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FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, while taking out the trash, I swung the bag back and forth, which caused it to slide across my leg. An opened aluminum can inside the bag ended up slicing through my calf, causing heavy bleeding. Baked beans sent me to the hospital. FML

#21237613
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36014) - you deserved it (11107)

On 08/14/2014 at 6:40pm - health - by winstonweigand - United States (Washington)

winstonweigand's comment about their FML

Hey y'all it's OP here. This story was actually from a few years back, but someone asked me about the nasty scar on my leg and it reminded me of this event and how pathetic it was. This is how it happened:

My family was cleaning out all the cupboards in our kitchen, and when it came to the cans, my dad would open them, empty them and then throw the can in the trash. He tends to not give a shit about Mother Nature. I was tasked with taking the trash out. The can was at the bottom of the bag, facing outwards, and the bag was stretched tight, but it didn't split open so the can wasn't protruding.

I was swinging the bag back and forth because I was happy we were done, but when it hit my leg I felt a funny tickling feeling, only to look down and see blood gushing out of a large wound in my leg. Naturally, I was hysterical, because I had no idea how it had happened. The story actually gets funnier from here.

In my panic, I ran inside to my family, but since I was bleeding so much, I slipped on my own blood upon entering the kitchen and slammed into a wall head first. I never felt pain throughout the whole thing because of all the adrenaline. Next thing I knew I was in the hospital getting an anesthetic shot DIRECTLY into the gash, followed by a bunch of stitches.

Your comments were really funny hahaha, and yeah, we should have recycled, but I was just following my dad's orders! When I'm on my own, I always recycle. I guess Mother Nature punishes those who associate with environment criminals as well :)

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Today, my friend started choking while at a Hard Rock Cafe. I jumped up and tried to give her the Heimlich maneuver, only for her to throw up all over the table and stagger out of the place. I stood there as the waiter asked if I wanted to split the bill. FML

#21237577
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34786) - you deserved it (2955)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by wasteroftime - United States (Texas)

wasteroftime's comment about their FML

OP here! Thank you all for the praise, I honestly did not think twice when I jumped up and performed the Heimlich maneuver on her. One thing I want to make clear here was not that my situation was worse than my friends, but the fact that the wait staff had no remorse about what had just happened although they stood there and watched me save her life. Learning the Heimlich can really be life saving before you know it :)

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Today, the man I have been in love with for years came to me with a beautiful ring and a heartfelt proposal. Too bad it ended with an eager, "So do you think he'll say yes?" FML

#21236198
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41858) - you deserved it (5131)

On 08/12/2014 at 10:04pm - love - by rabidfairy (woman) - United States (California)

rabidfairy's comment about their FML

yes, you are correct. we've been friends since childhood and I've always known he was gay. just my luck that my heart would have none of it :/

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Today, I went directly from the shopping mall to the hospital. My sister had slammed my hand in the car door, all because I considered purchasing a dress that looked like something she might buy for herself. FML

#21235533
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39469) - you deserved it (2965)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:34am - health - by vicious_fashion (woman) - United States (Idaho)

vicious_fashion's comment about their FML

Thank you everyone for your comments. To clarify, my sister is 15 and it was an accidental hand slamming while in the heat of her argument that I was "copying her style". (Which is why you should never slam doors or break things when you're mad! Use your words!)

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Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

#21235142
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34084) - you deserved it (14762)

On 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm - kids - by marcranger - United States (Colorado)

marcranger's comment about their FML

Hey all, OP here! Glad to see I made some of you laugh...I wish I could say the same about my cousin, his wife, and my aunt and uncle (the proud first-time grandparents)! At least my dad, who I was staying with for this event (I live up in the mountains, but this was in Denver), laughed his ass off when everyone else was out of earshot and said he honestly felt the same way (and since I was a baby once...thanks, Dad?).

Oh, well. At the very least, I think the new parents will avoid me like the plague at future gatherings, even ones specifically planned to honor the new addition (oops), and this might get my relatives to back off about when exactly I'm making my own contribution to the family line.

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Today, I drove an hour to a friend's wedding. Realizing I was too early, I sat in my car at a gas station and watched The Office to kill time. I walked in to see the newly married couple escorting the last few rows out. I had been told the wrong time and the wedding was over. FML

#21233925
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40489) - you deserved it (5742)

On 08/10/2014 at 9:31am - love - by hales90 - United States (Illinois)

hales90's comment about their FML

It's kind of a long story behind the mix up. I previously moved, so the invitation never arrived at my new house. I confirmed I was coming, but since I never got the actual invitation, I asked one of my friends, a groomsmen, what time it started. Obviously I should've asked the bride or groom. I slipped in the back row and they never knew. I was too embarrassed to tell them the truth. I did bring a present though.

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Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

#21232522
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41648) - you deserved it (5986)

On 08/08/2014 at 1:30pm - work - by sirphilmckraken (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

sirphilmckraken's comment about their FML

OP here! I have yet to find a good way to get the tosser back for this so all suggestions welcome, ideally ones that my boss will not give me more shit for. Thats all I need on top of this! FYI, I did have a go at him but he shrugged it off and denied it. For fuck's sake Dave.

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Today, I found out that if you wake your 7-year old sister up by plugging her nose, you'll wake up the next morning, taped down and unable to move as she pours ice water on you. FML

#21230047
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24554) - you deserved it (51509)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:51pm - kids - by younggirl101 - Canada (British Columbia)

younggirl101's comment about their FML

Hey guys, just a quick follow up. Turns out she had help from my dad who grew up with four brothers that had huge pranking wars. I'm going to stop it at this. No more pranking. And I agree. She should've got this on tape then I could give you guys the link and prove I did the ice bucket challenge. (Sort of) thanks!

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Today, on a flight, I needed to use the restroom. The passenger next to me was in a deep sleep, and was very large, so I couldn't get out by climbing over him. The urge got severe, so I resorted to tapping him on the shoulder. Turns out he had some nice reflexes and hit me in the face. FML

#21229781
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42506) - you deserved it (3467)

On 08/05/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by fractured_ -

fractured_'s comment about their FML

After being hit, he said, "oh, oops, do you need to get out?"
I was let out, and after waiting in a line of about 6 people, I made it to the restroom.

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Today, due to a hammer-related incident, instead of receiving glass ornaments as gifts from my trip to Venice, my friends will be receiving novelty postcards of Michelangelo's David's penis. FML

#21229195
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31552) - you deserved it (5753)

On 08/04/2014 at 9:51am - misc - by Stop_HammerTime (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Stop_HammerTime's comment about their FML

The truth is actually much dumber than some of you are giving me credit for, and definitely warrants a YDI. I'd bought a few small glass things for my friends from Venice. They were all packaged so they made it off the plane fine. When I got home I put them down and started nailing up posters that I'd got in the museums on my visit. I put the hammer down on a pile of boxes while I went to get more nails, which was dumb, and it fell off onto the ornaments. The novelty postcards were all I had left.

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Today, I had to give a video presentation. My video was on animal abuse, but I somehow played a video of myself singing Britney Spears in my room. FML

#21228440
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38568) - you deserved it (14790)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:38pm - misc - by SirTalkaton (man) - United States (California)

SirTalkaton's comment about their FML

Ok OP here, here's the deal. I have no problem singing Britney. I like music that's that. But my brother thought it would be hilarious to overwrite my presentation with that. As far as why I was recording, well I lost a bet and keep my word. However, it was not Oops I did It Again it was Man Eater. Class got a good kick out of it for sure.

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Today, I had to explain to my father why it isn't a good idea to shove a metal knife into the toaster when trying to get at a small piece of toast. This man is 45-years-old and has a PhD. FML

#21226658
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39226) - you deserved it (3247)

On 08/01/2014 at 10:37am - misc - by Ljiljka (woman) - Serbia

Ljiljka's comment about their FML

Hey there, OP here! For those of you asking, he has a PhD in biology. He's done crazier and much more dangerous things than this, trust me. If you guys have any other questions, feel free to ask!

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Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

#21226416
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50586) - you deserved it (8093)

On 08/01/2014 at 1:06am - love - by Emliy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Emliy's comment about their FML

Hey guys, I'm the OP.
To clear a few things up, he didn't exactly ruin the wedding. He and I have always been able to joke back and forth, and quoting shows in fitting situations is almost like a contest to us, to see who can quote a show or movie that matches the situation the fastest and the best. Before the wedding, I was winning at this game, and he saw our wedding as the PERFECT opportunity to take the lead. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't visibly shaking and feeling like I was about the puke throughout the whole ceremony. Don't get me wrong, I love him with all my heart and knew it was the right decision to marry him, but I was still a bundle of nerves. So when he said "Rachel," I immediately burst into tears, because my immediate thought was he was either cheating on me or in love with someone else (I knew the Friends quote, but when you're that invested in what's happening around you, your first thought isn't exactly going to be Ross Geller). So I guess I technically ruined the wedding a little more than him with my horrible sobbing that wouldn't stop even after I had forgiven him... After I calmed down, we went through with the rest of the ceremony. No slaps across the face, no leaving at the altar. We've been together since 8th grade, so I wasn't about to leave him after over 12 years of nothing but love and care.

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