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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML

#20123751
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21829) - you deserved it (1612)

On 10/19/2012 at 10:37am - misc - by NoorFML - United States (Louisiana)

NoorFML's comment about their FML

Meh. I just have the lighthouse put up in my closet. I will give it to her on a happy day like her birthday.

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Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML

#20111379
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37343) - you deserved it (2140)

On 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm - animals - by AdamwithanA (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

AdamwithanA's comment about their FML

There wasn't much I could do. She was there then gone and I have no idea who she was.

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Today, I was loudly bitched out by someone for speaking in a fake British accent, to make myself "sound sophisticated". I moved here two years ago from London. FML

#20110657
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26239) - you deserved it (1837)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:03pm - misc - by britchick95 (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

britchick95's comment about their FML

Can't say I've ever been to Ohio.

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Today, the girl I'm dating mentioned that she'd had her healthy wisdom teeth removed to prevent her future children from having wisdom teeth. I laughed. She wasn't joking. FML

#20110450
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23488) - you deserved it (2132)

On 10/10/2012 at 12:45pm - love - by Timmeeh (man) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Timmeeh's comment about their FML

OP here. She is (was?) cute. Suddenly got a whole lot less so when I realised there was naught but cotton wool where her brainmeat should be.

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Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21061) - you deserved it (2492)

On 10/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by whatadaydanny (man) - Dominica

whatadaydanny's comment about their FML

I replied with a simple "Oh really?"; pretty mid-ground comment if you ask me :)
And she is a woman. In the office right now and she just smiled at me.

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Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27371) - you deserved it (4720)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

assholecat's comment about their FML

Hey y'all, this is OP.

In regards to my post:

The elderly lady is a very close family friend of my family who still lives by herself but is being taken care of by her family. She's a lovely lady, really. I'm not worried about her stealing my cat - her dead cat and my cat look very similar. If he's bringing her joy - great! She and kitty can hang as much as they want!

To the people who seemed to hint at me not feeding my cat... if you ever saw him, you would know that he is probably the best fed cat in the whole world. He is enormous. I have perfectly good food for him to eat - which I would feed him if he turned up for meal times. I don't feed him whenever he's hungry because he's a big ol' fat cat and I don't want him getting any fatter. (He won't be getting breakfast from me anymore - when I found out that my neighbour was lovingly feeding my kitty for me in place of her own, I went and brought her some cat food.)

In regards to the "your cat is an opportunist! That's what cats are!" comments - no argument from me. As far as "don't call your cat an asshole!" comments go... my cat is an asshole: he methodically waits by her door every single morning at the same time that she routinely feeds her own cat, even though he knows (I'm sure he does, simply because the other cat isn't there) that her cat is no longer with us. My cat is both an opportunist and an asshole. And no, I don't believe that my cat can understand me when I call him an asshole.

Anywho, that's it. I'm out. Peace!

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Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML

#20108790
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27969) - you deserved it (3806)

On 10/09/2012 at 6:21am - kids - by AFEmoWifey (woman) - United States (Virginia)

AFEmoWifey's comment about their FML

We bent over backwards to make her comfortable. However, I'm not letting her have a say in my baby making. I'm 23 years older than her so she needs to be more respectful.

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Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30508) - you deserved it (6416)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

SoSexy's comment about their FML

Hey guys! This is the OP.
1) I honestly don't know, my boyfriend suggested we try filling up a tire with them.
2) Albeit being a bit embarrassed, it was actually quite hilarious for both of us. We're both in our 20s, but we still laugh at bodily functions, immature as that is. That, and I can't exactly see what's happening behind there.

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Today, I left the hospital after having knee surgery. While trying to find my balance on my crutches, I was holding onto the roof of the car. My mum slammed the car door shut, not noticing my hand. I can barely even bend my fingers to hold onto my crutches. FML

#20105201
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22698) - you deserved it (1378)

On 10/07/2012 at 1:43am - health - by badluckbrianna (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

badluckbrianna's comment about their FML

You know the corner of the door opening where the roof of the car meets the side of the car? I was already out of the car and facing away from the car. I started to lose my balance so I grabbed onto that corner (So I guess not really the roof of the car. Half the roof half the side of the car? I don't know what to call it and it's so hard to describe) to regain balance and adjust my crutches. My fingers were curled into the car and my palm resting on the roof. I'm pretty tall so that might be why I could do that. It's a sedan so it's short and it was the back door. Next thing I know SLAM. It still hurts to type.

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Today, I wore a dress that I bought last weekend to work, thinking how I liked it and it fitted me perfectly, until someone at work told me that I was actually wearing a nightie. FML

#20103918
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10160) - you deserved it (19672)

On 10/06/2012 at 4:58am - misc - by Valentine_Beauty (woman) - United States

Valentine_Beauty's comment about their FML

Hi yeah i know a lot of ya'll are thinking of how dumb am i to wear a nightie and not know the difference..for one thing, it was sold with other dresses and no it's not see through, it actually has an underskirt and the reason my colleague commented was due to the lacy neckline.. and i actually paired it off with a slacks and a cardigan, so no, i'm not working in a brothel though that made me LOL...people can have the silliest idea..
i'm still a bit convinced it's a dress, but nevertheless i'm not wearing it out any more.. cheers!

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Today, I came home from a three day vacation to find my psycho ex-girlfriend in my house. Even though I broke up with her six months ago, she hasn't broken up with me. It's alright though, she says she's going to forgive me and she already moved her stuff in when I was out of town. FML

#20103889
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29883) - you deserved it (2012)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:49am - love - by BusinessTurtle - United States (Iowa)

BusinessTurtle's comment about their FML

OP here, I've changed my locks and moved across town and I really don't want to hire a lawyer.

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Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

#20098412
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23342) - you deserved it (1690)

On 10/02/2012 at 2:48pm - misc - by dagreatpumpkin (man) - United States

dagreatpumpkin's comment about their FML

The pumpkin was for a contest. It weighed in at over 500 LBS. No-one was hurt by it being in the intersection, only vehicle damage. Cuplrits have been found and charged with Meyham, 2 counts of Grand Theft (one for the pumpkin, and one for a forklift), Criminal Trespass, and Vandalism.

Cinderella, didn't make it to the ball.

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