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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, a guy on the bus was nice enough to slide over so I could sit down. Right after, he said, "Fair warning though, I just farted there." FML

#20810969
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35952) - you deserved it (3734)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:55am - misc - by Wakachulak (man) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Wakachulak's comment about their FML

Funny thing, I logged in to do just that. I had to make the FML short, so some details were left out of course. The 'bus' was actually a company minibus taking people from the company parking lot to the office building and back. There is no room for standing. The distance between the parking and office is 20 min on foot btw. Yes, I measured that.

Yes, the guy did take the aisle seat and then scooted over when I got on. It's just a courtesy between colleagues.

Honestly, I don't know how it smelled. My sense of smell is so dull, only the most vile blasts register with me. For all I know, he could of just been pulling my leg, in which case he had the misfortune of picking on the one guy that would of reacted to that prank with nothing but a deadpan "Thanks". Oh well, fuck his life :)

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Today, I watched my boyfriend flirt with a cashier and write down his number for her, through the liquor store window, while I sat in the car waiting for him to finish buying things for our "romantic movie night." FML

#20809657
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52383) - you deserved it (4840)

On 07/29/2013 at 12:47pm - love - by Opheliae (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Opheliae's comment about their FML

Wow, I can't believe this got posted so soon, haha.

Anyway, the beau had already purchased his beverage of choice earlier without getting anything for me, so we went back. I gave him cash to pay for my portion, which is why I know he didn't sign a credit card receipt because I watched him pay cash through the window. Not to mention they were smiling and talking for a solid 4 or 5 minutes, and he was on his way out when the cashier called him back, and that's when I saw him write it down.

We've been exclusive for 8 months. Before that he had been single and livin' that bachelor life for nearly 4 years, so sometimes he gets out of line and I gotta reel him back in. When I asked him about it in the car, he said she was attending the same concert as us in the fall and wanted to meet up. When I told him my misgivings, he agreed and promised not to text her back if she contacted him. It's all good.

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Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

#20808725
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41514) - you deserved it (2759)

On 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm - health - by DreamStatic - United States (Georgia)

DreamStatic's comment about their FML

Forgive me FML, for I have sinned.

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Today, my girlfriend and I attempted some bondage for the first time. Within seconds of the handcuffs being put on, I went into a serious panic attack. I was playing the dominant; my girlfriend was the one in cuffs. FML

#20806809
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47447) - you deserved it (14003)

On 07/27/2013 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by vanillaforme (man) - Canada (Ontario)

vanillaforme's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here. Here are some more details, for those curious:

- All FMLs must begin with the word "Today", but this actually happened a couple of years ago. My GF and I are still together.

- Yes, it was a full-blown panic attack, and the only one I've ever had in my life. Never having experienced one before, I thought it was something like a heart attack. What got edited out of the FML was that we actaully called paramedics and I ended up in emergency.

- We got the handcuffs off and some normal clothes on my GF (I was already fully clothed) before the paramedics arrived, so there was no need for embarrassing explanations. For a minute though, it was a real concern.

- I still don't know what exactly the trigger was. Both my GF and I were pretty nervous and weren't really enjoying ourselves. (We should have stopped when it was clear that neither of us really wanted to continue, but we figured we would try anyway.) I think her anxiety contributed to mine, eventually leading to the panic attack.

- We *did* try again a few weeks afterward, when we were both much more "in the mood." No panic attack that time, but we pretty much confirmed that neither of us liked being restrained before or during sex. We both had fantasies about this sort of thing, which is what led us to try it in the first place, but reality proved much different than our imaginations.

- For those wondering, they were simple police-style handcuffs, not anything specifically made for bondage play.

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Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about how I'm jealous of her best guy friend always hanging around her. She responded by saying, "Wait, I thought you knew I was dating him too?" FML

#20805726
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63554) - you deserved it (6108)

On 07/27/2013 at 1:02am - love - by ttREZZ - United States (Indiana)

ttREZZ's comment about their FML

Well this was my post..to clear things up, we had been dating three years, what we agreed would be exclusive. She met her best guy friend about two years into our relationship and started "dating him too" about four months ago.

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Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38893) - you deserved it (3794)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)

dareyale's comment about their FML

Hey guys OP here. Well I love my grandma but she always decides to come in during the early hours of the morning. She's always been like this. This one time when I was younger she took me on a wild hunt for her boyfriend. We pulled up outside an old motel and there he was. In a car. With a Hooker. My grandma jumped out the car and took off. She pulled them both out the car and started beating him. Have you ever seen a Hooker take off so fast in heels?!

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Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

#20803562
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21869) - you deserved it (41977)

On 07/25/2013 at 9:32pm - misc - by AlonsoKold - United States (Michigan)

AlonsoKold's comment about their FML

They were just dried spaghetti noodles

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Today, I walked into an elderly man's room in the hospital I work to give him his food. After he struggled to sit up, I noticed his hand move down towards his crotch. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "I have to do this to my scrotum because it gets sweaty and sticks to my leg." FML

#20802315
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38186) - you deserved it (4538)

On 07/25/2013 at 1:20am - work - by scrotumscratcher - United States (Wisconsin)

iamabamf's comment about their FML

After reading all of your comments, I'd just like to verify that I'm only 15. I've been working at the hospital for about two weeks now. I did help him sit up, with the help of another CNA. I certainly laughed it off, but I didn't actually think this was going to be posted! :)

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Today, I came back from vacation only to find my 16-year-old son was throwing a party with over 30 kids in our house. My 33-year-old sister was having fun dancing on a table. FML

#20800950
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47902) - you deserved it (5905)

On 07/24/2013 at 9:12am - kids - by Aggressive (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Aggressive's comment about their FML

My son had to clean up the mess, and pay for any damages, also he's grounded for a LONG time. Hopefully he'll learn from this. At the moment, my sisters still too drunk to be reasonable, I'll have to speak to her when she's sober. As for the kids at the party, most of their parents have been notified!

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Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

#20800910
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43231) - you deserved it (5546)

On 07/24/2013 at 8:03am - animals - by cheekychimp23 - United Kingdom

cheekychimp23's comment about their FML

Just so people know I'm not a terrible dog owner - we have been to the vet numerous times and they told me it happens because her tail was docked too short when she was a puppy! I feed her oil but sadly it does not help. Sigh. Keep squeezing I guess. FML.

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Today, after our grandmother's memorial service, my 9-year-old sister took it upon herself to solemnly inform the priest in front of everyone in attendance that, "You lied. Jesus isn't here." FML

#20799724
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34058) - you deserved it (4363)

On 07/23/2013 at 4:27pm - kids - by bri_sci94 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

bri_sci94's comment about their FML

My immediate family isn't religious, but my grandparents were. My sister was not harshly reprimanded or anything of the sort as she has not been exposed to religion and doesn't understand it at this point in her life. Thank you for all of your kind comments; I wasn't close with my grandmother but it's still a heartbreaking event.

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Today, I sold ice cream to a group of kids. One of them looked sad, because he was the only one who couldn't buy any, so I gave him some for free. Apparently, he was allergic to something in it, and ended up being rushed to the hospital. FML

#20799539
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50684) - you deserved it (6807)

On 07/23/2013 at 2:28pm - work - by Snarty (man) - United States

Snarty's comment about their FML

hey thanks for the comments guys. to answer a few questions neither the kid nor the parent knew he was allergic. aparently he reacted to the red food coloring which caused him to break out in a full body rash the poor little guy was so upset. but now we know he isn't allergic to all ice cream so I told him and the mom they will have free ice cream on me for the rest of the year... as long as it doesn't have red dye! Thanks to all who commented,
Cheers!

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Today, we got a new employee at work. I said hi, and told her that if she needed help figuring out our computer system, then to give me a call. She promptly accused me of sexual harassment and filed a complaint against me. FML

#20799395
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46636) - you deserved it (3044)

On 07/23/2013 at 1:16pm - work - by OfficeDroneWoman (woman) - United States (Maryland)

OfficeDroneWoman's comment about their FML

OP here.

Some of you noticed it said "woman." Yes, I'm a woman. That's why her complaint made no sense. Glad to report, though, that after a couple days HR got back to me and said I was off the hook, and told her that if she makes any more accusations like that, she'll be fired. She can't even look me in the eye now.

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