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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68455) - you deserved it (17844)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Gurior's comment about their FML

This is brillant.

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Today, it transpired that my mom has been spending her stint in prison trying to play matchmaker for me, going so far as to call one of her finds, "good breeding stock". Apparently, I don't already have enough criminals in my life; last September I was the only member of my family of 5 not locked up. FML

#20595815
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40763) - you deserved it (2706)

On 04/16/2013 at 4:48am - love - by Grand_Cookie - United States (Nebraska)

Grand_Cookie's comment about their FML

Haha!! Thanks for the support and funny comments! I am a guy and these people she talks about are women and aren't there for anything violent. A few of them have drug/alcohol problems and the rest like to steal things which are also pretty much the same things my entire family did to get locked up at the same time along with some other stuff I don't feel like listing. The sad part is that some of them seem better then the semi-insane girls I usually end up talking to.

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Today, I was dying my hair a subtly different color. It was only supposed to turn my hair a shade or two lighter, but it seems someone at the store thought it would be funny to switch the dye in the boxes around. My hair is purple. FML

#20593484
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44184) - you deserved it (7570)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:17pm - misc - by chrissy2 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

chrissy2's comment about their FML

It was my first time getting my hair dyed, and I only wanted it a little lighter and not pay 100 dollars compared to 10 dollars haha. And it sucked because I had to go to my waitressing job at a fancy restaurant right afterwords.

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Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

#20592897
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99752) - you deserved it (4265)

On 04/15/2013 at 3:37am - misc - by OPhere (man) - United States (California)

OPhere's comment about their FML

OP here. To the people who said I deserved it, my psychotic mother actually had the balls to craft a fucking rejection letter and mail it to me. I was sixteen and had never seen an authentic denial letter from Yale---you guys would've believed it, too, had you been in my shoes. To the people who keep bringing up e-mail: it was 1996. As my generation will tell you, we grew up without the internet. To the people who agree that my mom's a bitch, damn straight she fucking is. My daughters and son will not be seeing much of mee-maw anymore, nor will I. To the people who said I wouldn't be who I am today without that lie: Doesn't matter; parents are supposed to nurture their children, not deprive them for personal gain.

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Today, I baked my friend a cake for his 21st birthday. When I arrived at his house, his girlfriend, who hadn't made him anything, screamed at me for "making her look bad." She then took the cake, banned me from the party, and kicked me out. FML

#20591958
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47407) - you deserved it (4210)

On 04/14/2013 at 10:29pm - misc - by NZgirl92 (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

NZgirl92's comment about their FML

PS. I have a boyfriend, who lives with the friend whose birthday it was and his girlfriend.

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Today, my laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML

#20587700
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14642) - you deserved it (94334)

On 04/13/2013 at 7:22am - misc - by mets300 - United States (New York)

mets300's comment about their FML

OP here, it was leaned against a wall, and I was holding a soda. I could have simply put the soda down, but I just leaned/sat on the chair. I then began to think of what I was doing.

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Today, my laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML

#20587700
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14642) - you deserved it (94334)

On 04/13/2013 at 7:22am - misc - by mets300 - United States (New York)

mets300's comment about their FML

Hey guys op here again. I was so overtired that I couldn't quite put it together that one should in fact unfold a folding chair to properly use it. I should have made this clear, I suppose, based on the colossal backlash I've received. Thanks, all.

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Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43927) - you deserved it (8324)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

zahra_786's comment about their FML

Hey guys OP here! I loved reading the comments! So this was the first week or so he had moved in, so I set up my playstation 3 for us and the other three flatmates to allow him to get to know us and speak to us since he was new here! When I kept beating him, he started shouting stuff in Italian (he's a foreign student) and then at the end he started using my religion as the reason for my win! LOL. I also beat his ass on FIFA..but he had no ridiculous excuse there ! :Dp.s. he's hopefully moving out soon so its all good!

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Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML

#20581859
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35669) - you deserved it (3412)

On 04/09/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by AAMBC4 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

AAMBC4's comment about their FML

OP here. Some of these comments crack me up, but thank you for the chuckle. My daughter is the light of my life and truly has a sense of humor and intelligence beyond her short 3 years. I appreciate the support of most and I am happy to have this to share with her as she gets older.

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Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they were caught having sex in a public place. They excused their actions by saying that you can only be young and stupid once, so if you continue doing stupid actions, you are still young. FML

#20581096
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47550) - you deserved it (4487)

On 04/08/2013 at 7:16pm - intimacy - by MrKento (man) - Honduras (Francisco Morazan)

MrKento's comment about their FML

:l Apparently it wasnt a good Idea to let know my grandparents that people thought they were awesome cause of their public stunt....

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Today, I was working the night shift at the hotel. One of my tasks is to clean out the pool robot. While trying to pull it up, I got pulled in. I had to hide naked in the laundry room for an hour while I put my uniform through the dryer. FML

#20580594
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31634) - you deserved it (3762)

On 04/08/2013 at 12:56pm - work - by soakedga - United States (Georgia)

soakedga's comment about their FML

OP here- yeah I did wrap up in a sheet. No extra uniforms that I could get to- they were all locked in the GM's office. And I'm a woman small enough to be pulled into the pool by a cleaning robot. Oh- there was a camera that I managed to avoid for the most part, but my boss did get a kick out of seeing me trying not to let the sheet fall while I shoved my clothes in the dryer.

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Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

#20580324
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41845) - you deserved it (10768)

On 04/08/2013 at 5:17am - intimacy - by dancekat (woman) - United States (Washington)

dancekat's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here, we had a big laugh about it afterwards. He knew I would love the reference. There was only one nick and he was pretty concerned after he made the joke.
P.S. I've loved reading all these comments; they're amazing!

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Today, after paying for my groceries, I noticed that a bread-roll hadn't been charged. I felt guilty and went back to the register to pay for it. The cashier burst into derisive laughter and mockingly asked me if I was "running for Pope or something". FML

#20579287
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35510) - you deserved it (7534)

On 04/07/2013 at 3:22pm - money - by moosy0_o (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

moosy0_o's comment about their FML

OP here. A few comments: the cashier was a guy, not a girl. I don't know why most of you think that. Also, there were two elderly people waiting in line who were laughing and berating me as some of the commenters here are doing. And I'm a woman from Belgium, not the Netherlands (but FML didn't ask for my country when I posted it).
I WAS already out of the store and going home when I noticed it, so I needed to go back into the store, wait for a slow customer to pay while the rest of the cue was wondering why I was standing there like a complete idiot, and then explain to the cashier why I wanted to pay for the bread.

By the way, the freshly baked, honestly-payed-for, Italian bun was delicious, after I had cleansed my palate from the disgusting comments I received.

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