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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my mother told me that she and my father aren't coming to my wedding if my estranged brother who stopped talking to me two years ago isn't invited. She claims they don't want to choose sides. Brother: 1. Me: 0. FML

#21253916
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33327) - you deserved it (2686)

On 09/07/2014 at 6:50pm - misc - by soulebelius - United States

soulebelius's comment about their FML

Just a quick update from the OP: this isn't the first threat my mother gave me about this. She actually influenced my sister to have the same stance. Me and my sister worked it out, but my mom crossed the line. She brings this up when it benefits her ulterior motive to reunite the family (ain't mad at her for that), but it shouldn't be brought up while we're announcing our engagement, or introducing both families for the first time, or a casual conversation months later about us getting on the same insurance.
The saddest part is... Me and the missus were planning on having only our closest immediate family. It was going to be around 10 total people.
I told her she doesn't have to worry anymore: no need for them to go. Not even bitter. I just want to keep the focus on the happy couple and not use our day as a family counseling session.

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Today, I found out I'm allergic to our new cat. My mom said she'd rather get rid of me than the cat. FML

#21253056
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34979) - you deserved it (3518)

On 09/06/2014 at 2:02pm - health - by Bella0304 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Bella0304's comment about their FML

Hi, OP here..for those of you wondering I'm 16 years old and my mom doesn't want to get rid of Buffy (my cat) and honestly neither do I! My mom keeps saying shed rather get rid of me instead of the cat..lol I know she's probably joking and she loves me...but never get in between a woman and her cat!

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Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

#21252120
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38820) - you deserved it (10584)

On 09/04/2014 at 10:47pm - intimacy - by littleteapot (woman) - United States

littleteapot's comment about their FML

Did I sit on a stranger's face? haha no

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Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML

#21251987
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33925) - you deserved it (2503)

On 09/04/2014 at 7:22pm - misc - by rugener92 (man) -

rugener92's comment about their FML

Hi guys, OP here...
Didn't really expect this to get published, just a casual 'I could tell this story' thought.

Basically I was remembering childhood stories and this is one of them (as so people asked how old my sister was)
This was about 10 years ago now, my sister was 7 and I was 11.
Recognising it was my dad was never the issue as he was wearing a hoodie! and it wasn't a crowbar, it was basically a pole with a hook on it, we use it to open the hatch for the loft/attic as no one can reach it (me and my dad are 6ft so it's pretty high up'
My dads reaction was something along the lines of 'Oh 'ello son, what are you doing with that pole?' - nearly splatting your head, dad, you sneaky dick!
and about other burglary and death exclamations my neighbourhood was lovely when I was young, but recently has gone way downhill and has suddenly become the attack, drunk and drug capital street of the town so would be more likely to get ACTUALLY robbed now. I've been bottled twice by the same person at the same event two years running next to my house when there were police there and as the police can't control this gang of about 40 they leave it... anyway!
Hope this answered some burning questions and I intend to remember some more stories like this soon!

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Today, my cat decided to use my bowl of rice krispies as his litter box. FML

#21251792
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32931) - you deserved it (4273)

On 09/04/2014 at 1:47pm - animals - by mlustpdx (man) - United States (Oregon)

mlustpdx's comment about their FML

true. and the reason why is my son decided to block the opening to the litter box and the cereal looked like his litter. can't get made about that

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Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML

#21251697
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39036) - you deserved it (6855)

On 09/04/2014 at 8:22am - work - by Jenniesaurus (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Jenniesaurus's comment about their FML

Finally had something FML-worthy to write and it got up! Wow, I'm surprised at the amount of supportive comments, they definitely make me feel a little better! I admit I shouldn't have been quite so rude, but I am fiercely protective of my dogs (they're rescue dogs and I've had them for 13 years) and I really don't like kids, and especially the mothers that, like her, look like they can't even look after themselves. I called the child dirty because he was quite literally dirty, stains all down his shirt and crumbs and chocolate all around his mouth. I know they may have happened since she left the house and the mum might have no way to clean him but there are so so many women on benefits who just have children for the sake of it around my area when they obviously can't afford to look after them. My two biggest peeves, women like that and people insulting dogs got to me big time! Thankfully I haven't seen her in work yet, hoping she'll steer clear of me and go to a different cashier in the future....

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Today, my goat decided my hairstyle was so last season and restyled it for me with his teeth. FML

#21249670
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32692) - you deserved it (5860)

On 09/01/2014 at 12:22pm - animals - by the3goatlady - United States (Wisconsin)

the3goatlady's comment about their FML

Hi. I'm OP. I have 3 goats and they're very sweet and playful. One of my goats will nibble clothes if you don't watch him, but never did I think he'd bite 5 inches of hair off! Oh well. If you hate goats it's no skin off my back.

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Today, I got a job. My parents have decided it's now a better idea to take money from my paycheck instead of grounding me. FML

#21247996
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33918) - you deserved it (5145)

On 08/29/2014 at 5:21pm - money - by unseeable - United States (Arizona)

unseeable's comment about their FML

To clear up some questions I wanna start by saying I'm 17 and currently training to be a manager at mcdonalds. I work 40 hours a week and go to high school as a senior. I don't have much time for friends so they figured grounding me wasn't exactly the best punishment. They decided to start charging me for bad grades or not being able to do some chores or simple stuff like that, nothing too major. I thought that it seemed a little unjust for taking my hard worked money from me because of course it only happens to me in my family because I work the most and everyone else has more time for being grounded.

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Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

#21246328
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40506) - you deserved it (4038)

On 08/27/2014 at 8:24am - health - by KristaAaronn - United States (Tennessee)

KristaAaronn's comment about their FML

OP here! I also told her that they reason they made sporks was because they wanted to completely rid the world of forks

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Today, I tried to contact my college's financial aid office. After listening to the same damn "Our counselors are busy" message for over an hour, someone picked up the phone and hung up immediately. FML

#21246248
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38436) - you deserved it (2755)

On 08/27/2014 at 3:07am - money - by drayloon (man) - United States (California)

drayloon's comment about their FML

Good to know I'm not the only one the system bends over and goes to town on. But as far as driving out there to speak to them in person goes, it's about a 9 hour drive assuming there isn't too much traffic, which there usually is, so that's not a particularly viable option

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Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

#21246120
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39433) - you deserved it (4152)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:02pm - misc - by LolKaleb - United States (Texas)

LolKaleb's comment about their FML

It got posted yay. Well some were asking why I showered while friends were over. I had came from the gym and I left my door unlocked for them to come in since they were walking distance away. As I came back sweaty I decided to shower so I wouldn't ruin the couch. As I got out my mom came in to give me a towel since she didn't want me using my old one but she so happened to come in at the same time as me getting out the shower. My friends are still talking about it so yeah I have a good 2 or 3 weeks left before it's over.

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Today, I had to go to a public restroom. I have anxiety problems and can't go unless I'm the only one in the room. Another girl came in right after me, and I was waiting for her to leave. She was also waiting. After a while, I left first and had to hold my pee for a few more hours. FML

#21245536
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29814) - you deserved it (9890)

On 08/26/2014 at 12:17am - misc - by DumbAndYoung (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

DumbAndYoung's comment about their FML

OP here, I can't believe this got posted! First of all, I was at school when this happened, I went during lunch. I left when lunch was about over and I had to go to class. I know I need to overcome my fears, I've been this way for a long time. I'm also very shy. I don't usually tell people about it because they just think it's pathetic or stupid. My anxiety influences actions I make on a daily basis, and it sucks. I appreciate the sympathy, and the tips! I'll definitely keep trying to overcome it.

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Today, I was sitting in a boring lecture. Out of bordom, I made a fish-faces with my mouth. Somehow, I made the most realistic fart noise I've ever heard in the process. The whole room stared at me. FML

#21244661
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30824) - you deserved it (11647)

On 08/24/2014 at 9:09pm - misc - by annababyyyy - United States (Maryland)

annababyyyy's comment about their FML

Hi! Op here, I've been a loyal fml user for 4 years now and I can't believe this got posted! Let me just clear some things up:

The lecture was part of my summer camp - not college. I'm 16.

I wasn't taking notes because it was summer camp.

I wish I pretended it wasn't me, but I was so in shock I couldn't think straight!! Even the lecturer stared at me

My friends where there and laughed hysterically, and I quickly explained what happened. I am capable of laughing at myself, so it wasn't that bad.

as for all the fish puns- keep um coming!!

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