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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML

#21515437
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21240) - you deserved it (4772)

On 01/15/2016 at 1:28am - intimacy - by mouse_13 (woman) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

mouse_13's comment about their FML

OP here- really surprised anyone would think this was cruel, as we've ben together for a long time and therefore know each others boundaries! Makes me sad people have to see the negative in something that makes me smile!

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Today, I opened the cupboard and a bag of flour fell on my head, covering me from head to toe. Last night I got drunk, and set some booby traps up around the house for my roommate. I'd forgot that my roommate moved out a week ago. FML

#21515122
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13591) - you deserved it (20083)

On 01/14/2016 at 9:13am - misc - by almostadult (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

almostadult's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here, thanks for the comments! I know I deserve it, drunk me is an idiot, and I think that's the last time I'm going to get drunk for a while... until drunk me knows that my roommate's left!

As for other traps, I also found out this morning that I had put some salt in the sugar (which was discovered after taking a sip of coffee), and vaseline or something like that on the bathroom doorknob. Hopefully those are it, but I have a feeling that there's going to be more.

My roommate moved out because he's moved to Ireland to be closer to his family, as he's been in England for about a year and a half but prefers Ireland. While he was here, we used to play pranks on each other a lot, but usually practical jokes like whoopee cushions or fake spiders in the other's bed. To be honest, it's a shame I didn't do this prank while he was still here!

Thanks for all those who commented/voted on it. No feeling like knowing your fails are public ;D

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Today, I almost died. My friends dragged me unconcious, hypothermic and half-drowned out of the sea. A helicopter took me to the hospital where they brought me back to life. My family's reaction? "You aren't dying so we don't have to come to the hospital." They wouldn't even bring me clothes. FML

#21515095
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27505) - you deserved it (1576)

On 01/14/2016 at 7:11am - misc - by KereKris (woman) - Netherlands

KereKris's comment about their FML

OP here. I guess this needs a follow-up. I was in a sailing boat with some friends and although there were big waves, the wind wasn't too strong so we thought it would be safe sailing. We were wrong about that. An exceptionally big wave came up from behind. The boat started surfing uncontrollably down from it and eventually flipped. I was caught by a rope and dragged under water. Fortunately I had a safety knife strapped to my leg so I could cut myself free but it took some time and I lost consciousness before I could make it up. My friends dragged up on the upturned hull of our boat because they were unable to flip it back. The tide was rising so the current pushed us close to the shore. In the surf we were trown off again and because of the waves it was too dangerous to approach the boat again so my friends swam to the shore, dragging me behind them. I regained consciousness for a while but passed out again as soon as we made it to the beach. Hope this answers all your questions.

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Today, my anxiety was escalating so I decided to try an anti-anxiety adult coloring book to calm myself down. Too bad I got more stressed out about which colors l should use. FML

#21514133
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19960) - you deserved it (3739)

On 01/11/2016 at 10:25pm - health - by _7_8_9__1 (woman) - United States

_7_8_9__1's comment about their FML

OP here! I love coloring, but the designs in my favorite book are so complex, it's difficult to find a number of compatible colors. I was trying to use mostly bright colors and ran out of selections. I am already medicated and in therapy for my anxiety along with other things. @18 thank you for the advice! I might do that one day and I'll let you know how it goes!

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Today, I was out with my brother and his group of very cute friends at a Cheesecake Factory. When the server came to take our orders, she asked me what kind of sauce I liked. Like a complete fuckwit, I blurted, "I like creamy white stuff." The guy across from me choked on his water. FML

#21513848
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22948) - you deserved it (6422)

On 01/11/2016 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Bex98 (woman) - United States (California)

Bex98's comment about their FML

So, this is my FML. I'm not sure if it's verified, because I keep forgetting my passwords. Like a complete fuckwit haha. But anyways, this answer was prompted because I asked the server to describe the alfredo sauce, and she said: "It's creamy and white." Also, the FML about the veteran and his pickup line was also mine a few months ago, and of course I didn't have an account when I posted then either. Also, my brother did not willingly hang out with me haha. My family and a few other families were travelling together, and the teenagers, who all happened to be friends of my brother, went to eat together.

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Today, I was messing around and tried to catch a piece of cereal in my mouth. I accidentally slammed my head on the counter behind my couch. FML

#21512761
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16114) - you deserved it (7884)

On 01/08/2016 at 3:06am - misc - by christinaannxo - United States (Georgia)

christinaannxo's comment about their FML

i honestly don't know. I was sitting on the couch eating fruit loops & thought "I'm gonna catch this" tossed a couple, caught them & then when I was feeling lucky BAM, counter. it's all fun & games until you slam the back of your head on a counter. lesson learned! (:

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Today, I saw an elderly woman drop $20 while shopping. Trying to be a good samaritan, I picked it up and tried to hand it back to her. She accused me of stealing it and beat me with her purse. The manager had to fend her off me. FML

#21512520
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22125) - you deserved it (1412)

On 01/07/2016 at 12:42pm - money - by LittleGina (man) - United States (North Carolina)

LittleGina's comment about their FML

OP Here:
Hello, let me answer some questions I am seeing and straighten things up a bit. 1. I don't work here, I was a customer, therefore, it was not my manager, just the store's manager. 2. The elderly lady had not seen me walk up to her, I was unable to explain anything before I was being beaten with a purse and called a thief. So, I guess she saw me at the corner of her eye holding a $20 before any words came out of my mouth. I may just simply be giving her excuses, but I honestly think that's what happened. 3. The solution was that she was escorted out immediately, but she did get her $20 back. 4. Will she ever know the real story? I don't know, and frankly I don't care. 5. Don't worry, I still have good intentions, she didn't mess anything up!

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Today, after waiting in front of a washroom stall for 20 minutes to take a dump, I finally realized that the "person" in the stall was just a pair of shoes. FML

#21512486
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20746) - you deserved it (3215)

On 01/07/2016 at 10:30am - misc - by potatoking24 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

potatoking24's comment about their FML

OP here, not only that but when I got inside the stall, there was piss all over the seat that I had to wipe away with toilet paper. And the stall smelled like ass.

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Today, I hate my distant visiting family so much that after work I take a detour and sit in my car on an adjacent street, contemplating reasons not to go home. FML

#21512422
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18735) - you deserved it (1570)

On 01/07/2016 at 3:15am - misc - by Labro9 - Australia (Western Australia)

Labro9's comment about their FML

Geez I didn't expect that to get up. Cheers for the comments!

Just a summary for those playing at home:
- Family belong to my husband
- Husband has spontaneously developed an inability to say "No" to these people
- It's like living with a bunch of escaped institutionalized clowns
- They depart in 108 hours
- I have reason to question my life choices

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Today, I discovered my dog humping my sister's five month old baby while babysitting. FML

#21512396
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18811) - you deserved it (2424)

On 01/07/2016 at 1:46am - kids - by Sleep_lover654 - United States (Arizona)

Sleep_lover654's comment about their FML

First of all, Iwanted to thank FML staff for publishing this, I didn't think they would.

Anyway, I just wanted to clear up some obvious confusion here. The full story is, of course my sister dropped off her baby at my apartment. Later on, I had left the baby for her nap, naturally leaving the door open as I always saw my sister do. I went into the kitchen to make her bottle and a quick meal for me. I didn't see my dog near me but I thought nothing of it since he is always so well- behaved. Right when I finished, I heard the baby cry out but giggle, so I thought maybe she had gotten one of the toys. Clearly wrong. I went into the room to see my dog had somehow (do not ask how for I do not know) opened her crib, gotten in, and did...well, did that. I had to quickly pry him off of course but unfortunately, the image is burned into my mind.

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Today, my 4 year old's heavily pregnant teacher pulled me aside and asked me to talk to my son about "boundaries". Apparently, he asked her if she was going to "boobie feed" him and listed a few reasons why she should and why formula is bad, in front of the entire class. FML

#21512383
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19584) - you deserved it (2971)

On 01/07/2016 at 12:39am - kids - by sammylynnp (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

sammylynnp's comment about their FML

OP here:

Yes he was breastfed for about 5 months. Due to unfortunate medical problems, we had to switch completely to formula. His brother, however, is currently breastfeeding. At 4 years old, he has lots of questions and I try to answer them all as honestly as I can. I in NOW WAY judge people about formula feeding. As long as the baby is happy and healthy, do what you do, which I've also tried to teach him.

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Today, at 26, I got chicken pox. My parents stand by their belief that I got it because I'm not right with God, not because they didn't vaccinate me. FML

#21511769
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24295) - you deserved it (1914)

On 01/05/2016 at 12:41pm - health - by kinzielee - United States (Florida)

kinzielee's comment about their FML

OP here.
Yes, my parents are religious. Orthodox Jews.
I never thought anything about it,
I'm from Central Europe. Things were not this standard.
it was always just a "for religion exemption".


Now that I understand what the hell is up,
I have gotten all the shots I can get as an adult,
my arse hurts, my arm hurts, my thigh hurts.


But I don't have to worry about whooping cough and polio.
So there is that.

Also,
Chicken Pod as an adult,
I was told it could be much worse,
I only have some scars.
THANKFULLY!!!!
:D

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Today, my roommate blamed me after her cat got shocked after chewing through my phone charger cable. The same one my roommate stole to charge her tablet. Yet it's still somehow my fault. FML

#21511757
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20689) - you deserved it (1273)

On 01/05/2016 at 11:46am - misc - by idk0002 - United States (Illinois)

idk0002's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here, first off the kitten is just fine... Just avoids wires now is all.
Second, my roommate apparently got loopy on her allergy medication and her sleeping pills and didn't realize what was going on.
And third, I absolutely love the puns, thank you very much for making my bad situation better

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