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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I found my elderly neighbour on all fours in my garden eating my flowers. FML

#20836671
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45813) - you deserved it (3151)

On 08/14/2013 at 3:55am - misc - by kenbez123 (man) - Malta

kenbez123's comment about their FML

The neighbour in question was male. No he was not naked (thank god). When he noticed me he just ran off back to his house.

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Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML

#20834701
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40091) - you deserved it (2598)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:07am - work - by SparkOfJade - United States (Maryland)

SparkOfJade's comment about their FML

First thing first: I'm a girl. I have an engineering degree from one of the top universities in my field, and hold all the necessary certifications and then some. I do have a military background, but I am not in the military any longer, and I now have a full-time job at one of the top IT firms in the country.

I'm a consultant, meaning I contract out to our company's clients. The "superior" in question was a higher up on the client side which is why he makes so much more than I do. He's been there at least 10 years. I'm on year 2 with my company. As anyone who's been a contractor will tell you, you can only explain to a client that they are being insane for so long until you do what they ask because they are paying the bills and "the customer is always right" *sigh*
I obviously can not tell you which client it was.

I'm really enjoying the witty responses, and even the not so witty ones (I did use the proper form of "there," you imbecile.)

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Today, my house was broken into. After we called the police, my dad started calling himself Sherlock Holmes and talking in a British accent. He insists on calling me Watson. He is going around the neighborhood acting like Sherlock, investigating stuff. He won't stop. FML

#20833426
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40166) - you deserved it (3819)

On 08/12/2013 at 6:06am - misc - by MarissaKayleen - Canada (Saskatchewan)

MarissaKayleen's comment about their FML

Haha! I love the comments! I just want to let everyone know, I am not making fun of him or bashing him. I love how he is taking this situation. He seriously is the best :)

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Today, my girlfriend texted me "I think we should move in". Then, ten seconds later she sent another text that said, "Sorry, typo. Move on". FML

#20832931
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47320) - you deserved it (2809)

On 08/11/2013 at 10:42pm - love - by DandoisFLAT - United States (Michigan)

DandoisFLAT's comment about their FML

Hey, just wanted to inform everyone that yes, she is obviously my ex-girlfriend now and that i'm feeling fine. I was actually out skateboarding with some friends when i got the texts from her, and once i showed them, they made me feel a lot better. We were actually dating for a year and almost two months, but i never thought she would end it like that. So between my friends and the support from you guys i realized that i deserved better then her and i'll be more careful next time in choosing a partner. Thanks guys :)

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Today, I was walking along the beach at night with my family. A huge wave came up and knocked me over. When we got to the van, I realized that the keys that had been in my pocket were now in the ocean. Our cell phones, shoes, and money were in the van. We had to walk three miles to our hotel. FML

#20831839
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40368) - you deserved it (6183)

On 08/11/2013 at 3:28am - misc - by cricketsins (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

cricketsins's comment about their FML

OP here! Just to clarify:


Waves knock people off their feet easily.
We weren't lazy, we just didn't want to walk barefoot through a place covered with broken beer bottles and vomit.
We couldn't break the window because the van had an alarm system, plus it was a nice van and we didn't want to harm it - especially if we were perfectly capable of walking to the hotel and dealing with it the next day.

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Today, my cousin decided it would be fun to get drunk before my wedding. During the ceremony, he got up on the stage and tried to do a stage dive into the crowd. He landed on my nephew and broke his arm. FML

#20826635
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46622) - you deserved it (3316)

On 08/08/2013 at 1:12am - misc - by Zlo98 - United States (Georgia)

Zlo98's comment about their FML

Just to clarify it was my nephew who broke his arm. After it happened we asked my cousin to leave and my brother took my nephew to the hospital. The rest of the ceremony went as planned and my brother and nephew made it back in time for the reception. My cousin doesn't usually drink so it was a surprise when he showed up drunk but he has apologized and everything has been smoothed over.

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Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

#20814522
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32807) - you deserved it (57598)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:32am - misc - by vmml97 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

vmml97's comment about their FML

Hey.

Firstly, I am Canadian, and in Ontario, you can carry a folding (not spring assisted or butterfly) knife, with a blade under 3 or 4 inches in length. You can look up the rules if you want. So yes, I was carrying it legally. And why do I carry a knife? Because I use it as a tool. It's not a weapon. I was in the forest, it was a tool. He said he needed it as a tool. I believed him, it's a logical claim.

I can understand why it would seem like a ridiculously dumb idea to let someone borrow your knife, but you need to understand two things: I live in a small, Canadian town. I literally can not remember the last time anyone was attacked here, so I did not fear attack. Also, we were deep in the forest, where there are many reasons that one needs a knife. So, I let him use the knife because he said he needed it. I know it's kind of stupid, and I'm never lending out a knife again, but oh well. He seemed like a nice, polite, well put together guy. He didn't look like your typical mugger, so that's why I lent it out. He had obviously seen the clip of the knife, as I carry it clipped to the inside of my pocket, as that's the law where I live.

And people saying "a woman in a forest, alone, lending out her knife to weird men.... bad idea", I agree. But, I'm not the type of woman you want to fight with, and I'm not some delicate woman alone and afraid. I can hold my own. But, I do have too much faith in humanity, and I trust people too much.

As for people saying "track down your phone", I did. I live close to the forest, so I just ran back home and tracked the phone down. I had it back within a few hours. I lost the $70 in my wallet, but that's not much. He was a stupid thief. The police took care of him.

And, by the way, I never got my knife back :(

I'm gonna go buy another knife, and I'm never gonna lend it out again. In the end, it was scary (I've never been mugged before) and I lost $100 ($70 cash from my wallet, and the knife was worth $30 ish), but I've learned a lesson.

Thanks, everyone. And yes, I know I deserved it!

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Today, one of my employees filed a complaint against me. He claims that I "pick on him" and make him do things I "wouldn't do". Apparently, making him do his job and trying to convince him to wear clean clothes that don't smell like garbage is considered a bad thing. FML

#20813192
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48109) - you deserved it (4140)

On 07/31/2013 at 10:15am - work - by Zatnikatel (man) - United States (Kansas)

Zatnikatel's comment about their FML

OP here to explain further, I'm a manager for a big and tall clothing store and hygiene is covered in the training manual. he was wearing the EXACT Same clothing everyday he worked(multiple days in a row). the stains, wrinkles, abd odor constantly increased. I really don't feel like I was bullying him and I even offered to help purchase him new clothes. he took offense to that as well and went on a rant about how his family is ridiculously wealthy. his work ethic was atrocious, he stopped everything to look at himself in a mirror every half hour or so, he would talk/text on his phone in front of customers he was supposed to be helping and was all around unprofessional. he ended up ending his own employment stating that the job "was too much of a hassle" good riddance as far as I'm concerned.

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Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

#20812913
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54377) - you deserved it (3894)

On 07/31/2013 at 2:47am - misc - by mtr1594 - United States (Nevada)

mtr1594's comment about their FML

Hey, it's me, OP. So this isn't the first time he's sleep talked before. Occasionally he'll moan, or like the other night, mutter something about eating Nutella. Anyway. This is the first time it scared the bejesus out of me and the first time he opened his eyes. Usually I ask him about it the next morning and he has no idea and wants to know what he said. This morning it was the same response. When I asked what he was dreaming about, he was dreaming that he was a bad ass drug lord apparently. I think we've been watching too much Weeds, the TV show...

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Today, my husband bought me a big box of tampons. He claims to know when my period is about to start before I do. Sadly, he's right. FML

#20812881
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47344) - you deserved it (7981)

On 07/31/2013 at 2:31am - love - by RayneWolf13 (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

RayneWolf13's comment about their FML

I'm not complaining at all. Haha its just sad how I don't even know when its coming cuz it never goes in order. I'm very lucky to have him! :) Also, he doesn't buy me chocolate because he knows I hate sweets so he gets me water and pizza instead lol.

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Today, while I was eating cereal, my mother thought it would be appropriate to grab the bowl and start spoon-feeding me while making airplane noises, again. I'm 19. FML

#20811567
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47722) - you deserved it (8105)

On 07/30/2013 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by nela25 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

nela25's comment about their FML

I'm actually just visiting my mom over the summer, since I'm off from college. I burst out laughing when she did this, and thought this post would make people smile. There's nothing bad about what she did. So before some of you start making assumptions saying I'm a cranky old fart and what not, take a reality check and shut that smart ass mouth of yours. Good day.

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Today, I was pretending to be a ballerina. I was dancing around my room, making a complete dick of myself. I eventually caught sight of a pair of guys grinning and filming me with their cellphones through my window. FML

#20811460
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38786) - you deserved it (12847)

On 07/30/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by kiwichick4life (woman) - United States (Ohio)

kiwichick4life's comment about their FML

I have curtains, I just hadn't shut them yet as it was only the afternoon and I'm not a vampire. I like to have sunlight in my room.

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Today, I called to confirm the appointment that I made over six months ago at the tattoo studio. Turns out my particular artist "doesn't work Tuesdays" and that they also miraculously have no record of my appointment, nor the cash deposit I had to put down. FML

#20811452
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45652) - you deserved it (7341)

On 07/30/2013 at 12:29pm - misc - by pittman137 - United States (Idaho)

pittman137's comment about their FML

OP here. Different username since I didn't have an account when I wrote this. Just thought I'd do a little follow up. As far as the no receipt thing, yea, I know, shame on me. I'm getting more work done on an existing tattoo and this is the place where I had started at, so I didn't think much of it. This particular shop is known for how great the artists there are, so it is worth the six month wait (to me at least). It ends up the guy I had made the appointment with had quit the shop and taken his appointment book with him, so they had to way to contact me about it and apparently he isn't as professional as I thought since he didn't contact me either to let me know he moved shops. The shop itself was able to move some things around and I'm still able to get my work done at my time, just with a new artist so everything has worked out. Thanks for all the comments!

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