Hello, OP here.. Yes, there is way more to this story, but it was too long for the FML post. So, I once had to go to a Cash Money Store, two christmas 's ago, because I had no money and just lost a job, needing Christmas presents- I sold my soul to one of those stores. For months on end that Cash Money store kept taking money from me (even though I gave them what they needed back) and ever since then, once every two months the bank would make excuses as to why they'd need all of my money, examples: "Oh the Cash Money Store took OUR money and so we are taking YOURS " , "Oh there is this fee you never payed this month and so we took extra" "Oh it's this mandatory add-on that we put on people's accounts" ,in the end I told them I wanted to switch banks, and that's when they started to accuse me of identity theft. Now mind you- I still look the same, I don't age quickly, and so in the end their arguments were invalid, but because they are a bank, it is a little difficult to just be like "Oh, your branch is wrong, and I am right" yes I did switch banks, and I hope this helped with some of the confusion. Thank you :).

Lol he wasn't joking, but he wasn't trying to insult me either, in his mind that comment was trying to insult the guy hitting on me, strangely my hubby adores me and is a great guy, it's just funny the way it came out.

Hey guys, OP here. Posted this before I made a username.
I didn't actually place her on my shoulder, I was sitting on the couch letting her run around next to me and she decided to climb up my chest and onto my shoulder. Suddenly I heard this weird crunching sound next to my head and I picked her up and saw the clump of hair hanging out of her mouth!
Then it was like playing tug-of-war with a dog. She would NOT let go. I didn't think I'd have to pull as hard as I did just to pull something out of a guinea pig's mouth lol! I didn't want her getting sick so I put her back in her cage and threw the hair in the garbage.

Alright. Where to start.
1) I submitted this FML and someone liked it so much he decided to submit it as his own with a few modifications. That's why there are comments about "daddy".
2) My son is 18 months, is developmentally challenged and just learning. He did not actually get me.
3) It is a learning fork for children which has metal, rounded prongs so it doesn't hurt if he gets you or himself.
4) I did take away his fork to which he screamed and cried. When he settled down, I gave it back and he was content to stab his pancake.
5) Have you people never been stabbed by plasticware or a spork? That shit hurts!
6) I do not live in Ghana.

We've been together seven months and this is the first time anything like this has happened.

This is OP. Mama and babies are safely tucked away in the guest bedroom. The mom put up one hell of a fight and i have the scratches to prove it. All six kittens are doing fine. Spoke to my friend, she admitted to lying about spaying the cat. I told her she could pay the vet bills and buy me a new mattress.

The dates were actual dates, she knew it. We had cuddle and make-out sessions as well. After that night I talked with her on where things were going. Turns out she still has feelings for her Ex overseas (there in a complicated relationship so technically it's not even her Ex) and she was just using me because she got "lonely." I'll admit that I deserved some of what I got as I was ignorant and blinded but it still sucks. Oh, haha, she says I'm one of her best friends and she still wants to be friends. Seriously FML

I'm OP. My husband couldn't hold his liquor over a few beers if his cock and balls depended on it. It's been a topic of arguments for a while already and this is the final straw. But it's kind of a funny situation if you think about it, that's why I posted it.

To any stupid people that are going to ask how can he afford to go out drinking, read my other comment. And I KNOW someone's going to ask how could I afford a computer or a phone to post this, and my answer is: I don't buy a new computer or phone every day, shit head. I could sell my computer, but you try going without easy internet access in this day and age. We'll survive.

"In there" as in in the same room.

We just got done eating and I guess something didn't agree with her. I guess this beats the alternative (shitting in the floor outside the bathroom).

She was kind enough though to flush. I turned my head upside down and let the scolding hot water run into my nose.

I feel clean.

I didn't enter the raffle on purpose! It was a work event, and they gave us a ticket when we came in the door without telling us exactly what it was for. They had us rip them in half and keep one, then put the other in a container. I thought it was for attendance, or the food, or something. Then, toward the end of the event, they started drawing tickets and calling out the numbers on them for various prizes.

Hi guys, OP here. The dealer was femalel, I doubt she was older than 25 and we managed to laugh it off. After me nearly dying from embarrassment she actually asked what the book was. And no, it wasn't 50 Shades of Grey. It was not just the description of the act that was so bad, it was the moans and groans that the narrator put along with it. It sounded like really bad porn - not that I know what that sounds like!

Thing is I was shocked when it came up in the audiobook, which is why it was stopped at that part. Later on I listened to the rest of it and boy was I glad that I managed to stop it when I did. I am really thankful that I found out about this feature before I took my parents for a drive.

Actually, I'm 5 foot 1, so that explains the heels, and my brother was supposed to drive me, which is why I set out later in the first place.

Well I did mention it was rickety. It rocked while I dusted and it was just poorly made, overall. It tilted forward, the drawer slid out and I couldn't catch it in time. Then BAM! Sudden singing light show from an old woman's rabbit.