Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I introduced my dad to my girlfriend. He looked her up and down and said to her, "Beggars can't be choosers. Am I right?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (28089) - you deserved it (2135)

On 02/12/2015 at 5:40pm - intimacy - by CheeseTacos - United States (Illinois)

CheeseTacos's comment about their FML

Hey everyone! OP here.
Thanks for the support. :) some of these posts made me chuckle a bit.
I did stick up for her and made him apologize. It was uneasy the rest of the night but I don't regret it. Bye!!
P.S It was towards me. He was in fact calling her a "beggar". Hope I cleared some things up!

See all the comments

Today, my boss refused to give me vacation time for my wedding and honeymoon because she didn't have a honeymoon and because of that apparently neither should I. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32109) - you deserved it (1868)

On 02/11/2015 at 8:44pm - work - by bingalingading (man) - United States (Michigan)

bingalingading's comment about their FML

op here! Turns out I sorta kinda went over her head about it and now my vacation time has been approved! Of course said manager wasn't happy, but of course I went to HR about it and they seemed to have taken care of it. So starting June 22nd I will be on a cruise with my lovely wife!

See all the comments

Today, my manager accused me of stealing $20. I didn't do it, but since she said she was going to call the cops, I gave her some of my own money. She still called the cops. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31010) - you deserved it (5009)

On 02/10/2015 at 10:53am - work - by Epic_failz - United States (Wisconsin)

Epic_failz's comment about their FML

There are no cameras in that all, its stupid as hell, but there is not a single camera in there.

See all the comments

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my pet lizard eating my other pet lizard. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32805) - you deserved it (3103)

On 02/07/2015 at 5:34pm - animals - by Duckzy - United States

Duckzy's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here. I just wanted to say a few things, first off, I was awoken by the sound of the lizards running around in their habitat, not by cries or crunches or whatever. Secondly, the lizards were the same size and opposing genders so I was told to put them together by the person who sold the lizards to me. Lastly, unfortunately by the time I got to them, the other lizard (Female in case you were wondering) was already half inside of the other's stomach.

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, I called my boss a "fucking retard" for doing something insanely stupid, only for him to find out 5 minutes later that I did exactly the same thing. I'll never hear the end of this now. FML


I agree, your life sucks (12437) - you deserved it (38171)

On 02/04/2015 at 6:35pm - work - by 11Karma11 (woman) - United Kingdom

11Karma11's comment about their FML

Hey. I'm the OP. I just signed up for an account - probably should have done that before I posted the FML. Anyhoo, my boss and I get on well and we make a habit of insulting each other.
I work in a convenience store and my boss had over-ordered the chilled products, so he was trying to rearrange the fridge in the stock room to make everything fit. As I walked past, I noticed that there was a rather big box of cakes (which obviously don't need to go in the fridge) so asked him if he put them there. Which is when I started hurling insults at him! Of course, it became apparent a few minutes later that I'd also put a box of tortilla wraps in there!
I don't know why I called him the "R" word. I haven't used it in years. I dropped any words that I found offensive from my vocabulary when I had my daughter. It's just being in a different environment, where the banter with the other staff is a bit more offensive than in the rest of my life. Good fun though!
And of course I said it to his face, I would never, and have never said anything behind his back that I haven't already said to his face at least half a dozen times!
And, I obviously deserved it!

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I was talking to my friend in Spanish because he understands it better than English. We were in the middle of a discussion about a TV show when some guy from our school ran up, spat on my shoes and screamed, "I SPEAK SPANISH, STOP TALKING ABOUT ME!" and ran away. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31050) - you deserved it (2675)

On 02/04/2015 at 6:11pm - misc - by marigoldcobain - United States (Texas)

marigoldcobain's comment about their FML

Knock knock! Who's there? You're a dumbass. I'm OP and he already knew English pretty well, he just doesn't excel in it. Let's also just keep in mind I live in Texas and we were only having a casual conversation. The purpose wasn't to help him understand the English language, it was just to have a normal conversation. I don't think continuing conversations in his first language will make him automatically forget his second.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31832) - you deserved it (6271)

On 02/04/2015 at 4:42pm - love - by lucas90 - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

lucas90's comment about their FML

Hey, I'm the OP!
In all fairness, she and her friends were wasted, and I was the designated driver.
She didn't remember any of this the next day, and actually found it quite funny. She's not dumb. Sorry to dissapoint you.
And to the people that pointed out my typo - yes I'm MARRYING a her. English isn't my first language and I was exhausted when I wrote this. :)

See all the comments

Today, I was in charge of taking a delivery of new office chairs for the meeting room at work. The delivery men took the old chairs, but left without delivering the new ones. I can't get in contact with them, and we have a big meeting first thing tomorrow. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26885) - you deserved it (3774)

On 02/03/2015 at 9:35am - work - by ansarias (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

ansarias's comment about their FML

Hey everyone, OP here.
Thanks for the hilarious comments.
Thought I'd provide a follow up, and clarify a few things quickly.

I work as part of the commercial team for a small company based in London. Due to the size of the company, occasionally, I have to do jobs that you wouldn't find the equivalent of my position in a larger company doing.
This was one of them. Basically, I was told that we would have new chairs arriving for the meeting room, and that I should let the delivery / removal men into the building, show them the room, and sign the papers.
Since I was really busy with my usual work, I let them in and left them to it. I didn't notice they had left until I went to check on them 15 minutes later! I Got quite a shock when I found the meeting room empty with no workmen in sight!

In terms of the meeting, when the clients arrived yesterday morning, we made the decision to take them out for breakfast (no shortage of places that offer this in central London, and hey, they weren't complaining!), and I'm pleased to say it went well. I even managed to finally get hold of the delivery company afterwards who brought the new chairs around (different guys though). Apparently, it was a "logistics issue".
Anyway, I'm still employed, and me and my colleagues (including my boss) got a good laugh out of it (and a delicious breakfast!)

Cheers all.
good laugh out of it (as well as a delicious breakfast).

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my boss informed me I couldn't go on my "vacation" because he's leaving for one of his employees' weddings. That just so happens to be my wedding, for which I'm taking the vacation. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40225) - you deserved it (2279)

On 02/02/2015 at 7:08pm - work - by bruhandbutercup - United States (Maryland)

bruhandbutercup's comment about their FML

Thanks guys for the support and funny comments. I spoke to our manager and asked her to clear it up with our boss. Luckily he was willing to listen to her so I received an apology and a raise!

See all the comments

Today, in the middle of my haircut, the hairdresser went into labor. They never finished cutting it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30360) - you deserved it (3983)

On 02/01/2015 at 4:12pm - misc - by TheTacoMan -

TheTacoMan's comment about their FML

OP here, I wasn't saying that she should come back to complete my hair cut, I was talking about everyone else who was working there. Luckily the hair cutter made it to the hospital in time, and she gave birth to a healthy boy, or so they said over the phone. I came back the next day and they finished cutting my hair... For half price.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I was at an interview for one of the top universities in the U.S. Everything was going great until I choked on my own saliva and almost threw up on the interviewer. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27747) - you deserved it (2636)

On 01/31/2015 at 2:14pm - misc - by Paras_800 - United States

Paras_800's comment about their FML

Hey guys, its OP here! Just to clear a few things up, I was the one applying to the college, not interviewing another person. Sorry it was a typo, but in terms of the college I am hoping they will look at the big picture rather than focusing on the one mistake.

See all the comments

Today, I got hit between the legs with a kayak. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26078) - you deserved it (2663)

On 01/31/2015 at 1:22pm - misc - by UnidentifiedFun (woman) - United States (New York)

UnidentifiedFun's comment about their FML

Alright, some of you need clarification.. So my friend and I were paddle boarding/kayaking (she had the kayak), and I decided to backfloat in the water for a bit, as it was smooth waters and a relaxing day. But alas, my friend thought it would be hilarious to full-steam ahead into my crotch. Needless to say, it was a painful experience.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my beloved dog. Why? Yesterday she asked me who I'd choose, and I honestly said that I would choose the dog. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25133) - you deserved it (15217)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:13pm - love - by nodoggforme - United States (Oregon)

nodoggforme's comment about their FML

OP here. Just to set things straight, we'd only been dating for about 3 weeks and weren't lifelong friends before that or anything. My dog I've had for 7 years, so yeah, he won. I agree that if it had been the other way around I would have deserved it.

The whole thing came up when we were sitting on the couch and I was rubbing my dog's back. Psycho chick then asked why I wasn't rubbing hers instead and asked who I cared for more and choose. "'Cause you can only have one!" Now I have none :(. Still looking for my dog.

See all the comments

Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: