Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

#21033644
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40360) - you deserved it (7505)

On 01/20/2014 at 5:12am - misc - by Kaddiscott (woman) - Italy (Trentino-Alto Adige)

Kaddiscott's comment about their FML

Hi guys, OP here. I speak fluent french, I just had a little blunder. This was actually like a few months ago when I was on France on holiday, and yeah the seller gave me a funny look and we had a giggle, but then I said, ooops and that I meant to say potato. It was soooo embarrassing, my parents never let me live it down FML hahahah

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

#21033634
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47255) - you deserved it (12173)

On 01/20/2014 at 4:31am - intimacy - by arsenalfcboy (man) - United Kingdom (York)

arsenalfcboy's comment about their FML

I'm a uni student so believe me, I go out plenty. Still no luck.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

#21031439
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44546) - you deserved it (4801)

On 01/18/2014 at 2:14am - animals - by seth7_ - United States (Florida)

seth7_'s comment about their FML

In the process of training, he's a puppy though. My wife was supposed to be watching him but something came up.

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

#21031092
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55307) - you deserved it (7861)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by gimmeafknbreak (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

gimmeafknbreak's comment about their FML

It was actually quite humorous. Even my father laughed...though some others didn't find my boyfriend's statement quite so funny. And for those that were asking, yes...he pulled through. in fact about twenty minutes after the "incident". haha. Those family dinners get SO boring.

See all the comments

Today, I hacked into my best friend's Facebook account to message my mother about organizing a surprise party for myself for my 21st. She ignored the message for two days before replying, "I don't think so. No one would really show up and I think that would hurt her feelings." FML

#21029577
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43846) - you deserved it (18450)

On 01/16/2014 at 6:45am - misc - by nolovefor21 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

nolovefor21's comment about their FML

OP here,

I didnt "hack" into her account really, I asked her if I could use her account to try and plan myself a surprise party.. Mainly because Ive always wanted one but never had anyone step up to do it. She gave me her password so I could do it.

But apparently that was a waste of time according to my mother...

See all the comments

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking the whole thing in revenge for the fight we had yesterday. FML

#21028912
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47519) - you deserved it (7557)

On 01/15/2014 at 4:47pm - love - by JaneChemi (woman) - United States (California)

JaneChemi's comment about their FML

hi guys. when I found out I ran out of the bathroom holding a pregnancy test screaming "holy fucking shit babe I'm pregnant". I'm not sure I can really do much else to convince him. wait.... how did I deserve this??

See all the comments including 11 other original poster's reactions

Today, before a blind date with a girl set up by my flatmate, I put some aftershave on. Then I realised I had forgotten my contact lenses. When I put them in it caused so much pain that in my attempt to reach the bathroom I walked into a wall. When I got there, she saw my swollen face and left. FML

#21026476
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41654) - you deserved it (7628)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:37am - love - by danny395 (man) - United Kingdom

danny395's comment about their FML

OP here this is the first time I've had a post accepted so i thought i should elaborate because I hate it when people don't explain.

The reason I wasn't wearing glasses is I've been assured by many people that I look pretty stupid in my glasses and I thought it would be best to make a good first impression (I know its vain but I wanted to impress).

I also only put one contact lens in so my left eye was fine but my sight is so bad (-6.25 if your'e interested) that i cant see anything at all without my glasses + Im fairly tall and live on the top floor with some crazily steep stairs so its pretty hard to get down in the best of times but a mix of the pain plus bad sight meant i slipped and sent myself into the wall.

I realise I should have washed my hands first but i was in a rush and i didn't want to be late, kind of ironic considering I ended up being about an hour late trying to sort out this particular mess. Worse of all I ended up wearing my glasses anyway...

In defence I've been assured by my flatmate that the girl is really nice but not very outgoing and quite shy, she didn't really want to be there and I was so late I can understand she left when I arrived looking like I'd been in a couple of MMA fights...

And #3 I appreciate you seeing the irony in 'blind' date :)

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

#21026399
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58273) - you deserved it (4745)

On 01/13/2014 at 7:09am - intimacy - by OvertonHippie - United States (Mississippi)

OvertonHippie's comment about their FML

What she doesn't realize is that in a school with only 180 students, it's impossible to get away with stuff like that. The principal knows what's up, because we dealt with similar issues last year; I just didn't think I was going to have to schedule meetings with the teachers again about it (outside of the regular parent-teacher conferences, which she attends). I *had* kind of noticed the teachers giving me the stink-eye in the car line lately though.

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

#21023301
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40839) - you deserved it (7149)

On 01/10/2014 at 3:20am - kids - by polluxdc (woman) - United States (Oregon)

polluxdc's comment about their FML

OP here. Yeah, I was joking, they aren't always the most sophisticated of jokes, but it gives one a sense of where the kid may or may not be coming from. The kid, unfortunately, was not joking, and I had to explain a few things to her. Thanx for the comments. For those of you who said stop joking around and do your job...it'd be a mighty dreary place if there was no humor (lame as it may or may not be). It IS a portion of our job. This post was mostly meant as a, "f" all our lives if this is what the future holds.

See all the comments

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

#21020544
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41511) - you deserved it (3584)

On 01/07/2014 at 7:00pm - work - by tpj24 - United States (Iowa)

tpj24's comment about their FML

Rest assured that I set the student straight.

See all the comments

Today, my water pipes froze and burst and I now have to take snow from my back yard and boil it down into water in order to flush my toilet. FML

#21015184
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37798) - you deserved it (3595)

On 01/03/2014 at 3:34am - misc - by Kayla_BlowPop (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Kayla_BlowPop's comment about their FML

Hey, I'm the OP. My pipes burst at about 2:00 AM so I couldn't take water from neighbours or call a friend. We figured out they froze at like five PM and we were all trying to unfreeze them. At that point it was just the hot water that didn't work. It actually happened to us once already, and we fixed it so we didn't think it was a big deal until they burst. We called the plumber the next day and we had water by the time I woke up. It was just my little sister and I who were melting the snow, because we were the only ones who had to pee. We made a really big mess and my sister kept flushing the toilet before we actually had enough water, making us have to start all over again. It was a horrible experience and my older brother refused to help. But now, it's just a really funny story to tell.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

#21014050
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48308) - you deserved it (4897)

On 01/02/2014 at 9:13am - misc - by Purplexus - Turkey (Ankara)

Purplexus's comment about their FML

Yes, this was my FML. Yeah, my dad is an awesome professor. Does anyone have any questions haha

See all the comments including 31 other original poster's reactions



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: