Today, after my old downstairs neighbor, who would come upstairs to bang on my door and yell at me every time she heard a sound from me at all times of the day, had finally moved out, it became clear that my new downstairs neighbor gets drunk and yells at the TV in the early hours of the morning. FML

howsthisforaname's comment about their FML

It is quite a bad neighborhood but its all I can afford for now. I am hoping to get a better job so that I can move but, and I hate to use the economy excuse here, the job market sucks.

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Today, there is an annular solar eclipse. As I was buying the last pair of solar glasses to watch the eclipse with, some jerk snatched them out of my hands and bolted off with them. I now have to make the decision between watching the eclipse and not going blind. FML

VocalizedBoar's comment about their FML

No joke, all solar eclipse glasses were sold out. Even all the welding goggles were sold out at the hardware stores.

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Today, I thought I felt my baby kicking for the first time. After excitedly exclaiming this fact to the few people around me, I involuntarily let out the loudest fart. Not the baby kicking, just gas. FML

GothicAngel17's comment about their FML

57- well you seem to have quite a good memory, ha. I've gotta say I'm thankful that the morning sickness has subsided so I don't have to drop everything and run for the toilet or for fresh air (except on a Saturday for some reason). Now I'm just gassy it would seem. Oh joy. And forgetful. Speaking of which I just remembered I put eggs on the stove to boil a while ago and forgot about them so now I have to go D:

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Today, before I went into surgery, the patient next to me just finished the same procedure I was going to get. As he woke up in the recovery area 10 feet away, I was getting my final prep before the operation. On my way into the operating room I was comforted by his screams of agonizing pain. FML

lubey's comment about their FML

Thanks for all the positive comments :) to answer som questions: yes I'm recovering well. The surgery was to fix a deviated septum. The patient before me didn't immediately respond to the pain meds that's why he was screaming. And I wrote this fml last night at 2 am after the anesthesia wore off

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Today, I found out the hard way that it is possible to sunburn the soles of your feet. FML

Leadamp's comment about their FML

We where in Spain and I was reading a book by the pool.

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Today, I got all my wisdom teeth out. Have you ever thrown up after mouth surgery? Stomach acid in your bloody gum holes is just as fun as it sounds. FML

lspicknall's comment about their FML

Sorry darling! You really do just fall asleep then you wane up you're done! Just make sure to have ice packs and lots of cold soft foods

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Today, I had a dream I was on the toilet taking the longest piss known to man. Unfortunately, it was partially true. FML

kissandcontrol01's comment about their FML

This is the OP. I actually am in my 20s and had passed out after taking a muscle relaxer. Never slept so well in the last year or so.. Until.. I woke up cold and wet ????

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Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML

BTM13's comment about their FML

Hey everyone, this is OP. I just wanted to tell you all that your comments were really funny and I enjoyed reading them all. Thanks everyone for making me smile. :)

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Today, while at the store, I realized how socially inept I am when I said "excuse me" to a shopping cart because it was in my way. FML

BTM13's comment about their FML

Of course I did. Like shopping carts, keyboard help us out a lot in life and deserve to be recognized. XD

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Today, my apartment was robbed by my landlord. Her logic? "I own the building, and therefore everything in it." That TV cost more than my rent. FML

Eragons_Mommy92's comment about their FML

This is mine. we did call the cops. we have to prove its our tv so now we have to find the receipt from 2 years ago. her whole family is into illegal shit. her son got arrested recently for forging the mayors signature. we intend on moving as soon as we find an available apartment.

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Today, the school nurse called me in. She said she knew I was pregnant and she was worried about how it was affecting my grades. I'm not pregnant. Apparently I'm just stupid and fat. FML

CharlieOrion's comment about their FML

Hey, I'm OP- and I'm really not that fat! I've just gained weight quickly, cause I'm stressed about exams... This didn't really help much!

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Today, I was petting my cat and I jokingly said out loud, "Oh, the pussy likes it rough? You like that, don't you?" My windows were open and I could hear the neighbors laughing. FML

anonymous4991's comment about their FML

From the poster: I fully expected to a lot of "you deserved it" I just thought it was too funny not to share with the world. Yes, I was talking about petting an actual feline. No, I do not talk to myself while masturbating or have regular conversations with the cat. My neighbor's porch is a couple feet from my window and I can hear all of their conversations too. I am dating someone and have gotten laid recently. I think it is hilarious they put it in the "intimacy" section.

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Today, I was looking through my roommate's room trying to find a DVD, when I stumbled upon a bundle of pictures of me showering and sleeping. FML

Tashie01's comment about their FML

What i'd like to know is how he got pictures of me showering without me knowing. :/

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