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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I discovered my dog humping my sister's five month old baby while babysitting. FML

#21512396
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19096) - you deserved it (2465)

On 01/07/2016 at 1:46am - kids - by Sleep_lover654 - United States (Arizona)

Sleep_lover654's comment about their FML

First of all, Iwanted to thank FML staff for publishing this, I didn't think they would.

Anyway, I just wanted to clear up some obvious confusion here. The full story is, of course my sister dropped off her baby at my apartment. Later on, I had left the baby for her nap, naturally leaving the door open as I always saw my sister do. I went into the kitchen to make her bottle and a quick meal for me. I didn't see my dog near me but I thought nothing of it since he is always so well- behaved. Right when I finished, I heard the baby cry out but giggle, so I thought maybe she had gotten one of the toys. Clearly wrong. I went into the room to see my dog had somehow (do not ask how for I do not know) opened her crib, gotten in, and did...well, did that. I had to quickly pry him off of course but unfortunately, the image is burned into my mind.

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Today, my 4 year old's heavily pregnant teacher pulled me aside and asked me to talk to my son about "boundaries". Apparently, he asked her if she was going to "boobie feed" him and listed a few reasons why she should and why formula is bad, in front of the entire class. FML

#21512383
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19589) - you deserved it (2972)

On 01/07/2016 at 12:39am - kids - by sammylynnp (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

sammylynnp's comment about their FML

OP here:

Yes he was breastfed for about 5 months. Due to unfortunate medical problems, we had to switch completely to formula. His brother, however, is currently breastfeeding. At 4 years old, he has lots of questions and I try to answer them all as honestly as I can. I in NOW WAY judge people about formula feeding. As long as the baby is happy and healthy, do what you do, which I've also tried to teach him.

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Today, at 26, I got chicken pox. My parents stand by their belief that I got it because I'm not right with God, not because they didn't vaccinate me. FML

#21511769
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24373) - you deserved it (1918)

On 01/05/2016 at 12:41pm - health - by kinzielee - United States (Florida)

kinzielee's comment about their FML

OP here.
Yes, my parents are religious. Orthodox Jews.
I never thought anything about it,
I'm from Central Europe. Things were not this standard.
it was always just a "for religion exemption".


Now that I understand what the hell is up,
I have gotten all the shots I can get as an adult,
my arse hurts, my arm hurts, my thigh hurts.


But I don't have to worry about whooping cough and polio.
So there is that.

Also,
Chicken Pod as an adult,
I was told it could be much worse,
I only have some scars.
THANKFULLY!!!!
:D

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Today, my roommate blamed me after her cat got shocked after chewing through my phone charger cable. The same one my roommate stole to charge her tablet. Yet it's still somehow my fault. FML

#21511757
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20763) - you deserved it (1279)

On 01/05/2016 at 11:46am - misc - by idk0002 - United States (Illinois)

idk0002's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here, first off the kitten is just fine... Just avoids wires now is all.
Second, my roommate apparently got loopy on her allergy medication and her sleeping pills and didn't realize what was going on.
And third, I absolutely love the puns, thank you very much for making my bad situation better

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Today, my boss lost the company a very lucrative contract I had worked on for weeks because he wouldn't tolerate the client's "disrespect." The disrespect? Asking him to not interrupt her or put words in her mouth during a conference call with her employees. FML

#21511462
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18312) - you deserved it (1095)

On 01/04/2016 at 5:10pm - work - by TheGreatSquirrel (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

TheGreatSquirrel's comment about their FML

OP here. I'm IT, not an English major, and 300 charas is a limited space. Sorry if it was too garbled.

This actually happened last year and was the last straw as far as my job there went. The company had a small sales staff and a policy where tech personnel, working on their own time, could bring in new clients. You got a biannual bonus proportional to how much the client contracted for. At the time, my wife was pregnant and on bedrest, so we really could have used the extra money.

I had a friend working for a nice-sized company in the area that needed some IT services. While I didn't get any insider secrets from him, what I knew from general conversation was enough to tailor an offer and know how to present it to the company owner.

My boss was the kind of person who saw everyone competent as conspiring to threaten his job, so he insisted on being on the call she wanted to confirm everything before signing. He was condescending to the client, constantly interrupted her, and tried to sell her things that she would never need. It was obvious he didn't know or care what her company needed or wanted.

She politely asked him to stop and he dressed her down for rudeness and disrespect in front of her own employees. When she declined to sign a contract with us, he blamed me, even though I'd only gotten about three sentences out. And then I got a job somewhere much better and quit.

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Today, while on a flight, I was walking back to my seat after going to the bathroom, when someone stuck their leg out, causing me to trip and fall flat on my face. All the guy could say was, "There's a thing called glasses. Fucking use them!" FML

#21510311
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21968) - you deserved it (1462)

On 01/01/2016 at 6:25pm - misc - by Puff301 - Australia (New South Wales)

Puff301's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here. It was an overnight flight so they had the lights off, but I could still see the outline of objects and he definitely moved right before he tripped me. And my eyesight is fine. I just can't believe this got posted

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Today, I was talking to myself in the bathroom to remind myself of what chores I need to do. My husband overheard me and is now convinced that I was on the phone with someone. No amount of proof, logic or reasoning can convince him that I'm not cheating on him. FML

#21510260
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20724) - you deserved it (1969)

On 01/01/2016 at 3:27pm - love - by ardea_alba (woman) - Russian Federation (Sverdlovsk)

ardea_alba's comment about their FML

OP here:

I'm a work-from-home mom and devoted wife :) We share bank accounts, mails, FB profiles (yes, we're one of those couples) and anything else you could think of...He knows how my phone works and what features it has better than myself, so to sum up - no, there is absolutely no reason he would think that except the fact that I am the first relationship he hasn't cheated in, so I guess it's true what they say - 'you assume for others what you're capable of yourself' :)

cheers to all,

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Today, my girlfriend let me stay over at her house for the first time. I went into her room only to find out she's obsessed with the Joker and has a bunch of posters and toys of him. I am deathly afraid of clowns. FML

#21509727
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22613) - you deserved it (3530)

On 12/31/2015 at 11:40am - love - by ScaredOfClowns (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

ScaredOfClowns's comment about their FML

(I didn't know how to get it to comment as the OP...) For those of you who are asking how I didn't know, she had never brought it up in conversation. We only recently started dating and she hadn't mentioned it at all. She knew that I was afraid of clowns and admitted later on that she thought I was kidding. I guess it could be worse, when I made an excuse to leave and we talked about it later, she suggest we stay at my place instead.

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Today, after trying unsuccessfully for three or so years to have a baby with my wife, my broodiness has gotten so bad that when I saw a couple with their daughter at the bus stop, I briefly had a daydream where I shot them in the head and took their daughter home to raise as my own. FML

#21509677
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23081) - you deserved it (4627)

On 12/31/2015 at 6:57am - kids - by DesperateToBeDad (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

DesperateToBeDad's comment about their FML

OP here. Wow, wasn't expecting so many comments! I feel I should probably clarify a few things here:

First of all, I have a very vivid imagination and tend to have involuntary daydreams where various scenarios to a situation play out. This was one such case, and doesn't mean I'm violent or am actually contemplating shooting people or anything like that, my mind just rollercoasters through various things happening and I'm just sort of along for the ride. I found this one amusing enough to post on FML.

My wife and I are currently looking into fertility tests to find out exactly what the problem is, and will of course consider adoption/fostering if it turns out that natural conception isn't on the cards. Don't worry, I'm not going to abduct anyone's kids or go on a murder spree. :P

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Today, I found the engagement ring I'd bought and been missing for a week. On my girlfriend's hand. While my childhood friend was inside her. They apparently like pretending she's married while doing this. They made this self-discovery a week ago. Good for them. I don't want the ring back. FML

#21509182
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26107) - you deserved it (1491)

On 12/29/2015 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by CogadhTallon - United States

CogadhTallon's comment about their FML

Thanks for your comments, this place is much better than a shrink for healing a bit.

I can appreciate the sentiment that I should've taken the ring back, but once purchased, rings are almost worthless (thanks, De Beers). I honestly wanted nothing to do with them. I've burned the sheets (not kidding) and I've gone numb. Their pretty much dead to me, and needless to say I'm out of the dating circuit for a while.

Keep the comments coming though, this place rocks, and reminds me that not everyone are walking asshats. :)

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Today, on my day off, despite working a night shift the night before I was up early to clean and cook all day to spoil my boyfriend. At 10 p.m. when I finally settled down into the bathtub, my phone rang. It was work, asking where I was for my shift. I didn't have the day off. FML

#21508618
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22095) - you deserved it (3681)

On 12/28/2015 at 1:56am - work - by MadelynGraceS (woman) - United States (Indiana)

MadelynGraceS's comment about their FML

This was my post! To clarify, I worked a night shift and woke up early in the morning. I guess someone told my work ( I work at a hospital) that I was covering their shift so I was supposed to come back in that night but never heard about it. People change schedules without notifying everyone a lot lol.

And that would suck! if my boyfriend called to break up with me I'd just get out of the tub and go beat him up since we live together :p

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Today, my family and I were going to my grandparents' for Christmas. As my car was totaled recently, I had to get a ride with them. They left without me in the time it took to put my shoes and socks on. FML

#21507482
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19489) - you deserved it (1536)

On 12/24/2015 at 10:37pm - misc - by Soninuva - United States (Texas)

Soninuva's comment about their FML

OP here. It wasn't a mistake, I was getting ready and they said they were leaving. I told them to wait, and they said they wouldn't, as they were already late.

Ordinarily I am very punctual, to the point of being early everywhere. I wasn't that day, because the time had been moved, and nobody told me. Originally it was going to be at 6:00 pm, and they moved it to 3:00 pm.

They didn't wake me until 2, and didn't tell me that it had been changed until they were saying to hurry up a few minutes before. I was asleep because in addition to being a substitute, I work at Toys R Us, so even though I'm off for one job, the other is stronger than ever. The days leading up to it I had worked two fifteen hour days, then the night before an eight hour one, where I got out around 1:30 am.

My dad came back after 15 minutes, so it ended up working out alright, but I was mad as hell.

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Today, my dad let me fire one of his guns. This was a big deal because he rarely lets anyone so much as touch them. I was so excited, I forgot about about the recoil. Now I'm in the ER with a broken nose. FML

#21507245
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16719) - you deserved it (9055)

On 12/24/2015 at 9:50am - health - by oliversoden101 - United States (Florida)

oliversoden101's comment about their FML

Hi I'm the OP,

I'm glad I got published that's awesome! The doctor fixed up my nose and it already feels a lot better, I think it's mostly the morphine though. Anyway I learned my lesson with guns and I doubt my dad will let me touch one again for a LONG time.

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