way. I was relieved, but still got written up for being late to work. My boss didn't believe the story. FML

#21109744
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37234) - you deserved it (3555)

On 04/10/2014 at 8:08pm - work - by mcmacmick97 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

mcmacmick97's comment about their FML

Just to clear some things up I was working the early shift, which I do on most Thursdays and Fridays. I work at a small diner that opens at 7 and had left my house around 6:40 and was going to show up around 7-7:05. My boss usually shows up around 7:15-:7:30. Now when this cop put his lights on behind me I turned down a street to get off of the main road I was on.I was getting my license/registration ready and all that shit and he pulled up to my window and said he was very sorry and he was just trying to say hi to an old friend that he said had the same car as i do. Now this road i pulled down didn't allow me to get back onto the main road, and I had to take a 15 or so minute detour to get back on track. I got there around 7:25 and my boss was already there. I was glad I didn't get a ticket, but it was still very frustrating because I would've only been a couple minutes late and my boss would never have known, but the police officer threw my time off. And ive only been working there for about 3 or so weeks so it sucks to get off on the wrong foot. I also noticed several of you talking about how many write-ups you can get before being fired, and for mine it's 3. Like somebody else said just sucks to waste one already, but i shouldnt have too much of a problem keeping myself in check. Now for the story I told him, I figured he wouldn't believe it, but had to tell anyway. He seemed more irritated that I was "lying" about being late so i probably shouldnt have even bothered. But thanks FML for posting!

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML

#21109249
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41053) - you deserved it (3894)

On 04/10/2014 at 8:20am - work - by war_monkey (man) - Canada (Ontario)

war_monkey's comment about their FML

It started on april fools with some very lame joke and he has decided to carry on with it and screw around. Thanks for all of the funny comments and yes, I wanted to punch jeff in the face. He has stopped and I showed him the published FML, XD.

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, my teacher used an online program and accused me of plagiarism. According to the program, I plagiarized my own last name. FML

#21108712
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40840) - you deserved it (2750)

On 04/09/2014 at 5:57pm - misc - by zoegirl_455 - United States (California)

zoegirl_455's comment about their FML

Surprised this got posted guess it's twenty times the charm. So yes this fml needs a ton of explanation. The program my teacher used is turn it in. My percentage of plagiarism is 22%. Some of what is highlighted as plagiarism is my works cited and my last name, there's also some parts of sentences that are apparently plagiarized also. The paper was on historical events so much of what is highlighted are dates, names, and events. The things that my teacher said were "word from word from turn it in" were descriptions of historical events and similar things, and they were phrases, not whole sentences. When I looked at the source of plagiarism my words were apparently copied from a website I've never heard of, a student paper that I'm pretty sure is from another state, and a website I did use as a source in my paper and did cite. I did not plagiarize my paper, I spent a whole week writing it and a good portion of my weekend editing it. The most frustrating thing is that many people from my class spit out a paper two hours before it was due and got a higher grade. I am planning to talk to my teacher after school and clear this up. It's pretty ridiculous because in all my 12 years of school I've never been accused of this sooo I'm hoping my teacher will be able to understand.

To clear up the meaning of the FML, I was trying to say that my teacher basically used some program on the Internet to accuse me of plagiarism that just highlights anything that is remotely similar to something else, which resulted in a higher percentage of plagiarism. Hopefully this explanation wasn't too confusing and this cleared everything up!

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: