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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my husband and I were arguing about him not communicating anymore. Instead of talking to me about it, he messages my mom to say, "I'm not mentally strong enough to handle her anymore." FML

#20996890
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37849) - you deserved it (5054)

On 12/18/2013 at 11:44am - love - by Iloverainbows10 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Iloverainbows10's comment about their FML

He wasnt always like this. Used to listen and talk. Now hands are just being thrown up in the air. Says he doesnt know how to handle fights.

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Today, I found a job after two years of searching. I excitedly called my best friend to tell her the good news. She decided break her own news about how she quit yet another good paying job and found an even better one within hours. FML

#20995780
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39368) - you deserved it (3726)

On 12/17/2013 at 12:28pm - work - by MzZombicidal (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

MzZombicidal's comment about their FML

This actually happened a couple months ago, but I'm currently very happy with my new job (I work as a sales associate for my local grocery store, if you're wondering). I WAS very happy for my friend but I couldn't help but to be irritated at her luck of continuously quitting and finding jobs with ease (She works with elderly people).
I had been near the breaking point when I finally got the job. My best friend, however, has continuously quit jobs and gotten new ones in no time. We obviously work in different fields and, even though I seemed jealous, I was very happy to hear she was able to land on her feet after quitting her job.
We joke about it now and she apologized if she seemed rude and all is fine. :) I love the people I work with and am getting good pay. Win win!
We're both happy with our current positions and things couldn't be better!

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Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

#20995395
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42789) - you deserved it (3094)

On 12/17/2013 at 12:10am - misc - by NRFTW (woman) - United States (Colorado)

NRFTW's comment about their FML

A little more detail: This guy had wandered over from a party next door. It was almost 1 a.m., and during the holidays I work really late, so I came home, put my stuff away, and when I turned around there was a guy standing literally at my window, on my porch, pissing on my house. I walked out and started screaming at him (I know, probably not smart) to get the fuck off of my property. He said, "I'm just takin' a leak," finished his business, zipped up his pants, and leaned against the porch staring at me. That's when my brain caught up with what I was doing and I went back inside and called the cops. My porch runs the length of my (very small) house. The porch is open without a railing, and at this time there were also several other men sitting on my porch right under my bedroom window (closest to my neighbors yard). When I called, Weld County dispatch first told me that the police were "too busy" to come out, and I ended up on the phone with a cop. He asked if the porch was fenced (no) and if it could be seen from the main road (no). I stupidly thought he was trying to locate my house, as it is hard to find. According to the laws in my city, once you ask someone to leave your property and they refuse, it is trespassing. I told them multiple times to leave my property, and one of them had the nerve to tell me "I can sit where ever I want."

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Today, my OCD has got so bad that I took over 10 pictures of my house's power outlets before leaving, just so I could view them later to reassure myself that no appliances were plugged in. FML

#20994636
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39369) - you deserved it (5848)

On 12/16/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by Jen_NM - United States (Texas)

Jen_NM's comment about their FML

Thanks for all the comments, I've enjoyed reading them. Just for a little background, my biggest issue is my hair straightener. Years ago I left it unplugged and caused a burn to the countertop. Since then I obsessively check to make sure it's off, and now other things make me paranoid as well. OCD behaviors are strange, because you often know that you're being completely irrational.

Anyhow, I'm really trying to ease up and lately I've managed to get by with just the one picture to reassure myself that the straightening iron is unplugged. I do plan to get help if it progresses, but can't really afford it at this time.

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Today, I took my younger sister to see Santa for a photo. Santa insisted that I was in the photo too. I wasn't sure why he made such a big deal about it until he groped me while the photo was being taken. FML

#20993181
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43059) - you deserved it (3439)

On 12/15/2013 at 7:36am - misc - by shellz15 - Australia (Victoria)

shellz15's comment about their FML

Hi all, OP here! I hope you're all having a fantastic festive season with your family and friends :)!

I've read some interesting comments and just wanted to address a few things....

Firstly, I'm in my twenties and I'm midway through my law degree, so I'm quite aware of my rights (in australia for those of you who were unaware).

More importantly, I did deal with this properly. At the store we went to, there were several rooms and each had a different Santa to make the process a little quicker. This is good because it meant that no other child saw what happened.

When it did happen, I was pretty horrified but I kept my cool because I didn't want to alarm my young sister who was very excited to be there. After we left the room, I went up to the service counter and explained everything. The lady profusely apologized and I'm pretty sure this "Santa" was removed straight away.

Although it was a massive FML moment and I definitely felt violated, as long as this doesn't happen to anyone else, I'm happy to erase this from my memory and move on! I've been assured that this man has lost his working with children check and hopefully won't be bothering anyone again!

Warm wishes from Aus,
Michelle

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Today, I have such an irrational fear of the noise my smoke detector makes when it goes off, that dying in my sleep from smoke inhalation or carbon monoxide poisoning sounds absolutely peachy by comparison. FML

#20990951
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31483) - you deserved it (5643)

On 12/13/2013 at 2:55am - health - by TheLadyOpal (woman) - United States

TheLadyOpal's comment about their FML

Aaaah! I finally got an FML published :D Awesome. Now to clear a few things up:

I have had an irrational fear of sudden loud noises my whole life. Not necessarily the noise itself - (although there are exceptions if it's particularly loud, like the smoke alarm), but the anticipation of the noise - one of the reasons I hated school was because I would sit in class and worry about whether or not we'd be having a fire drill that day. And I don't keep an alarm clock. I have tried to keep one in the past, only to realize that if I'm expecting an alarm to wake me up in the morning, I don't sleep.

I don't have a cell phone either, and I live alone, so to the smartass who suggested someone mess with my phone to set an alarm ring-tone, sorry to burst your bubble :P

And no, I don't actually WANT to die - I was just thinking about this the other day and saying to myself, would I actually rather die in my sleep than wake up in the middle of the night to a terrible noise and have to maybe evacuate my house and call 911 and probably dissolve into a sobbing wreck due to all the anxiety? No, death is not the better solution, obviously, but irrational feelings tend to disregard logic.

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Today, while on my way to work, an elderly woman complimented me on my breast cancer scarf. I explained that my grandmother made one for all her female grandchildren before passing away two years ago. The woman then went psycho and almost strangled me in an attempt to steal it. FML

#20988922
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45470) - you deserved it (2484)

On 12/11/2013 at 1:25pm - work - by Whackgourd (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Whackgourd's comment about their FML

The old lady had accused me of lying before trying to take my scarf for herself. She even started screaming at me on the crosswalk before trying to take my scarf. I don't know if she was crazy or suffering delusions, but she claimed she was a cancer survivor and deserved the scarf. Thankfully, my grandmother, (she had knitted two dozen scarves) had figured out how to make them strong. My scarf is a little longer now, but it's still mine and the lady fell after losing the tug of war with me. I did outweigh her. I think she's okay, but I'm keeping an eye out every time I wear my scarf. Also, the only reason my grandma made the scarves was because she liked pink and was dying from her diabetes and bone cancer. But thanks for all the support and all the ironic statements.

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Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

#20988867
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48479) - you deserved it (4576)

On 12/11/2013 at 11:56am - misc - by Lemurcat (woman) - United States (California)

Lemurcat's comment about their FML

I did not expect this to get published! Just to fill you guys in a bit, I did check the buses before leaving home since I just moved here the day before. I like to double check because my memory is poor so I did ask the bus driver, but she said she didn't go to that perticular bus stop (the bus stop near my house for those who are wondering, and yes, she did stop there, she was just confused because I didn't know the streets and was describing landmarks) and she kinda just blew me off. So I was standing around, confused like an idiot and this guy told me to take bus 6. He sounded like he was legitamently trying to help, and I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, so stupid me took his advice. However, I'm not the kind of person to confront people so, I just called him a dickhole and walked away. I wish I could tell you guys that I kicked his ass, but oh well. I did figure out the buses and I'm riding like a pro now. And I even got a booklet to help me if I'm ever lost again. :D

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Today, a woman called the store I work for. When she found out it was a wrong number, she started to cry and asked me to stay on the line with her, talking about her dead husband and how she hasn't laughed in years. FML

#20988353
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38400) - you deserved it (2812)

On 12/10/2013 at 10:41pm - work - by icy_in_indiana - United States (Indiana)

icy_in_indiana's comment about their FML

To those who said I'm selfish for saying FML, I was just following the conventions of the site. Trust me, the situation was awkward for me, but I so feel so much more sorry for the lady who called. She was meaning to call who I assume to be family or a friend to ask for toilet paper, but instead called the grocery store. I stayed on the line for a short while, but since we're not allowed to take personal calls at work, I had to refer her to someone else. I can only hope that she found someone to keep her company.

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Today, I took my cat to the vet's. When the vet took her temperature anally, I couldn't stop laughing. The vet had to ask me to leave the room. FML

#20986846
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19486) - you deserved it (42677)

On 12/09/2013 at 8:51pm - animals - by FreeChocolate - United States (Ohio)

FreeChocolate's comment about their FML

I didn't expect to be published! By the way, the cat is the one in my photo. To be fair, the vet asked me if I would like to leave while he did it and I accepted. This was also due to the fact that the cat kept trying to climb into my hood because I'm familiar to her. It was just a routine checkup, she was perfectly fine. I don't blame you for thinking I deserved it, I don't deny it was cruel of me to laugh at her. But she just made the most surprised and indignant face and she was running away from him. She actually did hop off the table and try to escape!

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Today, my boyfriend bought a onesie. He sleeps in it, goes out in it and won't take it off, not even for sex. FML

#20985058
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40486) - you deserved it (5368)

On 12/08/2013 at 2:01pm - love - by BabeWithBrains - United States (Wyoming)

BabeWithBrains's comment about their FML

Wow, I didn't think I would get published. Let me clear some things up:)
-My boyfriend and my brother-in-law are best friends and bought onesies together. They have been wearing them all night and day. They are a bit crazy, but fun.
-My boy works outside in snow, so that's why he wore it to work.
-It's also below zero where I live so it's cold at night, hence the bed wearing.
-The sex however... Well, there is basically a slit in the back and buttons in the front. He thought it was hilarious, but it won't be happening again.
I guess it's just something that he wanted to try and I love him so I did it. Oh, and it doesn't smell.. Yet. ;)

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Today, I got to spend all of my time scrubbing poop off the walls and carpet because my 2-year-old decided he wanted to 'paint mama a picture.' FML

#20984653
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40109) - you deserved it (4682)

On 12/08/2013 at 1:58am - kids - by ashsaunde - United States (Colorado)

ashsaunde's comment about their FML

Hey OP here! First off, thanks for publishing this. It's the first one I've ever submitted. Secondly, yes he was finger painting with it as well as wiping his butt on everything in his room. We're in the middle of potty training so he thought he was helping by cleaning himself off. I also had to clean him and all of his stuffed animals up because he got it EVERYWHERE. Yes, he did get punished in an appropriate way because he's not gonna know it was wrong unless I teach him. And to the comment that I said I need to watch him better, it was while he was napping in his room. Any parent knows you can't watch your kids constantly.

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Today, I learned that when your mom threatens to embarrass you by singing in public, the wrong response is, "Yeah? I dare you." FML

#20984526
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23585) - you deserved it (43323)

On 12/08/2013 at 12:04am - misc - by ballplaya52 - United States

ballplaya52's comment about their FML

Hey all! OP here. I just a wanted to clear a few things up. I know the wording may have been confusing and given you all the wrong image. When I said that she'd embarrass me by singing in public, I literally meant singing. To me. About me. In public. Loudly. Like not even a real song. But when I read over it when it got published, it sounded to me like people could interpret it like she would sing karaoke or something. Anyways it only lasted a minute or so so it wasn't that bad, but we did get some stares. And for those comments saying to live a little, I don't sing or dance in public as a personal rule because I'm not any good at either. Anyways thanks to the moderators for publishing this and I will see you guys around on this awesome website :)

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