OP here. She has recently been having nightmares and keeping us up half the night. We were both exhausted so we said fine. I got up to go pee and when I came back, she had thrown my pillow on the floor and completely took over my side of the bed. If I moved her, she would've started screaming again and I just wanted sleep. I let her father deal with her at that point! I did sleep well for the rest of the night :)

You're right, I did not plug his nose. I was too busy laughing at the whole situation. He shoved his nose into my boob while he held my nose closed. I don't know how he managed to keep erect with everything.

My first FML to get published and I am not proud of this moment but I did waddle back to my dorm to take a shower, and then I continued on with my life.

I know the difference, I just made a simple mistake....

I am OP. I have known the guy for 7 years and the pic was something my son and I drew for him. haha just seemed like an odd response

Or, y'know, my roommate's simply batshit insane and no longer my roommate.

Thank you for the ever-wise insight, 64, as your input is always appreciated and never fucking annoying due to your Captain Obvious-esque remarks. She is indeed moving out, by the way.

Those were still fine luckily but in general it can expire, yes. It becomes all grey and greasy and tastes like soap. Not nice :/

Hey guys, OP here...I can't believe I forgot to log in :P anyways, I decided to be completely honest with the guy and end things. It was a little scary, seeing as he also knows where I live. He was in denial at first, but in the end he accepted that I wasn't interested. I still can't get a good night's rest though...

OP here! I appreciate everyone's feedback and helpful comments! Although I make considerably less than most of my coworkers because I have only been here about 7 months, I have no room to complain. I just thought this story would make a good FML. Me and my boyfriend make a decent living on our own and this situation happened after I had to fork out some money on some unexpected expenses! I do pack my own lunch about 4 out of 5 days and have actually been working on budgeting a lot more! Even reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover.. I have definitely noticed a lot of money saved by not eating out as much as I used to!

Hello, OP here. Sorry I was a little ambiguous. To clarify, I mean a $2/hour raise. I didn't even think about how they handle salaries in other countries. Sorry. Second, this was a department wide raise, not specific to me, so my performance had nothing to do with it. I think the final bit of contention was why would I move across state for less than a $2/hr raise. Well, I'm desperate, for one, and it was around a $1.50/hr raise. Also, most of my family lives in the area that I am moving to, so I figured if I kept having financial problems I at least wouldn't end up homeless. I'm at the point where I just don't have enough to pay my bills (which are mainly student loans), so I just had to get more income...

What makes it even worse is that if I had been able to stay, I would have been eligible for a $3/hr raise after a few months...for a total of $5 more an hour than I make now. No such luck at the new place. And I *did* discuss this move with the company, the raise was passed down directly from the top of the company and my boss knew nothing about it until a week before I was set to transfer. I couldn't back out because I had already officially accepted the new position. So yeah, FML.

Im a criminal defense and divorce lawyer. That prank might not have desirable results!