Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I entered the lecture hall where my class takes place. I sat in the front row as usual, but I noticed that none of the other students looked familiar. I quickly realised that I was in the wrong class after a different professor showed up and told me to get out. FML

#21256339
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33540) - you deserved it (7199)

On 09/11/2014 at 3:16pm - misc - by iAmPaul (man) - Canada (Ontario)

iAmPaul's comment about their FML

Hey everyone,

Here's a bit more info: It's only the second week of classes, and I don't have my schedule completely memorized yet. I thought my class was at 1 PM, but I realised it was at 2:30 PM.

I thought the crowd of students outside the class was pretty different from last week's (my class is a computer class - comprised of mostly males); there were mostly females there. Went in the class with everyone, sat down, waited for the prof to show up. Instead, the prof for the actual class that was happening showed up and she put up the PowerPoint for some sort of psychology class. She looked at me and told me that I'd better get out before it gets too embarrassing.

I quickly and nervously packed up my things and rushed back out of the class while feverishly checking my watch and feeling the stares of 150+ students. Rookie mistake, especially for a third-year student like myself. >_

See all the comments including 8 other original poster's reactions

Today, I watched with mild confusion as a piece of paper tucked underneath my windshield wiper flapped around on the highway. What could it be? Surely not a parking ticket. Powerless, I watched it fly away. It must have been the insurance information for the person who swiped the back of my car. FML

#21256330
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33169) - you deserved it (9466)

On 09/11/2014 at 3:01pm - misc - by lil_breezy - United States (Colorado)

lil_breezy's comment about their FML

Hey all. Just a follow-up as this was my FML. I left my house around 10:00pm and approached my car from the front, so I was not alerted to the damage around the back. The piece of paper was not immediately visible from inside, so it must have been tucked down securely against the hood. When I saw it flapping in the wind on the well-lit highway, I tried my best to slow and exit. Too late :( Nothing I could do. I've had better days.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, a guy tried to pick me up with the line, "You're ugly. Just kidding. You're my date." FML

#21255520
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37987) - you deserved it (3238)

On 09/10/2014 at 3:52am - misc - by thebigtwinkie - Romania (Bucuresti)

thebigtwinkie's comment about their FML

After thinking for a bit, I eventually thought he was kind of cute even though the line was absolutely awful, but he had good intentions so I faked a smile, not wanting to hurt his feelings.
Oh, and I'm so happy that it's published!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I received a package in the mail. It was a workout and weight-loss plan that I ordered last week. I finished an entire pizza and pint of ice-cream as I read the guidelines. FML

#21255280
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20992) - you deserved it (30916)

On 09/09/2014 at 8:16pm - health - by retromermaid - United States (Pennsylvania)

retromermaid's comment about their FML

Update: I have started the plan today, and it's been a great workout and a good meal plan so far. Thanks for the support and laughs!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

#21255166
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39625) - you deserved it (2794)

On 09/09/2014 at 5:00pm - work - by shadyladyhh (woman) - United States

shadyladyhh's comment about their FML

Then the mom bought him another one 15 minutes later.
Sugar free ones cost a little more, so she was mad about that too.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I found out I sent several embarrassing videos while under the influence of the meds I was given while getting my wisdom teeth out. When I asked my mom why she didn't take my phone, she said she tried but I started whining and growling at her. FML

#21255077
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35301) - you deserved it (5777)

On 09/09/2014 at 2:08pm - health - by sydspears3 - United States (Florida)

sydspears3's comment about their FML

To answers some questions and requests-
1) yes I did post one of the videos to my YouTube channel which I will provide a link to
2) Moms do not ruin life, they make it possible
3) In my moms defense I never told her take take my phone but I just thought she would have thought to when she saw me snapchating people
4) The I didn't give my mom my phone is because we didn't think they would effect me so much since they didn't really effect my 3 older siblings when they got their out.
5) Sorry for the long follow up but here's the link to video https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jaOEDYDInZ4
Or just search my YouTube channel Sydspears3

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was replaced in the symphony I play in. I play the clarinet, and a standard symphony only uses two, so getting into one can be quite competitive. My conductor's reasoning? "I was sure you were going to college." I never mentioned college to him, other than saying I wasn't going. FML

#21254234
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33816) - you deserved it (3143)

On 09/08/2014 at 1:53am - misc - by Ozomulsion (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Ozomulsion's comment about their FML

Thanks for all the support... And the music puns. Definitely got a few laughs out of me!

I figure I should give a little bit more in-depth explanation of what happened, considering the 300 character limit on an FML submission.

I have been part of this symphony for 3 years and I was about to go into my forth season. It's a local community symphony, so I wasn't getting payed over it, but it was my only connection to a real symphony and the only one within at lest an hour and a half drive as far as a I know. Anyways, I had mentioned to my conductor that I WASN'T going off to college, and that I would "See you next season" earlier this May. Apparently he forgot and didn't bother to even contact me to double check and just replaced me. The woman who plays first chair informed him of his mistake and immediately contacted me over it, but apparently the replacement player is already committed to the entire one-year season and he cannot be removed, which I understand. I do not in the slightest believe my conductor purposely ousted me because we had no qualms and he apparently liked my playing; I think it was due to a genuine but rather foolish mistake.

I'll still have plenty of playing opportunities as I am a professional jazz musician and I play out all around my state and neighboring states on a weekly basis with my band, and I'm likely about to create a classical trio for weddings, but I'm still going to miss it. This is the reason I didn't go in to college for music, because I was already playing out and making a living doing jazz and I figured I would be able to further my playing through actual in-field experience and learning as opposed to going away into a college.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my sister told me the reason why she went with me to a gay pride parade a few months ago was because she thought it would inspire me to come out. FML

#21253917
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33790) - you deserved it (3906)

On 09/07/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by Alabamagirl2 - United States

Alabamagirl2's comment about their FML

Anyway, yes I did go to a gay pride parade because I think they should have their right to love as much as straight people should. (I also have a gay uncle, I love him all the same)

So the reason I posted this was because I hated the fact that my sister just assumed I was gay for not having a boyfriend yet because i'm 16 going on 17 already, like I need to rush myself or something or because I want to live a little first before diving into that whole fiasco instead of just giving it away early. Me wanting gay people to have rights too is apparently another assumption made by her that I'm "gay", because why would I be so passionate about it? It couldn't be because i care about other human beings, no. I also found out she'd been discussing my sexuality with my mother, my father and my brother, and all her friends; despite it being none of her fucking business.

The saddest part I find in all this is that they all think a girl can't be independent or NOT focus all her attention on a guy instead of trying to make something of herself first, because if she isn't following some boy then she MUST be gay. Ugh, I'm just done you guys. I'm really done. But I can tell you with all honesty that I cannot find anything sexually attractive about a woman, while we're on the subject, lol. But hey, if that's the way your cookies crumble then that's ok too.

Anyway, thanks for the nice comments, peace. xoxo

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my mother told me that she and my father aren't coming to my wedding if my estranged brother who stopped talking to me two years ago isn't invited. She claims they don't want to choose sides. Brother: 1. Me: 0. FML

#21253916
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34014) - you deserved it (2941)

On 09/07/2014 at 6:50pm - misc - by soulebelius - United States

soulebelius's comment about their FML

Just a quick update from the OP: this isn't the first threat my mother gave me about this. She actually influenced my sister to have the same stance. Me and my sister worked it out, but my mom crossed the line. She brings this up when it benefits her ulterior motive to reunite the family (ain't mad at her for that), but it shouldn't be brought up while we're announcing our engagement, or introducing both families for the first time, or a casual conversation months later about us getting on the same insurance.
The saddest part is... Me and the missus were planning on having only our closest immediate family. It was going to be around 10 total people.
I told her she doesn't have to worry anymore: no need for them to go. Not even bitter. I just want to keep the focus on the happy couple and not use our day as a family counseling session.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I found out I'm allergic to our new cat. My mom said she'd rather get rid of me than the cat. FML

#21253056
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35041) - you deserved it (3523)

On 09/06/2014 at 2:02pm - health - by Bella0304 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Bella0304's comment about their FML

Hi, OP here..for those of you wondering I'm 16 years old and my mom doesn't want to get rid of Buffy (my cat) and honestly neither do I! My mom keeps saying shed rather get rid of me instead of the cat..lol I know she's probably joking and she loves me...but never get in between a woman and her cat!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

#21252120
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39833) - you deserved it (10878)

On 09/04/2014 at 10:47pm - intimacy - by littleteapot (woman) - United States

littleteapot's comment about their FML

Did I sit on a stranger's face? haha no

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML

#21251987
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33989) - you deserved it (2509)

On 09/04/2014 at 7:22pm - misc - by rugener92 (man) -

rugener92's comment about their FML

Hi guys, OP here...
Didn't really expect this to get published, just a casual 'I could tell this story' thought.

Basically I was remembering childhood stories and this is one of them (as so people asked how old my sister was)
This was about 10 years ago now, my sister was 7 and I was 11.
Recognising it was my dad was never the issue as he was wearing a hoodie! and it wasn't a crowbar, it was basically a pole with a hook on it, we use it to open the hatch for the loft/attic as no one can reach it (me and my dad are 6ft so it's pretty high up'
My dads reaction was something along the lines of 'Oh 'ello son, what are you doing with that pole?' - nearly splatting your head, dad, you sneaky dick!
and about other burglary and death exclamations my neighbourhood was lovely when I was young, but recently has gone way downhill and has suddenly become the attack, drunk and drug capital street of the town so would be more likely to get ACTUALLY robbed now. I've been bottled twice by the same person at the same event two years running next to my house when there were police there and as the police can't control this gang of about 40 they leave it... anyway!
Hope this answered some burning questions and I intend to remember some more stories like this soon!

See all the comments

Today, my cat decided to use my bowl of rice krispies as his litter box. FML

#21251792
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33038) - you deserved it (4281)

On 09/04/2014 at 1:47pm - animals - by mlustpdx (man) - United States (Oregon)

mlustpdx's comment about their FML

true. and the reason why is my son decided to block the opening to the litter box and the cereal looked like his litter. can't get made about that

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: