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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

#20537944
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47499) - you deserved it (8927)

On 03/10/2013 at 9:40am - intimacy - by cremyfrozentreat - United States (Florida)

cremyfrozentreat's comment about their FML

You're right, I did not plug his nose. I was too busy laughing at the whole situation. He shoved his nose into my boob while he held my nose closed. I don't know how he managed to keep erect with everything.

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Today, I was walking to my professor's office. I've had an upset stomach all week, and I still felt a little gassy, so I politely decided to pass gass before entering the room. More than just gas came out. FML

#20530966
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35503) - you deserved it (6841)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:10pm - health - by claytwin - United States

claytwin's comment about their FML

My first FML to get published and I am not proud of this moment but I did waddle back to my dorm to take a shower, and then I continued on with my life.

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Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML

#20530358
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20268) - you deserved it (43800)

On 03/04/2013 at 12:01am - love - by DEATHBYEX1LE - Australia

DEATHBYEX1LE's comment about their FML

I know the difference, I just made a simple mistake....

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Today, I texted my boyfriend a cute picture that I drew for him, with a little note saying "love you." He replied by sending me a picture of a nose hair he'd plucked, along with the caption, "longest one yet." FML

#20526473
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27382) - you deserved it (3871)

On 03/01/2013 at 12:21am - love - by thenewgirl29 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

thenewgirl29's comment about their FML

I am OP. I have known the guy for 7 years and the pic was something my son and I drew for him. haha just seemed like an odd response

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Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

#20522482
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53798) - you deserved it (3917)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by n3ov (man) - Pakistan (Islamabad)

n3ov's comment about their FML

oh she is

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Today, I was feeling generous, so I made my roommate's favorite meal for her when she got home. When she did return home, she flipped her shit for no reason, screaming that she would pee on everything I love. Considering our history, I'm going to start checking my things for urine. FML

#20522100
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26219) - you deserved it (2242)

On 02/25/2013 at 7:44pm - misc - by sniperkit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

sniperkit's comment about their FML

Or, y'know, my roommate's simply batshit insane and no longer my roommate.

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Today, I was feeling generous, so I made my roommate's favorite meal for her when she got home. When she did return home, she flipped her shit for no reason, screaming that she would pee on everything I love. Considering our history, I'm going to start checking my things for urine. FML

#20522100
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26219) - you deserved it (2242)

On 02/25/2013 at 7:44pm - misc - by sniperkit (woman) - United States (Michigan)

sniperkit's comment about their FML

Thank you for the ever-wise insight, 64, as your input is always appreciated and never fucking annoying due to your Captain Obvious-esque remarks. She is indeed moving out, by the way.

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Today, my boyfriend of almost six years asked me to move in with him. I assumed he meant that he was finally moving out of his parents' house and had found a place for us to live. No, it turns out he means he wants me to move in with him at his parents' place. FML

#20519650
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32278) - you deserved it (5363)

On 02/24/2013 at 12:48am - love - by great_just_great (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

great_just_great's comment about their FML

Hey everyone.. Just to let you know, he's 36 and I'm 29. I moved in for about two weeks but found I couldn't handle it. We've broken up and to be honest, I'm kind of glad this all happened; it helped me work out that he was all wrong for me.

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Today, a colleague gave me an expensive box of chocolates for my birthday. I was surprised she spent so much on me, but didn't think much of it. Only when I got back home and excitedly opened the box did I realise the chocolates had expired months ago. FML

#20519323
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26293) - you deserved it (2223)

On 02/23/2013 at 8:42pm - work - by Migole (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Migole's comment about their FML

Those were still fine luckily but in general it can expire, yes. It becomes all grey and greasy and tastes like soap. Not nice :/

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Today, the guy who confessed his love for me also confessed that in his rage, he almost shot the last girl who broke his heart. FML

#20518576
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36646) - you deserved it (2611)

On 02/23/2013 at 8:46am - love - by BadAssBandit897 (woman) - Canada

BadAssBandit897's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here...I can't believe I forgot to log in :P anyways, I decided to be completely honest with the guy and end things. It was a little scary, seeing as he also knows where I live. He was in denial at first, but in the end he accepted that I wasn't interested. I still can't get a good night's rest though...

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Today, a co-worker invited me to go out for lunch with him. I politely declined, saying I had too many errands to do. The truth is that I'm just too broke. I'll be buying myself a burrito using quarters I found on the floor of my car. FML

#20516366
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32680) - you deserved it (2844)

On 02/21/2013 at 3:45pm - money - by AKGrace (woman) - United States (Alaska)

AKGrace's comment about their FML

OP here! I appreciate everyone's feedback and helpful comments! Although I make considerably less than most of my coworkers because I have only been here about 7 months, I have no room to complain. I just thought this story would make a good FML. Me and my boyfriend make a decent living on our own and this situation happened after I had to fork out some money on some unexpected expenses! I do pack my own lunch about 4 out of 5 days and have actually been working on budgeting a lot more! Even reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover.. I have definitely noticed a lot of money saved by not eating out as much as I used to!

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Today, I got a two dollar raise. Unfortunately, I recently accepted a transfer to a job on the other side of the state to what was, at the time, a more lucrative position. I can't cancel it, so now I get to move into a pay cut. FML

#20514453
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22448) - you deserved it (5633)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:33am - work - by MeanGina (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

MeanGina's comment about their FML

Hello, OP here. Sorry I was a little ambiguous. To clarify, I mean a $2/hour raise. I didn't even think about how they handle salaries in other countries. Sorry. Second, this was a department wide raise, not specific to me, so my performance had nothing to do with it. I think the final bit of contention was why would I move across state for less than a $2/hr raise. Well, I'm desperate, for one, and it was around a $1.50/hr raise. Also, most of my family lives in the area that I am moving to, so I figured if I kept having financial problems I at least wouldn't end up homeless. I'm at the point where I just don't have enough to pay my bills (which are mainly student loans), so I just had to get more income...

What makes it even worse is that if I had been able to stay, I would have been eligible for a $3/hr raise after a few months...for a total of $5 more an hour than I make now. No such luck at the new place. And I *did* discuss this move with the company, the raise was passed down directly from the top of the company and my boss knew nothing about it until a week before I was set to transfer. I couldn't back out because I had already officially accepted the new position. So yeah, FML.

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