Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

#20883807
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45618) - you deserved it (8367)

On 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by meganmagee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

meganmagee's comment about their FML

After maxing out our credit card on a salt water tank, Mr. Shelly has a permanent home here with Megan, Tony, and Ansleigh Magee.

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, my mum got engaged to her American pen-pal, who is in prison over there for murder. FML

#20883544
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52220) - you deserved it (3250)

On 09/16/2013 at 8:49am - love - by Stheno - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Stheno's comment about their FML

Sorry it took so long to write back I didn't know my FML got posted :)

Now to explain a little. It turns out his trail wasn't fair and the reason he was found guilty was because his cell mate made a deal to get out of being sentenced if he lied about my step father admitting to murdering someone. His da also turned out to be an alcoholic. There is no evidence connecting my step father of the murder and now we're working on getting him released :)

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, as I started my car, I heard the most horrific sounds coming from the engine. When I lifted the hood I realized I'd found my son's cat. FML

#20883120
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46070) - you deserved it (4042)

On 09/15/2013 at 10:49pm - animals - by alexbrooke (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

alexbrooke's comment about their FML

Hey! OP here! the cat actually was wrapped around the Serpentine belt! No.it did not survive, and my car is in the shop, being cleaned out with a new belt. Sad thing my son was in the car, he kept saying Mommy! what is it?! The cat has been lost, I actually hadn't drove my car for a couple of days so I'm not sure how long it was actually in there. I am surprised how.many people this has happened to, glad it wasnt just me!

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended like it never happened. FML

#20882920
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42206) - you deserved it (3138)

On 09/15/2013 at 8:43pm - love - by blzrdsgrl - United States

blzrdsgrl's comment about their FML

Turns out...she thought I was joking because "I'm never serious"...

See all the comments

Today, one of my online friends told me he's bought a plane ticket, so he can come visit me. I've told him multiple times before that I'm uncomfortable with this idea, but he keeps telling me to stop joking, and reminding me that he'll have no other place to stay. FML

#20882407
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38231) - you deserved it (8023)

On 09/15/2013 at 2:04pm - misc - by LolAtMyPosts (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

LolAtMyPosts's comment about their FML

For those who care, no, I didn't give him my address, I'm not an idiot. He just knows the city I live in, because I'm sure I've mentioned it during a group chat. He and I are NOT in a relationship in any way, shape, or form. I barely know him. He's had this weird obsession with me for a while. We talk about once every other day, and have two types of conversations. The most common is: 'Hi, how are you? Good? Glad to hear you're good. Have a nice day.' And that's it. The less common and more creepy is him asking: 'Can I buy you stuff? Can I have your address so I can send you stuff? Do you like jewelry? I'm going to come visit you ;)' He doesn't know my real name, nor do I know his. He doesn't know what I look like, only what I sound like on a mic. We only know each other through our gaming community, and nothing more. :/

I have broken all ties with him, and deleted him off my friends' list (because that's the ONLY way he could contact me). Dude needs to grow up and get his head checked.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was home alone and heard the kitchen tap turn on. Shocked, I turned it off. It continuously kept turning itself on so I set my video phone on it to find out the cause. My cat has learnt to turn it on. I later found said cat teaching another. I have three cats. All my taps are like this. FML

#20881880
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42202) - you deserved it (4104)

On 09/15/2013 at 2:05am - animals - by Madster15 - Australia (Victoria)

Madster15's comment about their FML

OP here, I actually found it rather cute more than annoying, when I'm out though the cats will be too. vasoline and Vicks on the tap? no thanks, that would make ME avoid the taps too. changing the faucets all over my house could be more expensive than anything. the cat puns....please don't. number 23 should also be shunned, cat hater. lastly, I should point out I have three cats because one was stray, if I give him to a shelter she will be killed because she is rather unfriendly at times.

See all the comments including 10 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was at Walmart with my stepmom. We were about to check out when a little sweet-looking old woman came up and asked if she could get in front of us. Seeing as she only had two items in her hands we said yes. Her husband then came up with two carts full of stuff, condoms on top. FML

#20881728
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45542) - you deserved it (5469)

On 09/15/2013 at 12:12am - misc - by sommmerrrr - United States (Virginia)

sommmerrrr's comment about their FML

I didn't think this would be posted so fast! But thanks for all the comments, they made my stepmom and me laugh our butts off. But we just went into a different line. Wasn't that big of a deal. But the granny didn't even say thank you! It was a little awkward seeing as they were so old but we still let that grandpa get in front of us. But thanks again for the comments guys!

See all the comments

Today, I was talking to my husband about our favorite TV show, when he took my face in his hands and sweetly whispered, "You're so pretty. Why must you ruin it with words?" FML

#20880791
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44874) - you deserved it (7735)

On 09/14/2013 at 11:30am - misc - by sammieshortcake - United States

sammieshortcake's comment about their FML

He was actually joking when he said it. I just thought it was funny because of the way he said it like he was being all romantic, so I submitted it. So stoked it got published!

And to the person who said yeah "our" favorite show-it was Game of Thrones, which is both of our favorite shows. lol

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I asked a friend to hang out. I'm so used to people saying no, that when she said yes I burst into tears and had a panic attack. FML

#20880509
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47669) - you deserved it (6782)

On 09/14/2013 at 2:26am - misc - by Stripes_And_Dots (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Stripes_And_Dots's comment about their FML

Firstly, I'm not insane or anything. I have chronic depression and very negative self-esteem. I was talking to her over facebook, so she didn't see me have a flip out. I actually have quite a few friends, but since finishing high school last year everyone is so busy working or at university that we rarely have any time to hang out. I had three friends in high school who I was especially close to and two of them pretty much shut me off. For about a year now every time I've asked them to hang out they've said no, one of the blatantly lies about being busy or tired because she just can't be bothered. The other one, the one I asked, has moved out of home and has been struggling to pay rent and bills, so she's been working lots. I'm so used to hearing them say no, that when she said yes it shocked me and I didn't know how to react - hence triggering the panic attack. Once I'd calmed down I was excited and we're going to have lunch on Monday :)

See all the comments

Today, I had to explain to my mother that faith healing will not work on plumbing. FML

#20880481
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37018) - you deserved it (2759)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:51am - health - by Norvi (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Norvi's comment about their FML

OP here, to quote a song from Johnny Clegg "these are the days of miracles and wonders" - my mom called a plumber, now to survive the weekend until help arrives.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML

#20880468
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42470) - you deserved it (3164)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:42am - health - by Carebeareatu (woman) - United States (Texas)

Carebeareatu's comment about their FML

op here. I don't know why they did. I dont want to know why they did.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend and mother have been sending each other sexually-explicit picture messages. FML

#20879710
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53000) - you deserved it (3198)

On 09/13/2013 at 3:02pm - love - by Amsterdamned13 - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Amsterdamned13's comment about their FML

To everyone: she told me in a funny way after seeing the phone. He is an EX now, and for now most deff no contact with her. Thanks for kind and also unkind words. Gr from Amsterdam

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was walking down the street when a "homeless" man asked for money. I gave him a dollar and he got up and called his friend on an iPhone. FML

#20879472
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42458) - you deserved it (7757)

On 09/13/2013 at 9:49am - money - by Kaka_Karrot_Kake - United States (Texas)

Kaka_Karrot_Kake's comment about their FML

Ok to clear things up, I was walking home and he asked for money. He looked, and even SMELLED like a homeless person. Sure enough, I gave him money and all of a sudden he got up and started walking and I saw him take out an iPhone 5 and call his friend. I heard him say, "Lol dude it worked!" Sorry I wrote so much ._. And no he was NOT really homeless

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: