Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML

#21124893
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31983) - you deserved it (43748)

On 04/27/2014 at 11:28pm - misc - by emydoll - United States (Hawaii)

emydoll's comment about their FML

I probably should have made a few things clear first, this girl was a total bitch in high school and made fun of me daily. So you can imagine how surprised I was in that horribly awkward situation.

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was texting a girl I like, explaining how she looks like an attractive celebrity. She responded with a picture of a very unattractive lady and asked if she looked like that. I told her if she had been caught in a burning building, then yes, that would look like her. It was of her mom. FML

#21122286
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27158) - you deserved it (45406)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:02pm - love - by spencerlong (man) - United States (Washington)

spencerlong's comment about their FML

Hey guys. First off, I am very happy to have had this published, but I would like to clarify some things and clear the misunderstandings! My friends mom is not actually a burn victim, she just wasn't attractive at all and didn't resemble her daughter either. We had been texting previously, and she was sending me pictures of celebrities and asking if she looked like that. She then sent that picture of her mom, who was honestly very unattractive. I thought I was being clever with the whole "caught in a burning building" joke, but it was just the wrong time to use it. Believe me when I say I have nothing against burn victims, as that's seriously a weird thing to hate on. After I found out I apologized and she accepted, so everything is fine now! Thanks for taking the time to read this, I just wanted you guys to not think I'm some weird shallow guy who hates burn victims and is only after girls for their looks.

See all the comments

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

#21121933
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41653) - you deserved it (8168)

On 04/24/2014 at 5:19pm - love - by wondercat40 - United States (Indiana)

wondercat40's comment about their FML

He just stared blankly at me as I ran off, and that's definitely not a good sign of anything! I see him at my band classes, but I haven't spoken to him since. Thank you for the comments, a lot of them made me laugh. I don't know the where the Jesus drummer's band came from either, it was a local band that I forgot the name of. However, I think it was a Christian band. Oh, the irony.

See all the comments

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

#21120851
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45229) - you deserved it (8275)

On 04/23/2014 at 2:37pm - love - by ewhy - United States (California)

ewhy's comment about their FML

Hey guys ! OP here. To the people that say he might not be that bad: I'm sorry but I wouldn't be able to keep talking to a person that has a foot fettish, call me shallow but I'm not only about looks. He's cute and all but I wouldn't be able to get past it. I gave him my number exactly to get to know him, this was yesterday. This morning he started with the pictures of toes. The only reason he started with pictures of toes is because he saw my feet in a picture I had sent of the jeans I was wearing earlier. I just stopped texting him, wish me the best! Thanks for the feedback!!

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML

#21120495
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41287) - you deserved it (3743)

On 04/23/2014 at 12:20am - misc - by tothebaneofkings - United States

tothebaneofkings's comment about their FML

Ha, this got posted really fast. I am the OP.
This actually had happened a while ago. To answer some questions, my great grandma had been drinking and had been talking about how her two daughters only want money from her. And that when she died, "I'll leave one dollar in the bank and let them fight over it!" An evil cackle included. I can only guess that this brought around her age into her mind, since she's in her late 80's and probably only has 15 years left with luck, because the fml was the next words out of her mouth. Maybe to comfort herself, I honestly don't know. But it was followed by her looking at my female cousin and saying, "I can teach you how to get into the V formation." Needless to say, we were both horrified to the point of irrational laughter.

See all the comments

Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

#21120360
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15337) - you deserved it (50316)

On 04/22/2014 at 10:40pm - work - by flufee2 - Canada (Ontario)

flufee2's comment about their FML

The person i had ordering was a close friend of which i am very comfortable with. I guess you could say i got a little too comfortable! After we realized what I did, we just laughed and brushed it off. From now on i will make sure i wear gloves because I wouldn't want this to happen to anyone i don't know!

See all the comments

Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML

#21119656
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43047) - you deserved it (3661)

On 04/22/2014 at 2:18am - misc - by orangemango (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

orangemango's comment about their FML

Hello! OP here! Nice little surprise when I woke up this morning! This happened to me about two months ago and my husband thought the situation was funny enough to post.

I keep my phone on because my husband's 90-year-old grandmother lives in the same community as us and he's the first person she calls in case of emergencies. When he's off island on business trips, that responsibility falls on me. Since I'm a really heavy sleeper, I leave the ringer on pretty loud. And yes, I know there's a do not disturb function on my iPhone, but I never used it cause I've never gotten a phone call at such odd hours.

I didn't check the number when I answered the first time cause I was already in a mad rush to wake up and find my phone without my glasses and freak out that something might've happened to grandma while my husbands away. I was pretty groggy when I answered and I guess the lady didn't appreciate the fact I kept saying "huh?" and "what?". She thought I was sleeping on the job or playing a prank on her and wanted to talk to my supervisor. I told her it was three in the morning and that she had dialed a Hawaiian residential number. There was a long pause and she just hung up. My phone rang a minute later from the same number, but it was a man this time. I told him the same thing and he gave me a half-assed apology and hung up. This happened for the next two nights (also rang during the day) and I found out from one of the calls that the shoe company had actually misprinted their 1-800 number on their packing slip (it was printed 1-808-XXX-XXXX).

