Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my boyfriend got offered a job at Abercrombie. The first thing he asked was "they only hire hot people, right?!" Now he won't stop telling me how lucky I am to be with such a hot guy. FML

#20866062
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42538) - you deserved it (5719)

On 09/03/2013 at 1:13pm - love - by Misaki18 - United States

Misaki18's comment about their FML

Yeah he thinks he's better than me , I feel like a Cinderella after midnight while he's the prince. He's always bragging about how good looking, smart, and charismatic he is and now it's worse. -_-

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I found out that Cheetos are flammable, as is my hair. FML

#20863645
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28780) - you deserved it (9272)

On 09/01/2013 at 8:47pm - misc - by ClaireWinchester - United States (California)

ClaireWinchester's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here (: I was so excited to hear that this got published!! Thank you for all your feedback, even the ones saying I deserved what happened. I believe due explanations are in order. First of all: I wasn't the one who lit the Cheetos on fire, that was courtesy of my older brother. He saw a post on iFunny saying that Cheetos are flammable, so, naturally he felt the need to see which flavor of Cheetos burned the fastest. He then he ran into my room to show me his discovery, waving a flaming Cheeto around proudly. I'm assuming you can guess what happened next.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML

#20862981
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44853) - you deserved it (3154)

On 09/01/2013 at 10:25am - work - by NotGabe - United States (Texas)

NotGabe's comment about their FML

OP here. Looks like I caused some confusion, so let me clear it up. In the US, the changeable tops of a bottle are called nipples. Basically, a female customer gave my tits a twist.

See all the comments

Today, my parents told me that I had been accepted into my top two colleges, but they didn't show me the letters because they were worried that if they spent money on tuition, they wouldn't be able to keep BOTH of their brand new Mercedes. FML

#20862881
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51579) - you deserved it (3199)

On 09/01/2013 at 6:40am - money - by jfanous (man) - United States (California)

jfanous's comment about their FML

haha, yeah i'm the OP. didn't know you need an account to comment...but I just wanted to clear up something. I didn't want my parents to pay, a simple "you got in" would have been nice. I was planning on doing ROTC and letting Uncle Sam handle my tuition.

See all the comments including 7 other original poster's reactions

Today, while I was teaching my chickens to eat out of my hand, one of the hens bit my finger and I dropped the entire handful of treats. Result: bonanza for the bird. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML

#20862606
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35504) - you deserved it (6747)

On 09/01/2013 at 12:29am - animals - by Rapunzel1974 - United States (Mississippi)

Rapunzel1974's comment about their FML

I'm the OP. I'm the one with the Fabulous Fingerbiters. These chickens aren't food: they're overindulged pets. Each one has a name, so chicken stew isn't an option. I've named them after various vaudeville stars or actresses because they're a lot of feathery drama queens. Actually, biting the hand that feeds them is right in line with the entertainment-industry theme I chose when naming them.

A chicken bite from a baby bird isn't really painful at all because their little beaks are so soft. Even an adult bird's peck isn't painful in the same way a dog or cat bite is painful. They can't break the skin, although if they get you in the face it can leave a scratch or welt. A parrot, by contrast, can take your finger off. Chickens just aren't strong enough.

These are going to be lovely laying hens. They're just a bit cheeky. I think I can break them of the habit by switching for a while to grass instead of mealworms, by *not* dropping the goodies no matter what, and moving on to the second phase of training, where I train them to hop onto my lap and sit there to be fed and petted.

When training a chicken, it's important to use food as a reward. They're not like dogs and they don't consider attention a reward. They don't even consider petting a reward until they're conditioned to do so, because it's not a normal behavior or sensation for them. But it's straight-up operant conditioning, right out of B.F. Skinner

See all the comments including 8 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was yelled at once again for being in the school gym without a coach present. I am the coach. FML

#20860030
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41923) - you deserved it (2707)

On 08/30/2013 at 5:23am - misc - by rapunzel3416 - United States (California)

rapunzel3416's comment about their FML

Yay I'm the OP I'm happy this got posted. I'm 22 and coach girls volleyball. A volunteer basketball coach didn't recognize me and thought I was a student. This happens when we go to away games too. The coaches of the other teams will tell me to leave until my coach is here and even some high school students think I'm on the team. I think it's pretty funny and am glad I still look young.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

#20858962
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44367) - you deserved it (6097)

On 08/29/2013 at 6:55am - kids - by IronSkye (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

IronSkye's comment about their FML

Okay, I'm glad this FML got published. Thanks, guys! However, looks like I have some questions to answer. Firstly, my sister is almost eleven. The day before, we went shopping, and dad bought foir bottles of beer for a game he was going to watch in two days with his friends. My sister took the bottles and put the beer in cups, it totally looked like lemonade. She even put some lemons next to them! Yes, it was light beer, fortunately. But still alcohol. The kids told their mums the juice tasted funny, so they took a sip and figured out what it actually was. In the end, my sister's excuse was that she knew lemonade wouldn't have been successful anyway.

See all the comments

Today, I was fired when a customer called corporate, saying I was unprofessional and rude. The "customer" in question was my little sister, who I would not let buy beer with a fake ID. FML

#20858278
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42929) - you deserved it (2676)

On 08/28/2013 at 7:02pm - work - by Kannachan13 - United States (New York)

Kannachan13's comment about their FML

Op here. It's an at will state, and the store had a strict please-all-guests policy. From what I was told it was out of my bosses hands as they actually called corporate and there was no proof it was her. As far as parents well I doubt anything will come of that

See all the comments

Today, I bought a cat. Somehow that cat is now stuck inside my antique piano. I have to break the piano to get her out. FML

#20856367
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44325) - you deserved it (5519)

On 08/27/2013 at 10:46am - animals - by outthelabyrynth - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

outthelabyrynth's comment about their FML

Okay, maybe break the piano was a bit of a drastic solution. It's really heavy and my dad got it as a gift from one of his patients, so I'm not really familiar with the thing. It's really old and out of tune, we do get it tuned once in a while, but it doesn't make any difference. We are trying to find someone who's interested in it, since we don't use it anymore, and for that reason we had placed the piano in a side part of the house.

I'm a responsible cat owner and I know that when you get a new cat you have to let it get used to your house room by room. Unfortunately for us, it was the piano room... I still have no idea how she got in, since the piano is a really massive thing, no holes or stuff like that. We had to take of the front (which also happens when it gets tuned) to get her out, but she was completely fine and so was the piano, so, that turned out all right :)

For those of you who were asking if I bought or adopted the cat, I meant bought. I really think adopting is better! But this cat species is hypo-allergic, and since my dad is allergic to cats, this was the only way we could get one. I've wanted a cat for whole my life and after 16 years, my dream came true, and everyone here loves our little kitty :)

I laughed at all your musical kitty jokes, and thanks for all the advice! Happy holidays xxx

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was told that the $500 I'm owed for babysitting isn't going to happen. Why? Because after six months of watching a friend's six children, she's moved 120 miles away and no longer needs me. FML

#20856236
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41537) - you deserved it (3942)

On 08/27/2013 at 6:29am - work - by bexes - United States (Texas)

bexes's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here. After reading some of the comments I can see there is a bit of confusion. The babysitting thing was a great gig at the start. She was paying me $200/week. What had happened was she hurt her back and couldn't work but had to go to multiple dr appointments there after. I was wanting to take a CNA course that cost $500. So we agreed she would pay for the class if I continued to watch the kids during her appointments. I held up my end she didn't.

See all the comments

Today, I found out someone has a crush on me. Normally I'd be fine with this, if it weren't for that fact that this guy informed me that he has collected pictures of me since the third grade. I'm turning 23 in two weeks. FML

#20855380
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42539) - you deserved it (2654)

On 08/26/2013 at 5:18pm - love - by Suunflower_14 - United States (Arizona)

Suunflower_14's comment about their FML

Just wanted to confirm some questions here. I'm gonna be getting a restraining order here soon. He still tries to talk me at work (we work at the same coffee shop, what a coincidence) and I do my best to ignore him. He creeps me out actually very much so and he constantly is bugging me. The guy is weird, but in a way I feel bad for him because he's always been an outcast and doesn't really understand how to have friends. Anyways, I should be starting my college classes soon too so I can focus on school and not so much... Him.. Too bad he's probably a kidnapper. Thanks for the... lovely comments guys.

See all the comments

Today, a customer wanted a military discount for buying two 39 cent Slim Jims. I work at an auto parts store. FML

#20854690
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34655) - you deserved it (3287)

On 08/26/2013 at 1:51am - work - by luvmypony (woman) - United States (California)

luvmypony's comment about their FML

I can't give discounts on something so cheap. company policy

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my boyfriend and I are on camping vacation. On my way out of the tent, I stepped in a pile of shit. When I told him, he said, "Oh, I couldn't make it to the bathroom last night." The bathroom was a minute walk from our tent. FML

#20853384
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43136) - you deserved it (3580)

On 08/25/2013 at 5:13am - misc - by justash12 - United States (New Jersey)

justash12's comment about their FML

OP here following up with some details! I can not get the image of him crouching in front of the tent and taking a shit out of my head! Yes, it was a shitty situation. No, I haven't dumped him. Shoes were on! We were at a public campground, down the shore. The bathrooms have toilets, showers, sinks, and TP.

See all the comments



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: