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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45468) - you deserved it (13325)

On 02/19/2014 at 10:30am - health - by Charlie529 (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Charlie529's comment about their FML

My nick's misleading, but that is my name and I am a girl!
Anyways. Thought I'd tell you all that I didn't get fired \(O.o)/ However, I did have to give him (boss) an (exceptionally awkward) explanation because he thought I was watching funny youtube videos. He just keeps giving me the weirdest/funniest friggin' looks, and now uses the the keyword "Deep Purple" to get me to make him coffee. This acrid event seems to have made us friends. Thankfully my bowels have re-aligned to perfectly silent working condition. God, I hope he doesn't bring this up at the next work party. /dies

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Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (48110) - you deserved it (4201)

On 02/19/2014 at 6:00am - misc - by Twix88 (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Twix88's comment about their FML

This is my FML. This did happen in Alabama. Sadly, I don't think this guy was kidding at all, although, he was obviously tweaking pretty hard so that may have played a role. He didn't work there he was just another customer. The dude actually brought it up twice. After the second time my brother ditched me and went outside to get away from him and left me to sit with the creep. However, shortly after I got the last laugh when he followed my brother outside to pester him again.

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Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49808) - you deserved it (15456)

On 02/19/2014 at 12:09am - animals - by molliciousj - United States (Texas)

molliciousj's comment about their FML

Okay, so this is embarrassing but you guys asked for it!
First of all, I'm a receptionist at a vet hospital so I have a big soft spot for animals. When I saw the little creature run across the road I thought it could be someone's lost pet or a stray doggy looking for shelter. I couldn't just keep driving. The coyote was also pretty small so I assume it was a fairly young one.
In my defense, it was super dark out and it's foresty where I live with little to no street lights so visibility is very limited. When I pulled over I saw a glimpse of the fuzz ball in my headlight, huddled under some bushes. I had a dog lead in my trunk that I took out just in case. The pup never saw me though so I was able to walk right up and swoop him. He squirmed a bit but not much which is surprising. Now, I've seen a ton of dogs come into the vet hospital that I work at which are half coyote or wolf and look very it's a real thing. I'm not entirely crazy. Ha.
Anyways, upon setting the coyote in my car when he began freaking out and I turned the light on, there was no mistaking that this was a wild animal. I was face to face with the little guy who was scared to death that he was trapped in a driving machine with an insane girl who picked up a feral animal. Haha. He was jumping around and pacing in my car. I got out and ran around to open the passenger side door. I left both doors open and as soon as he saw an escape he took it and ran off.
Just so you know, there were no animals harmed in the happenings of this FML and no damage done to my car (although he did poop in it) but I feel like such a jerk. I'm sorry, poor little coyote. :(

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Today, my school received the ranking for state tournaments. We're last. Our cheerleaders are too embarrassed to cheer for us. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35196) - you deserved it (5120)

On 02/18/2014 at 6:06pm - misc - by 1111222233334444 - United States (West Virginia)

1111222233334444's comment about their FML

Hey guys OP. So the school I go to is a private school with only 120 students at most. There is ten school like ours in the state and ones not going, making only nine go to tournaments. (State tournaments). Our Boys varsity is what's seated last. Our Boys middle school is ranked 5 out of 8 and both girls is ranked 6 out of 7. Our cheer squad said that, then added that they had no room to talk because they haven't won first place since the school even started letting a cheer squad happen. (I posted this on my sisters account. And yes. She is a varsity cheerleader.) Not all nine cheerleaders are embarrassed, my sister isn't. Just the girlfriends of ball players are. The others are saying that we will probably win the game that carries us on to the next elimination game. So not all of them aren't peppy.

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Today, I was on a date, when I suddenly choked on my own saliva and coughed so hard that I passed out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45521) - you deserved it (4968)

On 02/15/2014 at 6:18am - health - by gaiakirkland (woman) - Italy (Lombardia)

gaiakirkland's comment about their FML

To the ones asking if he stayed at least until I woke up, or if I had good luck, let's say that besides being my crush, he's a friend of mine so obviously he stayed, and agreed to go out again, so hopefully next time I won't pass out. For the one that says she can swallow since she was born, thank you very much dear, I suppose you can also walk since you were 1 and you still trip over your own feet sometimes :)

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Today, I was grading work my students had done with a sub. I realized one student had gotten hold of the teachers' edition of the textbook when I read ten papers in a row that had "Student answers may vary" as the answer to problem number four. My students can't even cheat properly. FML


I agree, your life sucks (54446) - you deserved it (5366)

On 02/15/2014 at 2:11am - work - by chinaski7628 - United States (California)

chinaski7628's comment about their FML

Op here. As most teachers will tell you, kids cheat all the time and badly, too. I usually write my own tests and worksheets and only write up answer keys when I need them, which does cut down on cheating. I didn't even realize I had a teacher's edition of the textbook until I came across those answers. On that day I had a family emergency and figured book work practice for an upcoming test would be fine. I did talk to the students involved and their parents. Unfortunately, several of the kids involved are habitual truants and failing my class anyway, so suspension, detention and a zero on the assignment don't mean much to them. A few of the kids involved, though they struggle, do come to class everyday and try, they just made a stupid decision. After a long (and embarrassing for them) talk with me, they (hopefully) have learned a lesson about cheating and blindly following others.

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Today, in the middle of telling my mother about my engagement, she suddenly broke down in tears about her problems at work and her loveless marriage, and abruptly hung up on me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44134) - you deserved it (4323)

On 02/14/2014 at 2:59am - love - by nana_star (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

nana_star's comment about their FML

Wow! I can't believe this got published! To fill you guys in, my stepdad is just going through a rough time and it's taking its toll on my mom. She is better now and congratulated us both! Thanks to everyone who congratulated us as well! (I'm not sure if FML will show my OP-ness because I'm using the mobile app. If it doesn't, I promise I'm not a troll) :)

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Today, I aced my solo during my band concert. My parents were asleep the whole time. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44957) - you deserved it (4311)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:49pm - misc - by onyx_the_cat - United States (Illinois)

onyx_the_cat's comment about their FML

The situation is more moral grey than I can describe. My mom has back problems and they get worse during winter, so she was in a lot of pain. She was in so much pain, she couldn't even get up and she stayed home to sleep while I was at my concert. I was a little disappointed, but I knew the situation. My dad on the other hand slept through my solo while at the concert. That man can sleep through anything. My mom once said when they were at a club he slept in front of the speakers. Unfortunately, my dad had to get to work at 5 AM and was really tired when he got home. I didn't know that when I wrote the FML though. He was honest about it though, but I wish he would of tried harder. My parents felt really awful, especially since they always been so supportive of me. Also, I'm a bit selfish because even after my dad said he worked early I was still sad about it. We all talked about it and everything is good now. They admit what they did was wrong despite some of the things being out of their control. My parents are caring people. They wouldn't just go to sleep during a concert without a reason (well kind of with my dad who can sleep anywhere). I would say it was an FML for both me and my parents because they really wanted to hear my solo.

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Today, during an important exam, I had a huge panic attack and had to run out of the exam hall. Everyone saw me, and now everywhere I go, people keep pretending to have a panic attack and run away from me. I have to spend two more years with these assholes. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50801) - you deserved it (7227)

On 02/13/2014 at 6:54am - health - by mrosewrosem (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

mrosewrosem's comment about their FML

Hey guys, this was actually me before I signed up for an account. Thanks for all the supportive messages, you guys rock! You're right, anxiety is a bitch! All those who said YDI, no-one deserves anxiety or any other mental disorder... just like no-one deserves any illness eg. cancer.

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Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey on my breast. To be fair I decided to give him a hickey on his chest. He was so worried about catching shit from the guys on his swim team that he dislocated my jaw trying to get me off him. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59792) - you deserved it (13888)

On 02/12/2014 at 2:43pm - intimacy - by aireeahna (woman) - United States (Iowa)

aireeahna's comment about their FML

i didnt have an account at the time this was posted but anyway..we were rough housing and he was sorry afterwards. I have a lose jaw from a prior accident so it pops out of place fairly easy so it wasnt a big deal. We didnt break up for those of you who suggested that we should have..everything is fine now thanks

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Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46779) - you deserved it (5556)

On 02/10/2014 at 3:48pm - work - by elizabethkalyn (woman) - United States (Indiana)

elizabethkalyn's comment about their FML

Couple of things. I couldn't have unlocked both, as the doors swing shut and relock as soon as you let them go. The customer was a natural born woman who looked and sounded a lot like a male. When they asked why I opened the men's, I just told them the women's was occupied. I have never made the mistake before and it was mortifying. She luckily was very cool about it:) also, both restrooms use the same key.

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Today, whilst getting out of the shower, I tripped on the lip of the siding, bruising my middle toe. I fell, and in doing so, squished my cat. She won't even make eye contact and keeps wheezing. I have a feeling she is plotting my death. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42920) - you deserved it (7672)

On 02/10/2014 at 9:12am - animals - by Ashlynnlove - United States

Ashlynnlove's comment about their FML

I said FML because I feel horrible. And of course I took my cat to the vet. She is fine. No internal bleeding, no punctured lung, no limping. The vet said there was no damage and to be more careful. Trust me, I won't leave the bathroom door cracked open anymore. Just an update.

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Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41571) - you deserved it (5537)

On 02/09/2014 at 10:22pm - animals - by ZombiexIce (woman) - United States (California)

ZombiexIce's comment about their FML

Hey, this is the OP. I have owned rats and mice as pets, but with a wild one you really don't want them running loose around a toddler.

As for getting a cat, I have been trying to get a kitten for my son, but our landlord wants a huge deposit.

We are buying a humane trap and letting him go somewhere far away. We have temporarily plugged the hole he was using to get in until payday.

My husband was jokingly threatening. He is just a big softie sometimes. :)

We got a good laugh out of this, before I realized it was a mouse I ran screaming out of the bathroom
with my pants around my knees.

Glad everyone got a laugh out of this, we did!

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