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The all-time greatest FMLs

Can't turn it off

By Anonymous - 28/11/2021 23:01

Today, I got a new job where one of my co-workers is someone I have been in love with for over 5 years now. She's married but my feelings for her just won't go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 802

Countdown

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom - Normanton

Today, my wife was screaming at our son over his maths homework, so I poked my nose in to help calm them down. My wife was not happy when I pointed out that most of her calculations and answers were wrong, whereas our son got most of his right. I’m now in the doghouse because my wife can’t count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 107

It creeps up on you

By Anonymous - 10/08/2021 14:01

Today, I looked down while taking a piss and could only see my belly button. Wow, I’m fat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 430

Is there that much demand for that sort of thing?

By Paper Plane in the Night Sky - 16/11/2023 00:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, my overly jealous insecure brother "found" my ATM receipt, and called me out during a family luncheon, accusing me for being a drug dealer because, "How else could someone who is unemployed even before the pandemic could have almost 7 digits?" I couldn't answer them. Secretly, I'm a furry hentai artist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 249

No typing! Only petting!

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 15:00

Today, my cat decided to use my keyboard as a scratching post, and now my computer won't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 218

Growing old sucks

By Anonymous - 07/04/2023 00:00

Today, I've gotten to that point in life where I can no longer seem to trust a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 157

Word salad

By Mardy Shaber - 19/12/2020 20:02

Today, my dad was so dizzy, he couldn't get out of bed. I called his doctor but sadly I confused the word "vertigo" with "libido." The doctor may have been impressed but offered me no helpful suggestions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 420

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 02/06/2023 22:00

Today, a month into exercising for the first time in years to get summer body for vacation, the sudden exertion pushed back my period. If I'd sat on my ass, my period would have been on time this month, and over next month before my vacation started. I was really looking forward to period-free vacation. Not anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 223

By Nelga - 03/04/2016 04:37 - Islamic Republic of Iran - Gostar

Today, faced with the problem of my children fighting over which one of them was going to sit in the middle in the car’s back seat, I suggested that they take turns. Now, they’re fighting about who got to sit there the longest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 93

Simple pleasures

By Anonymous - 25/07/2023 06:00 - United States - Rowlett

Today, I just found out that my local drag strip, where the best races in my area were held, is being shut down to build a truck stop. It was sold out of nowhere, with no warning. It was the one thing that I actually looked forward to every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 210

Grey's Anatomy

By baow - 17/03/2019 14:00

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently having bragged the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well, guess who got a whiskey dick… FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 3 778

It's so sad

By Anothercatlady - 05/08/2022 00:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I realised how emotionally unstable I am when I got really upset at the start of the game Stray when the cat got separated from its group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 270

Vyagrha

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 13:59

Today, I finally finished a drawing of a tiger. The only thing left to do is write the word "Tiger" in Sanskrit and glitter on the portrait, because I thought it would look cool. Only to find out, the Sanskrit word for tiger is "Viagra." No, I'm not kidding. This portrait took me numerous tries and several weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 400

Relationship specialist

By Anonymous - 16/10/2023 13:00

Today, I attended a family reunion, during which my grandma gave me "relationship advice" in front of everyone. She's been married five times, and her longest marriage lasted a whole 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 92

Link?

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 03:00

Today, while sprinting, I tripped, fell, and somehow managed to kick myself in the balls. Legs shouldn’t bend like that and I’m frankly amazed I didn’t break my knee. My wife got the whole thing on video too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 145

Infuriating

By Anonymous - 29/11/2024 22:00 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I've been with my girlfriend for almost six years and its been years since we had sex. I’m only 25. I’ve had a lot of urges and every time I’ve tried to start something she brushes it off. It's to the point where every sex scene I see in a movie makes me sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 345

Asshat

By Anonymous - 12/05/2025 20:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, after my body has been ravaged, scarred, broken, and mutilated by cancer, my husband says it’s only fair for him to have a side piece, since the treatments to save my life have decimated my sex drive. But don’t worry, it’s just for his physical needs. He won’t “fall in love or anything.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 109

Messed up country

By Anonymous - 13/06/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my absentee dad died in America and some branch of the American government decided that I need to settle his debts. "Which debts?" you ask. Unpaid child support. Yes, America wants me to pay them my own child support, despite never meeting my dad or even once setting foot in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 79

Brain worms

By Anonymous - 17/07/2024 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my manager yelled at me for not supporting Trump, who "obviously is the best choice for president right now." We don’t even live in America, we live in England. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 147

Not today, thank you

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 00:01

Today, I tried reaching out to a girl on Facebook I thought I ended on good terms with after three dates. Not only did she not accept my friend request, she also disabled all friend requests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 356

Maybe it's a "you" problem

By Mindy - 15/06/2023 12:00

Today, I realized that every guy I get with or try a relationship with always ghosts me or friendzones me, and chooses to date someone else. It’s been a repetitive pattern for the past three years or so. I think I’m just going to adopt a bunch of pets and forget dating altogether. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 233

Hell no!

By Anonymous - 14/03/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife opted for a home birth with a nurse and her mother. Her mother is such a baby-feral, men-are-bastards, hippie feminist dragon that not only did she yell at me when I tried to be in the room, she has now pushed me out of the house. I ended up sat in my car with only one shoe and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 219

My finest hour

By Anonymous - 25/04/2023 00:00

Today, I presented the worst seminar presentation probably in the entire history of my graduate department. I kept stumbling over questions, and overall, making an ass out of myself. I probably should leave my masters program at how thoroughly I burned myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 221

Renovations

By Anonymous - 01/01/2021 19:59 - Germany - Neusalza-spremberg

Today, after buying an old house that lacks plumbing a few weeks ago, I’m still crapping in a bucket in the barn. My two favorite Christmas gifts are still 2 pieces of rubber to dampen the noise from my new sewage pump and a used ceramic toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 341

Oddly suspicious

By Brittany - 17/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I began noticing a certain female name popping up on my husband’s social media notifications,so I asked him about it. He got irrationally upset at the fact that I pronounced her name wrong, told me she’s “nobody”, then said, “I hate it when you accuse me of shit!” I didn’t even accuse him of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 94

Wrecked

By Anonymous - 16/04/2023 22:00 - Albania

Today, I crashed my brother's car. All my friends know about this and not a single person has ask if I'm OK, even my dad and brother don't seem to be worried about me. Only my mother and I are sad because I don't know how to pay for a new car, the old one is in pieces. Thank god I'm alive but maybe dead would've been better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 401

Probably for the best

By Anonymous - 22/05/2023 15:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I had a job interview for a position at a police station. I asked to use the restroom and accidentally opened the wrong door, locking myself in a stairwell. I had to knock on the door until somebody let me out. Safe to say I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 196

The secret

By Anonymous - 20/12/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my husband of 35 years told me he had an affair with his secretary in 1995, when I was home with 3 preschoolers. At the time, the phone system required that the secretary pick up, so I was saying hello to her like a fool. I had no idea at the time. He would just come home and tell me how hard his job was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 198

Baby please come home

By Anonymous - 07/03/2023 00:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I accidentally locked myself out of my apartment while taking the trash out, without my phone. I had to wait outside for three hours until my flatmate came home from work to let me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 253

Living in a treehouse?

By Outandaway - 27/08/2023 20:00

Today, I was gently awoken by my daylight alarm clock. So were about 15 wasps that had started building their nest underneath my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 120

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The Top

Today, a friend wanted to show me a game he bragged he was the best at. I beat his score on the first try, and now I have a black eye to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 847

You deserved it 3 272

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 296

You deserved it 19 016

Today, I got back from a romantic vacation at a fancy hotel with my boyfriend of 6 months. After a steamy love session, I confessed that I was in love with him. Later, when I got out of the shower, all his stuff was gone and I was stuck with the entire week's hotel cost and no ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 944

You deserved it 6 766

Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it wasn't my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it wasn't my sister either, she said, "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 540

You deserved it 3 346

Today, after a week of being tired and depressed, I realized my bottles for anti-depressants and muscle relaxants had gotten switched around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 686

You deserved it 1 501

Today, I’ve met the last of my wife’s ex-boyfriends. She’s been out of touch with all of them since we met, but after seeing their shared looks, I'm convinced they all have naked pictures of her. How recent they are is the only remaining question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 827