Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. It's okay, I know who the father is: my ex-boyfriend, who moved to Japan last week. FML

#20502274
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34549) - you deserved it (10624)

On 02/11/2013 at 1:17pm - kids - by juno_op (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

juno_op's comment about their FML

Hiii, I'm the OP. thanks for all the lovely comments, although there's a few that aren't very nice. I'm 24 btw, not 16, and I did use birth control, but you do know it's only 99% safe, right? These things can sadly happen. And we broke up because he was going.

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, it's my boyfriend's birthday. He really likes Legend of Zelda, so I put on a Link hat, took my clothes off, and waited for him at his place. He came home with a hooker. FML

#20502217
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51019) - you deserved it (3733)

On 02/11/2013 at 12:08pm - love - by excusemeprincess (woman) - United States (New York)

excusemeprincess's comment about their FML

I'm the person who posted this. I just forgot to log in. Anyway, I DID kick him in his deku nuts and walk out on him. Thanks for all your hilarious comments guys. :)

See all the comments

Today, I had to drive to my workplace in blizzard conditions. Now that my 12 hour shift is over, I can't get out of the building, as the snow has blown into large drifts in front of the doors. I have to stay overnight until my next 12 hour shift. FML

#20499270
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31711) - you deserved it (2268)

On 02/09/2013 at 7:39am - work - by sonnyrosa (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

sonnyrosa's comment about their FML

I'm sure there are labor laws that are supposed to prevent stuff like this, but when the roads are closed, and no one can get in (even the buses have stopped running, and a lot of people reply on those to get to work), there's nothing that can be done. I'm stuck here, but I'm getting paid for it... hopefully, this snow crap stops before tomorrow morning, otherwise, I'll be stuck again. It's still coming down like mad :S

See all the comments including 19 other original poster's reactions

Today, I had my gallbladder removed. I have a very painful incision in my belly that makes any kind of movement excruciating. I've had the hiccups 5 times so far. FML

#20497751
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31338) - you deserved it (2021)

On 02/08/2013 at 12:31am - health - by IHeartBlueJay - United States

IHeartBlueJay's comment about their FML

Yeah they did it laparoscopically. And any kind of major surgery is going to be painful, but having it done laparoscopically is much, much better than an open incision! Try not to worry, it's a very safe surgery and they'll take good care of you :)

See all the comments

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

#20496132
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20270) - you deserved it (5108)

On 02/06/2013 at 7:49pm - misc - by gilbirds (woman) - United States (Ohio)

gilbirds's comment about their FML

OP here! I can't believe this got posted. Moreover, I can't believe I forgot to log in. *facepalm*
For those commenting about there being no such thing as an empty Wal-Mart parking lot, it was the rarely-used back lot where virtually no one goes. So it was deserted enough for a rookie's practice.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

#20495821
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32356) - you deserved it (3539)

On 02/06/2013 at 4:05pm - health - by AplJax3 (woman) - United States

AplJax3's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here! While my husband is an ass, the reaching up and bending over for things lasted until I dropped a full bottle of water on his foot (accidentally on purpose). After that, he stopped laughing and gave me back rub. Since I am currently denying him sympathy for the tiny bruise on his pinky toe, I'd say we're about even.

See all the comments

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

#20490059
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29922) - you deserved it (2621)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by wilks311 - United States (Pennsylvania)

wilks311's comment about their FML

It all started at my five year old birthday party...where I met Bobo the clown...he scared me.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

#20484152
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40848) - you deserved it (21386)

On 01/29/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by ohfuckwaffles (man) - United States (Washington)

ohfuckwaffles's comment about their FML

OP here. Thanks for the support, everyone - I have told her, and, while she's definitely not into it, at least she doesn't plan to leave me over it. To those of you wondering whether I'm a transvestite, a crossdresser, a transexual, or transgendered - there are waaay too many of these names, and it's confusing. How about I explain it this way: I'm a girl on the inside, and I'm still attracted to girls (a lesbian, perhaps?). I don't mind my body, and I don't mind wearing men's clothes (heck, it's what I grew up with), but I'd like to see what more is out there...
I've been hiding it and ignoring it and thinking I'm wrong for a long time, but my control is obviously slipping.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I told my boyfriend about my upcoming mouth surgery. He freaked out. Not because he's worried about me, but because I told him I will not be able to give him head for two weeks. FML

#20479189
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39411) - you deserved it (7255)

On 01/26/2013 at 2:18am - intimacy - by Lauren324 - Canada (Ontario)

Lauren324's comment about their FML

Actually I've been with him for 3 years now... It's a mutual thing with us, we both pleasure each other like that equally, I think that's why he was bummed out. Usually it's everyday with us....

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I realised that my friend hasn't spoken to me for a week. A week ago I politely explained to her that I really don't believe in horoscopes, and asked her at the time to stop systematically using my star-sign to explain my behaviour. FML

#20476356
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23010) - you deserved it (4263)

On 01/24/2013 at 11:37am - misc - by notsuperstitious (woman) - Finland

notsuperstitious's comment about their FML

Sorry for my english, it isn't my first language. I actually WAS polite, I said something like "I understand that horoscopes are important to you, but I really don't share the same view. So I would appreciate if you didn't mention it so often-if I am being a bitch, could you just say so and not say, "all scorpions do that"? And yeah, I'm not that sorry for losing a friend,as she apparently values her superstitions over me, I'm just pissed off, (O.P.)

See all the comments

Today, I had lunch with an attractive foreign exchange student from Dresden. After bombarding her with questions about Russia, she smiled and kindly told me that Dresden is in Germany. Everyone laughed. FML

#20473509
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10855) - you deserved it (43788)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:39pm - love - by Kasey103 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Kasey103's comment about their FML

In my defense, when she said, "Dresden is in Germany, Sweetie." I knew exactly where it was. My cousins are from Leipzig. I guess her accent just made the name sound funny. But thank you all for adding your two cents about the American education system.

See all the comments

Today, the drummer of my band briefly mentioned something about not being allowed into the United States, just as he left our last practice before our big tour in America. FML

#20469197
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30464) - you deserved it (2673)

On 01/20/2013 at 7:27am - work - by musicalrose_21 (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

musicalrose_21's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here, sorry I waited so long to reply to this but I didn't realise it got published! In the end, we left him behind and got my boyfriend's brother to drum for us. He's not out of the band though! I thought I could trust him.

See all the comments



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: