Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FML, the follow-up

Spicy details and delicious explanations are on this section’s menu, which contains hundreds of stories commented on by their original posters. The people who share their mishaps return to bring you some clarifications. They tell us all about their FML, and it’s a real pleasure.

Today, I had a box full of crickets in my room. I sealed it up with tape and went to take a shower. When I returned, I found that the box had popped open, releasing almost all of the crickets. I can still hear the chirping. FML

#21458917
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19471) - you deserved it (7222)

On 08/21/2015 at 4:09pm - animals - by Kaei (woman) - United States (California)

Kaei's comment about their FML

thank you omg someone who puts 1 and 2 together

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, after working incredibly hard to get into college without having to take out loans, classes started. I was told we'll need a $200 piece of software, and we'll fail without it. There's no way I can afford it. FML

#21458353
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24207) - you deserved it (1927)

On 08/20/2015 at 3:21am - misc - by NotCollegeBound (woman) - United States (Georgia)

NotCollegeBound's comment about their FML

Hey guys, OP here! I did consider pirating the software but I know there's a good chance of running into buggy software if I do so, and I'd rather not have to scramble to find something else if it quits on me in the middle of a lesson. The instructor's looking to see if there are any computers on-campus that already have the software installed, but that ruins the point of taking online classes, and there's no guarantee that even if she finds some, they'll be available on the days that I can get there.

It turns out I'm going to need the software again for two more classes, though I can take them both in the same semester to make it easier on myself. I can also rent it for about $20/month, which is probably going to be the option we take once we can shift some of the bills around. I'm going to need it this semester (my first) and in my third semester, so it'll help save some of the cost. On the upside, though, it means we'll be using the same textbook for all three classes, so there's a little money saved there as well.

I really think that the biggest suck was not telling us beforehand, because my husband and I had the money a few weeks ago. When we discovered that it was extra money, we decided to drop our 1-year-old off at my grandparents' and take ourselves out on a long-awaited (as in, we hadn't been out since before our daughter was born) date night. If I had known that I would need that money for the software, you can guarantee that we would have saved it!

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions

Today, my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. I said thank you but informed him that my birthday is tomorrow. He told me that I was wrong and screamed at me for 20 minutes. When I still wouldn't agree with him, he hung up and turned my phone service off. FML

#21457557
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22180) - you deserved it (1869)

On 08/18/2015 at 10:48am - misc - by InterestingMuch - United States (Virginia)

InterestingMuch's comment about their FML

The worst part about this is that he did this last year as well. Except last year, he called TWO days early and tried to shrug it off as a joke. This year, I think he was just super embarrassed and felt like crap.

He DID turn my phone back on and called me today (the right day this time) and apologized. Said he was stressed from work. Maybe next year? 3rd time is the charm, right? I mean, he is getting closer to the right day....

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions

Today, my dad remarried, but he didn't want me to come. I'm told he didn't want me to ruin his pictures or make his guests feel uncomfortable, all because I had my leg amputated in April. FML

#21457412
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30359) - you deserved it (1407)

On 08/18/2015 at 12:39am - health - by LoveIsOneSided (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

LoveIsOneSided's comment about their FML

Hi! I'm the OP of this. I lost my leg because of a clumsy accident. In 2013 I tripped walking into my kitchen, and cut my foot on a piece of tile (we were redoing the floor, and only had half the room done). I ended up in the hospital for about a week with an infection. Two weeks after getting out of the hospital, I suddenly got a fever that spiked so quickly, and got so high, I couldn't remember my own name. I was in the hospital that time for 84 days. This second infection got out of control. To this day, they don't know why or technically what it was (on record it's a severe case of cellulitis), but within twelve days of being admitted, I started getting small blisters from my toes to my knee. At thirty days, I was running a fever almost every night (fine during the day), and had lost feeling in half my leg. By sixty days, the blisters had ruptured and I had bigger blisters in some areas, and holes in other areas. They did a surgery where they basically shaved my skin off, thinking that would stop the blistering. Which it did. Once they did that, I was able to go home. But what should have taken a few weeks to heal, took almost a year. I had infections off and on throughout the year, and was on antibiotics at least once a month, every month. In December of 2014, I got a cut on that same leg. Within a week, it was blistered up again. I was back in the hospital, and back on heavy antibiotics. At this point, I had massive nerve damage in the leg, and couldn't feel most of; what I could feel was painful. I'm 28, and there were days when I couldn't walk, because every step felt like I was splitting my skin apart. They never got these blisters under control. The blistering never went past my knee. There was almost a line where they stopped, around my leg. I've had cuts on other parts of my body without an issue, so we don't why this happened or what technically caused it. When they couldn't get the blistering under control, they upped the antibiotics. When I started to show signs of kidney failure, we discussed options. I was able to keep my knee, but lost the leg a few inches below it. I don't have a prosthetic yet, and for the most part I'm okay with it. It's not pain free, but it's not like it was before. One of my brothers, from the minute I woke up from surgery, has been calling me Peggy (my name is not even close lol), but it's all in fun. To keep my spirits up. I'm not overweight, not diabetic and was never really sick until this. It just happened. I guess sometimes things just happen.

See all the comments

Today, I was on hold with a company for so long that I was able to shower, clean my house, and was using the hold music to put my son to sleep. FML

#21457258
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22886) - you deserved it (1661)

On 08/17/2015 at 6:11pm - misc - by ShroomSalad - United States (Florida)

ShroomSalad's comment about their FML

Thank you guys all for the nice comments! And yes I did finally get through to them, they decided to answer just as my son closed his eyes! FML!

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was walking to my car with 600 dollars worth of books because I start college next week, when I was robbed by some guy that sounded like Cartman. He punched me because I could not stop laughing whenever he would try to threaten me. FML

#21457248
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23117) - you deserved it (2463)

On 08/17/2015 at 5:34pm - misc - by OhWhoCares - United States (California)

OhWhoCares's comment about their FML

I got an FML published!!! Lol wow and I submitted it when I was still pretty upset I didn't think it'd get published :P

Okay anyway I ended up calling the police and they were able to find him, along with my books and apparently a ton of other stuff since he'd been robbing people all day and drugs.

Hopefully this isn't an omen or anything about my upcoming semester...

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

#21457042
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22372) - you deserved it (3572)

On 08/17/2015 at 3:34am - misc - by MoxleyCrue - United States (Pennsylvania)

MoxleyCrue's comment about their FML

OP here. I was eating in its general proximity. That's what I was doing. Eating things it wanted.

See all the comments including 6 other original poster's reactions

Today, a customer approached me, smiling and asked what kind of cheese was in our cheddar cheese balls. Thinking he was joking, I laughed and said "swiss." He ordered, found they were indeed cheddar cheese, and reported me. FML

#21456949
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15190) - you deserved it (17601)

On 08/16/2015 at 11:33pm - work - by bandaidstations (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

bandaidstations's comment about their FML

I didn't think it was swiss..I made a stupid joke that backfired. Cheddar cheese balls are the only fried cheese item we carry. There is a 6 foot menu board with the description right under the item. The customer is a regular who comes in and harasses us all the time. He says things like I will go to hell for having a tattoo while he buys lottery tickets out of the machine. Since he laughs the comments he makes off like he's joking, I figured I could joke with him a bit.

See all the comments including another original poster's reaction

Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML

#21456723
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22700) - you deserved it (2005)

On 08/16/2015 at 1:49pm - health - by jarkleflob - United States (California)

jarkleflob's comment about their FML

Thank you all for the support! I would've never thought that this would get published. I first wanted to point out that we were on vacation out of state, very expensive vacation with a very expensive meal. Although that doesn't excuse his remarks/actions, I can see why he was in a bad mood. We had a pretty tense "vacation", there were a lot of people everywhere, foreigners that couldn't speak English, and a lot of things that my parents aren't open minded towards. I constantly have to remind my parents that "there is nothing you can do about it so don't worry about it". The comments you guys left were hilarious and I'm thankful for the ideas you gave - even if it wasn't the most serious.

See all the comments including 2 other original poster's reactions

Today, I was forced to watch my 5 year old cousin. In an attempt to get him to sit still for a minute, I challenged him to a thumb wrestling match. It's been 2 hours and he keeps thumb wrestling me. If I stop, he cries. FML

#21456529
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21551) - you deserved it (3484)

On 08/15/2015 at 11:41pm - kids - by MikaykayUnicorn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

MikaykayUnicorn's comment about their FML

Hi, I'm the OP. To clarify, he comes from a terrible home. Mother is a druggie, father is abusive. Doesn't get much attention, so I decided to give him a little. I didn't think, however, he would get upset every time I tried to do something else. He is a really sweet kid, he just has a lot of energy and no one wants to spend any time with him so the energy is built up. And by "cries," I didn't mean tears, (his father would hit him whenever he cried and tell him to be a man, so he doesn't cry) I meant crying as in whining.

See all the comments including 5 other original poster's reactions

Today, my vehicle's transmission shifter moves freely without shifting gears. I'm stuck in park, in a parking lot, unable to even put it into neutral to push the vehicle out of the way of several parked cars. The old lady screaming at me just outside my door doesn't understand logic either. FML

#21456347
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21143) - you deserved it (1680)

On 08/15/2015 at 1:42pm - work - by Tarlachia - United States (Florida)

Tarlachia's comment about their FML

OP here. A little backstory... The vehicle I was driving is my work vehicle- a professional carpet cleaning van. I had driven the van to a job, realized there were no available parking spots to back it into and was thus forced to park it in the street and blocking two vehicles. I pulled the cleaning hoses and supplies to clean the apartment, finished the job, wrapped up and got back into the van. Only then when I shifted to 'drive' did the problem make itself known. Yes, it is an automatic. Not sure as to what was happening mechanically, I called our company's mechanic and it took him over an hour to get to me with the necessary part- a tiny little pin that pulls the shifter between gears and only takes a few minutes to replace without having to take it to a dealership or repair shop.

So, in that hour long wait, an old lady came out to drive her vehicle to a store. As luck would have it, her vehicle was one of two that my van was blocking. She asked me to move the van, to which I replied that I couldn't as it was stuck in park. I explained I couldn't even shift it to neutral to push the vehicle out of the way. I explained I was waiting on someone to come help me. That made her day, and she started screaming at me for several minutes. Logic has failed to defuse the situation and since I am not a Vulcan and cannot sleep hold a bitch, I, treasuring the security of this job to provide for my family, chose to then get back into my van, roll up the window, and said "Fuck it. Time to FML." She left to go back inside after a few minutes. About 20 minutes later, the mechanic showed up, fixed my van, and I was back up and running to finish the day's work.

See all the comments including 7 other original poster's reactions

Today, my husband decided he would rather be with his mistress than with me while I gave birth to our first child. FML

#21456262
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25812) - you deserved it (2031)

On 08/15/2015 at 4:22am - love - by MissyPants - United States (California)

MissyPants's comment about their FML

I am the op of this FML and I hope it shows that but let me explain this a little further. My soon to be ex husband has been cheating on me for the last few months of my pregnancy. I noticed the changes in him but I hoped it was just nerves over the baby. I actually caught him about three weeks before I went into labor and threw him out. I had planned on letting him be there when I gave birth to our baby girl but he didn't answer my calls. My mother was with me so I wasn't alone but I really thought he would want to see the birth of his first child. I have filed for divorce and have no problem being a single parent. He makes me physically ill at the moment but I have tried to be civil for our babies sake. I want him to be in her life because she deserves a dad but I can't force him to be one. I'm thrilled to be a mom no matter the circumstances and me and my daughter will be ok no matter what. Thank you all for the funny, sweet, and even mean comments; they make my day a little better.

See all the comments including 4 other original poster's reactions

Today, my mother gave me hell for my "video game addiction". The "game" in question? A professional flight simulator program that I'm using to complement my flight school lessons. FML

#21456226
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23043) - you deserved it (1487)

On 08/15/2015 at 1:53am - misc - by simugeek (man) - United States (Florida)

simugeek's comment about their FML

Just 16 and starting my career very early because I love it!

See all the comments including 3 other original poster's reactions



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: