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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my mother came over to my apartment for a surprise visit. It wasn't until after she left that I realized that I left a half empty bottle of adult toy cleaner on the counter in the bathroom. FML

#20909172
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39733) - you deserved it (13491)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:51am - intimacy - by katt_is_here - United States (Colorado)

katt_is_here's comment about their FML

OP here!

To answer some questions:

1) The bottle...well, it's pretty damn obvious what it is considering it has GIANT letters on it that say "Anti-Bacterial Toy Cleaner" next to a image of a girl dancing with a giant dildo like a stripper pole. If she did see it, it is more than obvious what it is used for.

2) Soap can damage some toys so it's better to get a cleaner specifically designed for the items you are cleaning. You wouldn't wash your windows with oven cleaner, for example.

3) I guess some people missed where I said "SURPRISE" visit. As in I wasn't expecting her. As in there is A LOT of things I would have done to prepare had I known she was coming. I'm not messy, but most people clean their place better when they are expecting company, no?

4) I pay my own bills. This apartment is no more hers than my toys are.

Either way, I thought it was a funny and somewhat embarrassing story to share. Have a good one!

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Today, my neighbour came over with a bag containing lingerie, and apologized while blushing. Turns out his boy was the reason that my lingerie kept disappearing from my garden clothesline recently. His "boy" is over 20 years younger than me. FML

#20909078
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38295) - you deserved it (3774)

On 10/06/2013 at 12:11am - kids - by noreia (woman) - Hong Kong

noreia's comment about their FML

he'll turn 14 within this month

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Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

#20906946
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60266) - you deserved it (4614)

On 10/04/2013 at 7:16am - intimacy - by pancakelicious - New Zealand

pancakelicious's comment about their FML

To everyone concerned: Yes, I washed my hands afterwards. Also, I couldn't refuse the money since my boss was nearby and watching my every move.

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Today, someone stole my card number and tried to use it. Every transaction got declined, not because the bank knew it was a fraudulent charge, but because I'm so poor that he couldn't make even a single purchase. FML

#20904623
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43145) - you deserved it (3545)

On 10/02/2013 at 12:56pm - money - by NykP (woman) - United States (Arizona)

NykP's comment about their FML

Hi, I'm the OP.
For one, I certainly do not have an IPhone, I have an old brick that doesn't have data.
Secondly, I actually have my account set up so I cannot be over-drafted so all of the charges got declined and I have already shut down the card. Now my card was not actually stolen, they were just using the numbers. I asked the bank how they could have gotten those and they couldn't give me a definitive answer. They said it's as easy as your waitress could have copied the numbers and is using it online or something got hacked.
Thirdly, I have no money because I am just a poor college student. I work two jobs but with the cost of school I have nothing left to keep in my account. I do not have a house, I am living in a little room at my grandparents. I do have a cat, but I buy large bags of food and it lasts him like three months. I do not have any children.

I was certainly laughing at the stupid person who would try to steal from me.

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Today, my mom and I got the answer to the question, "Is our dog really dumb enough to jump out of the window of a moving vehicle?" The answer: Yes. FML

#20904318
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42523) - you deserved it (5852)

On 10/02/2013 at 2:36am - animals - by BasketGhost - United States (New York)

BasketGhost's comment about their FML

Hey! Just to start, my dog is absolutely fine. So, we think she may have stepped on the button to lower the window without us realizing before it was too late. No worries, though we were driving fairly slowly after just pulling out of the school parking lot. For anyone wondering the breed, she is a beagle!

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Today, and for the fifth week in a row, my dad has been moping around and acting pissy about everything because his psycho girlfriend won't talk to him. He now claims his life is over. I'm being raised by a teenage girl. FML

#20903836
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41737) - you deserved it (2580)

On 10/01/2013 at 8:33pm - kids - by SuperFail55 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

SuperFail55's comment about their FML

Thanks for all the comforting comments. I just thought that I should clear some things up. First of all, as much as I agree that men are just as entitled to their emotions as women I wanted to clarify that naturally he is NOT an emotional man at all. So it is just weird to have him acting so... hormonal. As some of you were wondering it isn't so much impairing his ability to be a parent as it is just not fun to be around him. Also being a teenage girl and having teenage girl friends we can be very melodramatic about relationships and so that's why I used that analogy (cough cough #'s 37 and 38 cough cough.)

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Today, at the age of 23, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. My father swabbed his mouth for DNA and fingerprinted him. FML

#20903605
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39555) - you deserved it (3319)

On 10/01/2013 at 5:46pm - love - by kelbel89 - United States (Texas)

kelbel89's comment about their FML

Hey guys. This is the full scoop.

My father is about 5'9'' and my boyfriend is 6'4''. My dad was going to intimidate him in anyway he could. He started the night off by answering the door and telling my BF that I was out on my real date for the night. Obviously, my dad has a very dry sense of humor. I don't think he was actually going to send what he collected to a lab, but he didn't crack a smile the whole time it was going on. I tried to stop him, multiple times, at which point my dad said that my boyfriend was lucky he couldn't find any latex gloves that day because it meant he was going to have to skip the prostate exam.

My mother was there and thought it was hilarious. My boyfriend is wonderful and rolled with the punches. He took it very well and we are still together. :)

Many of you asked if my dad works in law enforcement. Nope, he's just a Texan (which I feel I should point out my boyfriend is not). My father is incredibly proud of himself, I think even more so now that so many of the comments were in his favor. I was, and still am, absolutely mortified.

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Today, my body-building addiction hit a whole new level when I begged my friend to sell me her breast milk. FML

#20902341
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15058) - you deserved it (39638)

On 09/30/2013 at 6:51pm - health - by DOCMONROE - United States (Illinois)

DOCMONROE's comment about their FML

OP HERE! FIRST LET ME SAY…VERY PUNNY GUYS. NOW LET'S CLEAR THINGS UP A BIT.

THE CONVERSATION WAS MOSTLY TEXT AND STARTED LIKE THIS…
ME: I NEED TO ASK YOU A FEW WEIRD, UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTIONS.
HER: OK…?
ME: ARE YOU GOING TO BREAST FEED?
HER: PROBABLY THE FIRST MONTH.
ME: AND QUIT AFTER?
HER: PROBABLY. WHY?
ME: NOW IT'S GOING TO GET WEIRD…HOW MUCH WOULD IT STRAIN OUR FRIENDSHIP IF I ASKED TO BUT YOUR BREAST MILK?
ME: HELLO? DON'T MAKE THIS WEIRD.
THEN I GOT A PHONE CALL…
HER: WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

NEEDLESS TO SAY, SHE WASN'T SOLD ON THE IDEA…YET. AND FOR ALL OF THE ONES WHO THINK IT'S WEIRD, Y'ALL NEED TO BREATH A LITTLE. BREAST MILK IS WHAT MOST WHEY PROTEINS TRY TO MIMIC. IT'S 38 g CARBS, 32 g PROTEIN, 15 g FAT (PERFECT RATIO BEING 40, 35, 15). THE FATS BREAK DOWN EASIER AND THE PROTEIN IS EASIER TO ABSORB. PLUS IT HAS ALL THE ANTIBODIES AND HGH YOU COULD ASK FOR. NOT TO MENTION IT'S ONE OF THE FEW WAYS TO ACTUALLY ABSORB CALCIUM (THE STUFF YOU GET IN THE STORES IS A WASTE IF MONEY). SO CALL IT WEIRD…OR DEDICATED. EITHER WAY. ARNOLD HIMSELF USED THE STUFF AND HE HAD A 57 in CHEST. IF IT TAKES BOOBIES TO GET BOOBIES THEN BOOBIES IT IS!

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Today, I was using the bathroom at McDonald's when my wallet fell out of my pocket. A lady reached into my stall and tried to grab it. FML

#20900981
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39759) - you deserved it (2537)

On 09/29/2013 at 7:30pm - money - by NotSoTypical (woman) - United States

NotSoTypical's comment about their FML

Hello, OP here!

So you FMLers know, my wallet now goes in safe places when I use the bathroom( ie. My purse or backpack.) I was actually in the process of reaching down to pick it up when her hand appeared in my stall, from under the door. I didn't step on her hand, but thought about it. I did yell at her and report her to management, though. She has actually stolen other people's wallets, so I guess I am lucky.

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Today, I found tiny little maggots in the bristles of my toothbrush. I have no idea how long they've been there. FML

#20898986
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41109) - you deserved it (7993)

On 09/28/2013 at 10:38am - health - by wombats (man) - United States (North Carolina)

wombats's comment about their FML

Hello!

Yes, it's disgusting, but I assure you I am not disgusting myself.

I'm pretty sure they weren't there yesterday...I hope. :/ They were very, very small, so I agree with #48, #50 and #101 that they probably came into being last night. They had over ten hours, as I went to bed early and got up late. I immediately threw away my toothbrush, toothpaste and washed my toothbrush holder. I of course went out and bought a new toothbrush and new tube of toothpaste. I felt very self-conscious going out without having brushed my teeth, so I chewed on lots of sugar free gum. :P

I brush my teeth twice a day, as recommended by the ADA. I've actually replaced my toothbrush three times in the last three months for various reasons, including when I dropped one of them on the floor. I'm very conscious of my dental health. I keep my toothbrush upright in a glass (easier to see when it needs cleaning at the bottom...toothbrush holders themselves often have maggots or eggs in them. >_<), and I have a cover over the top of it (more on that in the next paragraph). When I flush the toilet, I always put the lid down because when you flush a toilet, it sprays particles of whatever is in there all around the room.

We've had a problem with small, irritating little flies just recently, and I'm 99% sure those little arseholes are responsible. I rinse my toothbrush after I use it, and then put it in the holder with a cover on it...and I think that contributed to this, by creating a dark, moist place for a fly to lay its eggs. I won't be using one of those anymore. It shall sit free, as obviously the cover wasn't doing a bloody ounce of good anyway.

This just makes me wonder what other delightful bugs land or crawl on our toothbrushes when we're not using them. :X I bet this happens more than we think, and the eggs just don't get a chance to hatch into maggots on the toothbrush. :P

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Today, I was cutting a client's hair, and she was complaining about how itchy her head was from having it too long. As I lay down my comb and shears, three lice bugs ran across my counter. FML

#20897424
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45030) - you deserved it (3366)

On 09/26/2013 at 10:33pm - work - by alexbrooke (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

alexbrooke's comment about their FML

wow! at a couple of these comments.
For one anyone who say I should have done a full inspection...really? You have had time to thoroughly inspect each client? You must have never been busy. I was so busy that morning I didnt shampoo my client, secondly I didnt even brush her hair out before i did the cut.
When she sat in my chair her hair hit thr floor. she asks for one length, straight across her back. now she had very dark hair and any cosmetologist knows its easier to see in lighter hair. I had a cutting comb so I must have brushed some out as i drug my comb down to length to do my cut check. I was almost on my knees trying to cut this hair.
Anyways its was properly handled, i left that station and everything there until the salon was empty and I used barbacide on the whole place and my utensils.
Plus any cosmetologist knows once I start cutting that head, I cant stop even if I see the infestation, I have to finish, and follow company and state guidelines.

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Today, the creepy kid on the bus saved me a seat again. Thinking he wanted to be friends, I followed him on twitter. He was doing a live video feed so I checked it out. It was of me. FML

#20895913
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38646) - you deserved it (2931)

On 09/25/2013 at 6:30pm - misc - by AnAwesomePerson7 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

AnAwesomePerson7's comment about their FML

Hey, it's OP.

Okay, so first, Wow, I didn't think this would get posted. I told this story to my friend and she told me it would make a great FML. I wasn't so sure...

Anyway, So in detail this is what happened because there are a few questions going around..

I got to the bus late, so there were no seats left. The creepy kid saw and said that I shouldn't worry because he saved a seat for me again. I sat down next to him, not wanting to be rude. He's really awkward and doesn't like to talk to people, so I thought maybe if I followed him on twitter he'd take it as a good thing, maybe.. I don't know. So I did. When I did, a notification popped up saying he was doing a live feed. Being curious, I checked it out to see what exactly he was filming on the bus. (I was so fixated on my phone, I didn't know he was filming me...) And so, yes, it was of me. I didn't do anything because the next stop was mine. I haven't seen him for a while though, since I'm a little scared to take the bus again. Haha,

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Today, I bought some really expensive face wipes that were supposed to cure my awful acne. I was excited to use them until I found out my mom had used them all wiping down her car. FML

#20895537
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42004) - you deserved it (2916)

On 09/25/2013 at 11:07am - health - by Bianchitis - United States

Bianchitis's comment about their FML

Thanks for the comments, they made me laugh.
First of all, I have tried a bunch of different acne medications and none of them worked so I tried these new wipes that got recommended to me. They are actually full size and it's not super obvious that it's a face wipe. So my mother, who loves to keep her car clean, picked them up off of the table and wiped her car with about 90% of the wipes. I did confront her about it and she apologized but she hasn't gotten me new ones...
Thanks for the acne advise, I'll be sure to try some of them.

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