So I did start using the do not disturb function on my phone and I even changed my voice mail to tell people that this isn't the number they're trying to reach. However, some of them didn't even bother listening to my message and started leaving me voice mails. They were pretty funny. The shoe company specialized in plus-sized shoes for women, but I don't think they were very good. One lady got two left shoes and another was threatening to sue if she didn't get her refund. I already had to change my number back in December (a Samoan family somehow got my number and kept calling and intimidating me cause I apparently got beaten up by their son/brother/nephew/grandson and "it would be wise if you kept your mouth shut") and I was going to be charged $36 for a new number and I didn't want to deal with updating everyone my new number again.

What I did end up doing was every time someone called, I'd start trolling them. Some highlights were Teniqua, angry black lady who was wondering why some woman is calling her baby daddy; Sugar Tits Mandy, phone sex hotline; Rainbow Waterfall, hippie doomsday and conspiracy preacher; and my husband's, Dick Johnson, Swinging Salami Inc., every order gets you a free complimentary dildo! The calls stopped coming about a week after we started trolling with a few stragglers here and there. Probably from people who dialed an 8 instead of a 0. We assumed either the shoe company finally fixed the mistake, changed their phone number, or went out of business.

Happy to say I got my number back!

See all the comments

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

#21118979
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47292) - you deserved it (5105)

On 04/21/2014 at 1:25pm - animals - by Blaisey - Canada (British Columbia)

Blaisey's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here.

I talked to my landlord about my roommate a few hours ago. She's a very sweet older lady, and she was in tears when I told her what happened. My roommate now has 48 hours to get out.

I took Paprika to the vet right away, and they said she'll most likely survive, but it's possible she'll have brain damage.
She woke up in the car on the way there (after a good ten minutes of not moving, I was so afraid she didn't make it) but they gave her something to make her sleep for awhile. Thank you all for your support!

See all the comments including 11 other original poster's reactions

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

#21118433
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51990) - you deserved it (4010)

On 04/20/2014 at 9:02pm - misc - by HeyTherexxx (woman) - United States (California)

HeyTherexxx's comment about their FML

Unfortunately, seeing them was inevitable.
I'm trying not to get involved, but needless to say, it's difficult. Apparently, my mother is going to tell my step-dad, but she's a liar sometimes. One step at a time, I suppose.

See all the comments including 24 other original poster's reactions

Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML

#21116951
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38265) - you deserved it (4255)

On 04/19/2014 at 3:44am - misc - by toilet_trouble - United States

toilet_trouble's comment about their FML

Hi. Some of your comments really made me laugh!
So, it surprised me I heard him because I've never heard anything other than a vacuum or water in the pipes. This just made me aware he can probably hear a lot more than I previously thought..
Luckily I don't have loud bathroom trips often. I definitely regretted the super loud fart I ripped about 5 minutes prior to hearing him though. :p

Anyway, neighbor acts cool so all is well!

See all the comments

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

#21114882
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43880) - you deserved it (4964)

On 04/16/2014 at 8:00pm - love - by kittykat798 (woman) - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

kittykat798's comment about their FML

It definitely wasn't their breaks!
It was weird because they didn't even ask for my friends numbers or anything, just chatted with them. There was enough room at the table for them to have done that with me there, so it wasn't that. It was almost like I was too intimidating or something!
I found it quite funny in a tragic kind of way and that's probably because of the terrible relationship I've just come out of.

I really didn't expect so many nice comments, you guys are the best!

See all the comments

Today, I sat and watched the CEO of DreamWorks on TV misuse words such as "quantum". He's filthy rich, whereas I'm a savagely underpaid gardener. FML

#21114132
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35849) - you deserved it (5335)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:28pm - money - by PoeticPathetic - Australia (New South Wales)

PoeticPathetic's comment about their FML

I'm the OP
Where I live a lot of my peers went to uni and ended up with jobs that pay even less than mine. Tradies get the big dollars in my state

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

#21112962
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40220) - you deserved it (4103)

On 04/14/2014 at 5:58pm - work - by heartmytrucker (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

heartmytrucker's comment about their FML

Ok, some details, My boyfriend is a truck driver, the job he was offered would have meant a dedicated run instead of what he does now, which is just hoping that the workers get his load ready in time, otherwise he ends up losing a day of work, he already knows that he gets paid less than most of the other drivers in our area. The biggest problem is that his boss is his stepfather and he felt like he would be leaving him high and dry. And I totally agree that money isn't everything, but this new job meant not just more money but also more home time to spend with me and our daughter. On the upside though after I sent this one we sat down and had a long talk and he did decide to take the new job after all (I think it helped that the new place told him they were going to buy him a new truck!).

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: