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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my boyfriend thought I was going to ask him if we wanted children together. Instead of talking about it, he pretended to have a violent seizure and die. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22598) - you deserved it (2416)

On 09/06/2015 at 2:33pm - love - by tessie94 (woman) - Austria (Wien)

tessie94's comment about their FML

Hello everyone, OP here. So it seems I should clarify a few things over here, don't want you guys worrying over something not that important :D first of all, we were both surprised our FML was published since we are both avid FML readers and have often joked that we should share some situations with you. This time, again and then I decided to actually share it and - hey presto :D then came the backlash. I forgot I was on the internet- I'm not an avid social media user so I'm not used to it.
For everyone speculating: yes, the Sherlocks among you have correctly deducted that I am indeed 21 and my boyfriend is 22. We have been going out for almost 3 years now and are very happy together. We even have talked about having children together in lighter moments but on the evening I posted it my darling man was not very relaxed and I was amused by the cliché behaviour of him freaking out and me being overly attached. He did pretend to die violently every time I wanted to talk about it to the point that we were both just in tears laughing.
But no worry, we both are NOT having children anytime soon. I was talking about the future, 7-10, maybe even 15 years.
I want to be a late mum because as you guys probably haven't guessed I am a trained nanny and child minder and therefore know full well how tiring and difficult children can be, even though I love them dearly. And so does my boyfriend by the way. He is the most wonderful uncle to two tiny kiddos we both love more than anything, which is why I thought he was ok with talking and dreaming about our child-filled future. Obviously not. Boys will be boys but that is fine as well of course.
Lastly, I want to apologise to anyone who might or might not feel offended by me joking about seizures, in no way was I reflecting it and realising what that could mean. I am sorry.
And as a side note- Tessie is my dog.
Cheerio and thanks for reading and worrying about unwanted children set into this world (of which there are far too many)
love from a loving Austrian/British Nanny and veterinary student :)

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Today, I found my cat who's been missing for three days, sitting inside my neighbor's window. He won't answer the door. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24140) - you deserved it (1658)

On 09/03/2015 at 5:14pm - animals - by JordanAfml (woman) - United States (Arizona)

JordanAfml's comment about their FML

OP here. My cat is an indoor cat, we rescued her when she was 2 months old and she never left the house in the last 3 years. My dog popped a corner of the screen out of one of my windows and that's how my cat got outside. We went to all of our nearby neighbors asking them to keep an eye out for her, and the particular person who has my cat hates my husband. We thought it was strange he was being so nice and friendly towards us the first day, and now we know why.

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Today, I brought home a new small glass necklace and put it somewhere I figured that the cats couldn't reach. I was wrong. Now I will be looking through kitty litter to find something smaller than a dime. Talk about needle in a haystack. FML


I agree, your life sucks (17307) - you deserved it (2709)

On 09/02/2015 at 5:39pm - animals - by ShayShay48 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

ShayShay48's comment about their FML

Hello everyone, OP here :). Just like to verify a few things. The necklace was not a beaded thing, it had a glass charm about the size of the eraser on a pencil, and that was the part my cat got. Thankfully he didn't get the chain, that would be so painful! I will take him to the vet soon to make sure it went through him safely. It actually was in a jewelry box, but it was upright and had handles that his paws could slip through-which I was very much not aware of xD. There were no beads or sharp ends though, and since it is so small, I think the little guy will be okay. Clever little bastard though.

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Today, after the doctor poking around my urethra and vagina at a lump. She turns to me and says, "I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what that is. Have some antibiotics and we'll see how it goes in two weeks." Excuse me while I go panic in a corner. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22658) - you deserved it (1446)

On 09/02/2015 at 5:10pm - health - by freakingout (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

freakingout's comment about their FML

OP here, wow didn't expect it to make it on here ?
Well so far no change, she even asked me are you sure it's not part of you, like how often does anybody know themselves there.

What? I know myself very well there and it's not normal. Got an appointment with the gyno for next week so should be all good :) thought it was suspicious I got an appointment within half hour of ringing...

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Today, I had to pull chunks of digested blanket out of my dog's ass because she refuses to listen to me when I tell her not to eat the damn blanket. I can't stop smelling it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20620) - you deserved it (3287)

On 08/31/2015 at 10:59pm - animals - by LPS8585 - United States (California)

LPS8585's comment about their FML

OP here, firstly, there's a lot more to the story than I could fit in 300 characters. The dog that are the blanket is actually my well behaved one. She hardly ever eats anything. She didn't eat the whole blanket. Just chunks of it. She was in her kennel at the time because it's been raining and she's chosen to play in the mud. I'm renting a house with white carpet and I've also had to wash my sheets multiple times in one day due to the mud. So as soon as she comes inside, she goes in her kennel (if she's muddy. If she's not both dogs chill with me). She actually did stop chewing the blanket and started chewing her chew toy. She is a puppy. 7-8 months old, but she's not the hellraiser, the other one is. She was able to poop half of it out on her own, but she was running around with blanket coming out of her ass, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. It was also 11 at night and the area I'm in doesn't have a 24 hour vets office. At this point, I think she's about to start going into her first heat cycle and this can cause dogs to have abnormal behavior. This was a first time thing and it won't be happening again. The reason there's a blanket in the kennels, is because I like my dogs to be comfortable.

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Today, I realized I could make more money being on welfare than I can at my current job. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25172) - you deserved it (2086)

On 08/30/2015 at 10:09am - money - by Silver_Jet - Canada (Ontario)

Silver_Jet's comment about their FML

Op here didn't login to post because I didn't think it would get published. I want to clarify a few things. #1 I'm not on welfare. #2 I work part time but my employer doesn't want me to get another job. #3 I work overnight shifts for below minimum wage. #4 I needed a college diploma to get this job.

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Today, I found out that the medicine I've been taking for my headaches is responsible for my headaches getting even worse. FML


I agree, your life sucks (21901) - you deserved it (1784)

On 08/27/2015 at 1:50pm - health - by desbuhbear - United States (Tennessee)

desbuhbear's comment about their FML

Hey guys! Op, here. I didn't think this would get published! Thanks for all your comments. They made me feel better and definitely made me laugh! Just to follow up a bit, I'm no longer taking that medication and I have a neurologist appointment soon to see if they can help me with the pain! Thanks again!

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Today, on my daughter's 9th birthday, I have to let her know that her dog died in his sleep overnight. Happy birthday. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25295) - you deserved it (1404)

On 08/27/2015 at 11:36am - kids - by JDCH_99 - Canada (Ontario)

JDCH_99's comment about their FML

OP here -- we told her. We didn't have a choice. She was devastated and will be for some time. She's spent considerable time at farms, so she gets the whole cycle-of-life thing but it's different when there is an emotional connection. There won't be any dogs in the near future. Maybe in the spring we can talk about adopting a rescue dog.

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Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22305) - you deserved it (3619)

On 08/26/2015 at 12:14pm - love - by Afroman720 (man) - United States (Utah)

Afroman720's comment about their FML

So I asked her if I could have a redo because I was wayyyyyyyyy too nervous, and so I was able to tell her I like her without the running away and such this time! No update on how she feels about me though...I didn't wait for a response cause I had to leave work in a hurry to make it to school on time haha. One step at a time right?

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Today, I've reached the point in my life where the "Apply to affected area" label on acne cream essentially means I need to take a bath in the stuff. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22926) - you deserved it (1824)

On 08/26/2015 at 12:33am - health - by Whiteheads - United States (Texas)

Whiteheads's comment about their FML

OP here, I made an account to reply. To clarify a bit, I'm 19, so I've been dealing with acne for a while and have my face pretty well under control. I said I need to take a bath in acne cream because it's mostly my shoulders and back, and no amount of washing and scrubbing seems to help. Thanks for the funny comments and advice :)

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Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27164) - you deserved it (1634)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:33pm - misc - by Schizomaniac (man) - United States

Schizomaniac's comment about their FML

Thankfully he's only a PE teacher. Not to discredit PE teachers, but at least he is not in a position to actually provide information to students.

This guy is an absolute nutjob. These are real claims he has argued in the past:
-evolution is a lie (no surprise)
-dogs are more intelligent than chimpanzees
-our most sophisticated equipment can't see outside our galaxy (lol)
-humans are the only animals that rely on fruits and vegetables for food

And many, many others. He's the type of person to argue with a chef because he read a cookbook. It's sad.

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Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML


I agree, your life sucks (23560) - you deserved it (15243)

On 08/24/2015 at 10:02pm - animals - by SilentSin - United States (Georgia)

SilentSin's comment about their FML

OP here. I just wanna clear things up. I work third shift and go to college full time, so yes, I do take naps every now and then before work (usually right after classes), and the two dogs I own are a Pomeranian and a chihuahua terroir, both of which are two very small breeds of dogs. So for those saying that dogs are meant for protection, yeah, not these. Pomeranians are very defensive of their territory, so no matter who or what my Pom sees or hears outside, she'll bark like crazy. The chihuahua usually does the same thing; they bark even when they hear me open the garage door. No, I never heard the intruder break in and yes, I have trained the dogs both to silence the barking but only on command. So since they were in a different room than me, I went and commanded them to silence, and yes I didn't think there was a burglar in the house because like I said earlier, these dogs bark at EVERYTHING. Being distracted by the dogs, I did get KO'd but it wasn't for too long. I woke up only minutes after, called police and managed to catch the thief, so it's all good now. I hope this clears things up and that y'all have a fantastic day!

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Today, my date came to pick me up for a date. As I was getting into his car, a large blister on my foot burst. My foot is now swimming in a pool of hot, liquid pus. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22732) - you deserved it (2861)

On 08/24/2015 at 6:35pm - health - by Szaszaspasz - Canada (British Columbia)

Szaszaspasz's comment about their FML

Hi! It's the OP. The blister formed earlier in the day because of a new pair of running shoes I was breaking in. The blister didn't seem too bad, but it got filled up as the day progressed. As I got into the car, it burst. I never let on because my shoes were not open-toes. The date was great, we went to Pizza Hut, but I got tomato sauce on my outfit. I'm a klutz FML

This was in 1990. I was too nervous to run back up to my barracks and do something about the blister. I was 19 at the time.

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