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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I took a pregnancy test. I was disappointed it was negative, as my fiancé and I have been together for four years and have a strong relationship. He danced with happiness when he discovered the test was negative and tried to high-five me. FML

#20094767
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10797) - you deserved it (21271)

On 09/30/2012 at 5:30am - love - by BeforeItWasCool - United Kingdom

BeforeItWasCool's comment about their FML

Wow this seems to have been misinterpreted! It was unplanned, I was entirely surprised by it. We hadn't planned on kids- if it had been positive it would have been an accident. I was just quite happy to have such a nice surprise even if it did turn out to be negative. I was quite disappointed it was negative, not because I've been secretly trying to get pregnant, but because I was pleasantly surprised. It just seems my fiancé was a little too enthusiastic about the negative result.

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Today, it's my best friend's birthday. It's also the first year I've had her gift purchased, wrapped and mailed on time. The post office lost the parcel. FML

#20094428
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16975) - you deserved it (1350)

On 09/29/2012 at 11:49pm - misc - by carine13 - Canada (Alberta)

carine13's comment about their FML

OP here! FM password retrival. lol Yeah Canada Post comes with free insurance so I got my money back.

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Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

#20093277
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19945) - you deserved it (4229)

On 09/29/2012 at 5:14am - intimacy - by BabyG2222 - United States (Wisconsin)

BabyG2222's comment about their FML

OP here, Okay just want to clarify some stuff first. The term "spank the ferret" is a "nice" way of putting he was jerking off. I originally wrote "jerked off" but I guess fmylife didn't like that wording and changed it to a friendly term. So, no there wasn't an actually ferret (no animal was hurt in the making of fmylife). Okay with that done now for the background story. My boyfriend at the time loved sex (like every normal guy) and liked to do the "traditional porn ending, where the guy cums on the girls face" He liked to call it Spiderman. (I'm aware doing the Spiderman is not done that way however he didn't want to splat in his hand and throw it at me, it was a modified Spiderman). Anyways, he got this "bright" idea to wake me up this way (thinking I was find it funny and sexy at the same time, which I didn't.) And for all of you who said I should have helped him out, I was sleeping, he woke me up just before and when I turned around SPLAT he shot me in the face while singing the theme song. We broke up a month later because of an unrelated issue but needless to say I was pretty mad at him but forgave him like after a day.

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Today, my husband of five years left me for a woman ten years older than himself who lives nine hours away. He met her online two weeks ago while playing Call of Duty. FML

#20091576
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27239) - you deserved it (2046)

On 09/27/2012 at 10:14pm - love - by strawberrywine22 (woman) - United States (California)

strawberrywine22's comment about their FML

OP here :)
No, I'm NOT a terrible wife. I had a situation that caused sex to be very painful for me, so we weren't doing it very much. He got frustrated, this whore started chatting with him. I moved in with my parents, and two weeks later he ended it with her (without even meeting her in person yet) realizing that it was his sexual frustration talking. We are back together and working things out, which is easier now that I've been to the doctor and had my situation taken care of.
Thanks for the sympathy, and a big FECK OFF to the haters ;)

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Today, I walked in to my apartment to see my husband sitting there with his toes painted pink. When I asked him why, he said, "I wanted to feel pretty." This is the man who is about to be the father of my child. FML

#20090261
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15338) - you deserved it (6949)

On 09/26/2012 at 10:14pm - love - by cmc9540 (woman) - United States (New York)

cmc9540's comment about their FML

Maybe I am. They did look better than mine

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Today, one of my regulars approached me at work, arms extended for a hug. He's always in a bad mood, so I figured for once he wasn't grumpy and I enthusiastically hugged him. Turns out he was just stretching his arms. He told me I was crazy and pretty much ran out of my store. FML

#20087132
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12207) - you deserved it (3341)

On 09/24/2012 at 8:52pm - work - by MLAA (woman) - United States (California)

MLAA's comment about their FML

For all the people who think this is strange you have to understand hes been a regular at my store for 2 years. Its not like it was some random person. Hes so depressed and angry every time, so when I finally saw him for once not looking upset and like he wanted a hug I went for it. Silly mistake on my part but what can I say I always hope for the best in people. He came back today and apologized. See a friendly hug goes a long way. So you negative people need a hug.

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Today, I was taking a pizza order at work, and had to ask the customer's name. I couldn't quite hear what he said, so rather than asking him to repeat himself, I asked how it was spelled. He gave me a funny look and said, "Um, A.J.?" FML

#20086729
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14803) - you deserved it (4824)

On 09/24/2012 at 3:35pm - work - by martinaaah - United States (Washington)

martinaaah's comment about their FML

Nope, sorry. This is the OP, this happened at The C Shop in Birch Bay, Washington

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Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML

#20083142
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16121) - you deserved it (1248)

On 09/22/2012 at 3:29am - misc - by ak_6694 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

ak_6694's comment about their FML

For anyone who is interested, she has taken it with good humour and is still laughing about it. It's one of those electronic scales, so I did briefly get her to believe that due to the GFC, the scales would say she was putting on more pounds than kilos before I came clean with the truth.

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Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML

#20081847
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7476) - you deserved it (17370)

On 09/21/2012 at 6:56am - misc - by for_fs_sake (woman) - United Kingdom

for_fs_sake's comment about their FML

I called the hospital this morning and was informed by the duty nurse that yes, I definitely should have been told not to drink on the new meds. When I asked why the doc didn't mention it, she replied that "the doctor has been very busy as she's now taken on a management position and she must have forgotten". Fabulous! Happily, my husband's very understanding, and the new guy thinks it's hilaaaaaaaaaaaarious. So right now, I guess it's the lack of shoes and lack of dignity that are the real problems.

And yes - I've heard I was a BLAST to drink with last night, until the whole shrub-shoe-booty-text debacle. God, I'm a moron.

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Today, as I left work for the parking lot, I noticed two full trashbags duct-taped to my car. They were marked as my property. According to the note left on my windshield, my ex-roommate thought he'd be kind enough to bring my things to me to save me the trip. FML

#20081002
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14545) - you deserved it (1596)

On 09/20/2012 at 5:40pm - misc - by Snickerfritz (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Snickerfritz's comment about their FML

This is the OP. He did this because he propositioned sex to me every night when his girlfriend was out of town. I always said no and told him to gtfo. He kicked me out, so I told his girlfriend and showed her the texts.

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Today, I decided to give blood for the first time in my life. As an 18-year-old, 5'1", 110lb woman, I guess I shouldn't have been allowed there, much less permitted to leave the room to get some food. I ended up passing out in the middle of the dining hall. FML

#20079385
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15533) - you deserved it (3431)

On 09/19/2012 at 3:45pm - health - by partyrocker12 (woman) - United States

partyrocker12's comment about their FML

Hello, OP here!

Thank You all for your concern! I'm doing a lot better. I actually ended up passing out three more times before they carted me off to the hospital, where I took a nice nap.
I think what did me in was my blood pressure, which to me actually seemed low to give blood. I have normally low blood pressure (96/84 is my average) and it was 100/85, or something like that. They also did not attempt to detain me.

As for the amount, they took 2 cups from me, so one of the smaller bags. This is a company that regularly visits my university (not the Red Cross, if it was Red Cross it would be different), and my sorority sister who took care of me had two bags taken from her last year, she's about 5'5" and weighs maybe 170lbs and she nearly passed out. I think the next time I give blood, it will be with RC.

They made no attempt to stop me as I went up a flight of stairs, handed my meal card over, and made my way over to the pop machine, which is where I fainted for the first time in my life.

Thank You again for your concern, and I'm so glad that I did it.

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Today, thinking I was alone in my house, I went downstairs in my underwear, singing at the top of my voice. I strutted into the kitchen to find two middle-aged men I'd never seen before sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. Turns out they will be painting our house for the next two weeks. FML

#20077635
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20439) - you deserved it (3510)

On 09/18/2012 at 10:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

j5maria's comment about their FML

Hi everyone, it was me that posted this FML! Loving all your comments, and yes, it was a pretty embarrassing moment.

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Today, my mom turned off all internet access in our house because she thought I spent too much time on the computer. She later asked me why she couldn't get on Facebook. FML

#20076861
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19284) - you deserved it (1623)

On 09/17/2012 at 9:09pm - misc - by Oh_So_Klassical (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Oh_So_Klassical's comment about their FML

OP Here, and I spend up to 3 hours a day on the computer because I take a computer class and all the homework is online and that's why she turned it off. She called our provider and told them to turn it off, since she didn't know how. I didn't find out until I came home and attempted to do my homework, and by that point, my mom was in a fuss about not being able to get on Facebook. And since I'm her daughter, and clearly know nothing, she refused to believe me. My neighbor is the one who finally convinced her the internet was needed for Facebook.

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