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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I learnt the meaning of the phrase "ménage à trois". I had always thought it was synonymous with "fiasco" and have used it several times in essays. FML

#21452489
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11437) - you deserved it (21146)

On 08/05/2015 at 11:31pm - misc - by johobus28 - United States (Colorado)

johobus28's comment about their FML

As embarrassing as it was to learn the actual meaning, I have to agree with you guys. I probably should have looked up the actual meaning before using it. I can usually deduct the meaning of a word pretty well without googling it, but that evidently was not the case here. Fortunately, I never used it on major, college-acceptance essays or anything. Only minor high school assignments. I'll be sure to google a word before I use it next time! Thanks for my first FML guys

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Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

#21452148
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28132) - you deserved it (3184)

On 08/05/2015 at 7:08am - intimacy - by pudh (man) - Australia (Victoria)

pudh's comment about their FML

Author's comment (pu): For the record, I did not make her feel crap about it. We laughed about it for hours before posting it on FML.

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Today, the girl I've loved for years kissed me. Then she started crying and wiping her mouth, and had a panic attack. I had to help her through it, tell her that it was no big deal, and that it would never happen again. FML

#21451856
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24096) - you deserved it (2110)

On 08/04/2015 at 5:40pm - love - by TheDenmarkian (man) - United States (Ohio)

TheDenmarkian's comment about their FML

Unfortunately, she said she has no idea why she kissed me. She said she is confused and doesn't know, and I told her to think about it. She said she just didn't know, but it was probably to test the waters. She did enjoy the kiss, if that makes up for anything.

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Today, my local USPS delivery man refused to deliver any more packages to my house, because in the past, my dogs have barked at him and he feels threatened. He also filed a complaint about our house because apparently my driveway has branches that, to him, are considered "hazardous." FML

#21451571
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21835) - you deserved it (3783)

On 08/03/2015 at 11:26pm - misc - by 18emikot - United States (Minnesota)

18emikot's comment about their FML

We have a Chihauhau and a Springer. The Chihauhau rarely goes out and only has a few teeth left so I doubt she could hurt someone. Our Springer is a sweetheart, she's all bark but no bite. Whoever she goes out she wears a bark collar and the remote is always by someone's side. There are no protruding branches in our driveway. None. We trim them regularly.

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Today, I was at a bar. When asked if I wanted a refill of my coffee, I said yes, and moved the cup from my lap to the counter. As I did this, the waitress spilled hot coffee right into my crotch. FML

#21451324
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24235) - you deserved it (3008)

On 08/03/2015 at 1:26pm - misc - by danimal_crackerz - United States (Rhode Island)

danimal_crackerz's comment about their FML

Hi, it's the OP here. I'd just like to say, thanks for all the laughs in the comments, may have made the trip down to the ER worth it. Looks looks like no kind of coffee is in my future, after this happening my first time trying it, after being prodded by an older sibling who brought me (to the bar). I'm sure this will be a story to laugh about for years to come - and a lesson to all: move the cup first. ?

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Today, I was at the gym playing basketball. A very attractive girl chose me to be on her team. We were playing well and hitting it off. I had decided to ask for her number after the game, until I smashed the ball in her face, resulting in her having a broken nose. FML

#21450928
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21997) - you deserved it (2914)

On 08/02/2015 at 3:45pm - misc - by ChildishKeynote - United States (California)

ChildishKeynote's comment about their FML

Thank you for your support guys. I can confirm that she in fact hates my guts at this moment in time

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Today, while at work, I mustered up the courage to talk to a cute girl. I asked her name, to which I replied with mine and that it was nice to meet her. She followed up with a dirty look and the fact she hates anyone with my name. FML

#21450516
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25147) - you deserved it (1848)

On 08/01/2015 at 4:19pm - work - by I'mMike - United States (Florida)

arano's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here. Just wanted to clarify a couple of things: My name is "Mike," hence the name I used. I didn't call her any names or say anything witty back. I was honestly too dumbfounded by her saying that to me to think of anything, so I just walked away. Your comments are fucking hilarious though. They made me feel much better about the situation. Also I don't wear a name tag so when I introduced myself I couldn't really take it back. I like my name though, so she can shove it. (:

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Today, while volunteering at my local animal shelter, I was asked to clean the cat room. This entailed taking each cat out of its cage by hand and cleaning the inside. They forgot to mention that some of the cats were feral. I now look like I belly flopped into a cactus. FML

#21450234
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21352) - you deserved it (1939)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:20pm - animals - by hamiltonma - United States (North Carolina)

hamiltonma's comment about their FML

OP here! The people who were running the animal shelter literally put me in a small room with around 25 cats in cages and told me to clean them. I asked for gloves, and they had none. They also didn't mention that most of the cats in the room were caught off the street and were waiting to be spayed, and then re-released. I went to grab the first cat from the cage and put it into a carrier so I could clean the cage, and it literally went crazy. It grabbed ahold of my hand with it's teeth and started scratching all up and down my arms. After I showed the person in charge, they shrugged and told me to keep cleaning! I went home with scratches everywhere! Needless to say, I will not be returning! Thanks for all the comments everyone! I am feeling better today, and have been religiously applying hydrogen peroxide to me wounds! Thanks again!

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Today, my grandpa set out snare traps to catch the foxes that have been around our property, because he wanted to protect our dog from being attacked by them. I then got a phone call from my dad telling me our dog got caught in one. FML

#21450211
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22680) - you deserved it (2354)

On 07/31/2015 at 10:31pm - animals - by C_Ramirez1695 - United States (Texas)

C_Ramirez1695's comment about their FML

Unfortunately our dog has passed. It was a choke snare. I don't blame my grandpa he loved our dog just as much as we did, he was only trying to protect him. I don't know where you're from in the world but foxes and coyotes are not harmless. Our dog was a little shih tzu and a fox or coyote wouldn't think twice about attacking him.

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Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

#21450146
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24684) - you deserved it (1629)

On 07/31/2015 at 6:56pm - work - by LexiD19 (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

LexiD19's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here! I just started working at Subway a few days ago, so my manager is still training me on the "ways of being a sandwich artist." While making this man's sandwich, I put the cheese longest side facing each other in order to cover all the meat evenly. Well, a few hours later, my manager gets a call from the same man complaining about the cheese being "upside down." My manager thought the whole situation was hilarious and enjoyed telling all of the employees the story. She assured me I didn't do anything wrong and I've been doing great the past few days.

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Today, as if having an old man shit on the floor of the busy restaurant I work at wasn't bad enough, my manager made a video commentating over the camera footage of me discovering said giant pile of shit, and shared it with the entire staff. This is going to haunt me forever. FML

#21449841
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23353) - you deserved it (1745)

On 07/31/2015 at 1:36am - work - by StargazeKitsune (woman) - United States (Montana)

StargazeKitsune's comment about their FML

Hey guys! OP here! So the burning question here is whether I had to clean it. I was *supposed* to help, but I gagged everytime I got within 10 feet of it, so I was spared for everyone else's sake. We didn't need two messes to clean...the video itself is a little embarrassing because I had literally NO idea what to do. (Never been trained in shit scenarios, surprisingly....), but everyone has good humor and their own horror stories to accompany it so it's pretty much like I've just become the weirdest celebrity ever. His commentary WAS really hilarious, though I'm not sure if he'll be posting the on Facebook or Youtube. He said he doesn't want one of his friends to see it and go "OH MY GOD THAT'S GRANDPA JIM!" But I have a feeling it'll still live in infamy for a while. Anyways, thanks for all the jokes guys! I've been laughing all day. I'll have to show this to everyone at work so they can get a kick out of it too. ;)

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Today, I was detained for trying to "illegally enter" my house, all because my parents forgot to tell me they were being evicted. FML

#21449546
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25454) - you deserved it (1438)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:38pm - misc - by College_Grad (woman) -

College_Grad's comment about their FML

OP here. I just graduated in May and have been working 2 jobs (one full time in my field and one part time for extra cash) since a week after I graduated. I am almost never home. I am moving to my own apartment at the end of August. I paid rent, car payments, and utilities to my parents every week because I'm a big girl, planning my own family. I have no idea what happened exactly, but someone called the police because I tried to unlock the front door after I came home from work.

Everything is ok. We're ok.

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Today, at a baseball game, I smiled and waved at the little girl in front of me. She cried. FML

#21449245
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21704) - you deserved it (2194)

On 07/29/2015 at 9:42pm - kids - by Liamj774 - United States (Massachusetts)

Liamj774's comment about their FML

OP here, first off, I'm glad this got posted. I was at the game and the little girl was about 1 or 2 years old. For the entire game she looked happy as can be, until I smiled at her. Her face went from the happiest on earth to the saddest thing you could find. Just the change of emotion made me feel terrible. But yeah, probably just another child being a dickhead now that I think about it.

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