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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML

#19828397
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12725) - you deserved it (31345)

On 06/22/2012 at 9:08am - misc - by ExplosiveDildo (woman) - Afghanistan

ExplosiveDildo's comment about their FML

Holy shit. I didn't think this would actually get posted! Well, I'm happy after all of the FML's I've posted over the years, this one got chosen

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Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML

#19812359
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24029) - you deserved it (14758)

On 06/19/2012 at 11:35am - intimacy - by megasniper240 (man) - United States (New York)

megasniper240's comment about their FML

OP here, to clear it up I was on my futon in my living room and they happened to catch a glimpse through the window. Also, it was an old lady with her husband.

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Today, I was forced to listen to a client rant about her lackluster sexual encounters with her husband. I was also given a rather detailed description of his manhood. Apparently, it's small. FML

#19809211
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15141) - you deserved it (1466)

On 06/18/2012 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by raraisbang - United States (Louisiana)

raraisbang's comment about their FML

Actually, I'm op and I'm a cosmetologist. I do hair. To clear that up :P

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Today, I had my blood drawn for a lab test. I was then given a container so I could give a urine sample. In the middle of peeing, I got woozy, started blacking out, and hit my head against the wall. A nurse discovered me with my pants down. FML

#19806974
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19820) - you deserved it (1668)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:05pm - health - by nerdsgetmehot (woman) - United States (Oregon)

nerdsgetmehot's comment about their FML

So...A little back story. I went to the doctor to get tests because I often feel faint and dizzy in the mornings and it's quite an inconvenience. Just last week, when I took my cat to the vet, I ended up starting to black out randomly. Pretty embarrassing and obviously super inconvenient, as I had to drive home afterwards and was doubtful about whether or not I was okay enough to drive home. I get to the verge of fainting often enough to concern me. I've gotten a few tests over the years, but my doctor remains largely unconcerned about it. She thinks it's just my very low blood pressure, but I do everything I can to help that. I drink lots of water, eat salty snacks, and never get up too quickly-- but it doesn't help. So, ironically, I ended up fainting at a doctors' appointment to look into why I keep almost fainting.

To answer some frequently asked questions: No, the nurse wasn't "impressed." I'm a female. Also, I think me lying on the floor immobile kind of killed the mood.

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Today, my best friend and I broke up with our respective girlfriends, so we could go on holiday and meet lots of new women. Instead, within a few hours, he got back with his ex, and they're planning their own holiday together. FML

#19801303
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6391) - you deserved it (50206)

On 06/17/2012 at 12:08pm - love - by JPTK (man) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

JPTK's comment about their FML

OP CLARIFICATION TIME!!!!!

A *month* ago, me and my ex broke up as I was moving away, 3 days later she got drunk and had rebound sex with some guy. Talking to my best mate, he said we should go on a lads holiday around Europe to get over our exs etc. (He broke up with his around the same time).

Y'know - meet some girls, work on our tan, drinks on the beach, you know the drill!

Yesterday, when we were supposed to book, he told me he had to pull out as he'd gotten back with his ex and wanted to go on holiday with her.

That is why FML.

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Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

#19801177
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24088) - you deserved it (11945)

On 06/17/2012 at 10:58am - love - by rosabelle91 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

rosabelle91's comment about their FML

This one is mine, I made an account so I could comment. I submitted this quite a while ago, and since then I have spoken with him about it, and he apologised (profusely) and said that he meant it playfully and was using it more as a joke that I was "his bitch". But he's stopped now, and is otherwise a caring and attentive guy. It wasn't so much a case of him being a deliberate asshole, just him not realising that he was being an asshole and upsetting me.

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Today, while giving my fiancé a hand-job, my ring got stuck in his pubes. We had to awkwardly get to the kitchen to get scissors. FML

#19799093
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17257) - you deserved it (4800)

On 06/16/2012 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by Mega_bug - United States (Washington)

Mega_bug's comment about their FML

Guys, calm down. Yes, I was giving him a handjob, big deal. Ever heard of foreplay? "Sexy-time" had just started. Trust me, we were getting to the rest. And we have been engaged long enough that I was used to the ring and didn't notice that I still had it on.

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Today, I was using a public toilet when someone entered the stall next to mine. Instead of using the facilities, the person in there reached under the stall to steal my bag. Fortunately, I was holding the strap so they couldn't take it. Unfortunately, they decided to take my right shoe instead. FML

#19768878
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25920) - you deserved it (1769)

On 06/11/2012 at 1:56am - misc - by fordneagles (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

fordneagles's comment about their FML

Hey guys, I'm the OP, for those worried about the grossness of the floor, the cleaners had just been in (the wet floor sign was still there), so I just took off the other sandal and looked a bit of a bogan, but better than replacing everything in my wallet! And for the record, my bag was not on the floor, it was resting on my (previously sandalled) feet. I've never noticed any hooks in the stalls, but then I've never expected someone to try and nick my bag either.

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Today, I saw Thor and I wanted to see how realistic it was to be swinging a hammer around. Wrong idea. I ended up unconscious on the ground for ten whole minutes. FML

#19753882
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4669) - you deserved it (33554)

On 06/08/2012 at 4:09am - misc - by runner2731 - United States (Ohio)

runner2731's comment about their FML

I am gonna watch the avergers soon and I'm gonna watch the incredible hulk, both iron man movies, and captain America.

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Today, I went to the hospital for stomach pains, and was told that it sounds like I have an ovarian cyst. My mom went into a rage, screaming that I'd lied to her about being a virgin. Despite the doctor explaining that sexual activity has nothing to do with it, she refuses to believe him. FML

#19716426
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28697) - you deserved it (1407)

On 06/01/2012 at 5:05pm - health - by Briscuit (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Briscuit's comment about their FML

2- My mother did eventually understand you can get it while still being a virgin. She thought the doctor was covering for me so I wouldn't have to tell her I was sexually active. When we got home we looked up articles and I proved it to her.
Either way, I'm still going to be in a crap load of pain when these puppies burst if they decide not to remove them...

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Today, my 14-year-old brother told me he needed help with something "very personal." Thinking he wanted girlfriend advice or something, I said, "Sure, no problem". He wanted me to shave his butt crack. FML

#19700460
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22722) - you deserved it (2163)

On 05/29/2012 at 6:40pm - kids - by liquid_sasquatch - United States

liquid_sasquatch's comment about their FML

Half the comments so far really cracked me up! xD

Of course I'll never answer the question most asked =]

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Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML

#19697998
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18987) - you deserved it (1579)

On 05/29/2012 at 7:40am - money - by brunurb (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

brunurb's comment about their FML

I hope he wasn't too overwhelmed... I was checking out 5 items, and had a single coupon for 50 cents off one of the items. He just looked very confused when I handed him the coupon! :)

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Today, my friends were coming to pick me up from volleyball practice. When their car pulled up, I jumped in. It was really quiet, so I looked up, only to find I had gotten in the wrong car. FML

#19684966
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15710) - you deserved it (6834)

On 05/26/2012 at 7:00pm - misc - by HorcruxDelight73 - United States (Washington)

HorcruxDelight73's comment about their FML

This was actually my FML, everyone. No, it wasn't a pedophile, THANK GOD. It was a couple, and they said "Umm...can we help you?" and I was like, "Sorry! I thought you were my friends!" Then got out awkwardly. They had the same car. It wasn't my fault.

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