Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML

#20575595
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30479) - you deserved it (8969)

On 04/05/2013 at 12:25am - kids - by NYmets456 - United States (New York)

NYmets456's comment about their FML

Just so you know, everything has worked out fine. The mailman was pretty nice about it. He had to wash off the back of the truck, and pay a little money to help fix it.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML

#20571725
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32461) - you deserved it (3661)

On 04/02/2013 at 2:42pm - misc - by MilleeMacabre - United States

MilleeMacabre's comment about their FML

Yes. He was drunk. That's my husband for ya.

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, a girl punched me square in the face, effectively leaving it with purple swellings because I called her boyfriend an "uncle". Said boyfriend IS my uncle. FML

#20571521
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40914) - you deserved it (2855)

On 04/02/2013 at 11:34am - love - by ItsAnanya (woman) - India (Delhi)

ItsAnanya's comment about their FML

Hey guys!
It's OP :]

So most of you were confused as to why she would hit me for calling my uncle...uncle.

She thought I was insulting him and making him feel old and by extension implying that SHE was old. She also blamed it on the fact that it seemed as I was trying to hit on him ? ( I'm still confused about that one )

Thank heavens my uncle puts family first.

Miss.Pack-A-Punch is out of our lives for good !

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

#20571411
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32101) - you deserved it (2185)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:34am - work - by ak_6694 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

ak_6694's comment about their FML

To put it into context for non-Australians, I work in what is called an RSL club. It's basically like a sports bar, except much larger and designed to offer as much gambling as possible without being a casino. The bar is basically secondary to the gambling operation, and some machines make as much profit for the club in an hour than I do in an 8 hour shift behind the bar. So if I go to my employer "get rid of the Pisser or I quit"...smart money would say I'm out of work.
-OP

See all the comments including 13 other original poster's reactions

Today, I had to clean up the urine puddle left by one of the regulars who plays the poker slot machines at the bar where I work. Rather than reserve the machine to go to the bathroom, she literally sits in her own piss to mark her territory. This happens about every second day. FML

#20571411
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32101) - you deserved it (2185)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:34am - work - by ak_6694 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

ak_6694's comment about their FML

Would love to ban her, but she puts into a machine in an hour what I earn behind the bar in 8, so they won't ban her anytime soon. And they don't have to pay the machine wages or anything; it's a little depressing to know the welfare and common hygiene of my workplace is second to gambling revenue.
-OP

See all the comments including 13 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was telling my aunt that I had achieved my blue belt in karate. Looking at my short hair, she says, "You're going to end up a lesbian." Thanks Aunt L. Love you too. FML

#20570611
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28050) - you deserved it (4569)

On 04/01/2013 at 8:15pm - misc - by colorguard13 (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

colorguard13's comment about their FML

No, she doesn't use FML. I just didn't want to out and say her name.

See all the comments

Today, I boarded my first airplane flight. The girl on my right is sick, and the guy on my left says he gets extremely nauseous on flights. My earphones can't block out the panting and retching on either side of me. FML

#20567291
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28569) - you deserved it (1975)

On 03/30/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by Leanne798 - United States

Leanne798's comment about their FML

Yeah, OP here, this was a flight to the Philippines from California...14 hours of fun...

See all the comments

Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML

#20562656
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31140) - you deserved it (3733)

On 03/27/2013 at 5:12pm - work - by esbemebe1113 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

esbemebe1113's comment about their FML

Hi, this is OP. I loved all of your comments and read every single one. I couldn't believe this got on the site! Thanks to number #22: I loved you're comment and made me feel loads better. I love that everyone was so understanding. What's strange is that although I am a painfully awkward, I usually just get really red when I have to talk to the class. Thankfully I have a lot of good friends in real life to comfort me. (and a few new internet ones!) Thanks for finding my life entertaining!

See all the comments

Today, I casually mentioned to my mom that my boyfriend of two years and I were thinking about moving in together. She looked me dead in the eye and said if I ever moved out, she'd throw me out of the house. I'm confused. FML

#20562011
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29750) - you deserved it (2586)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:47am - misc - by Imafishyfishy (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Imafishyfishy's comment about their FML

Oh wow! It actually got posted! I'm the OP here, and I'm 19, the reason I'm confused is because when I finished high school he and I were going to move down to Florida together so I could go to college, and I got really sick, so we stayed here. My mom was completely fine with it when we were going to move out of state but now that we're moving to the apartment complex not even a mile away.
I asked her for clarification and she told me that I knew what she meant. So I asked my dad, and he told me the same thing.
I think they might be screwing with me.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, I went to the bank to find out why they've taken $200 from me. By the time I show them my bank card, ID and tell them my problem, they accuse me of stealing my own identity, and refuse to give me my money back. FML

#20561553
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32601) - you deserved it (2098)

On 03/26/2013 at 9:37pm - money - by arsenicalhumor (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

arsenicalhumor's comment about their FML

Hello, OP here.. Yes, there is way more to this story, but it was too long for the FML post. So, I once had to go to a Cash Money Store, two christmas 's ago, because I had no money and just lost a job, needing Christmas presents- I sold my soul to one of those stores. For months on end that Cash Money store kept taking money from me (even though I gave them what they needed back) and ever since then, once every two months the bank would make excuses as to why they'd need all of my money, examples: "Oh the Cash Money Store took OUR money and so we are taking YOURS " , "Oh there is this fee you never payed this month and so we took extra" "Oh it's this mandatory add-on that we put on people's accounts" ,in the end I told them I wanted to switch banks, and that's when they started to accuse me of identity theft. Now mind you- I still look the same, I don't age quickly, and so in the end their arguments were invalid, but because they are a bank, it is a little difficult to just be like "Oh, your branch is wrong, and I am right" yes I did switch banks, and I hope this helped with some of the confusion. Thank you :).

See all the comments including 9 other original poster's reactions

Today, I told my husband that a guy I work with told me that I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever met. My husband replied, "He needs to get out more." FML

#20560810
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37189) - you deserved it (5257)

On 03/26/2013 at 10:12am - love - by Candycane88 (woman) - United States (California)

Candycane88's comment about their FML

Lol he wasn't joking, but he wasn't trying to insult me either, in his mind that comment was trying to insult the guy hitting on me, strangely my hubby adores me and is a great guy, it's just funny the way it came out.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, my guinea pig was resting on my shoulder. However, I forgot to tie my hair up and she gnawed off a clump of it that was a good 6 inches long. I had to fight her to get it out of her mouth. FML

#20558942
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26690) - you deserved it (9233)

On 03/25/2013 at 1:04am - animals - by brittyed (woman) - United States

brittyed's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here. Posted this before I made a username.
I didn't actually place her on my shoulder, I was sitting on the couch letting her run around next to me and she decided to climb up my chest and onto my shoulder. Suddenly I heard this weird crunching sound next to my head and I picked her up and saw the clump of hair hanging out of her mouth!
Then it was like playing tug-of-war with a dog. She would NOT let go. I didn't think I'd have to pull as hard as I did just to pull something out of a guinea pig's mouth lol! I didn't want her getting sick so I put her back in her cage and threw the hair in the garbage.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

#20557889
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33288) - you deserved it (6058)

On 03/24/2013 at 11:56am - kids - by Gixie (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Gixie's comment about their FML

Alright. Where to start.
1) I submitted this FML and someone liked it so much he decided to submit it as his own with a few modifications. That's why there are comments about "daddy".
2) My son is 18 months, is developmentally challenged and just learning. He did not actually get me.
3) It is a learning fork for children which has metal, rounded prongs so it doesn't hurt if he gets you or himself.
4) I did take away his fork to which he screamed and cried. When he settled down, I gave it back and he was content to stab his pancake.
5) Have you people never been stabbed by plasticware or a spork? That shit hurts!
6) I do not live in Ghana.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: