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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, before a blind date with a girl set up by my flatmate, I put some aftershave on. Then I realised I had forgotten my contact lenses. When I put them in it caused so much pain that in my attempt to reach the bathroom I walked into a wall. When I got there, she saw my swollen face and left. FML

#21026476
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42646) - you deserved it (7808)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:37am - love - by danny395 (man) - United Kingdom

danny395's comment about their FML

OP here this is the first time I've had a post accepted so i thought i should elaborate because I hate it when people don't explain.

The reason I wasn't wearing glasses is I've been assured by many people that I look pretty stupid in my glasses and I thought it would be best to make a good first impression (I know its vain but I wanted to impress).

I also only put one contact lens in so my left eye was fine but my sight is so bad (-6.25 if your'e interested) that i cant see anything at all without my glasses + Im fairly tall and live on the top floor with some crazily steep stairs so its pretty hard to get down in the best of times but a mix of the pain plus bad sight meant i slipped and sent myself into the wall.

I realise I should have washed my hands first but i was in a rush and i didn't want to be late, kind of ironic considering I ended up being about an hour late trying to sort out this particular mess. Worse of all I ended up wearing my glasses anyway...

In defence I've been assured by my flatmate that the girl is really nice but not very outgoing and quite shy, she didn't really want to be there and I was so late I can understand she left when I arrived looking like I'd been in a couple of MMA fights...

And #3 I appreciate you seeing the irony in 'blind' date :)

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Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

#21026399
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58646) - you deserved it (4769)

On 01/13/2014 at 7:09am - intimacy - by OvertonHippie - United States (Mississippi)

OvertonHippie's comment about their FML

What she doesn't realize is that in a school with only 180 students, it's impossible to get away with stuff like that. The principal knows what's up, because we dealt with similar issues last year; I just didn't think I was going to have to schedule meetings with the teachers again about it (outside of the regular parent-teacher conferences, which she attends). I *had* kind of noticed the teachers giving me the stink-eye in the car line lately though.

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Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

#21023301
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41080) - you deserved it (7168)

On 01/10/2014 at 3:20am - kids - by polluxdc (woman) - United States (Oregon)

polluxdc's comment about their FML

OP here. Yeah, I was joking, they aren't always the most sophisticated of jokes, but it gives one a sense of where the kid may or may not be coming from. The kid, unfortunately, was not joking, and I had to explain a few things to her. Thanx for the comments. For those of you who said stop joking around and do your job...it'd be a mighty dreary place if there was no humor (lame as it may or may not be). It IS a portion of our job. This post was mostly meant as a, "f" all our lives if this is what the future holds.

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Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

#21020544
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41719) - you deserved it (3595)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)

tpj24's comment about their FML

Rest assured that I set the student straight.

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Today, my water pipes froze and burst and I now have to take snow from my back yard and boil it down into water in order to flush my toilet. FML

#21015184
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37985) - you deserved it (3605)

On 01/03/2014 at 3:34am - misc - by Kayla_BlowPop (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Kayla_BlowPop's comment about their FML

Hey, I'm the OP. My pipes burst at about 2:00 AM so I couldn't take water from neighbours or call a friend. We figured out they froze at like five PM and we were all trying to unfreeze them. At that point it was just the hot water that didn't work. It actually happened to us once already, and we fixed it so we didn't think it was a big deal until they burst. We called the plumber the next day and we had water by the time I woke up. It was just my little sister and I who were melting the snow, because we were the only ones who had to pee. We made a really big mess and my sister kept flushing the toilet before we actually had enough water, making us have to start all over again. It was a horrible experience and my older brother refused to help. But now, it's just a really funny story to tell.

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Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

#21014050
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48538) - you deserved it (4916)

On 01/02/2014 at 9:13am - misc - by Purplexus - Turkey (Ankara)

Purplexus's comment about their FML

Yes, this was my FML. Yeah, my dad is an awesome professor. Does anyone have any questions haha

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Today, I saw my sister after three days away. When I went to get in the car with her, she told me I had to sit in the back, because her teddy rides in front now. She was serious. I've already been replaced by a stuffed bear. FML

#21012941
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35816) - you deserved it (3792)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:18pm - misc - by SabriLittleRed (woman) - United States (California)

SabriLittleRed's comment about their FML

Heyy guys, I'm the OP, & no, I didn't do anything to her first.
The bear was a gift from her bf.
I thought she was joking at first, & was kinda surprised & hurt she actually made me sit in the back. I enjoyed all your puns; they were ”beary” funny, lol. Happy New Years Everyone!! :D

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Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

#21010666
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44374) - you deserved it (4065)

On 12/30/2013 at 5:28pm - kids - by AnnoyedSister - United States (Virginia)

AnnoyedSister's comment about their FML

Hi everybody! OC here. I guess I didn't put enough details in my FML as I could:
So I'll tell you all the WHOLE story.

