Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, my four year old son came into the restroom while I was applying my make-up, and asked me "Mommy, are you putting on make-up so that someone will love you?" FML

#21134239
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50092) - you deserved it (10564)

On 05/08/2014 at 5:49pm - kids - by unlovedmommy (woman) - United States (Texas)

unlovedmommy's comment about their FML

OP here! My son says funny things like this frequently, and it never offends me! I encourage his sense of humor, even if he doesn't know what he's saying or why it's funny! I even tell other people about it, so they can get a laugh too. I was encouraged by my brother to post on fml, because it was that funny! He'll tell me sometimes that I don't look pretty yet until I've completed my make-up. That question made my day. After he said it, I just started laughing really hard, and said that was funny. He said it wasn't funny, and told me to stop laughing, which made it funnier! I'm married, so I'm not trying to get someone to love me. I don't really wear a lot of make-up anyway, so it's not really the "high school girl make-up" thing either. And I am an adult. Oh yea, and I say "restroom"! Thanks for all the caring and funny comments! :)

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I once again had another guy's sweaty crotch pushed into my face. I still don't see why I enjoy wrestling. FML

#21129870
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22362) - you deserved it (31866)

On 05/03/2014 at 6:44pm - misc - by Chilaxe - United States (Kansas)

Chilaxe's comment about their FML

Hey, OP here, thought I'd comment to clear some stuff up.
First, I really enjoy wrestling, I've done it since a young age and I love the competitiveness, the endurance it takes, ALMOST everything about it lol. It was just a bad day and that happening it just annoyed me, honestly, if you wrestle and that hasn't happened once, you're lucky lol, happens to the best.
Also, I didn't mean to give a bad name to wrestling at all, trust me, I know all the jokes about it and it bothers me as much as any other wrestler, but hey, that stuff happens, you just ignore it and keep going.
I did enjoy reading your comments though lol

See all the comments

Today, my wrists were hurting really bad while working the production line. I was told to let my supervisor know so he can help accommodate it. Both supervisors responded by ending my employment there to make sure I don't suffer long term damage. FML

#21128634
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38800) - you deserved it (4081)

On 05/02/2014 at 5:36am - work - by mousiepie - United States (California)

mousiepie's comment about their FML

well, it was a contracting job. I've had weak wrists all my life but I normally just wear wrist braces and I do just fine. I hadn't wanted to say anything but also having still been new, I figured the bulk of the pain was from the repetitive motions from a 12 hour shift and that once I had been there a while, most of the pain would disappear. When my coworkers noticed the pain from my hands not working properly they suggested the nurse and I asked if she can provide a wrist wrap. They then said I needed to talk to my supervisor before the nurse and being a medical facility, they stated that they can't say they care about saving lives and the safety of the employees if they allow me to get hurt. They then directed me to my contracting supervisor who stated they will find a clerical type job for me. I just felt lame for the fact that for once I was told I couldn't perform a job because I might injure myself. :/ I appreciate the support and kindness though. Thank you.

See all the comments including 11 other original poster's reactions

Today, a drunken guest in the hotel I work at has barricaded himself in the employee restroom and refuses to come out, unless I "promise to love him forever." It's 4am and I'm the only one here. FML

#21128597
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39025) - you deserved it (2950)

On 05/02/2014 at 3:11am - work - by kendrox (woman) - United States (Indiana)

kendrox's comment about their FML

Oh wow I didn't think this would make it on there! Hello everyone, I am the original poster of this FML! No, I did not call the police. In other, more serious situations, I have. I did not say once that he was a danger to me, there was no need for him to get in trouble for this! It just made my night a lot harder! I left him be for a couple hours and when it came time for me to set up breakfast, I knocked on the bathroom door and gave him some coffee. He thanked me the next night. He seemed to be a very sweet man, just very very inebriated...

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, I had to once again lie to a customer about why I was the only one manning the shop, saying that they must have run out for lunch - my coworkers were too busy getting stoned in their cars to do their job. FML

#21128276
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38511) - you deserved it (4718)

On 05/01/2014 at 8:07pm - work - by FallingNinjaa (woman) - United States (Florida)

FallingNinjaa's comment about their FML

OP here. I don't use this site enough to know that I needed an account to reply... I'm a barber. We're all independent contractors and we don't make money unless we're physically working. I make good money and have no intention of quitting; my problem with my coworkers getting stoned is that customers have an unnecessary wait time when they should be able to be served immediately, and when they do come back in, it looks bad on everyone as a whole for them to smell like that on the clock - an no, they're perfumes aren't cloaking it. The boss knows they smoke, she knows they smoke on the clock, but when anyone tells her that someone is being lax, her response is "well more money for you, then." Again, that's not the problem I'm having. I actually like my job, and I want customers to actually have a good experience when they're there. With what my coworkers are doing, they're not. Also, it's an independent store. There is no HR, no corporate, just the woman who owns the business itself - she's the only boss.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of three years. I worked my ass off planning everything down to a T. It seemed perfect, until I actually proposed, at which point I was rejected and dumped, in front of my family, friends and two coworkers. FML

#21126146
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49562) - you deserved it (5248)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:18am - love - by willstaysingle (man) -

willstaysingle's comment about their FML

I am the Original Poster.

I'm only replying because so many of you requested a follow-up and so many of you are misconceptualizing the context.

From the beginning I discussed my interest in a serious relationship and expressed my eventual wish to be with her. I did not explicitly say I wanted to marry her. In common logic, there is no need for that. It is to be expected.

For the ones asking about age. I am 30 years old, she is 25 years old. That was clearly not the problem.

I am not seeking attention in all of this. But I will let you people know I emigrated for this girl. I made entire reservations for the family members I wished to see. I sacrificed a lot for her. I adapted to her needs. Some of you people say just because there is effort, she doesn't need to accept. While I agree, at some point, when you realize how much sacrifice is made, you are bound to love. There is no love whatsoever without sacrifice. I told her from the beginning that I am not wasting my time. If you are not sure what to do with the rope I gave you, let go early before we get to high grounds, so you could spare me a killer downfall.

To all the people who felt sympathetic and gave me a "chin-up". Thank you.

A lesson learned that I will teach every single one of you here. Be selfish. I have filled my heart with hate. Love and cherish. Just do not sacrifice so much that you find your life so strained you realize that you wasted years of hard work, effort and emotion.

Mind your mental health.

See all the comments

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

#21125472
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43109) - you deserved it (6993)

On 04/28/2014 at 5:27pm - love - by lonely_island (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

lonely_island's comment about their FML

I'm just marveling over the fact that my fml actually got published. One more thing I can kick off of my bucket list haha. This actually happened quite a while ago, but you have to start with "Today..." So to everyone whose saying just wait, maybe he doesn't go on often, well, he's defiantly seen it and done nothing about it. To everyone whose saying maybe he doesn't add people he doesn't really know, he's just as guilty as the rest of us. I've seen some of my friends on there, and I know he doesn't know them at all, so he just must really hate me :/ Ya, I'm pretty shy so thank you to the person who congratulated me on "taking the first step" haha it defiantly was scary! The rest of you are right, someone else will come along I guess. I just knew it was better to try and get rejected than to never have found out. The doctors office comments made me lol too, but alas, that was not me :P So thank you everyone :)

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I farted so loudly I not only woke myself up, but my husband as well. He mistook my gas for someone trying to break in and insisted on checking the whole house. I was too embarrassed to tell him the truth. FML

#21125262
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42108) - you deserved it (8565)

On 04/28/2014 at 12:58pm - misc - by gassymomma (woman) - United States (Illinois)

gassymomma's comment about their FML

Op here, I really didn't expect this to get posted. I'm 8 months pregnant so gas has become part of my daily life. I don't normal mind admitting to it but he was so worried about making sure I was safe I didn't have the heart to tell him it was just gas that scared him. Later that day while we were just sitting on the couch I farted again and he made a joke that there must be a whale at the window.

See all the comments

Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML

#21124893
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31939) - you deserved it (43715)

On 04/27/2014 at 11:28pm - misc - by emydoll - United States (Hawaii)

emydoll's comment about their FML

I probably should have made a few things clear first, this girl was a total bitch in high school and made fun of me daily. So you can imagine how surprised I was in that horribly awkward situation.

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was texting a girl I like, explaining how she looks like an attractive celebrity. She responded with a picture of a very unattractive lady and asked if she looked like that. I told her if she had been caught in a burning building, then yes, that would look like her. It was of her mom. FML

#21122286
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27113) - you deserved it (45340)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:02pm - love - by spencerlong (man) - United States (Washington)

spencerlong's comment about their FML

Hey guys. First off, I am very happy to have had this published, but I would like to clarify some things and clear the misunderstandings! My friends mom is not actually a burn victim, she just wasn't attractive at all and didn't resemble her daughter either. We had been texting previously, and she was sending me pictures of celebrities and asking if she looked like that. She then sent that picture of her mom, who was honestly very unattractive. I thought I was being clever with the whole "caught in a burning building" joke, but it was just the wrong time to use it. Believe me when I say I have nothing against burn victims, as that's seriously a weird thing to hate on. After I found out I apologized and she accepted, so everything is fine now! Thanks for taking the time to read this, I just wanted you guys to not think I'm some weird shallow guy who hates burn victims and is only after girls for their looks.

See all the comments

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

#21121933
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41090) - you deserved it (8052)

On 04/24/2014 at 5:19pm - love - by wondercat40 - United States (Indiana)

wondercat40's comment about their FML

He just stared blankly at me as I ran off, and that's definitely not a good sign of anything! I see him at my band classes, but I haven't spoken to him since. Thank you for the comments, a lot of them made me laugh. I don't know the where the Jesus drummer's band came from either, it was a local band that I forgot the name of. However, I think it was a Christian band. Oh, the irony.

See all the comments

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

#21120851
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45183) - you deserved it (8269)

On 04/23/2014 at 2:37pm - love - by ewhy - United States (California)

ewhy's comment about their FML

Hey guys ! OP here. To the people that say he might not be that bad: I'm sorry but I wouldn't be able to keep talking to a person that has a foot fettish, call me shallow but I'm not only about looks. He's cute and all but I wouldn't be able to get past it. I gave him my number exactly to get to know him, this was yesterday. This morning he started with the pictures of toes. The only reason he started with pictures of toes is because he saw my feet in a picture I had sent of the jeans I was wearing earlier. I just stopped texting him, wish me the best! Thanks for the feedback!!

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, my great-grandmother uttered the phrase, "Just because I'm gray up here, doesn't mean I'm gray down there!" FML

#21120495
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41235) - you deserved it (3740)

On 04/23/2014 at 12:20am - misc - by tothebaneofkings - United States

tothebaneofkings's comment about their FML

Ha, this got posted really fast. I am the OP.
This actually had happened a while ago. To answer some questions, my great grandma had been drinking and had been talking about how her two daughters only want money from her. And that when she died, "I'll leave one dollar in the bank and let them fight over it!" An evil cackle included. I can only guess that this brought around her age into her mind, since she's in her late 80's and probably only has 15 years left with luck, because the fml was the next words out of her mouth. Maybe to comfort herself, I honestly don't know. But it was followed by her looking at my female cousin and saying, "I can teach you how to get into the V formation." Needless to say, we were both horrified to the point of irrational laughter.

See all the comments



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: