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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I had to once again lie to a customer about why I was the only one manning the shop, saying that they must have run out for lunch - my coworkers were too busy getting stoned in their cars to do their job. FML

#21128276
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37048) - you deserved it (4452)

On 05/01/2014 at 8:07pm - work - by FallingNinjaa (woman) - United States (Florida)

FallingNinjaa's comment about their FML

OP here. I don't use this site enough to know that I needed an account to reply... I'm a barber. We're all independent contractors and we don't make money unless we're physically working. I make good money and have no intention of quitting; my problem with my coworkers getting stoned is that customers have an unnecessary wait time when they should be able to be served immediately, and when they do come back in, it looks bad on everyone as a whole for them to smell like that on the clock - an no, they're perfumes aren't cloaking it. The boss knows they smoke, she knows they smoke on the clock, but when anyone tells her that someone is being lax, her response is "well more money for you, then." Again, that's not the problem I'm having. I actually like my job, and I want customers to actually have a good experience when they're there. With what my coworkers are doing, they're not. Also, it's an independent store. There is no HR, no corporate, just the woman who owns the business itself - she's the only boss.

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Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of three years. I worked my ass off planning everything down to a T. It seemed perfect, until I actually proposed, at which point I was rejected and dumped, in front of my family, friends and two coworkers. FML

#21126146
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49180) - you deserved it (5216)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:18am - love - by willstaysingle (man) -

willstaysingle's comment about their FML

I am the Original Poster.

I'm only replying because so many of you requested a follow-up and so many of you are misconceptualizing the context.

From the beginning I discussed my interest in a serious relationship and expressed my eventual wish to be with her. I did not explicitly say I wanted to marry her. In common logic, there is no need for that. It is to be expected.

For the ones asking about age. I am 30 years old, she is 25 years old. That was clearly not the problem.

I am not seeking attention in all of this. But I will let you people know I emigrated for this girl. I made entire reservations for the family members I wished to see. I sacrificed a lot for her. I adapted to her needs. Some of you people say just because there is effort, she doesn't need to accept. While I agree, at some point, when you realize how much sacrifice is made, you are bound to love. There is no love whatsoever without sacrifice. I told her from the beginning that I am not wasting my time. If you are not sure what to do with the rope I gave you, let go early before we get to high grounds, so you could spare me a killer downfall.

To all the people who felt sympathetic and gave me a "chin-up". Thank you.

A lesson learned that I will teach every single one of you here. Be selfish. I have filled my heart with hate. Love and cherish. Just do not sacrifice so much that you find your life so strained you realize that you wasted years of hard work, effort and emotion.

Mind your mental health.

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Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

#21125472
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41504) - you deserved it (6646)

On 04/28/2014 at 5:27pm - love - by lonely_island (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

lonely_island's comment about their FML

I'm just marveling over the fact that my fml actually got published. One more thing I can kick off of my bucket list haha. This actually happened quite a while ago, but you have to start with "Today..." So to everyone whose saying just wait, maybe he doesn't go on often, well, he's defiantly seen it and done nothing about it. To everyone whose saying maybe he doesn't add people he doesn't really know, he's just as guilty as the rest of us. I've seen some of my friends on there, and I know he doesn't know them at all, so he just must really hate me :/ Ya, I'm pretty shy so thank you to the person who congratulated me on "taking the first step" haha it defiantly was scary! The rest of you are right, someone else will come along I guess. I just knew it was better to try and get rejected than to never have found out. The doctors office comments made me lol too, but alas, that was not me :P So thank you everyone :)

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Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML

#21125262
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40682) - you deserved it (7965)

On 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm - misc - by gassymomma (woman) - United States (Illinois)

gassymomma's comment about their FML

Op here, I really didn't expect this to get posted. I'm 8 months pregnant so gas has become part of my daily life. I don't normal mind admitting to it but he was so worried about making sure I was safe I didn't have the heart to tell him it was just gas that scared him. Later that day while we were just sitting on the couch I farted again and he made a joke that there must be a whale at the window.

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Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML

#21124893
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30839) - you deserved it (42313)

On 04/27/2014 at 11:28pm - misc - by emydoll - United States (Hawaii)

emydoll's comment about their FML

I probably should have made a few things clear first, this girl was a total bitch in high school and made fun of me daily. So you can imagine how surprised I was in that horribly awkward situation.

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Today, I was texting a girl I like, explaining how she looks like an attractive celebrity. She responded with a picture of a very unattractive lady and asked if she looked like that. I told her if she had been caught in a burning building, then yes, that would look like her. It was of her mom. FML

#21122286
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26788) - you deserved it (44919)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:02pm - love - by spencerlong (man) - United States (Washington)

spencerlong's comment about their FML

Hey guys. First off, I am very happy to have had this published, but I would like to clarify some things and clear the misunderstandings! My friends mom is not actually a burn victim, she just wasn't attractive at all and didn't resemble her daughter either. We had been texting previously, and she was sending me pictures of celebrities and asking if she looked like that. She then sent that picture of her mom, who was honestly very unattractive. I thought I was being clever with the whole "caught in a burning building" joke, but it was just the wrong time to use it. Believe me when I say I have nothing against burn victims, as that's seriously a weird thing to hate on. After I found out I apologized and she accepted, so everything is fine now! Thanks for taking the time to read this, I just wanted you guys to not think I'm some weird shallow guy who hates burn victims and is only after girls for their looks.

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Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

#21121933
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39036) - you deserved it (7104)

On 04/24/2014 at 5:19pm - love - by wondercat40 - United States (Indiana)

wondercat40's comment about their FML

He just stared blankly at me as I ran off, and that's definitely not a good sign of anything! I see him at my band classes, but I haven't spoken to him since. Thank you for the comments, a lot of them made me laugh. I don't know the where the Jesus drummer's band came from either, it was a local band that I forgot the name of. However, I think it was a Christian band. Oh, the irony.

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Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

#21120851
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43458) - you deserved it (7599)

On 04/23/2014 at 2:37pm - love - by ewhy - United States (California)

ewhy's comment about their FML

Hey guys ! OP here. To the people that say he might not be that bad: I'm sorry but I wouldn't be able to keep talking to a person that has a foot fettish, call me shallow but I'm not only about looks. He's cute and all but I wouldn't be able to get past it. I gave him my number exactly to get to know him, this was yesterday. This morning he started with the pictures of toes. The only reason he started with pictures of toes is because he saw my feet in a picture I had sent of the jeans I was wearing earlier. I just stopped texting him, wish me the best! Thanks for the feedback!!

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Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML

#21120495
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40014) - you deserved it (3307)

On 04/23/2014 at 12:20am - misc - by tothebaneofkings - United States

tothebaneofkings's comment about their FML

Ha, this got posted really fast. I am the OP.
This actually had happened a while ago. To answer some questions, my great grandma had been drinking and had been talking about how her two daughters only want money from her. And that when she died, "I'll leave one dollar in the bank and let them fight over it!" An evil cackle included. I can only guess that this brought around her age into her mind, since she's in her late 80's and probably only has 15 years left with luck, because the fml was the next words out of her mouth. Maybe to comfort herself, I honestly don't know. But it was followed by her looking at my female cousin and saying, "I can teach you how to get into the V formation." Needless to say, we were both horrified to the point of irrational laughter.

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Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

#21120360
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14408) - you deserved it (48811)

On 04/22/2014 at 10:40pm - work - by flufee2 - Canada (Ontario)

flufee2's comment about their FML

The person i had ordering was a close friend of which i am very comfortable with. I guess you could say i got a little too comfortable! After we realized what I did, we just laughed and brushed it off. From now on i will make sure i wear gloves because I wouldn't want this to happen to anyone i don't know!

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Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

#21119656
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41756) - you deserved it (3272)

On 04/22/2014 at 2:18am - misc - by orangemango (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

orangemango's comment about their FML

Hello! OP here! Nice little surprise when I woke up this morning! This happened to me about two months ago and my husband thought the situation was funny enough to post.

I keep my phone on because my husband's 90-year-old grandmother lives in the same community as us and he's the first person she calls in case of emergencies. When he's off island on business trips, that responsibility falls on me. Since I'm a really heavy sleeper, I leave the ringer on pretty loud. And yes, I know there's a do not disturb function on my iPhone, but I never used it cause I've never gotten a phone call at such odd hours.

I didn't check the number when I answered the first time cause I was already in a mad rush to wake up and find my phone without my glasses and freak out that something might've happened to grandma while my husbands away. I was pretty groggy when I answered and I guess the lady didn't appreciate the fact I kept saying "huh?" and "what?". She thought I was sleeping on the job or playing a prank on her and wanted to talk to my supervisor. I told her it was three in the morning and that she had dialed a Hawaiian residential number. There was a long pause and she just hung up. My phone rang a minute later from the same number, but it was a man this time. I told him the same thing and he gave me a half-assed apology and hung up. This happened for the next two nights (also rang during the day) and I found out from one of the calls that the shoe company had actually misprinted their 1-800 number on their packing slip (it was printed 1-808-XXX-XXXX).

So I did start using the do not disturb function on my phone and I even changed my voice mail to tell people that this isn't the number they're trying to reach. However, some of them didn't even bother listening to my message and started leaving me voice mails. They were pretty funny. The shoe company specialized in plus-sized shoes for women, but I don't think they were very good. One lady got two left shoes and another was threatening to sue if she didn't get her refund. I already had to change my number back in December (a Samoan family somehow got my number and kept calling and intimidating me cause I apparently got beaten up by their son/brother/nephew/grandson and "it would be wise if you kept your mouth shut") and I was going to be charged $36 for a new number and I didn't want to deal with updating everyone my new number again.

What I did end up doing was every time someone called, I'd start trolling them. Some highlights were Teniqua, angry black lady who was wondering why some woman is calling her baby daddy; Sugar Tits Mandy, phone sex hotline; Rainbow Waterfall, hippie doomsday and conspiracy preacher; and my husband's, Dick Johnson, Swinging Salami Inc., every order gets you a free complimentary dildo! The calls stopped coming about a week after we started trolling with a few stragglers here and there. Probably from people who dialed an 8 instead of a 0. We assumed either the shoe company finally fixed the mistake, changed their phone number, or went out of business.

Happy to say I got my number back!

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Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

#21118979
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44788) - you deserved it (4525)

On 04/21/2014 at 1:25pm - animals - by Blaisey - Canada (British Columbia)

Blaisey's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here.

I talked to my landlord about my roommate a few hours ago. She's a very sweet older lady, and she was in tears when I told her what happened. My roommate now has 48 hours to get out.

I took Paprika to the vet right away, and they said she'll most likely survive, but it's possible she'll have brain damage.
She woke up in the car on the way there (after a good ten minutes of not moving, I was so afraid she didn't make it) but they gave her something to make her sleep for awhile. Thank you all for your support!

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Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

#21118433
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50595) - you deserved it (3598)

On 04/20/2014 at 9:02pm - misc - by HeyTherexxx (woman) - United States (California)

HeyTherexxx's comment about their FML

Unfortunately, seeing them was inevitable.
I'm trying not to get involved, but needless to say, it's difficult. Apparently, my mother is going to tell my step-dad, but she's a liar sometimes. One step at a time, I suppose.

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