THAT WAS THE AIRPORT. Wow nice guess!

OP here and I find it really funny that the people without a frickin' sense of humour are calling *me* stupid. (Not to mention when said assholes appear to be illiterate...) Yes, I know it is probably going to eat it - seeing as next time I went in there the spider had gotten smart enough to stop and wrap up its dinner to make it easier to carry, lol. (Problem solving abilities now? hmmmmmm lol) And, let's see... I was obviously in college at one point, so I would hope some of you would realize that means I'm educated. Please learn to take a joke. I'm just happy I finally got an FML accepted. And, of all of them it was a joke about one spider carrying off a "wounded comrade".

And I saw someone did allude to the fact I must have left the dead one as a warning to the others. Muahahahahaha. *AND* maaaaybe this was a carefully staged display on their part to turn the tables and send *ME* a warning that they won't be dealt with so easily - that there are always MORE. *shudders*

Finally, the reason there are so many spiders? I live in the basement of this house out in rural North Georgia and this scene took place in the bathroom in the back corner of said basement. So... the spiders love it there.

To clear everything up:
- they were dirty dishes going into the wash so it didn't really matter
- I still have some dishes, but half of them are gone

Wow, didn't realise this would get so much attention so quickly. Thanks guys! Not suprised that this has stirred a debate on breast feeding as a whole though...
To clarify, my boss has recently had a child (duh!) and has therefore been on maternity leave. This is the first time she's come back to work. I actually work in a research lab, and so my boss gathered myself and a few of my coworkers (a doctor and a PhD student) together in an office to discuss the progress of our research since she's been absent. I didn't mind having the meeting, I didn't mind that the kid was there too, and I definitley didn't mind her having to feed the child (nor do I ever mind when any woman has to do this, but especially in this case because she asked us all if it was OK to feed her before doing anything). But I have never had to work so hard on maintaining eye contact in my life! Awkward!

It would be all good, but I row, so i am supposed to build up leg muscle :/

You guys are great. If I was broken up about this at all, I'd feel much better from a lot of the comments. I'd been flirting with this guy for a while, and this was the coldest he'd ever been to me. He met my friend that very night and wanted to get laid is all. But joke's on him--the friend's engaged!

As for the whole maybe my friend told the joke better thing, it's not the kind of joke that needs a bunch of buildup and then a big punchline. It was more of a sarcastic comment-type thing. She didn't tell it any better than I did.

OP here. Here are a couple details that may help one's understanding of this:

1. I didn't pack a change of clothes, since I was expecting to change when I got to my hotel. So I had to spend the second half of the flight as well as the taxi ride to my hotel EXTREMELY uncomfortable.
2. People have asked what I was dreaming about. What you have to understand about me is that I get wet dreams from the most mundane things possible. I can get one from dreaming about typing in a porn site's URL. So honestly, I don't quite remember.
3. Yes, there was someone sitting next to me. No, she didn't notice. No, I was not able to talk to her the entire flight for fear that she would.

Hope that cleared things up for you! OP out.

Holy shit. I didn't think this would actually get posted! Well, I'm happy after all of the FML's I've posted over the years, this one got chosen

OP here, to clear it up I was on my futon in my living room and they happened to catch a glimpse through the window. Also, it was an old lady with her husband.

Actually, I'm op and I'm a cosmetologist. I do hair. To clear that up :P

So...A little back story. I went to the doctor to get tests because I often feel faint and dizzy in the mornings and it's quite an inconvenience. Just last week, when I took my cat to the vet, I ended up starting to black out randomly. Pretty embarrassing and obviously super inconvenient, as I had to drive home afterwards and was doubtful about whether or not I was okay enough to drive home. I get to the verge of fainting often enough to concern me. I've gotten a few tests over the years, but my doctor remains largely unconcerned about it. She thinks it's just my very low blood pressure, but I do everything I can to help that. I drink lots of water, eat salty snacks, and never get up too quickly-- but it doesn't help. So, ironically, I ended up fainting at a doctors' appointment to look into why I keep almost fainting.

To answer some frequently asked questions: No, the nurse wasn't "impressed." I'm a female. Also, I think me lying on the floor immobile kind of killed the mood.

OP CLARIFICATION TIME!!!!!

A *month* ago, me and my ex broke up as I was moving away, 3 days later she got drunk and had rebound sex with some guy. Talking to my best mate, he said we should go on a lads holiday around Europe to get over our exs etc. (He broke up with his around the same time).

Y'know - meet some girls, work on our tan, drinks on the beach, you know the drill!

Yesterday, when we were supposed to book, he told me he had to pull out as he'd gotten back with his ex and wanted to go on holiday with her.

That is why FML.

This one is mine, I made an account so I could comment. I submitted this quite a while ago, and since then I have spoken with him about it, and he apologised (profusely) and said that he meant it playfully and was using it more as a joke that I was "his bitch". But he's stopped now, and is otherwise a caring and attentive guy. It wasn't so much a case of him being a deliberate asshole, just him not realising that he was being an asshole and upsetting me.