Blake is 17 years old. Yes he is a convict currently on parol. I cannot remember exactly WHAT he did, but I believe it was either Breaking and Entering or he stole a car. I'm not positively sure.
Also: I could not get off the eyelash glue with warm water or make up remover because her eyelashes were going inward towards her eye and frankly, my daughter wouldn't stay still long enough for me to even try.
To all the commenters who said "Keep an eye on your daughter." Nice pun. But she is twelve years old so I'm pretty sure even if I tried to pay attention she'd say something along the lines of "Go away mom!" Or "What do you want?!" So yeah.
Blake also does NOT flirt with my daughter (thank goodness) and they've only met once, when they moved in. The funny thing is, he can't even get her name right. Her name is Violet, but he insists on calling her Veronica. So, no marriage plans yet! Yay!

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Today, my boyfriend found an old nude of me on his best friend's PS3. I had no idea this guy existed until we moved in with him. FML

#21010537
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45771) - you deserved it (9204)

On 12/30/2013 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by thejanamonster - United States (Alabama)

thejanamonster's comment about their FML

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. The nude was taken and sent to an ex that I thought I could trust before I had even met my boyfriend. The "friend" got it from a friend of his that supplies nudes of girls from the city I moved from. The reason I had no idea who the guy was is because he moved to a different state before I met my boyfriend, but they've been friends for a really long time. My boyfriend took it relatively well and things are perfectly fine between us. Hope this clears up some questions I've seen.

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Today, I caught my neighbor picking my flowers out of the planter on my porch. When I said something to her, she ran off and knocked over the planter, smashing it. She is now acting like nothing happened. FML

#21010339
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37714) - you deserved it (2725)

On 12/30/2013 at 10:46am - misc - by Caimimi (woman) - United States (Texas)

Caimimi's comment about their FML

Hey OP here.
I hadn't been up all that long and our dog started barking at something so I went to check it out. I open the door and there she is cutting all of my calla lily stems! I was incredibly baffled that she would just walk up onto the porch and do that. What I said to her was "Uhm.. Those are my flowers.." (such mean and rude fighting words!) She then took off like a bat out of hell while knocking off the plant pot onto the concrete below. (I think knocking it over was purely accidental but it still doesn't excuse what she was doing.)
I got dressed and went next door to ask what the heck that was all about and she "informed" me that I must have mistaken her for someone else. After a few minutes of arguing I gave up and came back to clean up the mess. I figured I would just not worry about it, certainly nothing worth involving the law.
On the plus side, about noon there was a knock on my door and a slightly larger, new plant pot was sitting on my porch with no one around. (I wonder who left it.. Hmmmm...)
The actual act of picking the flowers doesn't bug me too terribly seeing as my niece picks the flowers almost every time one blooms. It is the lack of honesty that caused the issue for me.

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Today, I realized there is nothing quite like having your mother be too hungover to open presents on Christmas morning. FML

#21004741
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35134) - you deserved it (2553)

On 12/25/2013 at 10:33am - misc - by sydstreet - United States (Texas)

sydstreet's comment about their FML

My mother is an alcoholic who refuses help. She gets drunk and violent so I'll try not to sue her over that! thanks pal I feel so much better!!!!

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Today, my new neighbors moved in. They have a chihuahua that constantly barks all throughout the day. It makes a great addition to my other neighbors that have a rooster that goes off at sunrise every morning. FML

#21004433
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35574) - you deserved it (2611)

On 12/25/2013 at 1:22am - animals - by WeiXinLun - United States (California)

WeiXinLun's comment about their FML

OP here! this actual happened a while ago, but the principle is still the same. the neighbors with the chihuahua, they occasionally yell at the dog to shut up. for the most part, they do nothing. it's not too loud to legally make a noise complaint, but loud enough to be an awful annoyance. as for the ones with the rooster, they don't even speak English. they're from Hong Kong, so they only speak Cantonese, which i don't speak. and i live in the middle of suburbia, so the rooster is very illegal. a 1000$ fine, i believe, if reported. the rooster usually gets really loud around 10, so it sometimes wakes me up, sometimes not. the chihuahua is pretty much 24/7. any more suggestions are more than welcome though, thanks!

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