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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I received a slip through my door saying that the package I'd ordered couldn't be delivered today because no-one was home to sign for it. I got the slip just in time to watch the guy who put it through my letterbox get in his van, look me in the eye and drive off. FML

#20670426
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46949) - you deserved it (3465)

On 05/18/2013 at 5:41am - misc - by JACKxRAWR (man) - United Kingdom

JACKxRAWR's comment about their FML

OP here. I sent them a lovely long email regarding customer service.:)

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Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20446) - you deserved it (36676)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Calaraphea's comment about their FML

OP here. I didn't expect it to be noted as a medical bracelet substitute. It's very artsy and colourful; it also has a date underneath so I didn't expect people to think it was due to an illness.

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Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML

#20664946
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41262) - you deserved it (8367)

On 05/15/2013 at 12:12pm - love - by lackadaisy_leah - United States

lackadaisy_leah's comment about their FML

OP here. My mom is super awesome, and it was actually really funny. I just thought sharing it with FML would be fun. :) As far as the status, it wasn't an attention thing, I was just remarking on an elderly couple I saw walking the mall and wanted to post about it. The bit about my boyfriend was just an add-on.

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Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML

#20660112
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49930) - you deserved it (4700)

On 05/13/2013 at 12:29am - animals - by JamiesMom (woman) - United States (Michigan)

JamiesMom's comment about their FML

Op here(: My son Jamie is a boy, our cat was too. I got him 8 years ago as a 1st anniversary gift from my husband. Aladdin(Cat's name) was already dead when our son tried to flush him, and Yes we've had many fish before. I hope that answers everyone's questions.

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Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML

#20651533
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39252) - you deserved it (7113)

On 05/09/2013 at 2:49am - misc - by fml0505 (man) - United States

fml0505's comment about their FML

This is the OP! I live with a married couple because they are old friends of mine, the rent is cheap, and it helps them out with the bills as well. It's really not that bad, we get along really well. The baby talk just gets old when you hear it all the time ya know? I don't even think he realizes he's doing it at this point, and I don't want to get in the middle of their marriage. I'll just keep quiet, drown it out with manly music, and vent on FML! # 2 I will be long gone before they have a real baby. # 17 I am indeed very jealous of his beard. Also, they are not newly weds. And to clear things up, all three of us are roommates. He's not living with me instead of his wife like some of you thought. That is all.

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Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 years old, and we've lived together for the past four years. FML

#20649796
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74459) - you deserved it (4966)

On 05/08/2013 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by lalalaisling - Ireland (Cork)

lalalaisling's comment about their FML

hey, OP here. If only I could blame whiskey! Also I have to admit, the stereotype is somewhat true.

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Today, I was reading and started laughing at a funny part in my book. My mom then bitched me out because she thought I was laughing at her. She called me a liar after I explained myself. Her logic? "Books aren't funny". FML

#20647629
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45169) - you deserved it (3612)

On 05/07/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by Marmarfarfar (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Marmarfarfar's comment about their FML

Hey everyone, OP here! I enjoyed reading all the comments, and I am happy to know I'm not the only one to laugh or cry when reading a good book. Just wanted to say that I am not from an up tight family, me and my brother had been picking on my mom all day making jokes. I was just around her at a bad time and she thought I was still laughing at her, so I might actually deserve this one. :)

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Today, I was berated by a pharmacist, who said that kids these days are on so many unnecessary medications for "fake diseases". I was just trying to pick up the medication I've been prescribed to control my epilepsy. FML

#20639284
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43557) - you deserved it (2573)

On 05/03/2013 at 4:52pm - health - by SSeizeTheDay (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

SSeizeTheDay's comment about their FML

In retrospect it probably was the pharmacy tech who made the comment, I'm never sure who's who behind the counter. Regardless, I'll be calling the store in the morning to report them and figure out if I need to do anything else to get their ass fired.
Also, just for the record epilepsy is far from a "mild ailment". I consider myself lucky that I've come away from most of my seizures scoff free. But even so, I've broken three ribs, had a concussion, and incurred facial scarring from falling when I seize. Not to mention that my short term memory is shot to hell and with every seizure I have I run the risk of further cognitive decline.
But yeah, the medicine is definitely unnecessary. Right.

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Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

#20635501
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41322) - you deserved it (5373)

On 05/01/2013 at 7:22pm - animals - by Annonymous_Dad (man) - United States (Indiana)

Annonymous_Dad's comment about their FML

My dog IS trained. Generally, he just needs to be told "heel" or "quiet" and he obeys. However, ever since the baby has come home ( 3 weeks) hes gone into super protective mode. A car door slams and hes "killer guard dog". Its getting ridiculous and I do get exasperated when it happens multiple times within a half hour. He DOES listen when I yell, because its not something I have ever done with him. Afterwards, however, we go through the "heel" command and give treats. He just hasnt settled down yet! Maybe Ill just start yelling "Heel Killer!!" ( totally kidding, calm down, no more yelling for me)

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Today, I was lectured by my mother for staying out until 2 am because I went to a gig last night. I was told I was irresponsible and made to feel ashamed. Not only do I live on my own and pay my bills, but I'm almost 30. This is a regular occurrence. FML

#20635489
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36514) - you deserved it (3991)

On 05/01/2013 at 7:13pm - misc - by vegas518 - United States (North Carolina)

vegas518's comment about their FML

First of all, I'm a woman... Not a man. So I'm most definitely not a mama's boy. My mom lives near by and she's older. I am the youngest as well. It's easier to say "stand up to her" or "grow some balls" - I've tried that and trust me... It's not worth the fight that happens afterward. Thanks for listening though.

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Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML

#20635268
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10673) - you deserved it (55658)

On 05/01/2013 at 5:33pm - health - by QueenOrangeSoda (woman) - United States (Nevada)

QueenOrangeSoda's comment about their FML

OP here!

As one kid remarked, "That's a LOT of tape" and "But you're skinny!" If only he knew the whole thing.

Yes, it was stupid, but when I took it off, I noticed that my fat was contained, and I looked thinner all day. Of course, no one deserves the pain of having it on or, even worse, removing it. (Those back hairs!) And let's not mention those blistering red marks. Still, it was worth the price.

And no, I'm not fat or even chubby. I'm rather active--some would say hyper--and don't even eat that much in the first place. My weight and height are perfectly proportionate; I'm an average size. But since I'm not stick-skinny like my sisters, my family pesters me to lose weight. Besides, thinner girls at my school get more guys.

I'd been sucking in for days, but I needed something to keep it that way. I sucked in when applying the duct tape, and since the fat couldn't get through its tight told, it looked as if my stomach were perfectly thin and flat. Sadly, some kids noticed and wondered why the heck my tummy was taped. I decided it wasn't worth the pain and I peeled it all off, awful pain and red marks included. I wish I could've cut it off; it would've been easier that way. After about halfway I excused myself to the bathroom to strip off the rest (the more painful parts) in a stall's confinement.

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Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

#20634740
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37299) - you deserved it (8211)

On 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by MrConcise (man) - United States

MrConcise's comment about their FML

Here's how it went down: The previous shop owner retired just before I started working at my job. I took over his office, but he left a lot of shit behind. Besides, when you find a pen that actually works, you don't look too far into it. I suppose the girl riding the moped should've tipped me off a little sooner, though.

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