Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, a friendly game of Cards Against Humanity somehow ended in a screaming match, my best friend's mother pulling out her tits, and me getting bit in the foot by a dog. FML

#21395443
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29156) - you deserved it (2961)

On 04/17/2015 at 10:00pm - misc - by ThatSlappinBass (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

ThatSlappinBass's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here! Yes, it did start off as a friendly game- we all have a really sick sense of humor, so the worse the cards got, the more we laughed. Right around the last two hands, my best friend's mother started screaming at her husband for "cheating" and then everyone got involved on both sides, and then tits were pulled out, and the phrase, "Suck these nipples!" was shouted. The dog is just a brat, but it added to the chaos. We all laughed after, but that's an image you never forget.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was cuddling in bed with my boyfriend when he started squeezing me as if I were a ketchup bottle. He said he wanted my period to end quicker, and he honestly thought that would work. FML

#21395407
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33740) - you deserved it (3208)

On 04/17/2015 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by Keladrylady - New Zealand (Auckland)

Keladrylady's comment about their FML

OP here,
My bf happened to be half asleep and as such is rather blond when so. (So no, he doesn't need sex ed as it has little to do with this topic per say).
Him squeezing me whilst on my period has been a discussion point over the 6yrs we've been together, as yes, if done right, literally (TMI) squeezes out (insert words) and I really hate it, (guys, think of it as similar feeling to wetting yourself accidentally, it's a really yuck feeling).
Thanks though for your comments and FYL's. :3 you've made us both laugh til our cheeks were sore. So again Thanks.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I got banned from my favourite online video game for calling a person on my team a "Baked Potato". FML

#21395138
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31115) - you deserved it (5582)

On 04/17/2015 at 9:49am - misc - by NoCnNoJustice - Australia (Queensland)

NoCnNoJustice's comment about their FML

You'd be right! I'll try and condense the story for you. So basically, I was playing Counter-Strike: Global Offensive (the game mentioned in my post) and my team was messing about and killing each other. In my frustration, I called the one who was the most annoying on my team a baked potato. It seems that he too must have been frustrated, because the next thing I know, he's called a vote to kick me from my team. Since I'm at the top of the leaderboard and I'm carrying my team (despite losing by a huge margin), I think to myself "Well, it's not like they're going to vote 'Yes', they need me on this team if we're ever going to win!"

But, to my surprise, they all accepted the vote and I was kicked, consequently resulting in a 7 day ban from Competitive Matchmaking.

Well, that's it! I hope this backstory behind it was sufficient.

See all the comments

Today, my husband told me he doesn't see the point in trying anymore, and that he no longer loves me. I was devastated. He stayed on the couch while I went to bed. Ten minutes later, he said, "Do you mind? I'm trying to sleep." and asked me to shut up. FML

#21394644
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37248) - you deserved it (2986)

On 04/16/2015 at 12:34pm - love - by topaz23 - Canada (British Columbia)

topaz23's comment about their FML

I want to thank everyone for their comments. When I went to bed crying it was nearly 4am and he had to pick up our 2 kids from his moms house at 6am. We have our issues and it's just one if those humps we are trying to get over. I posted venting cause I was frustrated.
He travels lots for work and hardly sees me and our kids I think a big part of it is depression. Not that that's an excuse. We talked more before he had to leave out of town again today for 2 weeks and we are gonna try and resolve our issues though I'm not sure how well that will work out. But I am trying to stay positive.
As much as it hurts he's doing his best to be honest with me and talk it through. We were both just very tired and like I said he had to pick up our kids.
We have been together nearly 6 years. And he's the only person I love and trust the only ones I love more are our kids. Now matter how hard this is hurting me right now I am trying to look at the positive and moved forward.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my dad tricked the local biker gang into believing he's actually part of the Russian mob. FML

#21394010
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30764) - you deserved it (3016)

On 04/15/2015 at 9:42am - misc - by caseyl - Finland (Southern Finland)

caseyl's comment about their FML

Op here. My dad has a car repair shop and the biker gang rented the property next door. So he decided the smartest move would be to intimidate them to make sure they won't cause trouble. Which, I'm pretty sure, is going to cause a shitload of trouble...

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, my 13-year-old sister told me that she wants to get pregnant soon to stop her periods for a while. I can't believe we're related. FML

#21393492
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32368) - you deserved it (2695)

On 04/14/2015 at 11:49am - health - by blemarooney - Ireland (Dublin)

blemarooney's comment about their FML

Hey guys OP here. I'm a little late on the follow up but here it is anyway.

I obviously complained to my mum who sat her down and told her how painful her pregnancies had been. My sister seemed adequately scared.

My sister now insists that she had just been kidding but I know for a fact that she wasn't.

And finally I assure you guys if she ever brings a guy home to 'stop her periods' I will personally get rid of him.

See all the comments

Today, I was working in the garden, when some fire ants ran up my shorts and bit me on an intimate part of my anatomy. My 4 year old nephew will not stop telling people about my rapid strip tease. FML

#21392232
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28037) - you deserved it (2373)

On 04/12/2015 at 5:06am - kids - by Exodiafinder687 - United States (Florida)

Exodiafinder687's comment about their FML

I just want to thank everyone for their support. Always be careful of strange looking insects. You never know which ones are dangerous.

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, my boss finally did something nice for me and bought me a coffee. By mistake I poured salt in it. To not be ungrateful, I drank it all in front of her. FML

#21391705
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29176) - you deserved it (6770)

On 04/11/2015 at 7:20am - work - by Stillo - Germany (Bayern)

Stillo's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here. I'm quite surprised this was published, it happened on Saturday. It's a cleaning job that I am doing, my boss has been nagging me a lot, making me redo things (she is really a perfectionist!!) usually she isn't there when I clean, but she came Saturday to do some things in her clinic and she asked if I wanted a coffee, which I ofcourse said yes to. When she came with the coffee I tasted it quickly and it was quite bitter... So when she went to do something else quick, I kinda ran to the kitchen and got the sugar... At least it was in sugar thingy..., then I poured it in my coffee! And since I'm kinda a shy person I really couldn't tell her. Just had to pokerface through it... (Yes my stomach did hurt alittle after it!)

See all the comments

Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML

#21391257
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31656) - you deserved it (2983)

On 04/10/2015 at 12:42pm - misc - by callalilley - United States (New Jersey)

callalilley's comment about their FML

Hey guys! OP here! It stunk not going on vacation. From the beginning, we ALL thought we had to take the final. In the syllabus it said it was worth 30% of our grade. He's a new professor and this is a psychology class. I guess some type of experiment??? I was so mad, but I still have a 3.8 GPA to prove for it!!!

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, while walking my dog, I opened my mouth to yawn. A wasp took the opportunity to fly into my mouth and announce its presence by stinging my tongue. FML

#21391224
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28945) - you deserved it (2370)

On 04/10/2015 at 11:08am - misc - by lovinlife028 - United States (Tennessee)

lovinlife028's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here!

Just to clarify, I normally DO cover my mouth when yawning. The wasp just beat me to the punch.

At least I'm not allergic, and it's definitely something I've been chuckling about most of the day. Luckily, my boyfriend was able to get me to see the bright side of this event. :)

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, I went to a job interview. It would have been fine if I had remembered it was over the phone, and not in person. I drove two hours. FML

#21391174
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24010) - you deserved it (9043)

On 04/10/2015 at 8:29am - work - by yuckduck - Canada (Manitoba)

yuckduck's comment about their FML

Ok guys, figured I'd give a quick update. Thanks to all of you who realized it was a mistake anyone could make! Lately I've been looking for a job, so I have a lot of interviews to keep straight. I had this interview, and another one tomorrow and they are both in the same town, I thought the interview tomorrow was the phone interview, and the one today was in person. Unfortunately I made a mistake, but I've learned to definitely keep my things more organized. The interviewer also completely understood and let me do it in person anyways. Hopefully you all learn from my mistake

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, someone lost a support beam on the highway. My car found it. FML

#21390735
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29192) - you deserved it (2321)

On 04/09/2015 at 3:57pm - money - by TabbyCat87 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

TabbyCat87's comment about their FML

OP here. My insurance was liability only and I'm having trouble tracking down who lost the beam. Might have to eat the cost myself. Not fun but thankfully no one was injured!

See all the comments including 10 other original poster's reactions

Today, I overheard a large group of my friends and acquaintances making spontaneous plans to go see a movie that afternoon. I was the only person not invited. Normally I would have believed their excuse that they thought I was "sick at home", except I was sitting a few feet away the entire time. FML

#21390441
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28033) - you deserved it (2360)

On 04/09/2015 at 2:25am - misc - by ifeelsoloved (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

ifeelsoloved's comment about their FML

I didn't have enough room to tell the full story, but yeah... I'm pretty shy :/ I can talk to strangers and people fine and introduce myself to people, and I like to think I'm a nice person to be around, but I hate "inconvieniencing people" so I was scared to go over and ask if I could come too cause I thought my presence would make things awkward and ruin it for everyone... yeah.
My parents got mad at me too when I told them, but I'm just really socially awkward so that happens a lot. Also, they're just a really close group of friends with all the same classes, etc and I'm just sort of that weird outlier lol. Most of the people in the group were acquiantances who I talked to occasionally but weren't very close to, though there were a couple of friends I was closer with a couple years ago when neither of us really had friends then I am now.
And honestly, those "friends" definitely use me and take more than they give; they come to me for a shoulder to cry on and a secret-keeper to rant to but don't really talk to me otherwise... I'm the last resort :( I definitely recognize that they aren't he healthiest relationships, and I would disassociate myself from them altogether, but I honestly don't have anyone else ;-; Better to have half-friends than no one, reputation wise...
Plus, I'm transferring to a new school this year so yay for fresh starts! I'm just staying optimistic that I'll find some... more faithful friends I guess. Thank you to the people who posted nice messages, I honestly needed that :)

See all the comments



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: