Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I was pretending to talk on the phone with my wife just to avoid to speak with my boring coworker. After two awkward minutes of him waiting in front of my desk and me inventing a call, he handed me the disconnected phone cable and left. FML

#20751977
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21422) - you deserved it (49095)

On 06/28/2013 at 4:17am - work - by LaLince (man) - Switzerland (Aargau)

LaLince's comment about their FML

Hi folks, OP here.
He took the hint..
If there will be a next time, I'll use my cell phone.

See all the comments

Today, after spending four hours cooking food for a special family dinner, I went to take a shower before they arrived. I came back out less than twenty minutes later to find most of the food gone, and a very guilty-looking puppy. FML

#20751222
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39161) - you deserved it (9413)

On 06/27/2013 at 9:23pm - animals - by Auroraen (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Auroraen's comment about their FML

OP here. Wow. Thanks for all the nice words, guys. My "puppy" is a 120lb, 9 month old Great Dane. Her name is Lily, and she is worse than Marmaduke and Marly put together. She is a total troublemaker.
I had made zucchini bread, beef stew, a bunch of sides, as well as a cake. All of it was from scratch. I had actually put one of those baby gates across the entry-way to the kitchen, and she ended up knocking it over.
Next time, I think she's going in the cage while I take a shower. And btw, I did just order a pizza. Everyone had a good laugh at me. And yes, she's practically impossible to stay mad at.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, my cousin thought it would be cool to put a firecracker in an abandoned birdhouse. Before I could tell him not to, it exploded and about 30 wasps came after me like the wrath of God. FML

#20749556
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49210) - you deserved it (4661)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:27am - animals - by EpicJman2828 (man) - United States

EpicJman2828's comment about their FML

OP here. Im so shocked I got posted. Just like to say my cousin was gone when it exploded and I was stung about 9 times. Overall it was very exciting being able to go outside and know something wanted your freaking soul. Those suckers will Hunt you down and rape your body with their asses

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, a neighbor's kid decided to pick a fight with me because I'm "the new kid in town and need to learn who's in charge". When I told him I'm 27, he said excuses like that aren't going to get me off the hook. I just moved here and I'm already being harassed by a twelve year old. FML

#20748504
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46742) - you deserved it (4217)

On 06/26/2013 at 2:12pm - kids - by LyraAlluse (woman) - United States (Arizona)

LyraAlluse's comment about their FML

Hello everyone, OP here. I have enjoyed reading the comments, they are all very amusing and gave me a good laugh. In response to the Karate Kid comment, I actually practice Tai Chi, Qigong, Sword Fighting, and other martial arts/ weapon combat styles. Sometimes I do feel like the Karate Kid, especially with this latest development in my life. Because of my martial arts training I believe in self-defense and since all the kid hurled at me were threats, I am not too concerned. I don't think he believed I was above the age of thirteen until I drove in my car today and then you should have seen his expression. It was very amusing. I tend to look very young for my age (hey I'm not complaining) so people tend to think I am in my very early teens all of the time. I was even denied access to a lot of the casinos at Cliff Castle not too long ago because I looked too young to be on the casino floors. At the end of the day I had to wear a stamp that confirmed my age to even be allowed on the casino floors so in some sense I can understand why people mistake me for being so young. In response to the question about living at home, I happen to be a working professional, those years are behind me now. But there are definitely days when I wish that I was still as young as people like to think I am. If I happen to see the kid's parents I'll let them know about his behavior so he doesn't treat the other neighborhood kids the same way. Thank you for the support in all of this. No one should be bullied no matter what age they happen to be. I hope this will inspire other people to stop bullying in their schools and neighborhoods too.

See all the comments including 9 other original poster's reactions

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

#20748364
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43697) - you deserved it (7024)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:08pm - misc - by vbecka - Norway (Oslo)

vbecka's comment about their FML

Hi! OP here! :)
first off all: wow! I never expected this to make it to the FMLpage!

Don't worry, people. I posted this because it was funny. I was very, very embarrassed when I walked out to the living room and saw everybody and realized that I hadn't been alone after all(my parents came home from their trip to our cabin with their friends a day earlier than they had planned.) But I laughed at it after I realized how funny it was.
And it's extra funny that you guys automatically assumed that I'm a guy! I'm actually a girl. haha! Which is why I felt so embarrassed, since I've never met those particularly friends of my parents. Great first impression, don't you think? lol. but they smiled and joked around, trying to make me feel less embarrassed, so it's all good!

See all the comments

Today, I faced my severe phobia of spiders in order to remove a rather large one from my home. After 20 minutes of desperate struggling, it was finally taken care of. Relieved, I sat down and glanced across the hallway just in time to see a second, equally large spider strutting across the wall. FML

#20747913
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44208) - you deserved it (3975)

On 06/26/2013 at 3:19am - animals - by Lepisma - United States (Texas)

Lepisma's comment about their FML

I usually handle smaller spiders okay unless they surprise me, but these guys were big.
This happened at about 1 am last night and my housemate was asleep, so a vacuum was not an option. I did use big spray. In fact, I nailed the first one three times and it shrugged it off like a BAMF (it was a Texan spider, after all). I actually already have a cat - two, in fact. They were very interested in the spiders, but I didn't want them to get bitten, so I didn't let them get close enough to attack. I finally got the first one in a cup with a lid and filled that sucker up with the bug spray. That worked!
Then I saw the second one and about died, myself. It ended up under a cup eventually, too, and met Mr. Shoe.
Thanks for the suggestions, though - they made me laugh!

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions

Today, I went out on a date with a girl. Everything was going well until I shared how my family was affected by the 2010 earthquake in Haiti. She immediately got up and left, calling me a liar. Apparently, I'm "too cute" to be of Haitian descent. What the hell? FML

#20747762
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51442) - you deserved it (3283)

On 06/26/2013 at 1:27am - love - by Kn0wledge123 (man) - United States (Florida)

Kn0wledge123's comment about their FML

OP here. Yeah I did dodge a bullet. Fucking moron, that one. I spoke to her the next day and it turns out that she only knew Haiti from the what she saw on CNN. I told her that's fucking stupid and there is no "certain" way to look like an ethnicity. She kept trying to find rationalizations like maybe I was mixed with French or something. Nope. I'm full on darkie.

What makes this worse is that she's African American and lives in South Florida. So there's no way she hasn't interacted with Haitians before. I always hear from fellow Haitians that they get this a lot, but its the first time it actually happened to me.

For the people asking, my mothers cousin passed in the earthquake and my dads family lost their home. My godsister also passed away. It was not an easy time at all. I'm not sure how the conversation came about with me & her but needless to say, there won't be a second date.

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my family. They didn't even notice me there until the dog started barking at me because I took his spot. My mom defended the dog, and now I'm sitting on the floor while a Pomeranian takes up half the couch for himself. FML

#20746392
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47100) - you deserved it (4418)

On 06/25/2013 at 1:13pm - animals - by bloodprincess - United States

bloodprincess's comment about their FML

I'm really quiet and well my family chooses to ignore me unless it is time for house work.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, a wasp flew into my car. In my frantic attempt to get away from it, I got pulled over and had to prove I was driving sober. FML

#20746277
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39317) - you deserved it (6568)

On 06/25/2013 at 11:28am - animals - by chaoticcupcake - United States (West Virginia)

chaoticcupcake's comment about their FML

To all those asking, I am highly allergic to bees and wasps. When I discovered I was in an enclosed space with it, my mind wasn't thinking "pull over and let it out", but rather panic. When you're scared of something, the mind doesn't always make the most logical decisions. I ended up weaving on and off the shoulder and hadn't realized a cop had his lights on behind me until he sounded his siren. I quickly pulled over and got out of my car. I had to take a breathalyzer and passed, and after explaining my ordeal, the nice man helped me get the wasp out of my car. And to those who say roll the window down: Have you ever successfully tried to get an insect out of a moving vehicle via window? I've tried this on multiple occasions and I either can't get the damned thing to go near the window, or if I do, the wind knocks them back into my car. :/

See all the comments

Today, I held a party for my family so I could announce my pregnancy. In the middle of my speech, my mother stopped me, saying, "Nobody gives a rat's ass, where's the booze?" FML

#20745652
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46063) - you deserved it (3627)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:04am - misc - by opherehehhehe (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

opherehehhehe's comment about their FML

The speech took less than 2 minutes, it was a brief message thanking everyone for coming and how me and my husband greatly appreciate it. The party was the only way to gather my whole family. A dinner reservation would cost hundreds of dollars considering the size of my family. My brother just led my mother out and we carried on. Yes, we did supply a little wine but be didn't want a lot of alcohol considering I am pregnant and I don't want anyone drunk. Just clearing it up (:

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, my daughter's obsession with Canada got out way of hand when she was suspended for climbing up the flagpole, in an attempt to replace the flag with a red-and-white maple leaf one. FML

#20745207
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40540) - you deserved it (5983)

On 06/24/2013 at 8:35pm - kids - by VictoriaLeavitt (woman) - United States (Nevada)

VictoriaLeavitt's comment about their FML

OP here. I made an account so I could follow up.

For those of you doubting my parenting: in my household, no banshee-like deed goes unpunished. Yes, this was a school suspension, for those unsure, and it was three weeks, which is pretty reasonable. Sadly, this is a continuation jr. high school for kids who've been permanently expelled (I'm surprised no one asked why she's still in school during the summer), where banshee-like behaviors such as this are not rare.

See all the comments

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30602) - you deserved it (5726)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

thanksdoc's comment about their FML

Yes, my psychiatrist is a boss. She did the impression spot on without looking up from her notes, which was hilarious. Woopwoopwoopwooooop

See all the comments

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79458) - you deserved it (7234)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

jgtrflynn's comment about their FML

My Aunt has ALWAYS done something nice for us after a deployment, she is our only family nearby and frequents our home during his absence to make sure I'm still alive when I disappear for days, she used to freak out but now knows she will always find me passed out next to his motorcycle:p(she knows where my spare key is and uses it so much it might as well be hers.) Normally she is waiting outside for us after corresponding with me, but this time she decided to be secretive to try and scare the pants off us (beat her to it) by hiding in the coat closet directly behind the front door and jumping out right as we came in. We did so loudly, crashing into both doors. Said closet has a push button lock on the outer knob, in perfect position.....then of course we got loud and into ourselves, not noticing her calls or knocks. She knows of course how we are after he returns, but her plan just backfired a bit:)

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: