Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for showing up at work early. His reasoning is that it looks bad when his workers show up before dawn and work later than he does. He assigned me these hours specifically to accommodate one of our clients. FML

#20725768
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41365) - you deserved it (2763)

On 06/14/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by wtfwhyfml (woman) - United States

wtfwhyfml's comment about their FML

OP here. I normally get to work before dawn; so he was just being a dick. I work as a home care provider for a little old lady with severe mental issues, who's husband/primary care provider works early mornings, as he owns his own lawn care business and where I live the heat is oppressive by noon. However, today he had to work late to make up contracted appointments he'd missed last week because of equipment problems; and for once cleared the hour change via the office. Hence, jackhole supervisor acting a fool. As for finding a new job; I plan to finish this one then move on; her husband is retiring in less then a year and she is extremely picky about care givers. I'm one of two that has lasted more then three weeks; and I refuse to put her and her family through finding a new provider like that.

See all the comments

Today, I donated blood for the first time. I'm completely healthy and after waiting the appropriate amount of time I left, feeling fine. That is until I went out to eat with my family an hour later and passed out in front of the whole restaurant. FML

#20724782
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35316) - you deserved it (3689)

On 06/14/2013 at 12:39am - health - by hi_there4397 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

hi_there4397's comment about their FML

Hey there! I'm the OP :) I'm so happy this actually got published! Ok so just to clarify things I'm well over the minimum weight to donate and I ate food and drank liquids before, during, and after the donation. It was an hour later and we went to a place called organ stop pizza (lovely restaurant in AZ) and I started feeling dizzy most likely because the lights started flashing and loud music was playing. I got up to go to the bathroom (to puke :P) and on my way there I passed out. But I fell on my knees and caught myself before blacking out. The ambulance came and said all my levels were normal besides my low blood pressure and they let me go home to lie down and eat ice cream. So sorry for the long post but if you read this far then I love you! PS this incident won't stop me from donating again (I'm AB+) I'll just tell them to maybe do a reduced volume next time :)

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML

#20722786
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36912) - you deserved it (27234)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:22am - misc - by sugarysofalof - United States (Colorado)

sugarysofalof's comment about their FML

Hahahaha I was wondering why my bottom lip looked slightly fuller today...now I am reminded. This happened late last night. Somehow that response was involuntary. If that labels me with stereotypical American idiocy, so be it. I wouldn't have posted this on FML if I was looking for sympathy :)

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I was bombarded with phone calls from debt collectors. After some investigation, it turns out my grandma, who has dementia, has been going into our mailbox and throwing away the outgoing mail because it wasn't addressed to her. I'm now apparently 3 months behind in payments. FML

#20720825
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44871) - you deserved it (7644)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:57am - money - by redvolvo23 - United States

redvolvo23's comment about their FML

First of all ... My grandma was throwing away my outgoing mail, I own rental properties and I pay with money orders so I'm always right on my bank account, a lot of my payments are the same every month I never gave it a thought to double check, cause it's like clockwork. Even had I written checks my statements come quarterly. I keep copies of my money orders thankfully. As for my grandma we didn't realize she was this bad...

See all the comments

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

#20719692
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59172) - you deserved it (9847)

On 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm - love - by lsababy (woman) - United States (Michigan)

lsababy's comment about their FML

I agree, I probably I deserved it for making him go, but we've been dating for a year and a half and I figured it was way passed time. Haha!
It was extremely awkward and my boyfriend I were both beet red in the face, but luckily my parents are awesome and know he was super nervous, so they just kinda changed the subject and pretended that was never said. My brother high fived him.
And yes.. more like F his life.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We'd been talking about the move where you pick a girl up and kiss, and how romantic that would be, so we decided to try it. When he picked me up, my head slammed against his ceiling fan. FML

#20717372
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44768) - you deserved it (11522)

On 06/10/2013 at 12:10pm - love - by haleyart - United States (Louisiana)

haleyart's comment about their FML

Hey everyone! Op here! I just wanted to thank the FML staff for posting this and everyone for your very funny comments. To clear things up... No my (now ex) boyfriend is not a midget, he's in fact a giant, I'm the short one. We were going to try it later OUTSIDE but he surprised me by picking me up in his house. No the ceiling fan was not on, thankfully. We had a great laugh about it afterwards and I wasn't mad at him. We actually joked how it was perfect for a romantic comedy. Sorry for answering so late, I JUST got my account verified. Hope this clarifies some things :)

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I spent my last day at the hospital for a long epilepsy test. Apparently, I don't have epilepsy at all, but I do have extreme stress. This means that I've been taking several anti-seizure medications that ruined my college plans and made me sick for half a year, all for nothing. FML

#20715256
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48894) - you deserved it (4142)

On 06/09/2013 at 11:40am - health - by HollyJollyXmas (woman) - United States

HollyJollyXmas's comment about their FML

This wasn't a recent event but happened a year ago. To those who say I should be grateful, I am! I am so very grateful and I view life in a more positive life. I'm a strong advocate for Epilepsy and against Ableism in any form. It really was an event that changed my life.

When it comes to college, if I didn't have this health scare, I'd still probably be on the path to become a teacher, not making my art a career.

To those who ask, "Why not have the test in the first place?!" It's not that simple. First they take MRI's then EEG's. I had several of those over the course of time. The test was a last resort when my Neurologist couldn't figure out why the strongest meds weren't helping me. So I went to John Hopkins for a week long EEG test. This was me sitting in bed with wires all attached to my head. This is not a light test but a test to really see if there was something really wrong with my mind.

But after all this, I'm glad it's just psychogenic seizures, not real epilepsy. But the whole experience was a life changer.

See all the comments

Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room since my parents left on a trip. They left my grandparents here to watch us. It was past bed time and we started hearing some strange noises through my floor. We thought it was the radio. Turns out my grandma is a screamer. FML

#20713036
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59816) - you deserved it (4607)

On 06/08/2013 at 2:38am - intimacy - by kalleylynn - United States (Illinois)

kalleylynn's comment about their FML

Hey in totally glad they can still do that shit.. Just not while they are staying at my house, in my parents bed...

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I could no longer handle the drum music in the apartment below me so I went to kindly ask the little old lady to shut it off before she goes to bed. Her neighbor came out while I knocked to tell me she is out of town and the music is constant so her cats don't get lonely. FML

#20711122
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47666) - you deserved it (2883)

On 06/07/2013 at 1:48am - animals - by anew27 - United States

anew27's comment about their FML

OP here, if it was Ted Nugent I was partaking of, I would kindly ask her to turn it up.

See all the comments

Today, I saw mice eating from my cat's food dish, again. Where is my cat? He's busy bringing in more mice, birds, and once even an unharmed chipmunk through his cat door. FML

#20710993
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41258) - you deserved it (4962)

On 06/07/2013 at 12:33am - animals - by DolphinGirl369 - United States (Iowa)

DolphinGirl369's comment about their FML

Hi, OP here. I posted this before I had an account, and just found this again looking at random fmls. I live out in the country on a gravel road so there isn't much traffic, and my cat, (Indy for Indiana Jones), is very good with cars. Also, the cat shelter where he was raised allowed the cats outside through a cat door. At first he was an indoor cat, but he started marking different areas of the house. It stopped for a while after we started letting him outside. But then if we were asleep or about to go to bed, and refused to let him out, he started marking again. That's when we got him the cat door. There have been no problems since then.

We can't just get rid of him. My autistic brother loves him very much, and is great with him. And Indy is VERY affectionate, at times acting more like a dog than a cat. (That's not an insult, Indy loves dogs.) A lot of times they sleep together with Indy at his feet, or sharing his pillow. Indy will also watch tv with my brother. They really are great for each other.

As for bringing animals inside, he will kill them, and sometimes eat them, but a lot of times we notice he has something before he's hurt them. In which case we get the animal away from him, and hopefully outside. The mice sometimes run away before we have a chance to do anything. Also, once he dropped a completely unharmed sparrow in his food dish. Of course it flew all over the house before we finally got it out. I guess he thought it would stay in his food dish? Yeah, he's not always the smartest, but we love him. Oh, and the count for chipmunks, both completely unharmed, is now up to two.

All told, he is one of the best pets I've ever had. I just wish he would get the mice out, not bring more in.

PS the reason there are mice in the house, along with living in the country, is because the foundation for our house wasn't built properly. There was a twelve foot long area that only had styrofoam between the outside and the inside of the walls. Yeah, the guy who built our house is a moron.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks for the fun comments.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. I woke up right as the dentist pulled my last tooth. FML

#20708877
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48982) - you deserved it (3087)

On 06/06/2013 at 1:01am - health - by Applejacks18 (man) - United States (Montana)

Applejacks18's comment about their FML

OP here. I was awake for about 2 minutes before they knocked me out again. My tooth actually broke on the way out so I heard the dentist debate with his staff whether or not he should just leave the root in. The dentist is a cool guy and even offered to buy me lunch sometime.

See all the comments

Today, my fiancée told me that she wants us to have an open marriage. She reasons that since she doesn't equate sex with love, there's no logical reason for me to be against her having sex with other people. FML

#20707852
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52474) - you deserved it (4964)

On 06/05/2013 at 4:40pm - love - by ApparentlyNotEno (man) - United States (West Virginia)

ApparentlyNotEno's comment about their FML

OP here. We've actually had a threesome together and loved it. But she specifically wants to be with other men without me there.

See all the comments including 11 other original poster's reactions

Today, after years of training and competing, I realized that the universe does not want me to play the piano. Not only do I have hands that can fit in toddler-sized gloves, my carpal tunnel is already to the point where I have to wear a brace at night, at the ripe old age of 14. FML

#20707451
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46394) - you deserved it (4238)

On 06/05/2013 at 12:33pm - misc - by prdp - United States

prdp's comment about their FML

Thanks for your nice comments! I kind of knew it would come eventually, because 3 generations of my family have consistently had carpal tunnel, but it was intensified by my piano playing (and especially the fast music I tend to choose to compensate for my inability to reach larger chords) and made the symptoms appear at a much earlier age than any of my relatives. Luckily, I'm not JUST a pianist! I'm also an extremely avid concert and marching brass player (a female brass player? Who knew they exist?) who plans to audition for drum corps in the very near future. Classical (though I also play some jazz) piano and band are my true loves, and I know I won't stop playing piano anytime soon, nor will I stop my other instruments. :)

See all the comments including 10 other original poster's reactions



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: