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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45178) - you deserved it (3613)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Marmarfarfar's comment about their FML

Hey everyone, OP here! I enjoyed reading all the comments, and I am happy to know I'm not the only one to laugh or cry when reading a good book. Just wanted to say that I am not from an up tight family, me and my brother had been picking on my mom all day making jokes. I was just around her at a bad time and she thought I was still laughing at her, so I might actually deserve this one. :)

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Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML

#20639284
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43559) - you deserved it (2573)

On 05/03/2013 at 4:52pm - health - by SSeizeTheDay (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

SSeizeTheDay's comment about their FML

In retrospect it probably was the pharmacy tech who made the comment, I'm never sure who's who behind the counter. Regardless, I'll be calling the store in the morning to report them and figure out if I need to do anything else to get their ass fired.
Also, just for the record epilepsy is far from a "mild ailment". I consider myself lucky that I've come away from most of my seizures scoff free. But even so, I've broken three ribs, had a concussion, and incurred facial scarring from falling when I seize. Not to mention that my short term memory is shot to hell and with every seizure I have I run the risk of further cognitive decline.
But yeah, the medicine is definitely unnecessary. Right.

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Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

#20635501
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41333) - you deserved it (5373)

On 05/01/2013 at 7:22pm - animals - by Annonymous_Dad (man) - United States (Indiana)

Annonymous_Dad's comment about their FML

My dog IS trained. Generally, he just needs to be told "heel" or "quiet" and he obeys. However, ever since the baby has come home ( 3 weeks) hes gone into super protective mode. A car door slams and hes "killer guard dog". Its getting ridiculous and I do get exasperated when it happens multiple times within a half hour. He DOES listen when I yell, because its not something I have ever done with him. Afterwards, however, we go through the "heel" command and give treats. He just hasnt settled down yet! Maybe Ill just start yelling "Heel Killer!!" ( totally kidding, calm down, no more yelling for me)

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Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML

#20635489
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36530) - you deserved it (3991)

On 05/01/2013 at 7:13pm - misc - by vegas518 - United States (North Carolina)

vegas518's comment about their FML

First of all, I'm a woman... Not a man. So I'm most definitely not a mama's boy. My mom lives near by and she's older. I am the youngest as well. It's easier to say "stand up to her" or "grow some balls" - I've tried that and trust me... It's not worth the fight that happens afterward. Thanks for listening though.

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Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML

#20635268
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10677) - you deserved it (55675)

On 05/01/2013 at 5:33pm - health - by QueenOrangeSoda (woman) - United States (Nevada)

QueenOrangeSoda's comment about their FML

OP here!

As one kid remarked, "That's a LOT of tape" and "But you're skinny!" If only he knew the whole thing.

Yes, it was stupid, but when I took it off, I noticed that my fat was contained, and I looked thinner all day. Of course, no one deserves the pain of having it on or, even worse, removing it. (Those back hairs!) And let's not mention those blistering red marks. Still, it was worth the price.

And no, I'm not fat or even chubby. I'm rather active--some would say hyper--and don't even eat that much in the first place. My weight and height are perfectly proportionate; I'm an average size. But since I'm not stick-skinny like my sisters, my family pesters me to lose weight. Besides, thinner girls at my school get more guys.

I'd been sucking in for days, but I needed something to keep it that way. I sucked in when applying the duct tape, and since the fat couldn't get through its tight told, it looked as if my stomach were perfectly thin and flat. Sadly, some kids noticed and wondered why the heck my tummy was taped. I decided it wasn't worth the pain and I peeled it all off, awful pain and red marks included. I wish I could've cut it off; it would've been easier that way. After about halfway I excused myself to the bathroom to strip off the rest (the more painful parts) in a stall's confinement.

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Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37308) - you deserved it (8212)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States

MrConcise's comment about their FML

Here's how it went down: The previous shop owner retired just before I started working at my job. I took over his office, but he left a lot of shit behind. Besides, when you find a pen that actually works, you don't look too far into it. I suppose the girl riding the moped should've tipped me off a little sooner, though.

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Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML

#20632537
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40813) - you deserved it (18032)

On 04/30/2013 at 11:09am - misc - by longsock123 - United States (California)

longsock123's comment about their FML

I mean, you're commenting on FML, I'm eating mayonnaise in a mall... the amount of "life" between the two of us is not very high.

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Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

#20622850
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40240) - you deserved it (8744)

On 04/26/2013 at 9:23am - animals - by revan546 - United States (New Hampshire)

revan546's comment about their FML

Hi guys, OP here. Yeah I've been a vegetarian for a few years and my friend finally decided to call me out on it. I think i died a little inside when i heard it haha. He eventually did admit that he was wrong and we're still friends and whatnot. Common sense isn't so common nowadays though is it.

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Today, I was sent to group therapy. A girl spent twenty minutes telling us horrible details of having been raised incestuously. A side effect of my new medication is yawning. FML

#20617726
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43002) - you deserved it (3489)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:23am - health - by fiercehawk (woman) - United States (Indiana)

fiercehawk's comment about their FML

Thanks to everyone who shared their personal experiences, offered their support or sympathy, or made me laugh.

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Today, I walked in on my brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

#20615168
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82748) - you deserved it (10784)

On 04/23/2013 at 2:34am - intimacy - by iLynz - United States

iLynz's comment about their FML

Yes, my brother's friend was male. No, I didn't know he wasn't straight. Yes my brother is gay. And it's kinda hard to knock when there isn't a wall separating the kitchen from the living room. We talked about it afterwards AFTER I left the room (:

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Today, my grandpa moved into the apartment next door. The walls are wafer-thin. Goodbye sex life. FML

#20613352
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54434) - you deserved it (6274)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by LesbianHonest (woman) - Canada

LesbianHonest's comment about their FML

I'm not, but my girlfriend is.
Her silence in bed makes me sad now. :(

PS: Yes, this is my FML. I didn't have an account when I posted it, though.

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Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML

#20603169
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36278) - you deserved it (3389)

On 04/18/2013 at 8:06pm - misc - by s0m3guy2010 - United States

s0m3guy2010's comment about their FML

I know he was bacon for a heart attack. Although the dryer didn't break, I was really porked from doing laundry until he was able to clean everything out.

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