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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

#20557889
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33210) - you deserved it (6052)

On 03/24/2013 at 11:56am - kids - by Gixie (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Gixie's comment about their FML

Alright. Where to start.
1) I submitted this FML and someone liked it so much he decided to submit it as his own with a few modifications. That's why there are comments about "daddy".
2) My son is 18 months, is developmentally challenged and just learning. He did not actually get me.
3) It is a learning fork for children which has metal, rounded prongs so it doesn't hurt if he gets you or himself.
4) I did take away his fork to which he screamed and cried. When he settled down, I gave it back and he was content to stab his pancake.
5) Have you people never been stabbed by plasticware or a spork? That shit hurts!
6) I do not live in Ghana.

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Today, I saw some pictures of my boyfriend drunkenly kissing his ex on Facebook. I asked him about it, and he reassured me the pictures were from months ago. Unfortunately for him, I happened to notice a small tattoo on his neck. The same tattoo I went with him just last week to get. FML

#20554130
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39881) - you deserved it (3177)

On 03/21/2013 at 7:55pm - love - by kaikaicaligirl - United States (California)

kaikaicaligirl's comment about their FML

We've been together seven months and this is the first time anything like this has happened.

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Today, I woke up to my cat giving birth, on my bed. I adopted her from a friend, who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

#20553741
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32936) - you deserved it (3969)

On 03/21/2013 at 2:42pm - animals - by DommeAshlee - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

DommeAshlee's comment about their FML

This is OP. Mama and babies are safely tucked away in the guest bedroom. The mom put up one hell of a fight and i have the scratches to prove it. All six kittens are doing fine. Spoke to my friend, she admitted to lying about spaying the cat. I told her she could pay the vet bills and buy me a new mattress.

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Today, I went out to Applebees with a girl I like and a group of friends. Someone asked if the girl and I were dating. She instantly replied with a bit of disgust "What? No way, never!" It would have been nice to know before paying for the last ten or so dates we went on. FML

#20552223
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39025) - you deserved it (5054)

On 03/20/2013 at 1:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Iceman226's comment about their FML

The dates were actual dates, she knew it. We had cuddle and make-out sessions as well. After that night I talked with her on where things were going. Turns out she still has feelings for her Ex overseas (there in a complicated relationship so technically it's not even her Ex) and she was just using me because she got "lonely." I'll admit that I deserved some of what I got as I was ignorant and blinded but it still sucks. Oh, haha, she says I'm one of her best friends and she still wants to be friends. Seriously FML

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Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML

#20548229
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31395) - you deserved it (3942)

On 03/17/2013 at 8:01pm - money - by meetrasan (woman) -

meetrasan's comment about their FML

I'm OP. My husband couldn't hold his liquor over a few beers if his cock and balls depended on it. It's been a topic of arguments for a while already and this is the final straw. But it's kind of a funny situation if you think about it, that's why I posted it.

To any stupid people that are going to ask how can he afford to go out drinking, read my other comment. And I KNOW someone's going to ask how could I afford a computer or a phone to post this, and my answer is: I don't buy a new computer or phone every day, shit head. I could sell my computer, but you try going without easy internet access in this day and age. We'll survive.

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Today, my girlfriend decided we are to the point in our relationship that it's considered acceptable to take a dump while I'm in there showering. FML

#20547094
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31155) - you deserved it (7308)

On 03/17/2013 at 1:05am - love - by jisaac09 (man) - United States (Kentucky)

jisaac09's comment about their FML

"In there" as in in the same room.

We just got done eating and I guess something didn't agree with her. I guess this beats the alternative (shitting in the floor outside the bathroom).

She was kind enough though to flush. I turned my head upside down and let the scolding hot water run into my nose.

I feel clean.

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Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I spent an entire raffle game desperately praying that I'd lose miserably, just so I wouldn't have to go up on stage and accept it. FML

#20545653
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26417) - you deserved it (5221)

On 03/16/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by Minou (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Minou's comment about their FML

I didn't enter the raffle on purpose! It was a work event, and they gave us a ticket when we came in the door without telling us exactly what it was for. They had us rip them in half and keep one, then put the other in a container. I thought it was for attendance, or the food, or something. Then, toward the end of the event, they started drawing tickets and calling out the numbers on them for various prizes.

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Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML

#20543100
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27328) - you deserved it (17181)

On 03/14/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by WildaRora (woman) - Australia

WildaRora's comment about their FML

Hi guys, OP here. The dealer was femalel, I doubt she was older than 25 and we managed to laugh it off. After me nearly dying from embarrassment she actually asked what the book was. And no, it wasn't 50 Shades of Grey. It was not just the description of the act that was so bad, it was the moans and groans that the narrator put along with it. It sounded like really bad porn - not that I know what that sounds like!

Thing is I was shocked when it came up in the audiobook, which is why it was stopped at that part. Later on I listened to the rest of it and boy was I glad that I managed to stop it when I did. I am really thankful that I found out about this feature before I took my parents for a drive.

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Today, due to a flat tire, I only had 20 minutes to complete a 35 minute walk to catch my train. I ended up sprinting up the snow-covered frozen hill in heels, luggage in hand, only to arrive 1 minute in time, and to find out that the train had been cancelled. Next train in 1 hour. FML

#20541933
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34703) - you deserved it (2959)

On 03/13/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by KK3137 (woman) - France

KK3137's comment about their FML

Actually, I'm 5 foot 1, so that explains the heels, and my brother was supposed to drive me, which is why I set out later in the first place.

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Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

#20541893
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38080) - you deserved it (4237)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

OptimusVader's comment about their FML

Well I did mention it was rickety. It rocked while I dusted and it was just poorly made, overall. It tilted forward, the drawer slid out and I couldn't catch it in time. Then BAM! Sudden singing light show from an old woman's rabbit.

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Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML

#20539688
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35676) - you deserved it (3094)

On 03/11/2013 at 3:57pm - misc - by Sir_ND_Pity - United States (California)

Sir_ND_Pity's comment about their FML

Hey, guys. OP here. I know the wording makes it a bit confusing, but, yes, someone somehow spit into my bowl from the second floor :-/ unfortunately, I didn't see who did it so I wasn't able to even so much as confront them about it. I guess you could say I'm an unfortunate cookie!

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Today, my 3 year old woke up at 2 am and refused to go back to sleep unless she could sleep with her father and me. Normally we would have said no, but both of us being so tired, we said yes. She slowly kicked me out of my side of the bed and now I have to sleep on the couch. FML

#20539225
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21617) - you deserved it (14405)

On 03/11/2013 at 4:37am - kids - by MissShei (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

MissShei's comment about their FML

OP here. She has recently been having nightmares and keeping us up half the night. We were both exhausted so we said fine. I got up to go pee and when I came back, she had thrown my pillow on the floor and completely took over my side of the bed. If I moved her, she would've started screaming again and I just wanted sleep. I let her father deal with her at that point! I did sleep well for the rest of the night :)

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Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding at the natural foods market. It's the first time I've seen a woman's nipple in over two years. I've been married for ten. FML

#20538070
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56355) - you deserved it (6803)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by themouseman1212 - United States

themouseman1212's comment about their FML

I'm trying to. It's been a long time. But I'm still hopeful. Just trying to be the best husband and father I can be. Thanks for the support.

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