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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

#20964512
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57792) - you deserved it (20783)

On 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by clodius (man) - United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire)

clodius's comment about their FML

Hi, OP here.
I genuinely didn't think this would be published but here we go.
Yes on that night I was extremely drunk and she was drinking heavily too, and I mean heavily.
I didn't notice the huge bump because
1) I was shitfaced
2) She hid it extremely well.
Anyway after talking to a few people it seems that this woman has been going around for the past 7 months sleeping with people and saying they are the dad.
I have nothing wrong with people having sex when they aren't in a relationship but don't try and pin point your baby's dad on some bloke. It is wrong on so many levels.

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Today, my cat has figured out that while I'm good at sleeping through her nagging in the early morning hours, I will unfailingly wake up for my baby. FML

#20963043
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37282) - you deserved it (3707)

On 11/19/2013 at 1:59am - animals - by kittyboo_is_me (woman) - Slovenia (Maribor)

kittyboo_is_me's comment about their FML

No need to get rid of the cat, she's good to both my baby and my older son and I have absolutely no fears regarding her and the kids. I still have no clue how she does what she does, I assume she either meows in their room long enough to wake up the baby or she paws him through the rails of the crib until he wakes up.

She has food available at all times, so that's not an issue (and she's really thin btw). Pretty sure she just wants to go outside to do whatever it is cats do at night (roam, hunt, interact). I might have to try the dark room suggestion though, thanks for reminding me - it was the only thing that got her to stop peeing all over the house. That or throwing her out of the house at night altogether, nevermind the cold. Sleep is precious, especially with a baby in the house.

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Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

#20962459
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20119) - you deserved it (35372)

On 11/18/2013 at 6:39pm - misc - by crixon42 (woman) - United Kingdom

crixon42's comment about their FML

OP here, love all you guys who appreciate the pun, and don't you all worry I do not live at home, I have a job and am not a serial sponger.

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Today, I realized I need to start hitting the gym, when my boyfriend actually utilized my love handles during sex. FML

#20962225
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41943) - you deserved it (10008)

On 11/18/2013 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by ericabearr - United States (Texas)

ericabearr's comment about their FML

Yes I am aware that "that's what they're there for." I personally do not want them there. They make me self conscious. I'm choosing to go to the gym on my own and not for my boyfriend. He tells me I'm beautiful regardless of how I feel about myself. Maybe he can fun something new to grab onto though! Haha! Thanks for the comments though y'all! :)

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Today, while swimming in the ocean, I felt some sand under my wedding ring. I took it off for a second, and got hit by a huge wave. My ring is now lost somewhere in the ocean. FML

#20961838
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29139) - you deserved it (38223)

On 11/18/2013 at 4:14am - misc - by smiley1014 (man) - United States

smiley1014's comment about their FML

I guess I didn't put on the FML that I am a male. My wife told me that she wants me to wear my ring (except during work, which is Aviation and we're not allowed). I told her I wasn't comfortable wearing it in the ocean, and she said I had to anyway. After losing my ring, my wife bought snorkel equipment and I spent an hour diving for it until the sun set. My wife and I have been married for 5 years, and we both got a laugh out of it, and we purchased another ring the next day in a Hawaiian market that now has a story and more meaning than the first ring.

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Today, I was jogging on my farm when I discovered a cave. Unfortunately for me, I discovered said cave by tripping and falling into it where there was still a 10ft drop to the bottom. FML

#20961491
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37388) - you deserved it (2652)

On 11/17/2013 at 10:19pm - misc - by kcountry92 (woman) - United States (Kansas)

kcountry92's comment about their FML

Hey everyone! I'm the lucky accidental cave explorer and I'm also alright from the fall, just a little bruised. It is a beautiful cave and, as soon as I can find the time, I'm going to go back into it and see if it connects to the 2 other caves on my property. The irony of the situation is that I'm part of a Caving Grotto where I live and had just come out of another new cave just a couple hours before this happened. To answer a question I saw, I happen to rock climb as well so getting out of the cave wasn't as rough as getting into it lol.

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Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

#20961155
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41981) - you deserved it (2667)

On 11/17/2013 at 5:41pm - work - by cheyeahh6 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

cheyeahh6's comment about their FML

Hello! Wow, was NOT expecting this to get published!
Just to let you all know what happened in more detail, the guy came through the drive thru around 3am and ordered $80 worth of food. I must have either read the order wrong or counted wrong and put in an extra cheeseburger.
When he called back, I picked up, and he verbally abused me for about 2 minutes about how he was feeling sick because of my ignorance and that I should have known better.
When I gave the phone to my manager, she listened, then sighed and responded with, "you're an idiot" and hung up. Haha.
He then came back and we had to call the police to make him leave because he was clogging up the drive thru.
Unfortunately, we've dealt with worse people.

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Today, I got an angry call to the phone shop where I work. The caller demanded that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been tricked because his phone got ruined by water "even though he was using the waterproof application". FML

#20960536
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38721) - you deserved it (2481)

On 11/17/2013 at 2:38am - work - by OwlSaysBlimey - Sweden

OwlSaysBlimey's comment about their FML

I really didn't think this would be posted, but thanks for all the hilarious comments!

Well, I think I ought to explain it a bit. This person is one of our usual customers and is infamous for being a total idiot. Although this isn't the first time he has complained to us, this is by far the stupidest complaint he's made. He's usually complaining about that the Internet's off and that he can't turn 3G on and so on. Anyway, he didn't get his money back and my boss told him to piss off, so we're all good :).

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Today, I tried to storm out of the room during an argument, but walked face-first into our closed sliding glass door. My boyfriend laughed so hard that he had to sit down. Later, we noticed the nose mark I left. He won't let me clean it, because he wants to show it to everyone. FML

#20960447
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36755) - you deserved it (9699)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:31am - misc - by raz_berri93 - United States (California)

raz_berri93's comment about their FML

I just wanted to clarify that later he felt bad and asked if I was fine, which I was. I also laughed at my clumsiness... I was even the one to close that door! Oops. I cleaned the mark (which he hasn't come home to see yet) and there is no violence... It's a funny story within our families now since I'm actually well known to be clumsy!

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Today, during school, I passed out in the lunch line and hit my head on the metal rail as I fell. Rather than helping or expressing concern at all, my friends simply left my unconscious body on the floor. Why? They had to get to the lasagna before the cafeteria ran out of it. FML

#20959665
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45270) - you deserved it (3690)

On 11/16/2013 at 11:18am - health - by _sempiternus (woman) - United States

_sempiternus's comment about their FML

For those of you that were wondering- yes, I'm alright. :) I'm anemic, and sometimes it catches up to me and I'll start to get lightheaded/faint. I hadn't been feeling well all day, and thought food might help... Guess I was a bit late.
In regards to my 'friends', I suppose I used the term loosely. They aren't my closest friends by far, but I've known them for years. We were close enough that I ASSUMED the sight of me falling and bashing my head open would be more important than their need for dry, school-food lasagna.
And, in response to one commenter, I didn't expect them to immediately transform into doctors. But it still doesn't feel too great when the people you call 'friends' step over you, sprawled on the ground and bleeding, in favor of food.
And no, I don't speak to them anymore. We had a fall out shortly after this incident. Ah well, highschool is a joke anyways.

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Today, while feeling sick, I decided to go to a furniture store to sit down for a few minutes. I'm now the proud owner of an expensive, vomit-stained recliner. FML

#20959400
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19295) - you deserved it (41207)

On 11/16/2013 at 1:19am - health - by maxhhh - United States (California)

maxhhh's comment about their FML

OP here, just a bit of background to the story: I've had a sore throat for a few days, and I'm actually in the market for a recliner so I thought, "I'm not gonna let a sore throat hold me back from getting out!" As I was sitting down and feeling the chairs, I felt an overwhelming dizziness and nausea, and before I knew it, I puked all over myself and the seat of the recliner. Turns out I have a stomach bug now. FML x2... I am getting it cleaned though, so it should be good as new! I enjoyed the comments; Thanks a lot guys!!! :)

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Today, I decided to make what I thought was a pretzel recipe. I ended up eating cooked, egg-coated play dough. Literally, homemade Play-Doh. FML

#20958458
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29612) - you deserved it (9712)

On 11/15/2013 at 7:13am - misc - by thecodecat - Canada (New Brunswick)

thecodecat's comment about their FML

I didn't know it was play dough. The recipes got switched. I only ate on bite then I realized what was wrong and threw them out.

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