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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

#21457042
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23346) - you deserved it (3729)

On 08/17/2015 at 3:34am - misc - by MoxleyCrue - United States (Pennsylvania)

MoxleyCrue's comment about their FML

OP here. I was eating in its general proximity. That's what I was doing. Eating things it wanted.

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions

Today, a customer approached me, smiling and asked what kind of cheese was in our cheddar cheese balls. Thinking he was joking, I laughed and said "swiss." He ordered, found they were indeed cheddar cheese, and reported me. FML

#21456949
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17446) - you deserved it (18363)

On 08/16/2015 at 11:33pm - work - by bandaidstations (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

bandaidstations's comment about their FML

I didn't think it was swiss..I made a stupid joke that backfired. Cheddar cheese balls are the only fried cheese item we carry. There is a 6 foot menu board with the description right under the item. The customer is a regular who comes in and harasses us all the time. He says things like I will go to hell for having a tattoo while he buys lottery tickets out of the machine. Since he laughs the comments he makes off like he's joking, I figured I could joke with him a bit.

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Today, I realized how cheap I am when I blacked out at a water park and some one yelled "Call 911!" I tried to mutter out "No, that's too expensive!" FML

#21456805
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15624) - you deserved it (14334)

On 08/16/2015 at 6:14pm - health - by extremereviews - United States (Texas)

extremereviews's comment about their FML

Hello everyone! Yes I do have insurance, but the last time a friend of mine needed an ambulance the bill was still over $1500 after insurance. Also yes, in America you do have to pay when you go to the hospital. Luckily the water park just so happened to be built directly next to a fire station, so they just wheeled me over there and treated me on site. I was very dehydrated, and when I blacked out I was actually in line to get a water from the concession stand but I had been waiting in line for over 30 minutes in the heat which didn't help.

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Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML

#21456723
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23832) - you deserved it (2183)

On 08/16/2015 at 1:49pm - health - by jarkleflob - United States (California)

jarkleflob's comment about their FML

Thank you all for the support! I would've never thought that this would get published. I first wanted to point out that we were on vacation out of state, very expensive vacation with a very expensive meal. Although that doesn't excuse his remarks/actions, I can see why he was in a bad mood. We had a pretty tense "vacation", there were a lot of people everywhere, foreigners that couldn't speak English, and a lot of things that my parents aren't open minded towards. I constantly have to remind my parents that "there is nothing you can do about it so don't worry about it". The comments you guys left were hilarious and I'm thankful for the ideas you gave - even if it wasn't the most serious.

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Today, I was forced to watch my 5 year old cousin. In an attempt to get him to sit still for a minute, I challenged him to a thumb wrestling match. It's been 2 hours and he keeps thumb wrestling me. If I stop, he cries. FML

#21456529
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22698) - you deserved it (3690)

On 08/15/2015 at 11:41pm - kids - by MikaykayUnicorn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

MikaykayUnicorn's comment about their FML

Hi, I'm the OP. To clarify, he comes from a terrible home. Mother is a druggie, father is abusive. Doesn't get much attention, so I decided to give him a little. I didn't think, however, he would get upset every time I tried to do something else. He is a really sweet kid, he just has a lot of energy and no one wants to spend any time with him so the energy is built up. And by "cries," I didn't mean tears, (his father would hit him whenever he cried and tell him to be a man, so he doesn't cry) I meant crying as in whining.

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Today, my vehicle's transmission shifter moves freely without shifting gears. I'm stuck in park, in a parking lot, unable to even put it into neutral to push the vehicle out of the way of several parked cars. The old lady screaming at me just outside my door doesn't understand logic either. FML

#21456347
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22168) - you deserved it (1807)

On 08/15/2015 at 1:42pm - work - by Tarlachia - United States (Florida)

Tarlachia's comment about their FML

OP here. A little backstory... The vehicle I was driving is my work vehicle- a professional carpet cleaning van. I had driven the van to a job, realized there were no available parking spots to back it into and was thus forced to park it in the street and blocking two vehicles. I pulled the cleaning hoses and supplies to clean the apartment, finished the job, wrapped up and got back into the van. Only then when I shifted to 'drive' did the problem make itself known. Yes, it is an automatic. Not sure as to what was happening mechanically, I called our company's mechanic and it took him over an hour to get to me with the necessary part- a tiny little pin that pulls the shifter between gears and only takes a few minutes to replace without having to take it to a dealership or repair shop.

So, in that hour long wait, an old lady came out to drive her vehicle to a store. As luck would have it, her vehicle was one of two that my van was blocking. She asked me to move the van, to which I replied that I couldn't as it was stuck in park. I explained I couldn't even shift it to neutral to push the vehicle out of the way. I explained I was waiting on someone to come help me. That made her day, and she started screaming at me for several minutes. Logic has failed to defuse the situation and since I am not a Vulcan and cannot sleep hold a bitch, I, treasuring the security of this job to provide for my family, chose to then get back into my van, roll up the window, and said "Fuck it. Time to FML." She left to go back inside after a few minutes. About 20 minutes later, the mechanic showed up, fixed my van, and I was back up and running to finish the day's work.

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Today, my husband decided he would rather be with his mistress than with me while I gave birth to our first child. FML

#21456262
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29651) - you deserved it (2319)

On 08/15/2015 at 4:22am - love - by MissyPants - United States (California)

MissyPants's comment about their FML

I am the op of this FML and I hope it shows that but let me explain this a little further. My soon to be ex husband has been cheating on me for the last few months of my pregnancy. I noticed the changes in him but I hoped it was just nerves over the baby. I actually caught him about three weeks before I went into labor and threw him out. I had planned on letting him be there when I gave birth to our baby girl but he didn't answer my calls. My mother was with me so I wasn't alone but I really thought he would want to see the birth of his first child. I have filed for divorce and have no problem being a single parent. He makes me physically ill at the moment but I have tried to be civil for our babies sake. I want him to be in her life because she deserves a dad but I can't force him to be one. I'm thrilled to be a mom no matter the circumstances and me and my daughter will be ok no matter what. Thank you all for the funny, sweet, and even mean comments; they make my day a little better.

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Today, my mother gave me hell for my "video game addiction". The "game" in question? A professional flight simulator program that I'm using to complement my flight school lessons. FML

#21456226
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25665) - you deserved it (1650)

On 08/15/2015 at 1:53am - misc - by simugeek (man) - United States (Florida)

simugeek's comment about their FML

Just 16 and starting my career very early because I love it!

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Today, I went to the mall and was persistently asked to try one of the curling irons at a kiosk. I don't like to use heat on my hair, but I reluctantly agreed. The iron burned off a good chunk of hair from the back of my head. FML

#21456172
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22106) - you deserved it (4652)

On 08/14/2015 at 10:50pm - misc - by suuoerwholock - United States

suuoerwholock's comment about their FML

OP here. This had actually happened a few months ago so my hair is grown out to the point where it's not really that noticeable now. I have roughly 3 feet of hair and I am asked almost every single time I walk by any kiosk that has to do with hair to try out their product. To the people saying that I shouldn't have "caved in"-- I had already walked past this kiosk 3 or 4 times and didn't see any harm in a couple of curls.

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Today, I am 1,000 days sober and drug-free. I suffer from depression and I am craving terribly. I have a migraine and a bladder infection. And I can deal with all of this. But what I can't deal with is my dipshit coworker asking if I want to go out for drinks and snort cocaine to celebrate. FML

#21455907
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31278) - you deserved it (2306)

On 08/14/2015 at 7:08am - health - by Tattoo_Freak (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Tattoo_Freak's comment about their FML

OP here. Thank you guys and girls for all this amazing support! I am truly humbled.
#17, I have read and re-read your message. Thank you so very much.
#108, Congratulations to your mom! It is always great to hear of other people's success.
#134, 49 days and going strong. Well done! Take it one day at a time.
To everyone I haven't mentioned, please know that I have read all of your comments, and I will continue to read them every day. It is support like this that keeps me going during the difficult and dark times.

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Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, and he asked me to tell him what I wanted him to do. I said I wanted him to make me scream and cum. To which he replied, "Okay, be realistic now". FML

#21455578
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27692) - you deserved it (4354)

On 08/13/2015 at 12:24pm - intimacy - by imonfmlnow - United States

imonfmlnow's comment about their FML

Some of your comments kind of make me cringe, but this is FML so I guess I should have expected that. It was in fact not my boyfriends first time, not even close :P it was one of my first times, actually. He is the first person I've had sex with, and he knows what he's doing WAY more than I do. Anyways, he's just a really funny guy. He's confident and cocky and a goober and i love him. The first time we had sex I told him to talk dirty to me so he said okay and started whispering things like "the kitchen sink. The floor when I don't vacuum." And we both ended up laughing so hard we were crying. He's a fantastic guy, the love of my life, and I wouldn't leave him for anything.
To wrap this up, why are people saying my expectations are too high? I've never had an orgasm, but I've given my boyfriend more than a few. I just wanted to know if I could have one, because I haven't got anywhere near an orgasm yet in any sexual situations I've had in my whole life. I wasn't having false expectations, I think it's pretty normal to want to experience an orgasm. Anyway, thanks for reading!

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Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. I was depressed so I went to the only bar in town. When I asked for a drink, I found out she works there as the bartender. FML

#21455384
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24506) - you deserved it (5757)

On 08/12/2015 at 10:01pm - love - by fishtities (woman) -

fishtities's comment about their FML

OP here. We had been together for over a year now. Turns out she had been cheating on me for a month and decided to brake things off with me. The reason I didnt know she was the bartender there was because she was recently hired and since I dont usually go there nor did she tell me, I didnt know.

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Today, I told my boyfriend I was scared to open up to him because I had lost people in the past by doing so. After an hour of him trying to convince me to share my thoughts with him, I finally agreed to tell him some things that were worrying me. He broke up with me a minute later. FML

#21454874
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27646) - you deserved it (2574)

On 08/11/2015 at 5:38pm - love - by Lady_Gunslinger9 - United Kingdom (Durham)

Lady_Gunslinger9's comment about their FML

Hey guys I'm the OP, just thought I'd make an account and give you all some extra information. I have an anxiety disorder and depression, he knew about both of these and he could tell I wasn't feeling okay so he asked me what was wrong, I tried to convince him it was nothing because I don't feel comfortable opening up to people because of things that have happened in my past. When he eventually convinced me I wasn't going to lose him if I opened up, I took a risk. I told him some things that were worrying me and no it's nothing crazy or weird (although the murder comments did cheer me up a little). The conversation led to talking about our relationship and that's when he ended it. I'm better off without him because anyone who cant deal with me telling them small things that everyone goes through certainly couldn't handle something big if it ever happened. I am sad it ended but I know its probably for the best

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