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Hangry

Geckosrock99 - 20/07/2016 05:58

Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML

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Good catch

Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

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Ace Of Spades

MetalisLife -

Today, I thought I died in the shower. I was very intensely playing air guitar while simultaneously headbanging. I punched myself in the dick. FML

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Freaked out

DomesticPatrol - - United Kingdom - London

Today, I just patrolled my entire house with a fucking hammer and flashlight because my cat stepped on a fucking creaky floorboard. It's 2 a.m. FML

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Beastninja5268 - 06/01/2017 16:40

Today, I almost died in the shower. I slipped and my dumb ass tried to grab the water. FML

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