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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, while taking the trash out, the old cranky elevator in my apartment complex finally gave up on life. For a long hour I was stuck between floors 4 and 5, practically embracing my bio-waste can. FML

#19894511
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16090) - you deserved it (1351)

On 07/05/2012 at 7:52am - misc - by Kazenoe - Finland (Western Finland)

Kazenoe's comment about their FML

OP here. Thanks all for the comments, almost making me able to laugh about this now. :P

But yes, the waste can was full. I had to take a long shower after. I do have a feeling I'll prefer the stairs for a while after this.

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Today, I was at the airport and I offered to help an elderly man carry his golf clubs. Apparently, I sounded sarcastic and condescending, because he started screaming at me about etiquette and manners in front of the entire airport. FML

#19879557
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16024) - you deserved it (1865)

On 07/02/2012 at 3:23am - misc - by JDBigDawg - United States (California)

JDBigDawg's comment about their FML

THAT WAS THE AIRPORT. Wow nice guess!

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Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML

#19869909
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23991) - you deserved it (3626)

On 06/30/2012 at 2:49am - animals - by BloodFaerie (woman) - United States (Georgia)

BloodFaerie's comment about their FML

OP here and I find it really funny that the people without a frickin' sense of humour are calling *me* stupid. (Not to mention when said assholes appear to be illiterate...) Yes, I know it is probably going to eat it - seeing as next time I went in there the spider had gotten smart enough to stop and wrap up its dinner to make it easier to carry, lol. (Problem solving abilities now? hmmmmmm lol) And, let's see... I was obviously in college at one point, so I would hope some of you would realize that means I'm educated. Please learn to take a joke. I'm just happy I finally got an FML accepted. And, of all of them it was a joke about one spider carrying off a "wounded comrade".

And I saw someone did allude to the fact I must have left the dead one as a warning to the others. Muahahahahaha. *AND* maaaaybe this was a carefully staged display on their part to turn the tables and send *ME* a warning that they won't be dealt with so easily - that there are always MORE. *shudders*

Finally, the reason there are so many spiders? I live in the basement of this house out in rural North Georgia and this scene took place in the bathroom in the back corner of said basement. So... the spiders love it there.

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Today, my dog was licking the dishes in the dishwasher when his collar got stuck on it. Then he got scared of the dishwasher rack following him and ran away really fast. Now I have no dishes. FML

#19858711
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14849) - you deserved it (4454)

On 06/28/2012 at 1:20am - animals - by lala8940 - United States

lala8940's comment about their FML

To clear everything up:
- they were dirty dishes going into the wash so it didn't really matter
- I still have some dishes, but half of them are gone

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Today, I had to have a long and awkward meeting with my boss. It wouldn't have been too awkward though, if I didn't have to avoid staring at her exposed breast whilst she fed her 8 week old baby. FML

#19854928
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20189) - you deserved it (3822)

On 06/27/2012 at 6:32am - work - by Wubba87 (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Wubba87's comment about their FML

Wow, didn't realise this would get so much attention so quickly. Thanks guys! Not suprised that this has stirred a debate on breast feeding as a whole though...
To clarify, my boss has recently had a child (duh!) and has therefore been on maternity leave. This is the first time she's come back to work. I actually work in a research lab, and so my boss gathered myself and a few of my coworkers (a doctor and a PhD student) together in an office to discuss the progress of our research since she's been absent. I didn't mind having the meeting, I didn't mind that the kid was there too, and I definitley didn't mind her having to feed the child (nor do I ever mind when any woman has to do this, but especially in this case because she asked us all if it was OK to feed her before doing anything). But I have never had to work so hard on maintaining eye contact in my life! Awkward!

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Today, I shaved my legs. I received endless compliments about how great they looked, and how jealous all the girls were. I'm a guy who shaved them for a themed party, for which I dressed up as a girl. FML

#19850465
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16969) - you deserved it (8679)

On 06/26/2012 at 12:16pm - misc - by eviltwigster (man) - Australia (South Australia)

eviltwigster's comment about their FML

It would be all good, but I row, so i am supposed to build up leg muscle :/

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Today, at a party, I told a joke to my crush. He didn't even smile. An hour later, I heard my model friend tell the exact same joke to him. He said it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. FML

#19840844
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27345) - you deserved it (2146)

On 06/24/2012 at 7:39pm - love - by egc573 (woman) - United States (California)

egc573's comment about their FML

You guys are great. If I was broken up about this at all, I'd feel much better from a lot of the comments. I'd been flirting with this guy for a while, and this was the coldest he'd ever been to me. He met my friend that very night and wanted to get laid is all. But joke's on him--the friend's engaged!

As for the whole maybe my friend told the joke better thing, it's not the kind of joke that needs a bunch of buildup and then a big punchline. It was more of a sarcastic comment-type thing. She didn't tell it any better than I did.

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Today, I had a wet dream in the middle of an 8-hour-long airplane flight. FML

#19830472
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28921) - you deserved it (3646)

On 06/22/2012 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Uncomfy (man) - United States (Colorado)

Uncomfy's comment about their FML

OP here. Here are a couple details that may help one's understanding of this:

1. I didn't pack a change of clothes, since I was expecting to change when I got to my hotel. So I had to spend the second half of the flight as well as the taxi ride to my hotel EXTREMELY uncomfortable.
2. People have asked what I was dreaming about. What you have to understand about me is that I get wet dreams from the most mundane things possible. I can get one from dreaming about typing in a porn site's URL. So honestly, I don't quite remember.
3. Yes, there was someone sitting next to me. No, she didn't notice. No, I was not able to talk to her the entire flight for fear that she would.

Hope that cleared things up for you! OP out.

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Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML

#19828397
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12722) - you deserved it (31342)

On 06/22/2012 at 9:08am - misc - by ExplosiveDildo (woman) - Afghanistan

ExplosiveDildo's comment about their FML

Holy shit. I didn't think this would actually get posted! Well, I'm happy after all of the FML's I've posted over the years, this one got chosen

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Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses witnessed me whacking off on my couch. FML

#19812359
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24024) - you deserved it (14757)

On 06/19/2012 at 11:35am - intimacy - by megasniper240 (man) - United States (New York)

megasniper240's comment about their FML

OP here, to clear it up I was on my futon in my living room and they happened to catch a glimpse through the window. Also, it was an old lady with her husband.

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Today, I was forced to listen to a client rant about her lackluster sexual encounters with her husband. I was also given a rather detailed description of his manhood. Apparently, it's small. FML

#19809211
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15138) - you deserved it (1466)

On 06/18/2012 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by raraisbang - United States (Louisiana)

raraisbang's comment about their FML

Actually, I'm op and I'm a cosmetologist. I do hair. To clear that up :P

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Today, I had my blood drawn for a lab test. I was then given a container so I could give a urine sample. In the middle of peeing, I got woozy, started blacking out, and hit my head against the wall. A nurse discovered me with my pants down. FML

#19806974
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19809) - you deserved it (1668)

On 06/18/2012 at 12:05pm - health - by nerdsgetmehot (woman) - United States (Oregon)

nerdsgetmehot's comment about their FML

So...A little back story. I went to the doctor to get tests because I often feel faint and dizzy in the mornings and it's quite an inconvenience. Just last week, when I took my cat to the vet, I ended up starting to black out randomly. Pretty embarrassing and obviously super inconvenient, as I had to drive home afterwards and was doubtful about whether or not I was okay enough to drive home. I get to the verge of fainting often enough to concern me. I've gotten a few tests over the years, but my doctor remains largely unconcerned about it. She thinks it's just my very low blood pressure, but I do everything I can to help that. I drink lots of water, eat salty snacks, and never get up too quickly-- but it doesn't help. So, ironically, I ended up fainting at a doctors' appointment to look into why I keep almost fainting.

To answer some frequently asked questions: No, the nurse wasn't "impressed." I'm a female. Also, I think me lying on the floor immobile kind of killed the mood.

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Today, my best friend and I broke up with our respective girlfriends, so we could go on holiday and meet lots of new women. Instead, within a few hours, he got back with his ex, and they're planning their own holiday together. FML

#19801303
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6390) - you deserved it (50195)

On 06/17/2012 at 12:08pm - love - by JPTK (man) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

JPTK's comment about their FML

OP CLARIFICATION TIME!!!!!

A *month* ago, me and my ex broke up as I was moving away, 3 days later she got drunk and had rebound sex with some guy. Talking to my best mate, he said we should go on a lads holiday around Europe to get over our exs etc. (He broke up with his around the same time).

Y'know - meet some girls, work on our tan, drinks on the beach, you know the drill!

Yesterday, when we were supposed to book, he told me he had to pull out as he'd gotten back with his ex and wanted to go on holiday with her.

That is why FML.

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