Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I walked outside to see the fireworks. I also got to see my neighbors burning a couch in the parking lot of my apartment complex to celebrate, right next to my car. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24124) - you deserved it (1639)

On 07/04/2015 at 1:27pm - misc - by hamiltonma - United States (North Carolina)

hamiltonma's comment about their FML

OP here. To elaborate, I live in a college town and my apartment complex is right next to campus, as I also go to school. However, I don't think that burning a couch is really normal for anyone to do to celebrate haha. When I went outside, I asked them to move the couch since it was really really really close to my car. Really what they did next is the crazy part. They brought their truck around, hooked it to the back, and pulled it to the middle of the parking lot! Not even joking! It was pretty crazy but in the end, my car didn't get damaged so I'm okay with it. Thanks for all the comments! Really funny!
P. S. The burning couch did smell really bad!

See all the comments

Today, I heard my skinny 14-year-old daughter tell her friend, "Ugh, I wish I had leukemia or something so that I could lose weight." Yes, she actually said that. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30464) - you deserved it (3698)

On 07/02/2015 at 10:08am - kids - by PupZilla - United States (Illinois)

PupZilla's comment about their FML

Hello everyone, Op here
First off, holy crap i didnt think this would get published, but when i got the email that it did, i HAD to look at the comments.
Secondly, she doesnt live with me most of the time, she lives with her dad and visits me one day a week and every other weekend. I am there for her and we talk a lot and are very close.
Thirdly, i have NO idea why she said this. I talked to her after her friend left and she told me that she is very confident in herself, but feels that she wants to be a size 0, not a size 2. She is very open with me and i can spot when she is not being truthful from a mile away. I explained to her how it was highly inappropriate and she seemed to understand. The friend that she had over is one friend that neither me nor her father likes. She has influenced my daughter in an unhealthy way. If my ex or myself notices any more behavior like this then we will take her to therapy.
My daughter definitely meant leukemia because when i asked her about it, she told me that it was not anorexia or bulimia that she was talking about. She is very confident with her body and i actually have to tell her to cover up sometimes because of what she wears.

Anyway, I spoke with her and she now understands how bad cancer is and what it does to people. I will definitely be keeping a closer eye on her now and her father will too.

And to those of you who said i was eavesdropping, she was in the living room, and i was coming down the stairs.

See all the comments

Today, after helping run salads and bread to a table, they demanded I do something about the bug problem. I would've been more understanding if they hadn't chosen to sit outside. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26172) - you deserved it (1784)

On 07/02/2015 at 2:40am - work - by smokecloud_ - United States (Ohio)

smokecloud_'s comment about their FML

Squee I get my follow up badge!!

OP here. :D I'm a server at a chain Italian restaurant that is NOT Olive Garden. There were two servers manning our patio with almost 20 tables, and one of those servers also had to come inside and make all of the alcoholic beverages for the entire patio.

Me, being a bored inside server and a selfless team player, ran a couple salads out for the guy tending bar. They seemed annoyed when I walked up and complained that they'd asked for bread. I whisked away and brought back twice the amount of bread for a five top (they just looked the part) when the lady said "UGH!" and pointed to a gnat that had flown into her Caesar salad, on the side of the plate she had already cleared.

"Oh no!" I exclaim. "That's terrrible, would you like me to take this back and have it remade?"

She declined, and that's when she rather nastily said we should REALLY do something about the bugs. I just looked at her and said sorry, we're outside, there's not much I can do about it.

I did tell a manager, and he talked to them, but I doubt they were satisfied by his pointing out that we don't have nets and waving his arms at these imaginary nets. :x

Anyways, sorry for the novel, I've been waiting for this day far too long. Thank you FML community, and remember, don't forget to tip your server. :D

See all the comments including 7 other original poster's reactions

Today, my long-distance boyfriend came to see me and told me that he had a surprise for me. I was excited at the idea of a romantic gesture, but forgot about it until he arrived and things began heating up. As I was removing his pants, I said, "Ooh, you shaved!" to which he replied, "Surprise!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (26925) - you deserved it (4341)

On 07/02/2015 at 1:53am - intimacy - by mirandale (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

mirandale's comment about their FML

Hi, everyone! OP here. I made an account so I could post a follow up. (:

Three hundred characters is pretty short to explain the whole thing, but basically since we hadn't seen each other for several weeks, my boyfriend and I both decided to think of something romantic we could do this weekend to surprise the other with. I actually thought his first surprise was hilarious - but he wasn't serious! I get my "real" surprise tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it!

Thanks for all the comments, guys!

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, our family dog died. A couple of hours after the death, my mother-in-law slapped my crying five year old son over the head and told him to "Man up." She totally refuses to admit she did anything wrong. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31930) - you deserved it (2073)

On 07/01/2015 at 2:10pm - kids - by WittyMoron (man) - United Kingdom

WittyMoron's comment about their FML

I told my wife that was completely unacceptable, and as some people said, I took the high road in not slapping her back. I began an argument with my wife about it, and it got a bit intense. I told her that her mother could not come back, and she got quite angry. I went into the living room and began to cry. This is what gets me. What she did taught him the wrong thing. My son came in, said "Man up, daddy!" and tried to slap me, but he's little so it didn't hurt. But anyway, I got even more furious that he had learnt something from it. The argument ensued. Things are a bit cold. Sleeping on the sofa now but I told my son it's okay to be upset. Buried the dog, and needless to say my MIL is not invited back for a little while.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, we had a long meeting at work about how we are supposed to feel safe, and to come to the managers if we have any problems. I decided to speak up about a coworker that has been harassing me and several others. My manager laughed at me and walked away. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29394) - you deserved it (1940)

On 07/01/2015 at 9:44am - work - by nevergiveinever - United States (Pennsylvania)

nevergiveinever's comment about their FML

OP here, this is a long story but bare with me, lots of shit has gone down in the past week:

First off, to those telling me to go to HR, here's the thing: my managers ARE HR. If they won't do anything about it, then we're screwed. Which absolutely sucks ass.

Here's the full story: I work in an intricate metals factory, because that's really all my town has to offer, but manual labor a pays really well and I have bills to pay so I can't complain. And yes I will move eventually but I need to save up a few grand first.
Our company recently got sold to another metal factory called Metalkraft and that factory's owners are now our owners as well, and there is normally at least one of them at our plant every day. Our managers are a married couple, which makes plenty of situations hard to figure out how to handle. Before this meeting, the husband manager had been touching me. At first it was like friendly like "welcome to the company" shoulder pats and him picking on me like the other employees..... And then it became legitimate touching of the crotch and boobs when nobody was around. When these new owners came in, I told them right away that he had been touching me inappropriately and I had found out that he has been doing to the other younger females as well. They nipped the problem right in the ass and he hasn't done it to me since.
This past week, a coworker went to the owners with her own problem of harassment from the wife manager. If the stories are true, she had been yelling and screaming at this coworker about her job, when the only "problem" was this coworker was having trouble lifting some of the metal wire that comes in spools like thread that we use on our machines, and those things can get HEAVY. The wife manager claims that she didn't realize she was harassing this lady, and says that if she can't lift the wire herself and so her job herself that she does not need to have it. The managers swiftly took away the lady's office, took away her key to the front door, deducted her pay, and stuck her in the packing room with me and the rest of packing/shipping. That lady quit on Tuesday. And honestly, I don't think she really had a choice.

So basically, our managers are telling us that we should feel comfortable enough to come to them with problems instead of the owners. But what they just showed us is "if you have a problem with us we will terminate your job position and make your life a living hell until you quit."

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, a dog bit me on the bus. Instead of apologising, its owner said it was my fault because my hands "must smell of meat". I'm a vegetarian. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27736) - you deserved it (2514)

On 06/30/2015 at 6:19pm - animals - by alaillama - United Kingdom (Ealing)

alaillama's comment about their FML

OP here: just to say that a) it was a small lap dog, but very ferocious. The bus was very crowded so I was pressed up against the dog, holding my phone with one hand and the other by my side (it bit that one); b) I had washed my hands just 20 minutes before getting on the bus (in the LADIES toilets), so they must have smelled on soap or of nothing at all. I checked afterwards and I couldn't smell anything unusual; c) thankfully my stop was pretty close so it wasn't long before I could treat it
Thanks for all your concerns in the comments! It's really nice to hear them- it's healing quickly and hopefully there won't be a scar :) xxx

See all the comments

Today, my husband asked me to buy a different brand of dish soap, as the one he was using wasn't working. After a quick look, I had to agree. The lemon cordial he had been using, while tasting nice, didn't really help clean the dishes. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22527) - you deserved it (2004)

On 06/30/2015 at 1:29pm - misc - by SpankyRaven - Australia (New South Wales)

SpankyRaven's comment about their FML

The cordial was sitting on the bench, not under the cupboard and he just thought it looked the right colour so he used it. He is a great one for having a 'boy look', can't find anything even if it's right under his nose. But he will do the dishes, so I am definitely keeping him!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, a woman came through drive-thru and placed a long order while screaming at her kids in back. When we forgot a doughnut, she became enraged, threw her iced coffees at me, told me I was a no-life and that I always get her order wrong. It's my first day and I was only giving her the order. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25586) - you deserved it (1461)

On 06/29/2015 at 3:40pm - work - by CoffeeGirl2000 (woman) - United States

CoffeeGirl2000's comment about their FML

Hey everyone OP here!

I can't believe that this was posted, but thank you for all of the support. Whether you consider it good or bad, I got to go home after the woman dumped the 4 large iced coffees on me. My manager says that woman will be banned from the store for a month because of her reckless behavior.

Thanks again everone!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my brother tried cremating our deceased cat. In the oven. My nose has killed itself. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29532) - you deserved it (2204)

On 06/26/2015 at 4:41pm - animals - by thatguy8878 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

thatguy8878's comment about their FML

My little brother is five, and, yes, it has been discussed with him why that was a terribad idea for those of you who asked.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I went to visit my mother after many years. Her hoarding has gotten so bad that now the house is entirely filled with junk and garbage, and she is camping out in the jungle of a backyard, cooking on a cauldron over a fire and shitting in the compost pile, with no working heat or water. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27486) - you deserved it (2291)

On 06/25/2015 at 4:03pm - misc - by childofcrazy (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

childofcrazy's comment about their FML

Many thanks to those who understand hoarding behavior and who defended me. In case you were wondering:
1. I have tried to help my mother for over 20 years and she refuses help, professional or otherwise.
2. I exaggerated how long it has been. I have seen my mother many times, usually she visits me. She has not allowed into my childhood home since I left for college 12 years ago. It has just gotten worse now.
She really is living in the backyard, this is not an exaggeration.
3. I am currently working on what to do for her; I am trying to get her some help in this crisis, even if that includes forceful removal.
4. Humor helps me deal with tragic circumstances. This is why I chose to share this ridiculously sad story.
5. Hoarding is never the child's fault. I have been living this down and getting over guilt my whole life.
6. I can only imagine being on TV would be akin to suicide for her, as hoarding is a secretive problem.
6. Kids, if you live in a cluttered landfill of a house, your parents' hoarding is its own mental disorder. It is an addiction. is a great first resource. There is help.
7. Yes, I think my mom is probably doing spells in the backyard. I gotta get this shit figured out before winter. She is in Iowa.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, my dad got so drunk that I had to drive him home. He kept yelling at me to not speed, saying I was going too fast and that there were too many bumps on the road. I hadn't even started the car yet. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28402) - you deserved it (2066)

On 06/25/2015 at 3:23pm - misc - by AnonymousZOMBIE (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

AnonymousZOMBIE's comment about their FML

He practically had a heart attack telling me that I'm not a race driver, when actually I had decided to take the smaller roads and I was going at about 20 mph. Then he proceeded to take off his seat belt jump to the back of the car and lay down on the floor praying that I don't crash the car on the way home. When we finally got home he said if I could heat up his shoes??? because he was very hungry, 10 seconds later, he passed out on the couch. To tell you the truth I don't think alcohol was the only thing he had last night. He works very long hours, and he's a hard working man, and he is always there for us. They gave him a 2 week vacation and the youngest of my brothers is going off to college. I guess he deserves a little bit of fun, especially when my mother passed away a year after my youngest brother was born, he had to raise 3 kids on his own. He got very drunk, but he deserves to have fun every once in a while, the good thing is that there is only one bar he goes to and both the manager and the bartender know us very well and calls one of us to pick him up so he won't have to drive.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex quite aggressively. Towards the end, he lifted his hips off the bed and then headbutted me in the nose. The only thing that came today was blood all over my new bra. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28806) - you deserved it (3570)

On 06/25/2015 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by mallycat14 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

mallycat14's comment about their FML

Hi guys
I'm the person that posted this and the reason my bra was still on was because it was a quickie . And we didn't really have time to get completely undressed lol . And no one came because my nose bled everywhere. And on top of that we had no paper towels so I had to use one of his shirts to stop the bleeding right away. And he head butted me on accident . His hips went up too fast and I basically fell into his face....

See all the comments

Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: