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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML

#20165158
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29578) - you deserved it (4715)

On 11/16/2012 at 4:40am - misc - by mfischer (man) - United States

mfischer's comment about their FML

I was wearing regular jeans. I do occasionally wear skinny jeans, but nothing like this ever happened.

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Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18551) - you deserved it (25902)

On 11/14/2012 at 6:39am - misc - by hclagopus (man) - Norway

hclagopus's comment about their FML

OP here. I did not try to pick her up - I am a 42 year old married father of three and even if I wanted a date I have enough knowledge of the world to know that hot twentysomething blondes prefer hot twentysomething hunks - but I did try to make her smile, and failed miserably. And my geek level is so low that I read paper papers and constantly need my twelve year old son to help with my Iphone. (Plus I`ve never seen the sequels) I realize the girl probably lacked humour more than Star Wars knowledge, but what the heck. My wife laughed her ass off when I told her, though, bless her.

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Today, I received my first ever hand-job. It would have been great if she didn't wipe it across my face when I had finished and storm out of the room. FML

#20162838
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28237) - you deserved it (5791)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:06am - intimacy - by fuzz94 (man) - Australia (Queensland)

fuzz94's comment about their FML

Nah, she was just shocked when my volcano erupted, and in a spout of horror and confusion she decided that my face would be an appropriate place to wipe her hand. At least she kept it off my clothes huh!

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Today, my English professor accused me of plagiarizing a poem I submitted, because she'd read it online earlier that day. The poem was mine; I posted it after writing it for her class, and even after logging into the site to prove it, she reported me to the school. FML

#20161959
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29302) - you deserved it (2264)

On 11/13/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by ninjakomodo (man) - United States

ninjakomodo's comment about their FML

OP here, just for all of the people talking about self plagiarism, I checked. My university does not have that clause anywhere within the rules. I read through the entire thing and even checked with the legal department. I'm sure they will put it in after this. I have gone to the dean and they have forced the teacher to drop the case and give me the grade I deserved. They also decided, due to suggestion of the department head, that the department head himself will be grading everything that I submit to that teacher for the rest of the semester, and that I will not be able to take classes with that teacher anymore. I'm sure they will be evaluating their plagiarism rules more, and putting in a clause for self plagiarism, but we will see what happens. Luckily, I only have 2 more semesters there before I'm out of that school for good.

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Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

#20161213
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27218) - you deserved it (2238)

On 11/12/2012 at 10:47pm - misc - by Mmkay1515 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Mmkay1515's comment about their FML

Perhaps I should clarify here, for all of those that are wondering. I did, in fact, tell my brother various times to leave. I even tried to ditch him a couple of times Clearly you underestimate the power of an over protective older brother who is being offered money.

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Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

#20155883
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7502) - you deserved it (23091)

On 11/09/2012 at 1:47am - misc - by Kallian - Australia

Kallian's comment about their FML

18- It WAS a shit faced awesome night.

12- Yeah, I kinda was tripping.

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Today, after the fourth time telling my roommate I'm highly allergic to her scented products, I came back to find all 6 of our wall outlets using Glade plug-ins. They were set to high. FML

#20154141
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20839) - you deserved it (1818)

On 11/07/2012 at 8:38pm - health - by rahavan - United States (Washington)

rahavan's comment about their FML

Um no, I passed out and wrote this after I was forced to go to the hospital by my floors RA.

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Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

#20153704
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26065) - you deserved it (1812)

On 11/07/2012 at 4:16pm - health - by pheebs314 - United States (Washington)

pheebs314's comment about their FML

to 18- I'm the op... I didn't realize I hadn't been signed in when I posted. Basically, I have had the same.insurance for years and been using it for the same birth control for at least 5. I'm not sure what happened... Some clerical error I guess. I had it figured out but it was definitely weird.

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Today, I was bitched out by my supervisor because of my lack of "customer service" skills. I work at a jail and all my "customers" are criminals. FML

#20152272
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22637) - you deserved it (4091)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:48am - work - by jailofc (man) - United States (Arizona)

jailofc's comment about their FML

Hey everyone I am the OP,

I am a CO at a very "nice" jail as I like to think, we treat our inmates with respect as long as they show respect back ( I didn't mean to start a political debate here haha). Basically, I thought it was stupid to be bitched out about my "customer service" because that is a very strange thing to say about a jail, where SAFETY and SECURITY should be priority. And frankly, I don't believe my *accused* criminals should be served in any other way besides providing safety and security.

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Today, after nearly a year of headaches and fuzzy vision, I went to the eye doctor. It turns out I've had my contacts in the wrong eyes for a year. FML

#20144283
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8737) - you deserved it (33660)

On 11/02/2012 at 11:39am - health - by Midnightpearls - United States

Midnightpearls's comment about their FML

TO ALL YOU PEOPLE ASKING WHY I WAITED: I'm at college and I still depend on my parents' income. I basically get one eye doctor visit a year because it's what we can afford. Alright, people?

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Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

#20138663
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11803) - you deserved it (25053)

On 10/29/2012 at 2:10pm - kids - by JiggaJayZ - United States

JiggaJayZ's comment about their FML

Nope she's prego. Broken condom. And we even took a morning after and that didn't work so yeah FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I were preparing for the arrival of Hurricane Sandy. I tasked him with going out to buy emergency groceries in case we lose power. He returned with dozens of microwave cup noodles. We're going to starve. FML

#20137235
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23698) - you deserved it (3396)

On 10/28/2012 at 4:14pm - love - by cupnoodles (woman) - United States (New York)

cupnoodles's comment about their FML

OP here! My boyfriend bought regular cup noodles, but our building uses electricity for hot water. We ended up buying one of those hot plates, which was a good investment!

Although his comment was really uncalled for, speaking respectfully to #1, I think that everyone has their own issues to deal with. We use this site for each others entertainment and to tell others general issues we have as people. Similarly to how you MIGHT post about getting stuck at home from, what maybe many New Yorkers consider, a little amount of snow and saying FML, I am doing the same about about a, what you consider, little category 1 storm. I hope your mood turns around because taking it out on someone you don't know over the internet will only cause a lot of psychological damage to you and potentially someone who is not self-actualized or confident.

The area we live in is currently in danger of a power outage, but I think we're ready for it! Thank you everyone for all their warm prayers and so much more! :)

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Today, I was taking a walk with a girl I really like. Trying to impress her, I mentioned I'd just learned how to do a front flip, and she told me to prove it. I did the flip, but stumbled forward on the landing and smacked head-first into a pole. She's still laughing. FML

#20136028
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10488) - you deserved it (23471)

On 10/27/2012 at 8:12pm - love - by RedFox12 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

RedFox12's comment about their FML

I wrote this. My head is fine and the girl doesn't think I'm an idiot or anything. It was just a funny/embarrassing thing that happened. I'm just surprised I actually got something published on here :D

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