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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

#21412273
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28897) - you deserved it (3121)

On 05/18/2015 at 10:27pm - animals - by earthlyscum - United States (Illinois)

earthlyscum's comment about their FML

Fuck that, I'll eat the damn thing first

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Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML

#21411772
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28289) - you deserved it (4730)

On 05/17/2015 at 11:38pm - kids - by colorfun - United States (Indiana)

colorfun's comment about their FML

It was advertised as an event for children. The guy running the event refused to pay for the professional princesses when they showed up, ready to perform. I think he intended on scamming everyone since he had the other slutty costumes on hand. The whole thing was a disaster! Police were called, parents were screaming obscenities and threats, etc. My local news station just finished running the story.

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Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

#21411088
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51377) - you deserved it (3415)

On 05/16/2015 at 6:16pm - misc - by SOTS4335 (man) - United States (Arkansas)

SOTS4335's comment about their FML

OP here. Two of my sisters actually ended up beating the shit out of my now ex-girlfriend and moving me and my kids in with them. Kinda hard to defend yourself when you have muscular dystrophy and you spend most of your day in a wheelchair. But Thank GOD I'm done with that psycho-bitch. And fuck those assholes at that therapy session.

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Today, not thinking and being pissed off, I threw my phone in the car, making a decent sized crack in the windshield. FML

#21410962
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12224) - you deserved it (28888)

On 05/16/2015 at 1:18pm - misc - by sheldon103 - United States (Ohio)

sheldon103's comment about their FML

I actually didn't throw it that hard, it bounced off the dash

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Today, I had the most excitement I have felt in the last two months when I went to a drugstore and they had my favourite bandaids. FML

#21410948
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27146) - you deserved it (3544)

On 05/16/2015 at 12:33pm - misc - by BananaCoconutty - Canada (Ontario)

BananaCoconutty's comment about their FML

They were the Scooby Doo Bandaids! Lol

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Today, I got my driver's license. My dad made multiple copies of his insurance cards for me to give to people when I inevitably hit them. Because "Let's face it." FML

#21410943
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27003) - you deserved it (3327)

On 05/16/2015 at 12:16pm - misc - by JillianJuneBug (woman) - United States (Maine)

JillianJuneBug's comment about their FML

Lol, my dad always had this type of sense of humor. He was mostly serious about this though, so we keep the 10+ cards in the glove box.

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Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

#21410818
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25767) - you deserved it (13339)

On 05/16/2015 at 1:34am - misc - by nityasomaiya (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

nityasomaiya's comment about their FML

It was just my Aunt and the Midwife in the room at the time. I think my Aunt laughing helped her push my cousin out the last little bit. The Midwife was awesome.

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Today, I woke up to the sound of my little sister knocking on my door. Today's my birthday, so I thought she'd surprise me with something. Instead, she just asked me, "How's it feel to be a year older and still alone?" I just turned 20. The truth hurts. FML

#21410566
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29050) - you deserved it (2553)

On 05/15/2015 at 3:33pm - love - by Rocky209 - United States (California)

Rocky209's comment about their FML

Im not really into relationships, but a hang out buddy would be nice.

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Today, I got a text saying I was "banned" from a volunteer group by the vice chair. Why? Because him dumping me the night before and leaving me in the bar alone drunk and crying wasn't enough for him, apparently. FML

#21410356
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29606) - you deserved it (2563)

On 05/15/2015 at 1:40am - love - by bluestripedsockm - United States (California)

bluestripedsockm's comment about their FML

Hello all, OP here. This took place over a year ago, but this is the first time I'm comfortable about posting it. I met this guy through work (my first serious boyfriend) and had been dating for four months when he first mentioned the group and encouraged me to volunteer. I didn’t know his position in it until a year later, when this happens. The main group is small, most of whom are on the board and are close-knit friends.

After a long meeting, six of us go out for drinks together. The others had broken off into their own conversations and I asked my then-boyfriend if he wanted to meet more of my friends, he ignores me, I ask him why he’s being grumpy, he says “We’re done” and walks away. (He told me later that he felt that conversation should’ve been had at a different time and he felt I was nagging him.) The other four tell me that “he’s only angry/drunk, he didn’t mean it, give him a couple weeks to cool off,”etc. and told me to go away since I was ruining their good time. My ex leaves the second his tab is paid. A female volunteer/friend pitied me enough to drive me home, since I lived the furthest out and drove alone.

The next day at work, I get a text from him saying I’m "no longer welcome" at the group. I texted the others about this and all I get is “since he requested it, I have to honor it”. I get ahold of the chairman (who knew nothing about the ban) and he told me that he’d talk to his vice chair. Nothing follows.

I wanted to do something more about it, but it wasn’t worth the headache. If anything I wanted to see if there was a legitimate reason or him being a spiteful dick. I want to say that this was a one-time reaction, but that’d be a lie. It was like I was dating a stereotypical pregnant woman. Now, I’m prepping for graduation from college and am working too much for me to consider dating someone now. It wouldn’t be fair to the guy I date.

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Today, I found out my wife confided in a coworker that she wants to sleep with him, because our marriage is loveless and sexless. News to me. FML

#21410043
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32260) - you deserved it (3188)

On 05/14/2015 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by semokco (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

semokco's comment about their FML

Howdy! Op here. So nice of all of you that assume that I'm not doing my part. Let me say: I am. Our marriage is not sexless, I do express and have expressed my love in creative and whole ways. Our marriage is not "sexless"- there is a possible pregnancy, ATM.

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Today, my window broke and will not close. My room is in a wooded area. I've already chased out two squirrels and a bird and it's only been an hour. I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up like Snow White with all sorts of wildlife sleeping with me. FML

#21409771
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31424) - you deserved it (2857)

On 05/13/2015 at 11:15pm - animals - by alekoi - United States (Washington)

alekoi's comment about their FML

Op here, and you guys are hilarious! I diddnt think this would get published! Thought I'd do I follow up.
My room isn't actually attached to the house and because my parents think its too hilarious they wont let me come in to the main house, and they won't help me fix it. Lol but I did try to cover it with a blanket, and of course it rained. So now I'm soaked because my bed is directly underneath but hey no more wildlife!
I did try to refrain from singing, and kept away from apples so I think I'm safe!
But seriously you guys are all hilarious, totally made my day!

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Today, whilst visiting an unfamiliar office site for work, I was conversing with my boss about the possibility of considering myself for a managing position in the future. I then unintentionally followed him to the bathroom whilst walking and texting. FML

#21409519
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21905) - you deserved it (7504)

On 05/13/2015 at 3:18pm - work - by joddledoddle (woman) - United Kingdom (Merton)

joddledoddle's comment about their FML

OP here,
Just to clear things up.
We were visiting an office site and it was at lunch I discussed the possibility of a promotion.
Then, when it was time to leave the office site, I had to follow him out a series of doors and corridors to get to the parking lot. He had asked me to text my collegue to let the home office know that we were coming back and as he turned left through a door, I unintentionally went to follow him. Fortunately I looked up and noticed the puzzled look on his face and the sign on the door above my hand before I actually entered the bathroom.

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Today, my mother yelled at me, telling me I'm irresponsible and lecturing me on how I need to "plan ahead like an adult." All because I asked to borrow a tampon. FML

#21408920
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27000) - you deserved it (2620)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:17pm - misc - by ducksgurl - Canada

ducksgurl's comment about their FML

For all of you wondering about the "borrowing" part, no I was not planning on actually giving it back. But asking to borrow something seems much more polite than demanding someone to give you something.
On another note, I think this was just my mother's breaking point. We do have a very strained relationship and had actually been arguing all morning. I just thought it was funny that this was the thing she chose to snap on me for.
Much love, thanks guys!

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