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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

#21318457
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25809) - you deserved it (12283)

On 12/16/2014 at 9:31am - health - by Heyjai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Heyjai's comment about their FML

Hi everyone, OP here. Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

Just to clarify my "brilliance" in getting into this situation...it was my first day of a virtual class so I had configured the camera and mic to work about an hour before class started, and thought I had muted both...but apparently had not done these properly.

The hemorrhoids was particularly painful that day, and I didn't know if everything was ok down there, which is why I asked for spousal assistance before they left for work. i used the bed as it was easier to prop up on that than any surface in the bathroom. apparently several other students thought to set up their computers early too.

just my luck. I won't be making THIS mistake anytime soon...

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Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

#21318290
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38626) - you deserved it (7496)

On 12/15/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by missca (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

missca's comment about their FML

Hey all I'm the OP, in hindsight I should have put that my Nan recently passed away, it was a couple of days earlier, and the website insists all FMLs are started with "today". Rest assured I didn't simply find out my Nan died and proceed to have sex!

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Today, my classmate said I looked better without makeup. Well, her exact words were, "You look like less of a whore without makeup." FML

#21317909
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30588) - you deserved it (7370)

On 12/15/2014 at 1:05pm - misc - by jesspacheco27 - United States (California)

jesspacheco27's comment about their FML

She's Muslim I believe so they're into the covered hair no make-up, "covered up" look I guess.

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Today, I ate at Subway during my lunch hour. A group of teenage girls sat down at the table next to mine. They all shared good laugh about the "friendless, chubby chick" sitting near them, while attempting to discreetly point at me. FML

#21317606
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33272) - you deserved it (2538)

On 12/14/2014 at 10:17pm - misc - by endure_survive (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

endure_survive's comment about their FML

Sweet onion chicken teriyaki

And also, thanks everyone for the nice comments

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Today, after months of correcting him, I got so used to my boss calling me "Alex" that I didn't respond to my own name several times today. FML

#21316562
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28401) - you deserved it (3120)

On 12/13/2014 at 1:27am - work - by 1Nsan3 - Canada (Ontario)

1Nsan3's comment about their FML

Op here forgot to mention name tags break company dress code sadly

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Today, my boyfriend sent Christmas Carollers to my house to tell me he was breaking up with me. FML

#21316192
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31703) - you deserved it (2705)

On 12/12/2014 at 1:07pm - love - by PyroSam - United Kingdom (London, City of)

PyroSam's comment about their FML

Here's the full story (just saying this is my first FML that has been published. Yay!). First off, we'd had a fight and he'd stormed out of the house. I believe he went out with his friends and got drunk out of his mind, which is probably where the midnight Christmas breakup idea came from. The carollers were surprisingly supportive, and I didn't even have to tip them. The next morning I received a grovelling voice message, which I subsequently ignored. I think I'm done with that relationship now, but hats off to his originality.

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Today, I sat on the bus for 3 hours stuck in traffic trying to ignore the old lady sitting next to me discreetly masturbating. FML

#21315983
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35077) - you deserved it (2533)

On 12/12/2014 at 12:52am - misc - by jesspacheco27 - United States (California)

jesspacheco27's comment about their FML

Yes longest 3 hours of my life. Worst part is she'd remove her hand and smell it.

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Today, my husband sent me a link to an article titled "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage." FML

#21315017
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29864) - you deserved it (6761)

On 12/10/2014 at 1:34pm - love - by fullalove (woman) - United States

fullalove's comment about their FML

Hey guys. Let me start off by saying how excited I am that I got published! Obviously there is a story behind fml. My husband and I have been together since I was 14, and married since 19 (I'm 21 right now). We have No problems communicating with each other, but we just recently lost a set of twins, which has been really hard on both of us. We have both been dealing with it in our own way, and at times it feels it is tearing us apart. We both have sat down and attempted to work things out together, but at the moment it feel as if nothing will ever be the same. I have shut him out from time to time, which I definitely have tried not to do, but sometimes it feels as if I need to work things out with myself. As for the article, him and I got into it this morning, and I left for work angry. When I got off, I turned on my phone to see the link, which I clicked to the unfortunate page. I did read through it, and it's sad to say I was guilty of a few. I will be working on myself, because I love my husband, and I don't want this tragic event to be the end of us.

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Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML

#21312936
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31598) - you deserved it (2277)

On 12/07/2014 at 1:58am - misc - by elissak (woman) - United States (Iowa)

elissak's comment about their FML

Hey all! OP here.

A longer version of the story... I was on a first date when I saw a man at another table panic, get up from his table, and start running toward the back. I was taught this is a common sign of someone choking, so I went after him without thinking (my poor date!).

I caught him right before the bathrooms and had him calm enough for a moment to dislodge the lobster. He was very thankful at the time. Around twenty minutes later when his table got the bill, he made a special trip over to my table to get in my face and started yelling about how I cost him this otherworldly amount of money because he couldn't get that lobster back.

I had considered opening my purse and pulling out some monopoly money to pay for his meal (yes, I keep monopoly money on me), but I thought that might have been a little cruel or in poor taste, so I simply stared at him until he walked away. My date and I laughed about it for the rest of dinner, and it's definitely a tale getting added to my arsenal of stories. No harm done!

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Today, at the fast food joint I work at, I had to climb into the children's play area and chase out two horny teens who thought it was an appropriate place to stick their hands down each other's pants and fool around. I don't get paid enough for this shit. FML

#21311974
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37767) - you deserved it (2912)

On 12/05/2014 at 12:14pm - work - by quickit - United States (New York)

quickit's comment about their FML

Hey you guys it's OP. Reading some of the comments have made me laugh a lot! But allow me to shed some light on the situation. So I was just entering into my third week of working at Mc Donald's when this happened. An old woman noticed the two teens go into the play structure and reported it to us. We have a strict policy that children over the age of twelve aren't allowed into the play place. Part of that reason is due to size. Anyways after trying to convince the kids to come out my manager told me to go up there and get them out. I could barely fit into the structure but they came out shortly after. It ended with both of them being banned from that restaurant and their parents being called to pick them up. I'm only working there part time because I am a student but I hope I don't have to do anything too crazy like this again.

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Today, after a few weeks of my dad setting up glue traps in the garage to trap mice, I found out what it's like to have a pigeon wander in and get its foot stuck on one. FML

#21311273
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26320) - you deserved it (2954)

On 12/04/2014 at 6:09am - animals - by Axelerate - United States (Nevada)

Axelerate's comment about their FML

Hey all. I'll fill you in so you guys can sleep peacefully at night. My brother came home from lunch and was in a rush to head out back. His remote for the garage door wasn't working so he left it open. That's when the pigeon walked in. He called me to let me know and to close the door. I stepped out and I heard what sounded like a bird flapping like crazy. I checked around and I saw the bird's foot stuck on the trap. I had no idea these traps were set (they were under the space of the shelves we have all around) but I fit the pieces together seeing how we had mice problems a while back. I put on some gardening gloves to hold it while soaking the foot with warm water. He moved a little bit more to the point his bottom half body THEN got stuck. I ended up calling the vet and explaining the situation to them to see what they could do or anything else I could do. After the awkward silence, they told me I could bring it in for them to sedate and see what they could do themselves. If nothing worked then they would have to euthanize it. Feeling bad for the little guy I was getting ready to drive there when I remembered we had Goo Gone. I poured a lot on the trap and he managed to get off! He just walked out the garage door and I assume he flew away. I didn't follow it but haven't seen handicapped bird around here haha. Birds like to bathe and it's been cloudy and rainy here in Vegas so I'm hoping he managed to rinse everything off. :)

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Today, while working in a restaurant, a woman told me I was completely incompetent, was the worst hostess she'd ever seen, and that she would call my district manager non-stop until I was fired. I'd clocked in less than 10 minutes before and hadn't said a single word to her. FML

#21311219
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31691) - you deserved it (2482)

On 12/04/2014 at 1:57am - work - by christinamarie17 - United States (Massachusetts)

christinamarie17's comment about their FML

Hey guys! Just thought I'd explain since I couldn't fit the whole story into the FML. The woman had come into the restaurant about three months ago with two other ladies. I hadn't been up front at first and she was initially talking to another hostess. The first host tried to sit her at a table, at which point the woman said she wanted a booth. I joined the conversation at this point and stated we had a booth in Ryan's section. The woman exclaimed "Oh! Ryan!" She seemed excited so I said, "Yes, do you like Ryan? I can give you one of his tables." The woman said "Oh no, I have no idea who Ryan is. I've never been here before." I said "Oh, okay then. I'll sit you with Robert. Wait no, Robert just got a table. Let's go to Rachel." I took her to the table, asked if it was alright and she said it was fine. Thinking everything was okay I left. Halfway through her meal I see my manager at the table apologizing profusely. Once he left he asked me what the hell I did to the woman. Apparently she told her server that I tried to seat her at a table, refused to let her sit with Ryan and Robert, and forced her to sit here. She called me a twit, told her server she felt bad because Ryan and Robert were missing out on the huge tip she was going to give them, and that I don't know how to do my job. Since that day she has written to corporate saying that I am condescending, speak to my co-workers inappropriately, and need to be retrained. Yesterday was the first time she actually got in my face about it, and I was so stunned all I could say was "I'm sorry." I'm not trying to make myself out to be the model employee but this lady seems to have a personal vendetta against me. My managers have been understanding about it and I'm just hoping that with time she'll stop harassing me!

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Today, I got a letter in the mail from corporate saying that I'm being demoted because I don't work enough hours. I also got a text from my boss congratulating me on making the best sales numbers for November. FML

#21311161
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33752) - you deserved it (1883)

On 12/04/2014 at 12:20am - work - by nikkih_06 - United States (California)

nikkih_06's comment about their FML

I was demoted from part time to causal part time, which requires that I work less then 20 hours a week. And I only get commission if I go over my goal.

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