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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

#20814522
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32821) - you deserved it (57632)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:32am - misc - by vmml97 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

vmml97's comment about their FML

Hey.

Firstly, I am Canadian, and in Ontario, you can carry a folding (not spring assisted or butterfly) knife, with a blade under 3 or 4 inches in length. You can look up the rules if you want. So yes, I was carrying it legally. And why do I carry a knife? Because I use it as a tool. It's not a weapon. I was in the forest, it was a tool. He said he needed it as a tool. I believed him, it's a logical claim.

I can understand why it would seem like a ridiculously dumb idea to let someone borrow your knife, but you need to understand two things: I live in a small, Canadian town. I literally can not remember the last time anyone was attacked here, so I did not fear attack. Also, we were deep in the forest, where there are many reasons that one needs a knife. So, I let him use the knife because he said he needed it. I know it's kind of stupid, and I'm never lending out a knife again, but oh well. He seemed like a nice, polite, well put together guy. He didn't look like your typical mugger, so that's why I lent it out. He had obviously seen the clip of the knife, as I carry it clipped to the inside of my pocket, as that's the law where I live.

And people saying "a woman in a forest, alone, lending out her knife to weird men.... bad idea", I agree. But, I'm not the type of woman you want to fight with, and I'm not some delicate woman alone and afraid. I can hold my own. But, I do have too much faith in humanity, and I trust people too much.

As for people saying "track down your phone", I did. I live close to the forest, so I just ran back home and tracked the phone down. I had it back within a few hours. I lost the $70 in my wallet, but that's not much. He was a stupid thief. The police took care of him.

And, by the way, I never got my knife back :(

I'm gonna go buy another knife, and I'm never gonna lend it out again. In the end, it was scary (I've never been mugged before) and I lost $100 ($70 cash from my wallet, and the knife was worth $30 ish), but I've learned a lesson.

Thanks, everyone. And yes, I know I deserved it!

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Today, one of my employees filed a complaint against me. He claims that I "pick on him" and make him do things I "wouldn't do". Apparently, making him do his job and trying to convince him to wear clean clothes that don't smell like garbage is considered a bad thing. FML

#20813192
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48149) - you deserved it (4143)

On 07/31/2013 at 10:15am - work - by Zatnikatel (man) - United States (Kansas)

Zatnikatel's comment about their FML

OP here to explain further, I'm a manager for a big and tall clothing store and hygiene is covered in the training manual. he was wearing the EXACT Same clothing everyday he worked(multiple days in a row). the stains, wrinkles, abd odor constantly increased. I really don't feel like I was bullying him and I even offered to help purchase him new clothes. he took offense to that as well and went on a rant about how his family is ridiculously wealthy. his work ethic was atrocious, he stopped everything to look at himself in a mirror every half hour or so, he would talk/text on his phone in front of customers he was supposed to be helping and was all around unprofessional. he ended up ending his own employment stating that the job "was too much of a hassle" good riddance as far as I'm concerned.

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Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

#20812913
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54418) - you deserved it (3895)

On 07/31/2013 at 2:47am - misc - by mtr1594 - United States (Nevada)

mtr1594's comment about their FML

Hey, it's me, OP. So this isn't the first time he's sleep talked before. Occasionally he'll moan, or like the other night, mutter something about eating Nutella. Anyway. This is the first time it scared the bejesus out of me and the first time he opened his eyes. Usually I ask him about it the next morning and he has no idea and wants to know what he said. This morning it was the same response. When I asked what he was dreaming about, he was dreaming that he was a bad ass drug lord apparently. I think we've been watching too much Weeds, the TV show...

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Today, my husband bought me a big box of tampons. He claims to know when my period is about to start before I do. Sadly, he's right. FML

#20812881
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47374) - you deserved it (7988)

On 07/31/2013 at 2:31am - love - by RayneWolf13 (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

RayneWolf13's comment about their FML

I'm not complaining at all. Haha its just sad how I don't even know when its coming cuz it never goes in order. I'm very lucky to have him! :) Also, he doesn't buy me chocolate because he knows I hate sweets so he gets me water and pizza instead lol.

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Today, while I was eating cereal, my mother thought it would be appropriate to grab the bowl and start spoon-feeding me while making airplane noises, again. I'm 19. FML

#20811567
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47760) - you deserved it (8109)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by nela25 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

nela25's comment about their FML

I'm actually just visiting my mom over the summer, since I'm off from college. I burst out laughing when she did this, and thought this post would make people smile. There's nothing bad about what she did. So before some of you start making assumptions saying I'm a cranky old fart and what not, take a reality check and shut that smart ass mouth of yours. Good day.

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Today, I was pretending to be a ballerina. I was dancing around my room, making a complete dick of myself. I eventually caught sight of a pair of guys grinning and filming me with their cellphones through my window. FML

#20811460
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38824) - you deserved it (12853)

On 07/30/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by kiwichick4life (woman) - United States (Ohio)

kiwichick4life's comment about their FML

I have curtains, I just hadn't shut them yet as it was only the afternoon and I'm not a vampire. I like to have sunlight in my room.

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Today, I called to confirm the appointment that I made over six months ago at the tattoo studio. Turns out my particular artist "doesn't work Tuesdays" and that they also miraculously have no record of my appointment, nor the cash deposit I had to put down. FML

#20811452
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45689) - you deserved it (7342)

On 07/30/2013 at 12:29pm - misc - by pittman137 - United States (Idaho)

pittman137's comment about their FML

OP here. Different username since I didn't have an account when I wrote this. Just thought I'd do a little follow up. As far as the no receipt thing, yea, I know, shame on me. I'm getting more work done on an existing tattoo and this is the place where I had started at, so I didn't think much of it. This particular shop is known for how great the artists there are, so it is worth the six month wait (to me at least). It ends up the guy I had made the appointment with had quit the shop and taken his appointment book with him, so they had to way to contact me about it and apparently he isn't as professional as I thought since he didn't contact me either to let me know he moved shops. The shop itself was able to move some things around and I'm still able to get my work done at my time, just with a new artist so everything has worked out. Thanks for all the comments!

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Today, a guy on the bus was nice enough to slide over so I could sit down. Right after, he said, "Fair warning though, I just farted there." FML

#20810969
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35975) - you deserved it (3736)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:55am - misc - by Wakachulak (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Wakachulak's comment about their FML

Funny thing, I logged in to do just that. I had to make the FML short, so some details were left out of course. The 'bus' was actually a company minibus taking people from the company parking lot to the office building and back. There is no room for standing. The distance between the parking and office is 20 min on foot btw. Yes, I measured that.

Yes, the guy did take the aisle seat and then scooted over when I got on. It's just a courtesy between colleagues.

Honestly, I don't know how it smelled. My sense of smell is so dull, only the most vile blasts register with me. For all I know, he could of just been pulling my leg, in which case he had the misfortune of picking on the one guy that would of reacted to that prank with nothing but a deadpan "Thanks". Oh well, fuck his life :)

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Today, I watched my boyfriend flirt with a cashier and write down his number for her, through the liquor store window, while I sat in the car waiting for him to finish buying things for our "romantic movie night." FML

#20809657
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52404) - you deserved it (4841)

On 07/29/2013 at 12:47pm - love - by Opheliae (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Opheliae's comment about their FML

Wow, I can't believe this got posted so soon, haha.

Anyway, the beau had already purchased his beverage of choice earlier without getting anything for me, so we went back. I gave him cash to pay for my portion, which is why I know he didn't sign a credit card receipt because I watched him pay cash through the window. Not to mention they were smiling and talking for a solid 4 or 5 minutes, and he was on his way out when the cashier called him back, and that's when I saw him write it down.

We've been exclusive for 8 months. Before that he had been single and livin' that bachelor life for nearly 4 years, so sometimes he gets out of line and I gotta reel him back in. When I asked him about it in the car, he said she was attending the same concert as us in the fall and wanted to meet up. When I told him my misgivings, he agreed and promised not to text her back if she contacted him. It's all good.

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Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

#20808725
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41550) - you deserved it (2759)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm - health - by DreamStatic - United States (Georgia)

DreamStatic's comment about their FML

Forgive me FML, for I have sinned.

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Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

#20806809
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47481) - you deserved it (14014)

On 07/27/2013 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by vanillaforme (man) - Canada (Ontario)

vanillaforme's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here. Here are some more details, for those curious:

- All FMLs must begin with the word "Today", but this actually happened a couple of years ago. My GF and I are still together.

- Yes, it was a full-blown panic attack, and the only one I've ever had in my life. Never having experienced one before, I thought it was something like a heart attack. What got edited out of the FML was that we actaully called paramedics and I ended up in emergency.

- We got the handcuffs off and some normal clothes on my GF (I was already fully clothed) before the paramedics arrived, so there was no need for embarrassing explanations. For a minute though, it was a real concern.

- I still don't know what exactly the trigger was. Both my GF and I were pretty nervous and weren't really enjoying ourselves. (We should have stopped when it was clear that neither of us really wanted to continue, but we figured we would try anyway.) I think her anxiety contributed to mine, eventually leading to the panic attack.

- We *did* try again a few weeks afterward, when we were both much more "in the mood." No panic attack that time, but we pretty much confirmed that neither of us liked being restrained before or during sex. We both had fantasies about this sort of thing, which is what led us to try it in the first place, but reality proved much different than our imaginations.

- For those wondering, they were simple police-style handcuffs, not anything specifically made for bondage play.

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Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about how I'm jealous of her best guy friend always hanging around her. She responded by saying, "Wait, I thought you knew I was dating him too?" FML

#20805726
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63584) - you deserved it (6108)

On 07/27/2013 at 1:02am - love - by ttREZZ - United States (Indiana)

ttREZZ's comment about their FML

Well this was my post..to clear things up, we had been dating three years, what we agreed would be exclusive. She met her best guy friend about two years into our relationship and started "dating him too" about four months ago.

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Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38914) - you deserved it (3798)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)

dareyale's comment about their FML

Hey guys OP here. Well I love my grandma but she always decides to come in during the early hours of the morning. She's always been like this. This one time when I was younger she took me on a wild hunt for her boyfriend. We pulled up outside an old motel and there he was. In a car. With a Hooker. My grandma jumped out the car and took off. She pulled them both out the car and started beating him. Have you ever seen a Hooker take off so fast in heels?!

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